‹ Prequel: What You Do to Me
Status: On Hiatus
Painting Flowers
When I Wake Up
Shrugging into an old GK hoodie, I made my way to the back lounge where Rian was sprawled aimlessly across the leather couch, phone in one hand and beer can in the other, texting intently. He ignored me as I flopped down opposite from him and waited as patiently as possible for him to acknowledge my presence. When he didn’t after a good two minutes, I heaved a loud sigh. Rian rolled his eyes and put down the phone and took a deep swig of the beer before speaking.
“What is it, Alex?”
“Oh, nothing.”
“Okay,” he replied quickly, before moving to stand up. He wasn’t getting away that easily.
“I saw Jency,” I said. Rian’s mouth formed a thin line of frustration, but he sat back down nonetheless.
“How is she?”
“Oh, well, when I say ‘I saw Jency,’ I really mean I just saw her bus. But that looks good.”
“Dude, you really need to get over this. I thought you had straightened everything out with her months ago.”
“If you’re referring to our unfortunate run in during the Glamour Kills Tour...well, yeah, maybe we did. But that doesn’t mean I feel all sunshine and rainbows about seeing her again. I feel like I’ve swallowed an anvil.” I grimaced slightly as my stomach flipped over at just the idea of interacting with her again.
“You’re going to have to see her eventually,” Rian argued. “You might as well just get it over with. Like a band aid, you know?”
He stood up and made for the door, ending the conversation. I think at first, he understood the reasons that I went to him with my girl issues. Zack and I, for instance, were best of friends, but when it came to the Jency issue, he was adamantly on her side. Not that I could really blame him though. And Jack...well, let’s just say Jack wasn’t the most discreet when it came to things like this. Rian, however, was the perfect guy to talk to.
After over a year of it though, he was getting fed up.
“Besides,” he said over his shoulder as he exited the lounge, “it can’t be any worse than on Warped Tour.”
I brought my hands to my face and groaned, memories of that day flooding my brain. Rian chuckled and left me there in my own embarrassed misery.
It was stupid of me, completely idiotic of me, to think that I wouldn’t run into her at Warped Tour. But no, I went right along with everyone on that hot July day, fingers crossed that somehow I wouldn’t come across Jency Burke. Karma, however, has never been a friend of mine.
“Dude, there’s Travis,” Jack said, darting ahead of the rest of us towards the lanky red-head. “Mom?!” He screeched.
Travis turned and behind the red-head I could see Jency, the blood draining from her face at the sight of us. My stomach did a weird flip, instantly making me feel nauseous. Seeing her sent a spark of excitement through me, which was immediately extinguished by horrified look on her face. She didn’t want to see me.
“Oh, sorry dude,” Jack smiled, pulling Travis in for a hug. “With that hair, I thought you were my mom.”
“Dudes, how are you?” Travis grinned, hugging us each in turn. I did my best to avoid making eye contact with Jency. I knew that if we looked at each other, there was no telling what I might say or do. I wanted her so badly, needed her really, that I was surprised I managed to control myself.
“You guys know Jency, right?” Travis was saying, and I focused my vision on the ground, trying to block out the sound of her voice, the vision of her tanned legs, the smell of her perfume that I would recognize anywhere.
Even though I wasn’t looking at her, I could sense the tension as Rian, Zack, and Jack all hugged her in turn. There was a knot in my throat and I was too stunned, scared, terrified to move. I stood there idiotically, not knowing whether or not to look at her, to hug her, to smile. Did she hate me? Would she hit me? I would deserve it if she did. If I hugged her, would I ever be able to let go? No, I wouldn’t. So, I stood there stiffly, raising my hand lamely in the worst greeting in history. I instantly felt like the world’s biggest douche.
“I’m tired,” she stated suddenly, her voice floating over me. But it wasn’t her normal voice – it was hollow and pained. I had caused that. “I’m going back to the bus, but it was good seeing you guys.”
I knew she wasn’t talking about me, but I looked up to watch her walk away, sweat glistening down her back and she stalked away. The guys began to catch up with Travis as I watched her go and I immediately knew something was wrong. She was slow and was staggering slightly. I watched as her hand went up to her face, trying to steady herself as she swayed slightly.
I moved instantly, making it to her in four large, fast strides, and grabbing her under the arms just before she hit the pavement.
“Jen!” I cried, slapping her pale face slightly. I looked at her, panic-stricken. She was limp in my arms, passed out from heat stroke or something. Travis and the boys were at my side in a second.
“We need to get her inside,” someone was saying. “She needs to cool down and get some water.”
“Alex, let go,” said a fuzzy voice. I tried to clear my mind, but I couldn’t stop staring at her, holding her. It was like she was dead in my arms.
“Alex,” the voice said again, and this time I recognized it as Zack. “I’ve got her Alex, you have to let go.”
I reluctantly let her go and watched as Zack lifted her into her arms and took her to her bus, followed closely by Rian and Zack.
I stayed kneeled on the ground, watching them go and feeling completely drained. Why the fuck did I ever do what I did?
I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Jack standing over me, frowning sympathetically.
“You could still get her back, you know,” he said, helping me to my feet. “I’m sure if you apologized and like, bought her a pony or something, she would forgive you.”
“I’ve fucked up enough,” I responded bitterly. “She’s better off away from me. We shouldn’t have come here, look what happened.”
I knew I couldn’t follow them onto the bus. Holden and Eric would cut off my testicles and try to feed it to Quinn as some sort of Irish delicacy. So, I forced myself to walk away, back to some area where I could clear my head and leave Jency in peace.
“Dude,” Jack chuckled, keeping pace with me. “I don’t think you’re attractive enough to cause her to faint. She’s just dehydrated.”
I didn’t respond, only kept walking and hoped that it was all just a bad dream.
Of course, it wasn’t a dream. It was a total and complete nightmare.
I was under the impression that since Jency had passed out earlier in the day, that she would be out of commission and that it was safe to go out bowling with some people that night. But no, Fate just has to kick me in the balls every chance it gets.
When I first saw her, I inadvertently made eye contact, and immediately berated myself. I should be there, it was her tour, it was her friends, she didn’t need me ruining it for her. I turned away quickly, hoping to prevent her from seeing the pain I knew was etched onto my face. I was such a dick.
“Hey, Rian,” I said, immediately moving over to him. “Can you go ask Jency how she’s feeling?”
“What?” he asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow. “No, you can go do it yourself.”
“I’ll do it,” Jack offered, but I shot him down immediately.
“No, cause you’ll get to talking and you can’t keep your fucking mouth shut for anything. Rian, please.”
“Dude,” he said, standing up. “I’m not going. Grow a pair and go do it yourself. I’m tired of seeing you moaning and moping.”
“I can’t go talk to her, okay?” I hissed. “It would just make things worse. I don’t want to hurt her anymore.”
“Well, ignoring her isn’t helping the situation.” Jack said.
“Shut the fuck up, man,” I spat, and he frowned. “Rian, please!”
“Fine,” he growled.
“But only ask how she’s doing,” I stipulated quickly. “Don’t go into anything else. Like, namely me. It’s not fair for her to relive all that.”
“Whatever, dude,” he said, pushing me aside and walking over to Jency. I watched cautiously as they talked.
“You know, I’m not the best with relationships,” Jack started, “but I know when I see a fuck up. And you are one, man.”
“Fuck off.”
“You think ignoring her and pretending she isn’t here or that every thing you do is going to bring up the past isn’t going to help her move on.”
I didn’t respond, just watched as Rian continued to talk to her. I didn’t like how long the conversation was taking, so I called for him. Her eyes shot up and her glare pierced my chest like a knife.
Rian came back over as I tried to catch my breath.
“She’s fine,” he said, as I leaned in close to him. “Just dehydrated.”
“Thanks,” I muttered, feeling utterly pathetic. I couldn’t even ask her myself? What the hell was wrong with me?
By the end of the night I was at my wits end, seeing her flirt with Travis, hearing her laugh and knowing that her smile had nothing to do with me. I wanted her to be happy, I did, and I was convinced that I would just hurt her again. Travis was a great guy, but it definitely felt like a stab in the chest every time they touched each other, smiled at each other. Eventually, I dragged Lipshaw over to the arcade just to get some breathing room. It felt like my chest was on fire when I was around her.
When it was time for us all to go, I could feel my willpower draining quickly from the effort of the night. I needed to touch her, needed to hold her in my arms again.
Jency was saying goodbye to everyone and I knew I wouldn’t see her again for a long time, if ever. Slowly and painfully, I made my way over to where she was standing, smiling slightly as the affects of her drinking took over. I remembered when she got drunk at her birthday, the night I knew I was falling for her. This was not like that time and as she stared at me with shocked eyes, I approached her as steadily as possible and wrapped my arms loosely around her waist.
She smelled just like I remembered and her body molded into mine just as it had so perfectly all those months ago. It was all I could do to keep myself from kissing her.
“Bye,” I said quickly, pulling away and trying (and failing) to keep my face from looking as guilty and wretched as I felt. She stared at me silently, her big eyes glistening with tears and confusion. I almost immediately felt sick to my stomach and backed off quickly, exiting the bowling alley and leaving her there. Every step I took allowed me to breath a little easier. I had made it through the night, and hopefully, she had moved on just like I hoped her too. I may not have liked it, but I was glad she had found someone like Travis.
“What is it, Alex?”
“Oh, nothing.”
“Okay,” he replied quickly, before moving to stand up. He wasn’t getting away that easily.
“I saw Jency,” I said. Rian’s mouth formed a thin line of frustration, but he sat back down nonetheless.
“How is she?”
“Oh, well, when I say ‘I saw Jency,’ I really mean I just saw her bus. But that looks good.”
“Dude, you really need to get over this. I thought you had straightened everything out with her months ago.”
“If you’re referring to our unfortunate run in during the Glamour Kills Tour...well, yeah, maybe we did. But that doesn’t mean I feel all sunshine and rainbows about seeing her again. I feel like I’ve swallowed an anvil.” I grimaced slightly as my stomach flipped over at just the idea of interacting with her again.
“You’re going to have to see her eventually,” Rian argued. “You might as well just get it over with. Like a band aid, you know?”
He stood up and made for the door, ending the conversation. I think at first, he understood the reasons that I went to him with my girl issues. Zack and I, for instance, were best of friends, but when it came to the Jency issue, he was adamantly on her side. Not that I could really blame him though. And Jack...well, let’s just say Jack wasn’t the most discreet when it came to things like this. Rian, however, was the perfect guy to talk to.
After over a year of it though, he was getting fed up.
“Besides,” he said over his shoulder as he exited the lounge, “it can’t be any worse than on Warped Tour.”
I brought my hands to my face and groaned, memories of that day flooding my brain. Rian chuckled and left me there in my own embarrassed misery.
It was stupid of me, completely idiotic of me, to think that I wouldn’t run into her at Warped Tour. But no, I went right along with everyone on that hot July day, fingers crossed that somehow I wouldn’t come across Jency Burke. Karma, however, has never been a friend of mine.
“Dude, there’s Travis,” Jack said, darting ahead of the rest of us towards the lanky red-head. “Mom?!” He screeched.
Travis turned and behind the red-head I could see Jency, the blood draining from her face at the sight of us. My stomach did a weird flip, instantly making me feel nauseous. Seeing her sent a spark of excitement through me, which was immediately extinguished by horrified look on her face. She didn’t want to see me.
“Oh, sorry dude,” Jack smiled, pulling Travis in for a hug. “With that hair, I thought you were my mom.”
“Dudes, how are you?” Travis grinned, hugging us each in turn. I did my best to avoid making eye contact with Jency. I knew that if we looked at each other, there was no telling what I might say or do. I wanted her so badly, needed her really, that I was surprised I managed to control myself.
“You guys know Jency, right?” Travis was saying, and I focused my vision on the ground, trying to block out the sound of her voice, the vision of her tanned legs, the smell of her perfume that I would recognize anywhere.
Even though I wasn’t looking at her, I could sense the tension as Rian, Zack, and Jack all hugged her in turn. There was a knot in my throat and I was too stunned, scared, terrified to move. I stood there idiotically, not knowing whether or not to look at her, to hug her, to smile. Did she hate me? Would she hit me? I would deserve it if she did. If I hugged her, would I ever be able to let go? No, I wouldn’t. So, I stood there stiffly, raising my hand lamely in the worst greeting in history. I instantly felt like the world’s biggest douche.
“I’m tired,” she stated suddenly, her voice floating over me. But it wasn’t her normal voice – it was hollow and pained. I had caused that. “I’m going back to the bus, but it was good seeing you guys.”
I knew she wasn’t talking about me, but I looked up to watch her walk away, sweat glistening down her back and she stalked away. The guys began to catch up with Travis as I watched her go and I immediately knew something was wrong. She was slow and was staggering slightly. I watched as her hand went up to her face, trying to steady herself as she swayed slightly.
I moved instantly, making it to her in four large, fast strides, and grabbing her under the arms just before she hit the pavement.
“Jen!” I cried, slapping her pale face slightly. I looked at her, panic-stricken. She was limp in my arms, passed out from heat stroke or something. Travis and the boys were at my side in a second.
“We need to get her inside,” someone was saying. “She needs to cool down and get some water.”
“Alex, let go,” said a fuzzy voice. I tried to clear my mind, but I couldn’t stop staring at her, holding her. It was like she was dead in my arms.
“Alex,” the voice said again, and this time I recognized it as Zack. “I’ve got her Alex, you have to let go.”
I reluctantly let her go and watched as Zack lifted her into her arms and took her to her bus, followed closely by Rian and Zack.
I stayed kneeled on the ground, watching them go and feeling completely drained. Why the fuck did I ever do what I did?
I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Jack standing over me, frowning sympathetically.
“You could still get her back, you know,” he said, helping me to my feet. “I’m sure if you apologized and like, bought her a pony or something, she would forgive you.”
“I’ve fucked up enough,” I responded bitterly. “She’s better off away from me. We shouldn’t have come here, look what happened.”
I knew I couldn’t follow them onto the bus. Holden and Eric would cut off my testicles and try to feed it to Quinn as some sort of Irish delicacy. So, I forced myself to walk away, back to some area where I could clear my head and leave Jency in peace.
“Dude,” Jack chuckled, keeping pace with me. “I don’t think you’re attractive enough to cause her to faint. She’s just dehydrated.”
I didn’t respond, only kept walking and hoped that it was all just a bad dream.
Of course, it wasn’t a dream. It was a total and complete nightmare.
I was under the impression that since Jency had passed out earlier in the day, that she would be out of commission and that it was safe to go out bowling with some people that night. But no, Fate just has to kick me in the balls every chance it gets.
When I first saw her, I inadvertently made eye contact, and immediately berated myself. I should be there, it was her tour, it was her friends, she didn’t need me ruining it for her. I turned away quickly, hoping to prevent her from seeing the pain I knew was etched onto my face. I was such a dick.
“Hey, Rian,” I said, immediately moving over to him. “Can you go ask Jency how she’s feeling?”
“What?” he asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow. “No, you can go do it yourself.”
“I’ll do it,” Jack offered, but I shot him down immediately.
“No, cause you’ll get to talking and you can’t keep your fucking mouth shut for anything. Rian, please.”
“Dude,” he said, standing up. “I’m not going. Grow a pair and go do it yourself. I’m tired of seeing you moaning and moping.”
“I can’t go talk to her, okay?” I hissed. “It would just make things worse. I don’t want to hurt her anymore.”
“Well, ignoring her isn’t helping the situation.” Jack said.
“Shut the fuck up, man,” I spat, and he frowned. “Rian, please!”
“Fine,” he growled.
“But only ask how she’s doing,” I stipulated quickly. “Don’t go into anything else. Like, namely me. It’s not fair for her to relive all that.”
“Whatever, dude,” he said, pushing me aside and walking over to Jency. I watched cautiously as they talked.
“You know, I’m not the best with relationships,” Jack started, “but I know when I see a fuck up. And you are one, man.”
“Fuck off.”
“You think ignoring her and pretending she isn’t here or that every thing you do is going to bring up the past isn’t going to help her move on.”
I didn’t respond, just watched as Rian continued to talk to her. I didn’t like how long the conversation was taking, so I called for him. Her eyes shot up and her glare pierced my chest like a knife.
Rian came back over as I tried to catch my breath.
“She’s fine,” he said, as I leaned in close to him. “Just dehydrated.”
“Thanks,” I muttered, feeling utterly pathetic. I couldn’t even ask her myself? What the hell was wrong with me?
By the end of the night I was at my wits end, seeing her flirt with Travis, hearing her laugh and knowing that her smile had nothing to do with me. I wanted her to be happy, I did, and I was convinced that I would just hurt her again. Travis was a great guy, but it definitely felt like a stab in the chest every time they touched each other, smiled at each other. Eventually, I dragged Lipshaw over to the arcade just to get some breathing room. It felt like my chest was on fire when I was around her.
When it was time for us all to go, I could feel my willpower draining quickly from the effort of the night. I needed to touch her, needed to hold her in my arms again.
Jency was saying goodbye to everyone and I knew I wouldn’t see her again for a long time, if ever. Slowly and painfully, I made my way over to where she was standing, smiling slightly as the affects of her drinking took over. I remembered when she got drunk at her birthday, the night I knew I was falling for her. This was not like that time and as she stared at me with shocked eyes, I approached her as steadily as possible and wrapped my arms loosely around her waist.
She smelled just like I remembered and her body molded into mine just as it had so perfectly all those months ago. It was all I could do to keep myself from kissing her.
“Bye,” I said quickly, pulling away and trying (and failing) to keep my face from looking as guilty and wretched as I felt. She stared at me silently, her big eyes glistening with tears and confusion. I almost immediately felt sick to my stomach and backed off quickly, exiting the bowling alley and leaving her there. Every step I took allowed me to breath a little easier. I had made it through the night, and hopefully, she had moved on just like I hoped her too. I may not have liked it, but I was glad she had found someone like Travis.
♠ ♠ ♠
No excuses, I know! But I really just have not had any motivation/inspiration to write this story anymore. Although, I am going to see ATL twice in the next two weeks, so hopefully that gives me some drive to keep going. Thank you for all your lovely comments and know that I really do appreciate them.Hopefully the story lives up to all your expectations!!