Just Traveling Through

We stayed in Australia for another week to pack up the past two and a half years. Ryder didn’t understand what was happening or why, and he was heartbroken when his Uncle John had to go home early, but he had understood we were leaving on a plane and his excitement grew with each day. He had never flown anywhere before, always taking long car rides and ferries, and he was beyond ecstatic at the concept of flying.

Myles was, well, helpful albeit disheartened. He knew I would always love him, and at one point he summed it up perfectly. “I know you gave me everything you could, but there was always one piece missing because someone else already had it.” He helped me pack things and take the boxes to the post office to ship. He promised Ryder that his ponies would be well taken care of, and he could always come visit them whenever he wanted to. On our last day in Australia, I let Myles take Ryder to lunch and to the zoo to say goodbye to the ponies. Watching Myles give Ryder a teary goodbye was one of the hardest things I’d ever have to witness in my entire life.

I purposely booked an overnight flight so Ryder would be able to sleep through most of it. He whined and complained a few times after waking up, but Eric would softly sing to him and he would calm down. I never imagined Eric being so excellent with kids, but there he was, acting like a pro. When we landed, Ryder was amazed by everything he saw. I had never seen much difference between places and airports and people, but seeing as Ryder had only known Australia and its people, he couldn’t keep quiet about anything. The signs were better here, the air felt nicer at home, the people looked and talked silly here, and my favorite: why didn’t anyone pay attention to anyone else?

John was awaiting our arrival and when Ryder caught glimpse of his lanky frame, he struggled to free himself from my grasp. I finally set him down when we were close enough. John bent down, his arms held out wide, and welcomed Ryder with a giant hug. Eric’s hand found mine seconds later and he squeezed tightly. John returned Ryder to me as he and Eric went to get the checked luggage.

It would be an understatement to say I was nervous. I knew, even though my parents loved Ryder, they wouldn’t want us moving in. Eric hadn’t told his father about any of this, and I’m pretty sure as far as he knew his son was away on tour again. We were going to look for apartments later in the week, once things started arriving in the mail, but I was afraid of the meantime. And the closer we got to Chandler, the more that feeling grew. The uncertainty of where I would be putting my baby down to sleep at night, where he would eat, where he would play – it all started to build up into one giant ball of anxiety sitting deep in my chest.

“Hey,” Eric whispered in my ear. I looked over at him, eyebrows stitched together. “Stop worrying. Everything will be fine.”

John pulled into Eric’s driveway and turned the ignition off. We all sat there for a minute, really soaking it in that I was here and I would be staying here this time. Ryder had fallen asleep in my lap, his little hands clutching at the fabric of my t-shirt. John had gotten out of the car and was taking bags from the trunk when Eric’s Dad opened the door, stepped outside and looked at us curiously. His eyes brightened when he saw me, and a small smile fell onto his lips when he noticed how close I was sitting to his son. I smiled, too, when Eric’s lips brushed against my cheek.

“I’ll be right back to help you, okay? Just sit tight,” Eric told me before he slid out of the car. He embraced his father tightly, exchanging a few words with him before he began to motion to us. The look on his father’s face changed several times, from shocked to confused to accepting. They exchanged words I couldn’t hear or make out, and then Eric grinned, hugged his father again and stumbled back to the car.

“You just told him?” I asked softly as I scooted toward the door slowly, carefully. Ryder pulled my shirt closer to him.

“He’s okay with us staying here,” Eric told me and kissed my forehead when I was standing upright, our son sheltered between us. “He wants to meet his grandson.”

I bit my lip, nodding slightly. No sooner had I turned to face him had I heard my name warmly fall from his lips. “Amelia,” he said softly, his eyes glittering in the setting sun. His smile was gracious and welcoming and accepting. He wasn’t going to ask any questions about why or where. “This is my grandson, hm? No doubting that one, he looks exactly like Eric did when he was a baby.”

“Dad,” Eric groaned.

“Well it’s true, Eric,” he quipped. “Mind if I take him? He can finish his nap on the couch while we all settle in.”

As soon as he reached for Ryder, the grip on my shirt loosened and Ryder molded into his grandfather’s arms. I watched as he was carried inside and out of view. Eric kissed me softly, resting his hands on my cheeks.

“You’re okay, Amelia. You’re home,” he said softly between gentle kisses.

“I know. It just feels weird,” I said.

Eric smiled. “Let’s go inside. Everything will be alright.”

And it was. We had dinner with his Dad, and Dana came home while we were sitting in the living room watching Ryder play with his toys on the floor. She wasn’t shocked like I thought she would be. Instead, she sat on the floor with Ryder and introduced herself, then asked if she could play, too. We talked about Australia, but didn’t mention Myles, and we caught up with what had happened here since I left. No one really wanted to go to bed with so many unanswered questions on our minds, but when Ryder started yawning we all knew it was time.

Eric and I set Ryder up for bedtime on Eric’s bed. We had a blowup mattress on the floor that we would be sleeping on. I kissed Ryder goodnight and tucked him in.

“Mommy,” Ryder said sleepily.

“Yeah, baby?” I asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. Eric was busy getting the mattress ready for us to sleep on.

“Is this home now?”

“Yes, Ry. I know you miss Australia and Myles, but Eric is your dad,” I told him. Maybe he wasn’t ready to hear that, and maybe he wouldn’t understand or remember. But it felt right to start introducing him to the truth.

“Eric?” Ryder questioned, confused.

I sat on the edge of the bed, brushing the hair off his forehead. “Eric and Mommy have been in love forever,” I explained. “Remember those stories you like? With the princess and the prince, and how they live happily ever after in the end?”

“Oh mommy, you’re a princess?” he yawned.

I laughed, kissing his forehead lightly as his eyelids fluttered. “Yeah, mommy’s a princess. And we’re all going to live happily ever after.”