Everything's Different Now

Storming to the back room I grab the nearest thing to me which happens to be an empty mug and throw it across the room. Just as it hits the wall and shatters the door opens and Kenny comes to my side.

"Woah Erica. Calm down." he says holding onto my wrists to stop me from throwing anything else.

"I‘m sorry, it‘s just- he‘s just so-"

"I know, I know. Just breath ok." he said calmly. Taking a deep breath I close my eyes for a moment. "Are you calm now?" he lightly laughs

I nod and Kenny drops my arms, I take a seat as he pulls out a broom and starts sweeping the floor.

"So what is the situation with this Joe guy anyway?" Kenny asks as he finished cleaning up the shattered mug from across the floor.

"It‘s a long story." I sigh

"Well it‘s time for my lunch break."

"Mines almost over." I weakly smile

"Ok, well when our shift is over we‘re going back to yours and you‘re going to explain everything."

"Guess I don‘t have much choice in the matter." I sigh getting to my feet and going back to work.

"Erica." Kenny called out to me before I go through the door

"Yea"

"I'm here for you... if you ever need to talk."

"I know, you‘re always there for me."

I don't mean to sound cheesy but Kenny really is always there for me, when I first started working here I was still getting used to college, I found out I was pregnant. We had only known each other for a few months but he really helped me get through it and he didn't badger me for information about my life before I came to New York and I really appreciated him for it. He still doesn't know a lot about my past, all he knows is that my mum left, my dad died and my step dad abused me. The only thing I've ever told him about Joe is that he was a close friend from school. It's pretty obvious now that I'll have to tell him the complete truth about mine and Joe's ‘friendship'.

***

"Was I wrong for agreeing to go to the wedding?" I ask pulling my legs under me as I sank further into my sofa.

"No... You were stupid for agreeing to go."

"I‘m serious. What should I do?"

"Well you could call Joe‘s parents and tell them you can‘t make it, and then forever wonder what could have been... Or you could take this opportunity to do what his mother said and make up with Joe; or at least explain to him why you left so that maybe he‘ll have a better understanding before deciding that he hates you." Kenny suggested before taking a sip of the drink in his glass.

"It‘s too late for that, you saw how he acted towards me." I argue pressing my hand against my forehead

"And I also saw how his mum acted towards you. It‘s pretty clear that she either doesn‘t know or she‘s forgiven you. Which one is it?"

"Joe never told her." I mutter

"Exactly. He never told her because he cares about you enough to not want other people to think less of you."

"Don‘t you think maybe you‘re just over analysing it, maybe he just didn‘t want other people to know."

"Well what do you want to happen?" Kenny sighs slightly frustrated

"What do you mean?"

"I mean do you want him to forgive you? Do you want him back?"

"I want to know why he hates me so much." I explain without even having to think, I don't even know what Kenny means by ‘do I want Joe back.' I never had him to begin with.

"Erica. Seriously?" Kenny raises his eyebrows at me accusingly

"What?"

"You had sex with him and ran off."

"I left a note." I said quietly. Kenny continues looking at me "Ok I get it. I‘m a shit human being." throwing my arms up in defeat I tip my head back

"No you‘re not. You‘ve just made some... mistakes." trying to reassure me Kenny rubs my shoulder

"So what do I do?"

"My advice... Go to the wedding and make him love you again."

-------

Look at her, sitting next to me as if we're friends again; I will admit that there is a seating plan and she has no choice but to sit there, but why does she keep trying to start conversations with me? I'm not gonna let her worm her way back in.

"Do you plan on saying anything to me?" she angrily mutters to me as I take a bite of the food on my plate.

"It would probably be best if I didn‘t." I answer

"Why do I even bother?" she whispers to herself.

"You?" I scoff

"Yes me Joe!" Erica paused as she realises how loud her voice is "Every since I saw you I‘ve tried-Shit!" Erica suddenly gasps as her glass of wine spills over her dress, I can't help but snigger as he pats a napkin over the stain. She glares up at me briefly before throwing the napkin down grabbing her clutch and getting up from her seat.

------

Squeezing my way through the other wedding guests I almost get to the door when Denise suddenly appears in front of me.

"Erica, sorry I haven‘t had much of a chance to speak to- are you ok?" she asks obviously noticing I'm not in the happiest of moods.

"Yea everything is fine... I really appreciate the invitation and thank you, but I just need to go." I explain

"What? Has something happened?"

"It‘s just that Joe has made it pretty clear that he doesn‘t want me here, so I think it‘s just best if I leave."

"Has he said something to you?"

"You could say that but it‘s fine, I shouldn‘t be here any way." I shrug

"Don‘t be ridiculous, I need to have a word with that boy."

Lightly patting my arm Denise quickly walks towards the table where Joe is still sat. Taking the opportunity I make my escape and before I know it I'm back in the hotel lobby.

Once outside the cold wind is hitting my bare arms and I instantly regret not bringing a jacket, looking up and down the street I try and look for an available taxi among the cars racing passed. I really don't know why I even came here any more, I try and make an effort with him and he just throws it back in my face. How can he be so- so ruthless. He just doesn't care, I don't know if he's trying to hurt my feelings or if he just hates me so much he doesn't care about what he says to me. I just, I don't what to do anymore. I apologized about everything when I got here and he just ignored me, and during dinner I tried small talk but he just acted like I wasn't even there. What am I supposed to do? I can't keep-

"Erica."

Looking back Joe stands behind me with his hands in his pockets looking straight at me.

"What do you want Joe? You‘ve got what you wanted, I‘m leaving. So why don‘t you just go back inside and enjoy the rest of your brother‘s wedding." I snap trying to keep back the true anger I'm feeling towards him

"My mum wants me to-"

"I don‘t care what your mum wants, what do you want Joe?! I talk to you and you treat me like crap or you act like I‘m not there. I leave and you just keep appearing. What is your problem?" I shout

"Problem? I don‘t have a problem and why are you trying to make yourself out to be the victim?"

"What the hell are you talking about?! I‘m giving you what you want and you‘re still finding something to complain about. What is wrong with you, have you gone insane?"

"If anyone has gone insane it‘s you. You‘re at my brothers wedding for god‘s sake!" he yells almost competing with me on who can shout the loudest.

"I was invited!"

"But you‘re only here to spite me."

"I wouldn‘t have to if you just stopped treating me like shit."

"Yea well I wouldn‘t be treating you like crap if you hadn‘t left me!"

"I said I was sorry, what do you expect me to do? It‘s been five years just get over it and move on." Turning away from him I try and signal an approaching taxi but it ignores me and drives straight passed.

"I‘ll tell you what. When you forgive your mother for leaving you then we‘ll talk about me getting over it." Joe whispers, practically right into my ear. Quickly looking back at him I have to force myself not to slap him across the face.

"That‘s it. I‘m done ok. I give up! I‘ve apologized and you won‘t accept it, I can‘t keep saying I‘m sorry Joe. Either you accept it or you don‘t but either way I‘m not going to force you, and I don‘t even know why I tried in the first place. I didn‘t come and find you and it‘s pretty clear that you didn‘t try and find me-"

"Erica-"

"I‘m not finished!" I shout "Lets be completely honest here, you are not the Joe I used to know so I why am I even trying to be friends with you? The Joe I knew wasn‘t this vindictive and you know what else? I don‘t even think you‘re angry with me because of what I did."

"Erica don‘t try and tell me why I‘m feeling the way I‘m feeling." Joe argued but I don't stop. I've started and I intend to finish.

"The only reason you‘re angry is because for the past five years you‘ve had no idea what I was doing and now you‘ve found me you‘re disappointed. I bet you were hoping that one day you‘d find me sitting in a gutter and you‘d be there to save me. Well guess what Joe, I‘m not your damsel in distress anymore and you hate it. The fact of the matter is for whatever reason you have to be angry with me I don‘t deserve to be treated the way you‘ve been treating me and I‘m sick and tired of apologizing and trying to win you over. I‘m not apologizing to you anymore."

A taxi finally pulls up and as I open the door Joe quickly grabs my arm

"Look... Let me- let me give you a ride home." he says calmly

"I don‘t need a ride, especially not from you." pulling out of his grip I can turn back but a man and woman who both look like they're in their late twenties get into the back seat of the taxi and it begins driving away. I groan in frustration because I know it's going to be ages before another one will stop.

"Are you sure you don‘t want a lift home?"

Reluctantly I look back at Joe who just stares back at me waiting for an answer

"Fine." I sigh

"Here" Joe says as he pullw off his tux jacket and hands it to me

"What‘s this for?" I ask slowly taking it from him

"You look cold." he shrugs and starts walking down the street, following him I push my arms into the sleeves instantly feeling warmer.

***

Reaching my apartment building Joe slows the car down

"So... this is where you live."

"Thanks for the lift." I mutter opening the door and ignoring his attempt at small talk.

"Erica." Joe said making me stop as I get halfway out the car

"Look Joe, I‘m giving you what you want and I‘d appreciate it if you did the same for me. Just leave me alone ok." I say softly, I'm sick of arguing with him and I can't do it anymore.

"I was just going to ask for my jacket back."

Quickly taking it off I leave it on the seat once I'm out the car, slamming the door shut I head into the building roughly wiping a single tear suddenly running down my cheek.

Once inside my apartment I put my clutch down and walk across the room to shut the curtains, as I pull it across the window I stop at the sight of Joe‘s car still in the same place by the main entrance. His engine is still running and his headlights are still switched on, unfortunately I can't see him from here so I don't know what he's doing. It's a few moments before his car finally drives away, hopefully this will be the last I see of Joe Jonas.