Tumors And Hearts
Day 25 – Hey Leonardo (She Likes Me For Me)
Xx-nikki-xX
plz tell him?
I read the text from Manda and chose not to say anything. I got two more texts as I plugged it in to charge. One was from my Aunt Dixie, the other was from Lexi.
honey, u rlly should tell shannon about ur tumor. im sure he would understand... read Aunt Dixies.
Lexi’s said, he has a right to kno nikki...
I chose to ignore them too. I tossed my phone on my bed and decided to go watch some TV.
Ashley was already in the living room area. She had her three-legged fat cat, Checkers, lying on her lap. I plopped down on the couch next to them and saw that SpongeBob was on.
Again. Don’t judge. Two twenty year old women are allowed to watch cartoons. There’s nothing wrong with that.
I felt something brush against my leg and looked down. I saw my black Pomeranian, Ocito, plop down by my feet. I leaned down and scratched his stomach.
It was silent for a while. And then...
“Nikki…”
“Don’t say it.”
“How do you already know what I’m going to say?”
“Because you, Manda, Lexi, and even my Aunt Dixie have all been saying the same damn thing since Shannon and I started dating.”
“What am I going to say then?”
“You want me to tell Shannon about my tumor.”
“That’s not what I was going to say…”
“Then what were you going to say?”
More silence. I looked over at Ashley and could tell she was trying to think of something.
“That’s what I thought.” I said turning back to the TV.
I could hear my phone playing I’m Your Favorite Drug by Porcelain and the Tramps and got up to see who it was.
It was Manda. I bit my lip, trying to decide if I could answer it or not.
It stopped playing and the screen said I had one missed call. I sighed with relief, but it quickly turned into a groan when it said she was calling again.
I had to answer it.
“Hey…” I said putting the phone to my ear.
“You have to tell him Nikki.” What? No hello?
“I can’t.” was all I could think of to say.
“And why not?”
“Because…” I said sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Because… why?”
Lyrics from a song popped into my head that I had heard one of my friends play on his guitar once. They somewhat represented how I felt...
She likes me for me
[uh... something, something, something,]
But what she sees
Are my faults and indecisions
My insecure conditions
And the tears upon the pillow that I shed
She likes me for me…
“I want him to like me for me, not my tumor.”
“Wait… what?” she sounded confused. I guess I could have worded that better.
“What I mean is that if we’re together I don’t want it to be because he feels sorry about my tumor and just wants to make me happy. I want him to be with me because he likes me not out of pity.”
“He does like you.”
“Yeah, for now.” I said playing with the cord of the phone charger. “But what if he stops liking me? He might just stay with me because he feels sorry for me. I really don’t want that sort of thing to happen.”
I heard her sigh in frustration. Well, hey, she asked.
“Okay.” she said. “Let’s say you don’t tell him. What happens when you do die?”
It was my turn to sigh. “I haven’t quite figured that out yet…”
“Well, then you might want to get thinking.” she said before hanging up.
plz tell him?
I read the text from Manda and chose not to say anything. I got two more texts as I plugged it in to charge. One was from my Aunt Dixie, the other was from Lexi.
honey, u rlly should tell shannon about ur tumor. im sure he would understand... read Aunt Dixies.
Lexi’s said, he has a right to kno nikki...
I chose to ignore them too. I tossed my phone on my bed and decided to go watch some TV.
Ashley was already in the living room area. She had her three-legged fat cat, Checkers, lying on her lap. I plopped down on the couch next to them and saw that SpongeBob was on.
Again. Don’t judge. Two twenty year old women are allowed to watch cartoons. There’s nothing wrong with that.
I felt something brush against my leg and looked down. I saw my black Pomeranian, Ocito, plop down by my feet. I leaned down and scratched his stomach.
It was silent for a while. And then...
“Nikki…”
“Don’t say it.”
“How do you already know what I’m going to say?”
“Because you, Manda, Lexi, and even my Aunt Dixie have all been saying the same damn thing since Shannon and I started dating.”
“What am I going to say then?”
“You want me to tell Shannon about my tumor.”
“That’s not what I was going to say…”
“Then what were you going to say?”
More silence. I looked over at Ashley and could tell she was trying to think of something.
“That’s what I thought.” I said turning back to the TV.
I could hear my phone playing I’m Your Favorite Drug by Porcelain and the Tramps and got up to see who it was.
It was Manda. I bit my lip, trying to decide if I could answer it or not.
It stopped playing and the screen said I had one missed call. I sighed with relief, but it quickly turned into a groan when it said she was calling again.
I had to answer it.
“Hey…” I said putting the phone to my ear.
“You have to tell him Nikki.” What? No hello?
“I can’t.” was all I could think of to say.
“And why not?”
“Because…” I said sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Because… why?”
Lyrics from a song popped into my head that I had heard one of my friends play on his guitar once. They somewhat represented how I felt...
She likes me for me
[uh... something, something, something,]
But what she sees
Are my faults and indecisions
My insecure conditions
And the tears upon the pillow that I shed
She likes me for me…
“I want him to like me for me, not my tumor.”
“Wait… what?” she sounded confused. I guess I could have worded that better.
“What I mean is that if we’re together I don’t want it to be because he feels sorry about my tumor and just wants to make me happy. I want him to be with me because he likes me not out of pity.”
“He does like you.”
“Yeah, for now.” I said playing with the cord of the phone charger. “But what if he stops liking me? He might just stay with me because he feels sorry for me. I really don’t want that sort of thing to happen.”
I heard her sigh in frustration. Well, hey, she asked.
“Okay.” she said. “Let’s say you don’t tell him. What happens when you do die?”
It was my turn to sigh. “I haven’t quite figured that out yet…”
“Well, then you might want to get thinking.” she said before hanging up.
♠ ♠ ♠
So the title of this chapter is the name of a song by Blessed Union Of Souls and the lyrics I put in there are from that song as well. I heard that song a few months ago when my friend played it on his guitar and it just kinda popped into my head while I was writing this chapter. I put the "something's" in there because that part didn't really fit with how I was using the lyrics.Hope you liked it! Comments? Questions? Anything? lol.