Everything's Different Now

I should go after her right? I was about to stop her so that we could talk but I panicked and asked for my jacket back. The last thing I care about is my tuxedo jacket. What the hell is wrong with me?

Slamming my hand against the steering wheel I drop my head back onto the head rest. I know I need to speak to her, about everything. At first I was pissed about the way she spoke to me when we were outside the hotel. The only thing that made me think about what she was actually saying was when she said that I'd change, and that I'm angry because she's happy? I know why I'm angry, she left me. Simple as.

I don't know, maybe she's right. Maybe I am insane.

Putting the car back into gear I finally drive away and head back to the hotel, my parents are probably trying to find me anyway.

****

"Joe it‘s been two days, I can't take listening to you debate about whether to speak to Erica or not anymore. Just do it!" Justin shouts as he slams my fridge shut, two bottles of beer in his hand.

"But if I do-"

"She might yell at you."

"And if I don‘t-"

"Then she might never know how you feel. JOE! I don‘t care, I know that sounds harsh but as your friend I have the power to tell you what you need to hear." Sitting next to me he hands me a bottle but I ignore it.

"Justin-"

"Joe I swear to god if you mention her name one more time I will leave and I'll get drunk tonight and probably bring some random girls back."

That's exactly what I need right now, Justin bringing girls back here, he knows I hate it when he does. I can't even count how many times I've come back home or woken up the next morning to find him sleeping on my living room floor with a girl on either side of him.

"You don‘t even live here." I sigh

"But your place is better then mine, and I know how much you hate it when I bring girls here. I still don‘t know why you just don‘t embrace it, I was so close but then-"

"I don‘t need you finding girls for me." I quickly interrupted.

"That‘s right, you prefer me to help you drown your sorrows over a girl you wont talk to." Patting my shoulder Justin took another swig from the bottle before putting his feet up on the coffee table and turning the tv on. "Is there a game on today?"

****

Come on, do it. Just do it. Go in there and talk to her. But what if she yells at me again, what if people are watching. That could be embarrassing. But at least there are witnesses if she turns violent.

I lean back on the bench I'm sitting on across the street from Erica's work, bouncing my leg nervously I continue staring through the front window. I haven't even seen Erica inside, she might not even be working today and going inside could just be a waste of time. Then again, if I go and ask for her, she'll find out and think that I'm worth talking to because I'm making the effort...and she'll talk to me.

Getting to my feet I wait for the road to clear of oncoming traffic before rushing across, walking inside I take a breath and approach the counter. A figure suddenly appears from underneath holding a dustpan filled with broken shards.

"I thought I told you to stay away from me." Erica snaps before I have the chance to even think of running away.

"I- I want to talk to you." I force myself to say.

"Joe I‘m sick of arguing with you, we don‘t have anything left to say to each other." she sighs tucking a stray hair behind her ear.

"I don‘t want to argue with you. I just want to talk." I explain

She looks away from me briefly and thinks for a moment before looking back "I get off at 6. You can come back then."

--------

Almost 6. Great, my shift is over and Joe will be here any moment. Why did I say yes again? Oh yea, I looked into his eyes for too long. I should know better, at least when he's acting like a dick it's easier for me to push him away. When he's calm and dare I say looking kinda cute I can't help but cave in, he's like a puppy.

Pulling my coat on as I step out of the back room instantly wanting to run back in because Joe is just coming inside. The least he could've done was be late, then I could have left and told him I wasn't going to wait for him to show up.

"Hi" he briefly smiles as I reach him

"Hi" I respond pulling my bag up to my shoulder

Joe opens the door for me and I step outside and wait for him to follow as I lead the way towards the nearby park.

"So, what did you want to say?" I ask pushing my hands into my coat pocket and crossing the street.

"I wanted to talk about what happened when you left."

"Joe. You know we‘ll just end up arguing-"

"We wont!" he insists "Look, I just want to know what happened."

"You know what happened." I mutter briefly looking at him then back down at the pavement.

"Not really. For starters I wanna know why you left?"

"I wanted to get out of that town, you know that."

"Yes and I understand, but why then? Why couldn‘t you wait? You could have at least talk to me about it." Joe stops speaking once he realises his voice is getting louder.

I stop walking almost making Joe trip "If I did that you would have talked me out of it, and I can tell you exactly what would‘ve happened. I‘d stay, you would go to college and I would have been stuck in that town. Alone."

"We would‘ve gone to college at the same time." He says looking down at me.

"I wouldn‘t be able to."

"Why?"

"Do you even remember?" I demand

"Remember what?"

"The note I left?" I mutter looking away from him, I don't want to see his face when I mention the thing that changed everything between us.

"The note that destroyed my life? Yea I remember." he snapped

Ignoring his remark I continue "I said that the longer I stayed the harder it would be for me to leave. I didn‘t mean leaving town, I meant leaving you."

Stepping around him I continue walking almost reaching the park. It's a few moments before I hear Joe's footsteps behind me. I was hoping he would leave the conversation at that and I'd just go home.

"You could‘ve gone with me." Joe says once he's caught up with me.

"How? I can't just walk into your college and pretend to be a student."

"Erica-"

"No Joe! I had to leave and I had to do it then." I shout, stopping in place again.

"Why did you sleep with me?" Joe suddenly asks

"Joe." I groan rolling my eyes at him I step away but he puts his hand on my arm before I can walk anywhere.

"Why? If you knew you were going to run off then why did you do it?"

"I didn‘t know that night was when i was going to leave, sleeping with you just pushed me to do it. It just happened." I shrug

"It didn‘t just happen Erica... Admit it."

"Admit what?"

"That you had feelings for me."

My eyes widen and I look at his face for the slightest hint that he's joking. He has to be joking. "Joe... I- I didn‘t have feelings for you." I slowly answer not sure of what reaction to expect from him.

"I saw the way you looked at me when we first met, you couldn‘t stand me. I also saw the way you looked at me at prom when we almost kissed, and I know you felt something."

"I can‘t admit something that isn‘t true. I didn‘t love you Joe." Looking at him in disbelief I don't even know what else to say. Apart from the night I left I can't think of anything that would give him the idea I had feelings for him.

"Why are you lying?"

"I‘m not."

"Just tell me the truth."

"I am! What do you want me to say Joe? Am I sorry for what happened? Yes. Have I missed you? Every damn day; but I don‘t regret leaving and I didn‘t have feelings for you."

"If that‘s true then why did you miss me?" he demands

"Because you were my best friend, and I‘m sorry for what happened that night but I just got caught up in the moment."