Everything's Different Now

Lifting my head from the comfort of my pillow I squint my eyes to check the time 1:17am, dropping my head I close my eyes but quickly open them again at the sound of the intercom buzzer which is what woke me in the first place.

Angrily kicking the duvet off me I shuffle out my bedroom, switching the hallway light on. I briefly close my eyes until they're adjusted to the light as I continue my way to the intercom.

"Hello" I answer my voice barely audible

"Erica?"

"Yes. Who is this?" I ask rubbing the sleep from my eyes

"It‘s Joe. Can you let me in please."

"Why?" I demand more rudely then intended "What are you doing here?" I ask more calmly

"I want to show you something."

"Now?" I groan in disbelief

"Yes now."

"Go away Joe. I‘m tired."

Letting go of the button I start to walk away but the buzzer goes off again, this time sounding more impatiently. "What?!" I shout

"I‘m not going until you let me in."

I have two options, listen to the stupid buzzing until he gets bored, but who knows how long that could last. Or... I let him in, I guess the sooner I do it the sooner he'll leave, and I really do want to go back to bed.

Pressing the button to let him in I lean against the wall and close my eyes waiting for him to make his way up. I don't know what he could possible have left to say or ‘show' me. I thought his interrogation from this afternoon would be the last of it. Guess I was wrong. Then again he did end it a little weird, he said something about how he knew I loved him and that he'd prove it. Whatever that meant. I really don't know what I'm going to do, if I'm honest I never really thought about what would happen if we ever see each other again. I can tell you I wouldn't have expected this, I guess I could only assume we'd have a chat and then that would be the end of it. We'd just get on with our lives.

The knocking on the door alerts me to Joe's arrival and I quickly make an attempt to flatten my hair, god knows what it looks like.

"What?" I glare at Joe through the small gap I make in the door. Small enough for me to look out it but too small for him to actually walk in.

"Can I come in please." He calmly asks as if showing up at my home uninvited in the middle of the night is a normal thing.

"No, what do you want?" I ask again.

Ignoring my question Joe continues staring at me, rolling my eyes I push the door so he can come in.

"Thank you" he mutters stepping inside. I watch him as he looks around the hall way. Thankfully all the other lights are switched off so he can't actually see the inside of any rooms, I feel uncomfortable with him being here let alone looking around my apartment.

"So... what is the amazing thing you want to show me that just couldn't wait until normal hours of the day?"

Digging into his pocket Joe pulls out a folded bit of paper and hands it to me. Taking it from him I unfold it and don't realise what it is until I start reading the first line, and my throat feels like it's closing up.

"You-You still have this?" I quietly say before looking back up at Joe. He nods, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. I clear my throat and hand it back to him trying to act like it doesn't affect me. "I don‘t know what you‘re trying to prove."

"Read it." He says pushing my hand away from him

"I don‘t need to read it Joe, I know what it says. I wrote it remember?" I say, almost shouting.

"Read it." Joe repeats somehow manage to control his frustration.

Giving up I run my tongue over my teeth as if to prepare myself.

"Joe I‘m sorry-" I pause to look up at Joe who is staring straight at me "I know I have a lot of explaining to do so here it goes." Did I really write that? Talk about lame. "Firstly, no I‘m not coming back and no I‘m not going to tell you where I‘m going. You have every right to- Joe this is ridiculous. I‘m not doing this." I argue dropping my arms down to my side.

"Read it!"

Clenching my jaw in frustration I stare at Joe before forcing myself to look back at the paper "You have every right to hate me right now-" I continue, briefly looking at Joe angrily "I deserve it, especially seeing as we..... As we slept together and now I‘ve gone and run off." I stop speaking to take a deep breath. I don't know why this is affecting me, it's not like I've never read it, I wrote it for Christ's sake! Maybe Joe's just doing this on purpose as some kind of punishment. "I need you to know that I really do care about you, and I don't want to leave without saying goodbye but I have to. If I stay then I'll probably end up falling for you-"

"Right there." Joe interrupts.

"I don‘t understand." I sigh

"You said it. Right there, that you‘d end up falling for me. Why would you fall for me if you didn‘t think of me as anything more then a friend?"

"You came here. Made me read this-" I yell shoving the paper against Joe's chest "-Just to try and prove a point. Joe-"

"I want to tell you how much you really do mean to me." Joe quoted without even looking at the paper. How many times has he read that thing?

"Joe-"

"No Erica, it‘s my time to talk now. You can tell me what happened meant nothing, but it meant something to me and I know it meant something to you too. I don‘t know if you‘re just in denial or if you‘re just so stupid you haven‘t realised it yet, but this note tells me exactly how you felt."

"This note-" I say snatching it from him "Tells you nothing. It means nothing!" Grabbing it with both hands I tear the paper in half and then tear it again. Joe watches me in shock as I throw the pieces and let them fall to the floor. "I want you to leave." I mutter crossing my arms over my chest.

"That note may have meant nothing to you, but in case you forgot. That was the only thing you left and it actually meant something to me." Joe pushes passed me and walks out leaving the door open behind him. I look back at the empty space where he was standing then down at the scattered paper on the floor. I got rid of him, that's what I wanted...... Why do I feel so bad?

-------

She's a cold hearted bitch. I can't believe she just did that! She thinks I've changed? Maybe she should trying looking at herself.

Getting into my car I slam the door shut and switch the engine on, driving forward out of the parking space, I'm about to accelerate but slam down on the breaks as Erica appears out of nowhere the bottom of her face lit by my headlights. What the fuck is she doing? I watch her as she walks to my side of the car and taps on the window.

"I‘m not going until you open the window." she says her voice slightly muffled. Is this her way of getting back at me for showing up, like tearing up the letter wasn't enough.

I roll down the window and wait for her to say something.

"Here." she sighs holding out the small pile of torn up paper in her hand.

"What am I supposed to do with it now?" I respond not afraid to show how pissed off I am.

"You said it meant something to you." she shrugged

"It did, but that was before you torn it up."

She lets out a sigh in defeat "Joe I‘m sorry. I didn‘t know."

"I kept it for 5 years. Why would I do that if it didn‘t mean anything?"

"I don't know." she shrugs

"Exactly. You don‘t know. I might have used it to remind myself of why I was mad at you, but it also reminded me that I actually meant something to you and I'm not just some guy you used."

"You know you meant something to me. You still do."

"I used to. But that was the old me, because if I remember correctly you don‘t like the ‘new' me." I snap

"So what does this mean?" she asks

"It means we give each other what we want. I leave you alone and you leave me alone."

"Joe we‘ve changed our minds about what we want a million times already. At first I wanted to be civil and you wanted me gone, I wanted to spite you, and then you wanted to talk to me about what happened and I wanted you gone-"

"And now we both want each other gone. Simple." Before Erica can say anything else I drive away forcing myself not to look at her in the rear view mirror.