Everything's Different Now

Eventually pulling away from Joe my hand fumbles to find the door handle.

“I’m sorry. I have to go.” I mumble trying to gain some kind of composure after that amazing kiss.

“I have waited so long to hear you say you love me. Don’t run away.” Joe said trying to kiss me again but I turn my head.

“I’m not running away Joe.” I said slowing twisting the handle “I’m being realistic.”

Joe quickly pulled my hand away from the door “There’s nothing unrealistic about us Erica.”

“That’s not what I mean. I want to be with you I do but I can’t when I know that Ashley could be watching us.” I explain letting Joe lock our fingers together.

Pushing my hair away from my face Joe lets he’s other hand slide down to my cheek “I can deal with her. We can deal with her.” Leaning down to kiss me again I push him back.

“No I can’t Joe.” I shout louder then intended. Moving away from him I still keep hold of his hand not wanting to let go. “I wish I could be all romantic about this and say that I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you, but I have put up with a lot of abuse in my life and I can’t do it again. I won’t do it again.”

“So you’re just going to go back to denying your feelings?”

Knowing that Joe feels hurt I step towards him “I’m not denying anything Joe. I just don’t want to be in a situation where I’m uncomfortable or unhappy.”

Letting go of my hand Joe looks at me in disbelief “So I make you uncomfortable and unhappy?”

“Joe you know that’s not what I meant!” Why does he have to be so difficult and twist everything I say? I wish he would listen to me!

“Erica I don’t what to do this with you! I don’t want to fight about this. I just want us to be happy for once without all the stupid drama.”

“So do I, but until this whole thing with Ashley is sorted out I can’t let myself be what you want me to be.”

Rolling his eyes and pushing his hands over his hair Joe looks at me in a brief silence. “Why do you have to say it like that?”

“Say it like what?” I ask not understanding what he’s talking about.

“You won’t let yourself be what I want you to be. This isn’t about what I want you to be, it’s about what you want. Do you even want to be with me or did you just want to tell me you loved me and then disappear like the first time?”

“That’s not fair Joe.” I mutter crossing my arms and looking away from him “We said we wouldn’t talk about what happen again.”

“We never said that.” Joe scoffed “And yes you are right what I said isn’t fair but neither is what you’re doing to me right now.”

Placing my hands over my face I groan in frustration “You told me- no, you demanded that I tell you what I came here to say and I did. Now you’re yelling at me because of it.”

“I’m not yelling at you because you told me the truth. I’m telling you that you can’t say something like that to me, and then say we can’t be together when you know how it’s going to affect me.”

“I want to be with you don’t you understand that?” I shout slapping my hand on Joe’s chest, I watch Joe rub his hand over the spot I just hit. “I just don’t want to force myself to act like I’m ok with being harassed by some crazy bitch that’s going to be even crazier when she finds out we’re together.”

“She doesn’t have to find out.” Joe said softly, reaching out to place his hands on my face but I reached up I move them.

“If she’s ‘everywhere’ like you said then she will. Joe I can’t keep looking over my shoulder thinking she’s going to try and kill me.”

“I don’t think she’d go that far.” He laughed

“If I remember correctly you once said to me ‘people do crazy things for those they care about’.” I quoted.

“I don’t remember saying that.”

“It was after you found out Calvin raped me. You wanted to kill him and you almost did.”

“Yea but that was different.” Joe argued

“How? You did it because you cared about me and Ashley cares very, very deeply about you. Throw in a bit of crazy and you’ve got a killer ex-girlfriend.”

“We’ll do it in secret.” He suggested smiling at his idea.

“Do what? Kill her?” I gasp. Don’t get me wrong I’d love for her to disappear but murder is a step too far.

“No” he laughed wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer “We’ll be together in secret; she can’t be around all the time.”

“Joe come on. Dating in secret?”

“Well what else are we supposed to do? We can’t force her to stop, we can’t kill her.”

“There has to be something to make her stop.” I sigh resting my head on Joe’s chest.

“She isn’t going to stop until-” Joe stopped mid sentence and I look up at him waiting for him to continue.

“Until what?” I urge

“I know what to do.” He smiled

***

So Joe’s bright idea is to convince Ashley that we’re not together, and the only way for that to happen is for her to think I’m dating Kenny. I did protest, a lot. However Joe can be pretty persuasive when he’s set on something and I guess it’s the only idea we’ve got so there’s no harm in trying. Trying to explain it to Kenny was pretty difficult and after almost an hour of begging and explaining he finally agreed to try.

“You know this is the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.” Kenny complained as he walked me home from work.

“No it’s not. I know it’s awkward but it might work.” I shrug talking hold of his hand and linking our fingers.

“What makes you think she’s even watching?” he asked looking behind his shoulder and then back at me.

“Well Joe’s at work and if she’s keeping an eye on us like she claims, then where else is she going to be?”

“Why would she be watching you unless she thought you were with Joe?” he asked.

Realising he actually has a good point I stop to think about it. Why would she be watching me if I wasn’t with Joe?

Now is not the time to second guess the plan!

“Just go along with this. Please.” I beg still trying to make it look like we’re a couple to anyone watching, and by anyone I mean Ashley.

“It’s still stupid. Is he really worth all this trouble?”

“You were the one who made me realise how I feel about Joe, so if you don’t like it you only have yourself to blame.”

After a couple more minutes we finally reached my apartment building and as planned we stand outside, mainly to give Ashley time to catch up. She better be following us otherwise all this was for nothing.

“How much longer do we have to pretend like we’re having a romantic conversation?” Kenny whispered with a smile on his face and still holding onto my hand.

“You’re smile looks creepy.” I mutter and he quickly stops “Not long, just keep going and just remember what we practiced.” I continue.

“A million years of practice isn’t going to make this any less weird.” He said with a hint of laughter in his voice.

“I think we’ve waited enough. Ready?” I sigh still trying to keep the situation looking romantic.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Rising onto my tip toes I lean forward and Kenny leans into me. We give each other what I can only hope looks like a very authentic and loving kiss, waiting a few moments before pulling away from each other.

“Thank you.” I whisper sliding my hands from his neck.

“You owe me.” He laughed quietly before I step away.

“Goodnight Kenny.” I smile with a small wave before going inside. Pulling out my phone I send Joe a text.

Done, now it’s your turn.

--------

Locking my car and walking towards my building I see Ashley standing outside like I knew she would be. She’s so predictable.

“You look very happy.” I said walking straight passed her and opening the main door.

“That’s because I am.” She said following me inside.

“Ok. What do you want now?” I ask making myself sound frustrated as I turn to face her.

“I hope that attitude is because you already know and are just angry about it.” She said crossing her arms.

“What are you talking about?” I groan

“Erica."

“What did you do this time? Did you put a flaming bag of shit outside her door?” I ask with obviously fake enthusiasm.

“I have more class then that.” She stated “I have a very interesting picture for you.” She said getting ready to take her phone out of her bag but I turn to walk away.

“Let me guess, it’s about that precious boyfriend of hers.” I shout pressing the button for the elevator.

“So you do know.” I heard her say, clearly sounding very happy.

“Of course I know.” As the door open I step inside and Ashley rushes in before they can slide shut again.

“You don’t seem to care that much.” She said looking at me suspiciously

“I care. But it’s ok.” I shrug

“What happened to her being your one and only?” she asked with a slight look of disgust on her face.

“Well she knows how I feel and she doesn’t care. I can’t wait forever and you were right.”

Turning her entire body to face me I can feel Ashley staring straight into my eyes. It’s taking a lot of self control not to look at her.

Without responding I wait until the doors slide open and I walk out onto my floor and down the hallway until I reach my apartment door.

“Is this some kind of trick because trust me if you think I’m going to stop because you tell me you’re suddenly over her-“

“I never said I was over her.” I quickly interject pushing my key into the lock.

“So what was I right about?”

“You said you love me, and we were together so I did have some feelings for you. Maybe now Erica has decided who she wants to be with I can start focusing on being the guy you want.” I shrug

“Do you really mean that?” she asked as I opened the door and step inside making sure she doesn’t follow me in.

“Sure.” I nod and then close the door in Ashley’s face. Letting out a sigh of relief I can’t help but smile in success.

***

Walking into the coffee shop where Erica works I spot Kenny behind the counter serving the final customer in the queue. I was hoping Erica lied when she said he’d be working today.

“Can I- oh it’s you. Erica’s not working today.” He said sounding fed up by my constant appearances.

“I’m actually here to see you.” I said trying to look as relaxed as I can under the circumstances.

Kenny looks at me confused “Why?”

“I wanted to say thank you for speaking to Erica, and for helping with the plan to get rid of Ashley.”

“You know I’m not doing this for you right? I’m doing it for Erica.” Crossing his arms Kenny is clearly trying to make his loyalties to Erica clear. Like I don’t already know.

“I. Figured. That. Out. On. My. Own.” I said slowly and clearly, getting even more frustrated by the guy.

“Is that it?” he demanded

As tempting as it is to say yes and walk away I know I have to ask the question that’s been in the back of my mind for a while now. “I have one more question.”

“Make it quick. I’m working.”

“Have you and Erica ever….” I pause not really wanting to ask the question. “Have you ever-”

“Have we ever what? Slept together? No we haven’t, nor do we have any desire to.”

Oh thank god! Well that’s a relief. Firstly because now I know, secondly because I can finally leave.

“Ok then.” I sigh then turn to leave almost bumping into a woman waiting to be served. “Sorry.” I smile before walking around her. As I push the door open I quickly change my mind realising that something else about Kenny bothers me. Going back to the counter I cut out in front of the woman I just passed.

“Excuse me! I was first.” She shouted

“This will just take a second.” I said not bothering to look at her. “There’s actually something else I wanted to say.” I continue once Kenny had finished apologising to the woman behind me.

“What now?” he angrily replied pushing his hands on the counter.

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend? I mean you said nothing was going on-”

“I’m gonna stop you right there.” He interrupted “My relationship status has nothing to do with you. Not only that, but you of all people should know that being Erica’s friend is a full time job, she likes to think she’s independent but she needs people around her. Any girlfriend I’ve had since becoming Erica’s friend hasn’t really been comfortable with that.”

“You put Erica before your girlfriend?” I ask surprised that he’s really that dedicated to her.

“Do you have a problem with that? I don’t know how much of a friend you were to her, but when she calls me and is upset about something or just wants to vent, I help her out. No matter what I’m doing.”

I nod in understanding “Thanks for looking after her.” I said without even thinking.