The Hardest Thing

It was probably three in the morning, I wasn’t sure; all I knew was that my head was on Jon’s chest and his arms were wrapped around me. I didn’t realize just how much I missed him until I felt that absolute comfort again. I looked up expecting him to be sleeping, but he was laying there staring at me as if I was the only girl in the world. Somehow, that night he convinced me that I was; Laurie barely even existed anymore.

“I thought you were sleeping,” Jon said.

“Why aren’t you?”

“I’m still trying to get over having you back. I missed you so much, Aud.”

“I missed you too.”

“Are you going to fall back asleep?” he asked kissing my forehead gently.

“I’m pretty awake.”

“So tell me about your life lately, I want to know everything I missed.”

I told him about my promotion and how excited I was; he squeezed me tight and I could see a look of pride in his eyes. He told me that he wished he could have been there when I found out. I then explained that I was at school because I needed my MBA before I could get the promotion. Jon told me that suddenly all of the pieces were fitting together. He kept repeating that he hated that he wasn’t there for me through everything and that in the two months we were apart, he wanted nothing other than to climb into my bed with me every night. We turned on our sides, facing each other as the conversation continued; he kept brushing my hair out of my face and every time, it gave me chills. His touch was more electrifying than it ever was before, maybe because this time, he was trying to show me that he was mine.

Jon then asked about Kevin; I didn’t know what else to tell him. I told him about the dates and how much we had in common. It was almost scary how alike Kevin and I were; we did have fun together, but his temper was just too much. Besides that, my heart was never really available to him…Jon knew what came next in that story; he saw me at my most vulnerable moment.

“I’m sorry that happened, Aud, but it brought us back together.”

“I never wanted you to see me like that though. I was so stupid with him, I should have known it would happen.”

“Audrey, stop blaming yourself. He’s an asshole and you’re the most amazing girl alive.”

“So what’s next for us, Jon?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean we were apart for almost two months, we finally talked and then we ended up here.”

“Audrey, listen to me, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I’m sorry that I didn’t break up with Laurie the minute I met you. No matter what happens, I promise you right now that you are my one and only. I love you.”

“I love you too, Jon,” I responded and our lips met for a few brief seconds. I had never felt such intimacy from just a kiss before. He pulled me closer to him and held me as tightly as possible. It was so easy to fall asleep in his arms; I slept the best I had in months, including the nights I took sleeping pills.

When I woke up in the morning, I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I had to go get ready for work. I realized that I had left my cell phone in the living room and went to get it before I got in the shower. I picked it up and realized that I had 8 missed calls and 14 text messages; most of the calls and texts were from Kylie. She was asking where I was then she got worried about me not answering her and the last couple yelled at me for not having a landline. I was surprised that she hadn’t come to my house because she was so worried. As I scrolled through my texts, I found another one that came from a number that wasn’t saved in my cell phone; I noticed that the area code was the same as Jon’s.

I read the text and it said “you haven’t seen the last of me, Slut.” I knew exactly who it was from and I immediately deleted the text. There was no way I would let Jon see that…or anyone for that matter. I didn’t know what she was going to do or even what she was capable of, but I knew what it felt like to lose Jon.

When I got to work, I saw Kylie sitting on my desk waiting to yell at me. She started by telling me how worried she was about me and how I should have answered her calls and texts. I told her that I didn’t see any of them until the morning, but she was too busy yelling and talking at a mile a minute to realize anything I was saying.

“Kylie, can I talk?”

“Where the fuck were you, Audrey?”

“I was home. Jon came over and we finally talked. We’re back together…officially this time. He told me that I’m the only girl he’s going to have in his life.”

“Do you think he told Laurie that?”

“We talked about that too. He told me that he wishes her left her from the start; he promised that there won’t be anyone else. I made him promise that if there ever was someone else, he would tell me immediately.”

“Do you trust him?”

“With my life.”

“Then I’ll trust him too.”

That was the end of the conversation. I had a lot of work to do, so I buried myself in e-mails and talking to clients. I wanted the day to go by quickly so that I could be with Jon again. He wasn’t going to be in town much longer before he had to spend more time on the road finishing up the hockey season.

When I got to class, I heard the absolute last thing I wanted to hear; the professor was assigning a project based on one that we’d handed in a few weeks before that. This meant that I would have to work on the project with Kevin. After class, Kevin came up to me to discuss working on the project. We walked out of the building together.

“Maybe we should just split it and e-mail to get everything put together,” I suggested.

“Aud, you know that’s not going to work,” he said softly.

“What do you suggest then, Kevin?”

“We can meet in Starbucks or something after class. We’ll stay in a public place and I promise to never let anything like that happen again. Remember the fun we used to have?”

“That was before.”

“I know…and I apologized, can we try to be friends for the purpose of this project?”
I looked up and saw Jon standing in the parking lot; I didn’t tell him what time my class was over. He was dressed up; he had a game at 6, so he probably went to Northwestern right after the game was over; at 10pm, it was only a 10 minute drive. When he looked at us, I could see anger in his eyes; he walked over and met us at the edge of the parking lot.

“Audrey, what the fuck is going on.”

“Relax, Jon.”

“Why the fuck is he near you?”

“We have to work on a project together for class, relax.”

Jon then turned to Kevin and looked him square in the eye, “if you touch Audrey again, I will fucking kill you.” The tone in Jon’s voice scared me; I had never heard him speak like that before. Maybe I should have been happy that he loved me so much that he was being protective, but in light of what happened on Valentines’ Day, his temper just scared me. It took a few minutes, but after the threats, Kevin finally realized who Jon was.

“Wait a second,” Kevin started, “you’re Jonathan Toews from the Blackhawks.”

“Yeah...” Jon said, obviously wondering why Kevin was just stating the obvious.

“So he’s the reason you never wanted me? You were in love with a hockey player? Wow, Audrey, I thought you could do so much better than that.”

I could see Jon completely snap, “you know what, yes, I’m a hockey player, but I’m also more of a man than you could ever be. When someone doesn’t want me, I don’t hurt them,” his tone was so angry and hostile.

“Jon, let’s go.” I said. He looked at me and I’m guessing he could see the fear and anger in my expression and he just walked away. He had parked his car right next to mine and we stopped, standing in between the two. Jon tried to put his arms around me, but I stepped away.

“Aud, what’s wrong?”

“You. What was that?”

“I don’t want that douchebag touching you.”

“Your temper scared me more than his, but I don’t want to talk about this now. Come back to my house, we’ll talk there.”

Without another word or letting him touch me, I got in my car and drove home. I found myself starting to cry; I knew that Jon was just trying to protect me, but I hated that tone. I didn’t know what would happen if he ever got mad at me, he had a temper and it was hard to tell what he was capable of. I pulled into my parking spot and walked straight to my front door, Jon was only a few steps behind me.

“Aud,” he started as we walked into the living room, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I just hated seeing him next to you.”

“How do I know your temper is never going to go off on me?”

“Audrey, I would hurt myself before I ever hurt you. I love you, you know that. I don’t want you alone with him. Let me come when you work on your project.”

“No work would get done if you’re sitting there glaring at him.”

“But I don’t want you alone with him.”

“That’s why we’re meeting in public. Stop being so overprotective Jon, I can take care of myself.”

“I watched you do that on Valentines’ Day.”

“Are you really going there, Jon? It happened, we’re meeting in public, we’re doing a project. Just let me handle this and I promise that if anything happens, you’re the first person that I’ll call.”

“Fine. I’m sorry about my temper,” he said as he pulled me in closer to him, “I promise that you’re the last person I ever want to hurt.”

He pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms around me. He kissed my forehead as he had many times before. I forgot about how mad I had been at him and just let myself be comfortable in his arms. Being in love was scary, but the happiest fear of my life. Jon left the next morning for a few days on the road.

A few nights later, Kevin and I were sitting in Starbucks working on our project. It was the night that Jon was supposed to be home from his away games. Kevin and I were getting along pretty well and I was remembering the things that I had liked about him. He hadn’t gotten angry at all and his temper was kept well in check. I even found myself having a good time and laughing while we did our work.

The door to the Starbucks opened at one point while Kevin and I were hysterically laughing. I heard a familiar voice say “what’s so funny?” and turned around to see my boyfriend staring over my shoulder.

“Jon!” I yelled as I got up and gave him a hug and a kiss; he hugged me tighter than I had expected, but his eyes didn’t come off of Kevin. I could tell that he was jealous. He asked again what was so funny and I told him it was just something about the project. Jon started to ask about school and talk about how he wasn’t involved in that part of my life. He was jealous and it was getting a little annoying.

“Jon, maybe you should go.”

“And leave you with him?”

“Please Jon, I thought we had agreed.”

“Fine,” he said as he gave me a kiss on the lips and walked out.

When I got home that night, I found Jon sitting on my couch waiting for me. I wanted to yell at him for being such a jealous asshole, but I wanted to jump in his lap and hug him because it had been days since I’d seen him. I told him that there was nothing to be jealous of and he apologized again.

“I’m sorry Aud, I just want to make sure I have you all to myself.”

“You do, you just have to trust me.”

“I do trust you.”

I changed into pajamas and he took off all of his clothes except for his boxers and we climbed into my bed. We laid there facing each other and Jon whispered, “I love you.”