Somehow Saving You

I ran a hand through my hair nervously. I was beginning to crack under pressure. The press was flocking outside my house everyday, I got hate mail/calls every minute, and Jimmy still hasn’t been here. I see flashes of him everywhere, but I don’t know if it’s real or not. I let out a shaky sigh. It’s been a week and a half fully and I am still not used to the thought that he’s gone. It’s like the first time he died all over again.

”No, no. You’re wrong. He’s going to come through that door any minute. He’ll be laughing and saying ‘I’m sorry I worried you guys. I just want to get back at you for putting that spider in my bed. I love you my baby girl’.” I cried, laughing a little at the thought of my older brother doing just that. Brian and Papa Gates’ eyes softened.

“Cat, I know it’s hard but you have to understand he’s not coming back,” Papa Gates said slowly, holding my shoulders. I shook my head violently, screaming no over and over.

“No, no, no, no!” Brian’s arms took the place of his father’s and his arms wrapped tightly around my body.

“Calm down baby girl, just calm down,” Brian whispered in my ear. I felt like such a baby. I made all the phone calls, I’m the one that saw him dead. What is wrong with me? I know it’s normal to mourn, but to make a big scene over something I firsthand saw was just juvenile. I guess I need this though.

“Why did he leave us Brian? He promised he’d never leave without saying goodbye. He promised me! He said we’d all grow old together and be the crazy old people you see thinking, damn.” Brian chuckled at the memory.

“I don’t know Cat. I just don’t know.”

I shook the memory from my head. I’m not going to feel any better by just laying here and thinking about Jimmy and everything else in the world. Thinking isn’t my favorite thing to currently do. I pulled myself out of bed to change into a pair of basketball shorts and a red tank. Pulling my hair into a ponytail, I grabbed my iPod from it’s perch on Brian’s dresser. I’m beginning to get tired of always being here, but Brian’s refusing to let me leave. He’s afraid I will do something ‘irresponsible’. Talk about feeling like a child.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs I heard Pinkly running up to me. I smiled and petted her head before going to fill up her food and water bowls. It was a routine I had taken up lately. Once she began eating I slipped out the backdoor. I quickly walked through the gate that led to the front of the house. I placed in the earphones before clipping the iPod to a strap on my tank. As soon as All Time Low began, I jogged down the sidewalk in time to the beat.

Before I knew it I was in front of Zack’s house. I don’t know why, but something drew me to it. I headed up the driveway just as Gena was leaving.

“Oh, hey Cat. Why do I always seem to find you when I’m leaving? And it’s always from walking,” she chuckled. I simply shrugged with a grin.

“Have fun at work!” I called as she climbed into her car. All I heard was a snort in reply before she drove off. As soon as I stepped into the house, a very familiar black fuzz ball and grey puppy ran up to me.

“Icky! Majesty! Hey babies!” The both simply barked in reply. I laughed, petting both of them on the head, before shutting the door. As I stood in the entrance I noticed the loud noises of the TV coming from the living room.

“Did you forget something baby?” I had to silence my laughter as I walked to the doorway. Zacky’s eyes were glued on the TV. He was almost laying on the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table.

“Yeah. I forgot my lazy, pudgy twenty-eight year old that acts like he’s two.” Zacky’s face turned into hurt/confusion before he finally turned to look at me.

“Oh. Shut up Cat!” I chuckled, plopping down next to Zacky in the same manor as he sat.

“Who’s playing?” It was silent and I turned to Zack. His arms were crossed and his lips were pursed together. “What?”

“I’m not talking to you! You called me pudgy,” Zack whined childishly. I rolled my eyes.

“There’s more to hug,” I said, giving him a sideways hug.

“Damn straight!”

“So who’s playing?”

“Red Sox Vs the Yankees.” After that it fell silent between us. I picked up his cigarette pack that was sitting on the arm of the couch before lighting it. He didn’t even flinch or look at me when I leaned over him to grab the pack. Suddenly Ichabod plopped up on Zack’s lap and Majesty sat in the space between Zack and I. He began to pet both of them, his eyes still on the TV, which made me smile.

“Do you have any Poptarts?” I asked quite randomly. Zack turned to me with a raised eyebrow.

“Who’s acting like a two year old now?” He mocked. I rolled my eyes, yet again, and stared at him expectantly. He let his eyes slide back and forth as he slowly turned his head back to the television. “Yeah. Check in one of the cabinets.”

“Okay, so it’s still you too,” I remarked. He scoffed as I stood and walked into the kitchen. I tapped off some ashes from my cigarette into the trash before pulling open a cabinet. I cheered when I found the box of strawberry Poptarts. I plopped down at the dining table with my Poptarts and an ashtray. It was quiet again minus the murmurs of the TV. In the dining room it just seemed so far away.

“Got any to share?” My drag caught in my throat. I looked up to see Jimmy standing in front of me. I jumped up, taking him into a tight hug. I deeply breathed in his scent. After a moment I stepped back, smacking his arm. It felt so solid, it was almost like he was still alive.

“You asshole! I thought you left me again without saying anything,” I shouted, almost on the verge of crying.

“I’m sorry baby girl. I needed to look over Leana,” Jimmy replied quietly. I sighed, sitting at the table again. I rubbed my temples, letting out a soft groan.

“It’s been over a week Jimmy. Why did you need to stay with her that whole time?”

“I think- I think she can hear me now Cat.” I sighed, rubbing up and down my face.

“Jimmy,” I said in a warning tone.

“No! I mean it Cat! She was talking to me earlier. She could hear me and was replying,” Jimmy argued.

“Are you sure that maybe she was just talking to you in spirit, just happened to say something that seemed like she was replying?” I tested.

“No! I know she heard me!” Jimmy exclaimed. He was just in denial. It fell silent again. I jumped when a sudden loud ‘fuck yeah’ came from Zack’s mouth. “I know you don’t believe me, but she was talking to me, I know she was.”

“Fine Jimmy, whatever you say.”