The Hardest Thing

I just stood there in Jon’s living room, squeezing his hand just to feel the comfort of him squeezing back. His mother was glaring at me as though I were smaller than an ant; I had no idea what I did to her, but she hated me. When we were at my place, Jon made me feel like I was the most important girl in the world, I thought I could take her on, but I wasn’t that strong. My mind was working overtime thinking about how the world works; when the mother hates the girlfriend, the relationship never lasts. Jon and his mom were close and sooner or later, she would convince him to leave me. When the playoffs were over, he would return home and I would still be in Chicago, probably watching his fans celebrate everything about him. I didn’t think I was strong enough to handle that.

Jon was trying his hardest to ignore the elephant in the room, but I couldn’t. It was the first time that I had ever had someone dislike me so greatly. I was never the type that believed in love having the power to overcome all obstacles. Standing in his living room that evening, I realized that Jon was that kind of person; he could pretend his mother didn’t want me to go up in flames right then and there because he loved me.

“We ordered a few pizzas,” Bryan Toews said breaking the awkward silence, “they should be here any minute.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Jon responded as he led me over to the couch. When I sat down next to him, he put his arm around me as though it was the most normal thing in the world. Normally, it was, but not in that situation.

“I’m not feeling well all of a sudden,” Andree said, “I think I’m going to go lay down.”

“Andree, stop being so rude, we’re in our son’s house.”

“I told you, Bryan, I don’t feel well.”

It was obvious that the only thing that she didn’t feel so great about was me. I started to think about all of the text messages from Laurie and what she could have possibly said to make this woman hate me so much.

“Actually, I think I’m going to go,” I volunteered.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Jon said to me.

“Jon, if the girl wants to leave, let her leave.”

“Stop, Mom. I love this woman, please at least try to be nice to her?”

“She’s the slut who seduced my son away from his soul mate.”

“Soul mate? Really, Mom? If we were soul mates she wouldn’t have felt the need to fake a pregnancy to try to save our relationship.”

“She didn’t fake it. She lost the baby, Jon, the stress of you being with some whore made her lose the baby.”

“And you bought that?” I jumped up from the couch, so frustrated with this woman, “She was bragging with her friends about her plan to get Jon back. She was drinking at his games because she hates hockey while she was supposedly pregnant. I don’t know what she told you, but I’m sure it’s all lies.”

“You never even knew Laurie.”

“You’re right, I didn’t, but I do know that I get text messages from her regularly threatening me and telling me that she’s making sure you hate me. I guess she won this time.”

“Laurie would never do anything like that.”

“Mom,” Jon started, “it’s the truth. Did Laurie tell you what happened?”

“Yes, she told me everything.”

“So she told you that she downed a bottle of vodka to start a fight with me and when I asked about the baby, she told me that there was no baby; she told me that she made up the baby because she knew about Audrey? Did she tell you that I broke up with Audrey to be with Laurie and the baby because that was important to me?”

Andree froze as Jon continued to raise his voice at her. I was getting the impression that he had never yelled at his mother before. Honestly, I felt like she was going to hate me more because not only did I steal him from her precious Laurie, but I also harmed her relationship with her son. Jon had always told me that his parents were good and caring people and that he got along well with them. He had always felt that he owed them for all of the sacrificed made when he was younger to make sure he could play hockey and be the best. I hated that I was getting between their relationship.

“I’m going to lay down now,” Andree said, this time making it out of the room without anyone saying anything. I could feel tears forming in my eyes, but I made sure to hide them from Jon. Bryan and Dave sat there silently; I couldn’t even look at them after the scene that just unfolded. The silence was ended this time by a knock at the door as our pizza arrived; Bryan met the delivery man at the door and exchanged money for the boxes and brown paper bag.

The four of us walked into the kitchen quietly and sat down at the table. It was taking everything I had not to start crying; Jon wouldn’t let go of my hand. I should have been the one taking care of him after a fight with his mother, not the other way around.

“Audrey,” Bryan started, “I want you to know that I don’t think the same thing as my wife.” I looked at him and realized that there was a sad sincerity in his eyes. “I could tell that Laurie was lying, but I didn’t know the true story. I tried to tell Andree, but she and Laurie’s mother go back to University. They’ve been planning Jon and Laurie’s wedding since they were born.”

“Jon never told me that,” I responded. He told me that his parents were friends with hers and that they had known each other forever, but that was it. When he talked about their relationship, it always seemed like it was something of habit, but I figured that I heard what I wanted to hear. I never wanted to feel like the other woman in his life.

“We like you, Audrey, you make Jon happy,” Dave added. “I can only hope when I move to New York that I can find a girl like you.”

“You’ve gotta make the team first, Dave.”

The mood in the kitchen suddenly lightened; Jon’s father and brother were so much like him and I was enjoying myself. I thought that maybe one day, Andree would come around. I didn’t think she would ever like me, but maybe she could stop hating me. Bryan and Dave started asking me about work, school, and my family. They were making me feel like I actually belonged there with them. When I looked over at Jon, he was smiling at me; he knew all along that we were supposed to be together and in that moment, I was no longer afraid of his mother.

After eating, went back into the living room and just sat and talked. We talked about how Dave would most likely be getting a contract offer from the Islanders for the following season and Bryan told me stories about when the boys were kids. Time was flying by and Andree never came back out of the guest bedroom. Around midnight, I realized I should probably head home; I had to spend Sunday doing work for school.

“I should probably go,” I said standing up.

“Why don’t you just stay here?” Bryan said. I looked at him like he had five heads and he added, “we all know that Jon snuck out last night to sleep at your place; skip all of that tonight and just sleep here,” he laughed.

I looked at him and smiled, it was awkward and cute at the same time. “Does Mrs. Toews know about this?”

“I’m sure she’s pretending it never happened.”

“Dad, would it be okay if I just slept at Aud’s then? I don’t know if I want Mom to react if Audrey stays here.”

“Fine by me.”

With that, Jon took my hand and we walked back over to my place. It had been a long day and we were both exhausted, so we just climbed into bed and fell asleep next to each other. The way his dad accepted me really made me feel like I belonged right there with him.

---

I missed Jon’s next home game because I was in class and he had to get on a plane to Dallas right afterwards. He explained to me that playoff games were every other day and it alternated between home and away. As much as I would miss him, I knew that it would be for the best because I could focus on my school work while he focused on his hockey. We would still talk every night and he knew that I was supporting him.

They ended up sweeping the Stars, which meant Jon had time off until the next series began. He had to wait until the other three series’ in the Western Conference ended before he knew his next opponent. The Hawks practiced while I was at work and Jon napped while I was at school. When I would get home, he would want to spend time together. Unfortunately, I still had projects to finish. I only had two weeks until school was over, but they were the busiest two week of the semester.

“So when school’s over, would you be able to get some time off work to come watch me on the road?”

“Maybe a couple of days…my summer classes start just a couple of weeks later.”

“I thought you were taking them online.”

“I am.”

“Can’t you bring a computer with you?”

“I guess.”

“Aud, do you not want to watch me play?”

“Of course I do.”

“You don’t sound too excited about it.”

“I’m sorry, Jon, I’m just tired right now. Once school is over, I will be more excited for you. Jon, you know I’m proud of you, right?”

“Yeah, I know. I love you, Aud.”

“I love you too.”

“I just wish you could be with me for the playoffs. I get so worked up sometimes.”

“So I saw.”

“What?”

“Kylie showed me some videos of the Stanley Cup Finals from last year and I’ve seen that angry face before,” I laughed at him to make him smile, “I promise you, I support you every step of the way.”

“We’re playing the Wings next round, it’s a rivalry game. I want you sitting front row for the first game, it’s Saturday night.”

“I can do that.”

“Good,” he said kissing me gently. It didn’t matter how I felt about hockey; games were always fun, the atmosphere of the UC was amazing. I definitely felt a sense of pride walking through the United Center seeing my boyfriend’s name on people’s backs and hearing people chant for him and his team to win. I didn’t care too much that I was the girl going home with the star every night; I cared that I was the girl who got to be the rock to someone who’s life revolved around that game.