This Is a Reason for Broken Wings
Are You Gonna Go For Her?
"They used to date?" I asked blankly. "For how long?"
"Eh...You remember when Val found herself a boyfriend back in the day?" Lissa asked.
"Oh shit...Matt is the same as Val's Matt?" I asked, finally catching on. "Damn...When did they break up?"
"Um...about five months ago."
"Fuck...That's over six years of being in a steady relationship." I mumbled, more to myself.
I was slowly able to piece together the bits of pieces of information I knew: 1) Matt's ex left him for Alex, which is why the two didn't like each other anymore 2)Val used to date Matt up until five months ago...I take it Val is the chick whom had left Matt to 'crash and burn' in heartbreak.
I was so lost and absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that everybody had gone off and was preoccupied by their own activities.
"There you are, good as new." Zacky said, pulling me out of my thoughts, and stepping back to admire his 'handiwork.' "Now don't let that shit happen again." He added sternly, leaving me to be alone with my thoughts once again.
The days slowly drifted by and work slowly inched along as the number of days we'd be leaving for tour dwindled down. The thought of tour didn't excite me, not because there'd be tons of new people to meet and reek havoc with, but because it'd be the ultimate thing that would test my 'self control.'
I've heard many stories about the tours the guys' have been on and I've heard about a lot of shit that could happen. Of course we all know that touring can get pretty rough, crazy, and wild; unfortunately for me, I was going to be touring with Avenged Sevenfold, the band notorious for party hard and long all through the night. On top of that, this wasn't just any regular tour...This was the Warped Tour.
Here, you could find anything and everything, anytime and anyplace; it was a war zone that knew no boundaries. Chances were that you could crave it, you would definitely be able to get a hold of it...
- ||Matt's POV|| -
I was sitting on the edge of my bed letting my eyes drift around my room in hopes that they'd catch sight of something I had forgot to pack. However, as I did one last sweep, I spotted nothing of importance and stood up, only to start struggling with my duffle bag as I attempted to close it.
One thing that the guys hated was that I always tended to pack more clothes/stuff than was necessary. Add this with the fact that I'm lacking big time in the organizational department, you'll have a sum of two words...Complete chaos; and boy was that scary.
Finally, after numerous failed attempts I was able to outwit my duffle bag and zip it shut, just as my cell started ringing. Taking a seat on my bed once again, I looked at the ID and saw 'ZACKY CELL' flashing on it.
"Hey hey my sexy bitch." I said in my 'sexy' voice, trying to sound serious. "What time do you want to get together tonight?"
"Uh...Matt?"
Although Lauren couldn't see me, I laid back on my bed, pulling my covers over me as if that simple action would cause her to forget what I had just said.
"H-hey Lauren." I said, praying that my voice sounded casual although I knew all too well that it was far from it.
"Hey, I was wonderin-"
"I thought you were Zacky." I blurted out, wanting to take it back after I realized what I had made it sound like. "I-I mean...I was just joking about the whole...Er...C-could you just pretend I didn't say any of that stuff?" I asked, feeling myself sink deeper and deeper into my hole of self humiliation.
"Sure." She laughed. "So um, I was over here at Pizza Hut and I was wondering if you wanted me to give you a ride over to the house."
"Oh, yeah, sure."
"Okay...I'm still waiting for the pizza so I'll probably be other by in about half an hour, alright?"
"Aight. See you then."
"Bye."
"Oh yeah, and I'm picking Johnny up to so could you please make sure his ass is up and ready to go?"
"Will do."
"Okay, bye."
Since we were leaving at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow morning, we all voted that we'd stay at the same place, you know, have a sort of 'slumber party.' Of course we all voted to slumber at Zacky and Lauren's house, seeing as how it was easily the biggest house.
I sighed and heaved myself out of my bed, slinging my bag over my shoulder to pack it downstairs. However, the farthest I got was to my bedroom door where I collided head first (actually his head collided with my chest due to our major height difference) with Johnny as he walked around the corner.
"Damn it Johnny." I mumbled, catching my bag before it hit the floor. "I hate it when you sneakity sneak around my house all the time."
"Uh...sneakity sneak?" He repeated slowly, cocking his head sideways at me. "I don't think I've ever heard that before."
"Whatever." I sighed, pushing him aside to clear a path for myself.
"Dude, why the hell have you been all moody with me lately?" He asked annoyingly, jogging after me.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Is it because I got to make out with your girlfriend?"
"I...She's not my girlfriend." I snapped, partly in defense while partly not wanting to admit the fact that I had a stupid little crush on her.
"Whoa...I was just joking homie; don't snap my head off."
I let out a long sigh as I made my way down the stairs.
"I'm sorry...It's just that I've been feeling all weird lately." I said quietly.
"About what?"
"Eh...I don't know."
"Matt, can I ask you something?"
"Shoot."
"Do you like Lauren?"
Luckily I had reached the spot that I was planning on setting my bag so that when it accidentally slipped out of my hand in surprise to Johnny's question it looked like I meant to do so.
"I...Well..." I trailed off, sitting on the couch.
"A crush then?"
"Damn it Johnny, is it that obvious?" I asked, fiddling with my thumbs.
"Well, not really." He said seriously, taking a seat next to me. "But since I'm an expert in relationships I can pinpoint these sorts of things very easily." He added with a smirk.
"Fuck off." I grinned; as much as Johnny could always find a way to get on my last fucking nerve, he also always managed to know just what to say to lighten my mood.
"But seriously man. You really wouldn't be able to tell but it's just that I know you and...Well, I know how you act when you're around someone you have feelings for."
"Oh." I said quietly, figuring that if Johnny was able to tell I had a sort of 'weak' spot for Lauren, then it was a good possibility that everybody else knew it as well.
"Are you gonna go for her?" He asked suddenly.
"I...I don't know." I said quietly. "I don't think so."
"Come on Matt...Why not? Honestly I think you guys would make a kick ass couple."
"Ha, you think so Johnny?"
"Hells yes."
"Well...I know for a fact that Lauren doesn't want anything to do with relationships and we all know that my heart is still under reconstruction."
"Matt, it's been fucking five months man."
"Well, it is sort of hard to forget about the first and only person you've ever fallen in love with Johnny."
- ||End of Matt's POV|| -
Fuck, I thought to myself, how the hell can five guys absolutely devour seven extra large pizzas within a 30 minute time span? Me, Alyssa, Amber, and Lissa were barely able to finish off one large pizza between the four of us. Not because we some anorexic bitches or anything...these pizzas were massive I'm telling you.
I shrugged my shoulders to myself, unable to comprehend how the guys' functioned most of the time, and started on my last slice of pizza.
"Hey sister, are you gonna eat that?" Zacky asked, grabbing it out of my hand.
"I, well..." I trailed off, seeing that he already annihilated half of it. "No, I didn't want it anymore." I said, hoping that he'd be able to catch my sarcasm.
I sighed, feeling the urge to seclude myself from everyone, and got up to watch some TV in the living room. I grabbed the remote, flipping through the channels, searching for nothing in particular.
"Ooo, Dirty Dancing." I said excitedly to myself, selecting that station.
Some time went by, during which the 'gangs' conversation taking place in the dining room grew far louder, making me realize that the beer they were drinking was doing its job. Honestly, I'd really rather be sitting her with a bottle of Absinthe in my hand instead of a remote.
Ignoring my wishes, I found a comfy position all curled up on the couch, resting my head in my hand as I watched the scene where Johnny and Baby are dancing on the log.
"Lauren?" A voice called out suddenly. "What's the matter?"
I looked up and caught eyes with Matt as he looked down at me.
"I don't know." I sighed. "I just feel really de-"
"Sister." Zacky said, making his way over towards me. "Take me to the store."
"What for?" I asked.
"We need alcohol."
"Zacky, you're already had enough to drink for tonight." I mumbled, turning back to the TV.
"What? I'm not even fucking buzzed." He snapped.
"Whatever, I'm not taking you to the store and you're not going to be drinking anymore tonight; we have to get up early tomorrow, remember?"
"Fuck you too then bitch." He mumbled, heading back towards the dining room, his speech, appearance, and movements clearly indicating that he was, by all means, a shade more than buzzed. "I'll remember that next time you want to go somewhere."
"Shut up." I muttered under my breath as he disappeared down the hallway.
I heard him as he continued on down the hallways, saying some stupid things about me. For some reason as his insults reached my ears, instead of going straight through my head like they usually did, they seemed to shoot straight to the back of my mind, bouncing around back and forth as if taunting me. I told myself not to let my emotions consume me, especially not right there seeing as how Matt was also in the living room, watching TV with me.
I sniffed slightly, trying to bury my head lower into the couch so that he wouldn't be able to see my glossy eyes.
"Lauren?" Matt asked quietly, looking over at me as I sniffed back some tears once again. "Are you okay?" He asked, standing up to walk over to me.
"Fuck, I'm fine." I snapped, getting up to head upstairs.
I didn't know what had come over me but as I climbed the stairs I knew that I needed something to ease this sudden emotional pain. Alcohol was definitely out of the question as was drugs and marijuana. I was beginning to think that I just had to sleep my sudden depression out.
However, as I came to a stop at the top of the stairs, my eyes caught on the razor blade that we had been using for some crazy project we were doing the day before. I didn't think twice to pick it up and make my way towards the bathroom. I made it to my destination and slammed the door shut behind me, instantly holding the blade to my skin. My hand holding the blade trembled slightly as I hesitated for a second like I always did just before I ran the blade across my flesh.
I knew that it would hurt at first, and I was always scared of that; but I also knew that soon that physical pain would be eased as all my emotional and mental pain would escape through the open wound. All the pressure, anger, and troubles building up over time would be let loose in that one simple cut and all I needed to do was drag the little blade across my flesh to ease all the tension.
Before I knew it I was holding my arm out, staring absent mindedly at the blood that was flowing from my fresh wound as it fell into the sink. For whatever reason, I wasn't satisfied with the amount of blood that was falling from the wound so I instantly picked out a new spot on my arm and dug my blade deep into the membrane, getting ready to pull my arm back to make a new gash. However, a hand grabbed a hold of my arm, preventing me from doing do.
"Matt, let go of me." I said weakly, trying to pull myself from his grip but failed.
"Let me see it." He said sternly, grabbing a hold of my right arm to examine the self inflicted damage it had underwent.
I caught his expression in the mirror as his eyes fell upon the blood, watching the concern in his eyes turn quickly to fear. He didn't say anything, but instead turned the faucet on, pulling my arm underneath the cold water to wash it off. As the water numbed the physical pain that had reemerged in my mind, he pulled my arm away from the water and wrapped it tightly in a towel, applying some pressure to the two separate wounds.
"Lauren-"
"Please don't tell my brother." I said suddenly, the words escaping my mouth before I even realized that I had thought them up.
"But I think that he should know about this."
"Eh...You remember when Val found herself a boyfriend back in the day?" Lissa asked.
"Oh shit...Matt is the same as Val's Matt?" I asked, finally catching on. "Damn...When did they break up?"
"Um...about five months ago."
"Fuck...That's over six years of being in a steady relationship." I mumbled, more to myself.
I was slowly able to piece together the bits of pieces of information I knew: 1) Matt's ex left him for Alex, which is why the two didn't like each other anymore 2)Val used to date Matt up until five months ago...I take it Val is the chick whom had left Matt to 'crash and burn' in heartbreak.
I was so lost and absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that everybody had gone off and was preoccupied by their own activities.
"There you are, good as new." Zacky said, pulling me out of my thoughts, and stepping back to admire his 'handiwork.' "Now don't let that shit happen again." He added sternly, leaving me to be alone with my thoughts once again.
**********
The days slowly drifted by and work slowly inched along as the number of days we'd be leaving for tour dwindled down. The thought of tour didn't excite me, not because there'd be tons of new people to meet and reek havoc with, but because it'd be the ultimate thing that would test my 'self control.'
I've heard many stories about the tours the guys' have been on and I've heard about a lot of shit that could happen. Of course we all know that touring can get pretty rough, crazy, and wild; unfortunately for me, I was going to be touring with Avenged Sevenfold, the band notorious for party hard and long all through the night. On top of that, this wasn't just any regular tour...This was the Warped Tour.
Here, you could find anything and everything, anytime and anyplace; it was a war zone that knew no boundaries. Chances were that you could crave it, you would definitely be able to get a hold of it...
- ||Matt's POV|| -
I was sitting on the edge of my bed letting my eyes drift around my room in hopes that they'd catch sight of something I had forgot to pack. However, as I did one last sweep, I spotted nothing of importance and stood up, only to start struggling with my duffle bag as I attempted to close it.
One thing that the guys hated was that I always tended to pack more clothes/stuff than was necessary. Add this with the fact that I'm lacking big time in the organizational department, you'll have a sum of two words...Complete chaos; and boy was that scary.
Finally, after numerous failed attempts I was able to outwit my duffle bag and zip it shut, just as my cell started ringing. Taking a seat on my bed once again, I looked at the ID and saw 'ZACKY CELL' flashing on it.
"Hey hey my sexy bitch." I said in my 'sexy' voice, trying to sound serious. "What time do you want to get together tonight?"
"Uh...Matt?"
Although Lauren couldn't see me, I laid back on my bed, pulling my covers over me as if that simple action would cause her to forget what I had just said.
"H-hey Lauren." I said, praying that my voice sounded casual although I knew all too well that it was far from it.
"Hey, I was wonderin-"
"I thought you were Zacky." I blurted out, wanting to take it back after I realized what I had made it sound like. "I-I mean...I was just joking about the whole...Er...C-could you just pretend I didn't say any of that stuff?" I asked, feeling myself sink deeper and deeper into my hole of self humiliation.
"Sure." She laughed. "So um, I was over here at Pizza Hut and I was wondering if you wanted me to give you a ride over to the house."
"Oh, yeah, sure."
"Okay...I'm still waiting for the pizza so I'll probably be other by in about half an hour, alright?"
"Aight. See you then."
"Bye."
"Oh yeah, and I'm picking Johnny up to so could you please make sure his ass is up and ready to go?"
"Will do."
"Okay, bye."
Since we were leaving at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow morning, we all voted that we'd stay at the same place, you know, have a sort of 'slumber party.' Of course we all voted to slumber at Zacky and Lauren's house, seeing as how it was easily the biggest house.
I sighed and heaved myself out of my bed, slinging my bag over my shoulder to pack it downstairs. However, the farthest I got was to my bedroom door where I collided head first (actually his head collided with my chest due to our major height difference) with Johnny as he walked around the corner.
"Damn it Johnny." I mumbled, catching my bag before it hit the floor. "I hate it when you sneakity sneak around my house all the time."
"Uh...sneakity sneak?" He repeated slowly, cocking his head sideways at me. "I don't think I've ever heard that before."
"Whatever." I sighed, pushing him aside to clear a path for myself.
"Dude, why the hell have you been all moody with me lately?" He asked annoyingly, jogging after me.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Is it because I got to make out with your girlfriend?"
"I...She's not my girlfriend." I snapped, partly in defense while partly not wanting to admit the fact that I had a stupid little crush on her.
"Whoa...I was just joking homie; don't snap my head off."
I let out a long sigh as I made my way down the stairs.
"I'm sorry...It's just that I've been feeling all weird lately." I said quietly.
"About what?"
"Eh...I don't know."
"Matt, can I ask you something?"
"Shoot."
"Do you like Lauren?"
Luckily I had reached the spot that I was planning on setting my bag so that when it accidentally slipped out of my hand in surprise to Johnny's question it looked like I meant to do so.
"I...Well..." I trailed off, sitting on the couch.
"A crush then?"
"Damn it Johnny, is it that obvious?" I asked, fiddling with my thumbs.
"Well, not really." He said seriously, taking a seat next to me. "But since I'm an expert in relationships I can pinpoint these sorts of things very easily." He added with a smirk.
"Fuck off." I grinned; as much as Johnny could always find a way to get on my last fucking nerve, he also always managed to know just what to say to lighten my mood.
"But seriously man. You really wouldn't be able to tell but it's just that I know you and...Well, I know how you act when you're around someone you have feelings for."
"Oh." I said quietly, figuring that if Johnny was able to tell I had a sort of 'weak' spot for Lauren, then it was a good possibility that everybody else knew it as well.
"Are you gonna go for her?" He asked suddenly.
"I...I don't know." I said quietly. "I don't think so."
"Come on Matt...Why not? Honestly I think you guys would make a kick ass couple."
"Ha, you think so Johnny?"
"Hells yes."
"Well...I know for a fact that Lauren doesn't want anything to do with relationships and we all know that my heart is still under reconstruction."
"Matt, it's been fucking five months man."
"Well, it is sort of hard to forget about the first and only person you've ever fallen in love with Johnny."
- ||End of Matt's POV|| -
Fuck, I thought to myself, how the hell can five guys absolutely devour seven extra large pizzas within a 30 minute time span? Me, Alyssa, Amber, and Lissa were barely able to finish off one large pizza between the four of us. Not because we some anorexic bitches or anything...these pizzas were massive I'm telling you.
I shrugged my shoulders to myself, unable to comprehend how the guys' functioned most of the time, and started on my last slice of pizza.
"Hey sister, are you gonna eat that?" Zacky asked, grabbing it out of my hand.
"I, well..." I trailed off, seeing that he already annihilated half of it. "No, I didn't want it anymore." I said, hoping that he'd be able to catch my sarcasm.
I sighed, feeling the urge to seclude myself from everyone, and got up to watch some TV in the living room. I grabbed the remote, flipping through the channels, searching for nothing in particular.
"Ooo, Dirty Dancing." I said excitedly to myself, selecting that station.
Some time went by, during which the 'gangs' conversation taking place in the dining room grew far louder, making me realize that the beer they were drinking was doing its job. Honestly, I'd really rather be sitting her with a bottle of Absinthe in my hand instead of a remote.
Ignoring my wishes, I found a comfy position all curled up on the couch, resting my head in my hand as I watched the scene where Johnny and Baby are dancing on the log.
"Lauren?" A voice called out suddenly. "What's the matter?"
I looked up and caught eyes with Matt as he looked down at me.
"I don't know." I sighed. "I just feel really de-"
"Sister." Zacky said, making his way over towards me. "Take me to the store."
"What for?" I asked.
"We need alcohol."
"Zacky, you're already had enough to drink for tonight." I mumbled, turning back to the TV.
"What? I'm not even fucking buzzed." He snapped.
"Whatever, I'm not taking you to the store and you're not going to be drinking anymore tonight; we have to get up early tomorrow, remember?"
"Fuck you too then bitch." He mumbled, heading back towards the dining room, his speech, appearance, and movements clearly indicating that he was, by all means, a shade more than buzzed. "I'll remember that next time you want to go somewhere."
"Shut up." I muttered under my breath as he disappeared down the hallway.
I heard him as he continued on down the hallways, saying some stupid things about me. For some reason as his insults reached my ears, instead of going straight through my head like they usually did, they seemed to shoot straight to the back of my mind, bouncing around back and forth as if taunting me. I told myself not to let my emotions consume me, especially not right there seeing as how Matt was also in the living room, watching TV with me.
I sniffed slightly, trying to bury my head lower into the couch so that he wouldn't be able to see my glossy eyes.
"Lauren?" Matt asked quietly, looking over at me as I sniffed back some tears once again. "Are you okay?" He asked, standing up to walk over to me.
"Fuck, I'm fine." I snapped, getting up to head upstairs.
I didn't know what had come over me but as I climbed the stairs I knew that I needed something to ease this sudden emotional pain. Alcohol was definitely out of the question as was drugs and marijuana. I was beginning to think that I just had to sleep my sudden depression out.
However, as I came to a stop at the top of the stairs, my eyes caught on the razor blade that we had been using for some crazy project we were doing the day before. I didn't think twice to pick it up and make my way towards the bathroom. I made it to my destination and slammed the door shut behind me, instantly holding the blade to my skin. My hand holding the blade trembled slightly as I hesitated for a second like I always did just before I ran the blade across my flesh.
I knew that it would hurt at first, and I was always scared of that; but I also knew that soon that physical pain would be eased as all my emotional and mental pain would escape through the open wound. All the pressure, anger, and troubles building up over time would be let loose in that one simple cut and all I needed to do was drag the little blade across my flesh to ease all the tension.
Before I knew it I was holding my arm out, staring absent mindedly at the blood that was flowing from my fresh wound as it fell into the sink. For whatever reason, I wasn't satisfied with the amount of blood that was falling from the wound so I instantly picked out a new spot on my arm and dug my blade deep into the membrane, getting ready to pull my arm back to make a new gash. However, a hand grabbed a hold of my arm, preventing me from doing do.
"Matt, let go of me." I said weakly, trying to pull myself from his grip but failed.
"Let me see it." He said sternly, grabbing a hold of my right arm to examine the self inflicted damage it had underwent.
I caught his expression in the mirror as his eyes fell upon the blood, watching the concern in his eyes turn quickly to fear. He didn't say anything, but instead turned the faucet on, pulling my arm underneath the cold water to wash it off. As the water numbed the physical pain that had reemerged in my mind, he pulled my arm away from the water and wrapped it tightly in a towel, applying some pressure to the two separate wounds.
"Lauren-"
"Please don't tell my brother." I said suddenly, the words escaping my mouth before I even realized that I had thought them up.
"But I think that he should know about this."