Just Traveling Through

It was as if the universe was telling me not to leave. The airport was busier than I had ever seen it before and businessmen kept bumping into me without apologizing. I was a fish fighting upstream to escape a grizzly: it was useless. I managed to get through security after half an hour of fighting through the huge layout. I was thankful I didn’t have to tug my bulky, overweight suitcase with me or else I would have been set back even longer.

I grabbed a cup of hot coffee from a little newspaper shop and scanned through their selection of “top selling novels.” Nothing caught my eye and I settled on a couple fashion magazines. I wouldn’t be awake for most of the flight anyway, my handy sleeping pills tucked safely inside the side pocket of my purse. I took a seat in the corner by the window, crossed one leg over the other and mindlessly flipped through one of the magazines.

I felt kind of bad for leaving without saying goodbye to Eric again, using and tossing him aside. I supposed this time he would be furious instead of just heartbroken, but hooking up with an old boyfriend wasn’t exactly my plan of attack for this trip. Seeing him on that first day had completely thrown me off track and all of my plans were thrown out the window as I quickly fell into old habits.

I couldn’t allow myself to stay while he was still in town. I didn’t trust myself around him. After all, I had taken it too far. I had betrayed Myles and was dreading telling him. It was juvenile of me to think that he would be accepting of it, but in the back of my head I knew he would forgive me. Without Eric, Ryder would not exist. And Myles loved Ryder with all of his heart. Therefore, in some twisted logic, it was okay to still fall for the charms of the father.

I sighed, closing the magazine. Of course that didn’t make sense, I was only trying to justify what I had done. And if you have to justify something, guilt is the reason behind it and that alone is enough proof that the act shouldn’t have been done in the first place.

I leaned my head against the window, eyes closed against the bright Arizona sun. Children ran around the terminal screaming and crying, shouting at their mothers that they were uncomfortable and wanted to go home. I could have sworn I heard one child whining about having to go pee.

“Amelia.”

I opened my eyes and scanned the gate. I couldn’t recognize anyone. How was it possible that someone could recognize me? I ignored it, thinking maybe someone else shared my name. It was possible, right?

“Amelia Locklear.”

I felt my face flush of all color as the voice registered in my head. Eric was here. He was searching the terminal, calling out my name until I answered. But I didn’t know if I really wanted to answer, so I discreetly got up and took my bag and magazines with me. I was going to try to make a grand escape into the women’s bathroom.

“Amelia,” I heard Eric stress when I had my hand on the bathroom door, ready to push it open and disappear inside. “Don’t you dare think I won’t follow you in there.”

I exhaled deeply, my shoulders falling, and slowly turned around to face him. Eric was walking toward me like he was on a mission. John was sheepishly following a few paces behind him, obviously ashamed that he had let it slip I was leaving.

“What are you doing?” Eric demanded.

“I’m going home,” I replied simply.

“Really? I didn’t notice,” he quipped. “You’re really going to make me follow you across the globe? Do you even have any idea how much money I just dropped on a ticket to Australia?”

“I didn’t ask you to follow me anywhere,” I said sternly. “I have a life and family in Australia, I purposely didn’t invite you along.”

He looked a bit taken aback by my harsh words but he quickly rebounded. “In case you’re forgetting, that’s partially my family.”

My eyes fell on John. He held my gaze for a moment before he dropped his stare to the floor. He knew he had done wrong. He knew he shouldn’t have told his best friend what I begged him not to. Even though I knew he was going to tell Eric eventually, I had banked on it being spilled once I was comfortably at home in Australia.

“I can’t believe you told him,” I mumbled, shaking my head at John.

“No, let’s not deflect the fact that you’ve hidden this child from me for years,” Eric demanded. “You have no idea how pissed off I am, Amelia.”

“I did you a favor,” I spat. “You may have loved me, Eric, but you always loved your band more. The day I found out I was pregnant was the day you were coming home from tour. But a week and a half later you would have been shipping off again. I wasn’t going to raise a child with that kind of father.”

“So you figured moving away to Australia would fix all of your problems?” he questioned sarcastically. “Like the land down under held the answer to all of your problems?”

“You have no idea how hard it is to be left behind,” I said softly. It had just hit me that we were nearly in a shouting match in the middle of an airport. “Yeah, I really made a mistake by leaving the way I did, but that one-time pain couldn’t compare to the multiple feelings of abandonment you inflicted on me each time you chose your band over me. I was thinking for the baby. I wasn’t going to allow our child to be that heartbroken each time you left for a tour.”

“You’re a selfish bitch,” he cursed, his voice laced with hatred and venom.

I felt my eyes stinging with tears. I hated that I was about to cry over this. Moving to Australia was the right thing to do. I made the right choice for my baby. How could Eric even begin to think I was being selfish? I bit my lip as a tear slipped down my cheek, watching helplessly as Eric marched away from the scene.

“Millie,” John whispered as he took a step toward me. He placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t touch me,” I snapped and slapped his hand away. “You just ruined everything I worked so hard to keep from him. He’ll never forgive me for it and now he’s going to try everything to get Ryder back to Arizona.”

“Mills, I had to-”

“Fuck you, you had to,” I cried. “I begged you, John. I begged you not to say anything.”

I made sure my shoulder rammed hard into his arm as I brushed past him. Eric was glowering in a seat close to the gate so I made sure I sat as far away from him as possible. Everyone on this flight now knew my dirty laundry and I couldn’t escape their long stares and what they thought was subtle pointing.

I watched intently as John hesitated in the middle of the terminal. He didn’t know who to sit next to, whom he should place his loyalty with. And I honestly couldn’t blame him. He had known Eric since they were just young kids in elementary school. Although he had only met me in high school, we had become close, like long-lost siblings. He looked out for me and I looked out for him. We were a duo, until he introduced me to Eric and suddenly he was only a sidekick.

I shook my head to myself as I pulled out my phone. I was so Americanized again that I couldn’t remember what time it was in Australia, so I settled with sending a text message to Myles letting him know I was coming home earlier than planned. Except now I wasn’t coming home alone.