Everything's Different Now

Closing the door behind me I walk through my small apartment dropping my bag on the floor and kicking my shoes off, then fall back onto the sofa.

"Home at last." I sigh closing my eyes, the sound of my growling stomach makes me open them again... right on schedule.

This is pretty much the routine everyday, I get home from work I sit down and then my stomach reminds me I've barely eaten all day. You'd think I'd just go straight into the kitchen but I like the feeling when you just sit down, even if it's only for a moment.

Going into the kitchen I kiss the end of my finger tips and place them over the small ultrasound photo on the fridge, another little thing I do everyday.

Going through all the cupboards and freezer trying to find something to eat all I seem to have is some frozen meat and pasta.

"Guess I‘ll be ordering take out." I mutter pulling a Chinese menu from the nearby draw.

**

Hanging up the phone and placing it down on the coffee table I start stripping off my clothes as I make my way towards my bedroom. Unfortunately as I put on a t-shirt my eyes land on a photo of me and Joe I have hanging on the wall along with a couple more of friends and a picture of me and my dad when I was a kid. The photo was taken a few weeks before I left town, we went for a casual walk on the beach and he asked some random woman to take our picture. The more I look at it the more I think about how different he was today and how much he's changed. Maybe I just caught him on a bad day or something, whatever it is I don't like it. I wasn't expecting him to welcome me with open arms I mean I did leave him after all, but I thought he might at least say something other then ‘can we not do this'. Is it such a crime that I wanted to ask how he's been, what he's been up to over the past five years?

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Laying in bed I stare up at the ceiling spinning my phone in my hands, I've been trying to forget about Erica since I got home and it's proving to be a lot harder then I expected, not that I'm completely surprised, it did take me over a year after she left. In fact I don't think I ever really forgot about her, yes I managed to push her to the back of my mind but lets face it she always did find someway to effect me. Whether it would be that I found it harder to trust girls I dated because I had that small voice in my head telling me they'd do what she did or that I'd wake up one day and she'd be there. For about a week after it happened every time the door bell rang I thought i would be her, I hoped it would her.

"For god‘s sake Joe, you hate her remember!" I shout to myself throwing my phone across the bed and pushing my hands over my face. Sitting up I get off my bed going straight for my chest of drawers, crouching down I pull open the bottom draw and dig through it until I find the box of photos I have inside.

Tipping the contents onto my bed I push them aside until I find what I'm looking for. The letter she wrote to me. That's right I kept it, it reminds me of why I hate her.

I really do care about you

"You have a funny way of showing it" I scoffed before continuing to read the slightly faded ink.

I'll probably end up falling for you and I can't let that happen

"Why not?!" I shouted getting way to involved with the letter again.

being a great....... Friend

Finding myself crushing the paper in my hand like I did the first time I looked at it, I don't bother to read the rest and let go so it falls onto the mattress.

Why did she have to be so damn stubborn and independent. Why did she have to sleep with me, I might not be so angry if she hadn't of used me like that. I beat the crap out of a guy for her and how does she thank me? She has sex with me and I wake up to find she's run off. If I had done it to her I'd be a called every insult in the book but just because she's a girl with a troubled past it's ok because she was ‘confused' and ‘didn't have a choice.'

I can't believe she's done this to me again! I hate acting like this, I hate being angry and the complete opposite of the guy I used to be. I can't help it, every time I think about her or what happened I just get so angry and- ok I need a distraction. Anything.

Looking at my watch I see it's only just gone ten, perfect.