It's My Life

Zacky’s POV

I. Love. Brian? I’m not even sure I remember how to love someone. I don’t remember love...in fact I don’t remember much. All I know is that I trust Brian. I dunno why; there’s just something about him.

Once all the people I assumed to be my family had gone, the guy...Shads? (Weird name...) walked my brother to the car leaving me and Brian alone. He just stood staring off into to space. I’d seen him do this a few times, and I dunno what it meant. Why does he keep doing it? Is it happiness? Confusion? Sadness? I watched him and suddenly a weird feeling washed over me, mostly in my chest. He shook his head suddenly then his eyes shot to me. Something about him made me curious. I wish I could remember things. It was frustrating; it made me angry not knowing why I was here. Brian wouldn’t tell me, it was as if he was hiding something from me.

“Hey” I say softly.

“Hi. “ He coughs. ”Sorry about that.”

“No, I’m glad that it happened. Now I understand why you couldn’t tell me.” I tell him.

“Yeah,” he says shuffling his feet.

“So, I... I love you?”

“You did...before” he says.

“Before what?” I ask.

“Before you lost your memory” he explains.

“Oh, so I don’t now?”

“I don’t know Zacky I can’t answer that for you, only you can.” He says. “But considering you couldn’t remember me, I highly doubt that you do.”

“I’m not sure I even remember love.” I sigh frustrated. “I wish... no...Could you-“

“No, I can’t, you can’t teach someone to love you, Zach.” He says knowing exactly what I want to say.

“How do you know that you love me?” I ask curiously.

“I dunno...” he says, beginning to pace the room. “I thought I had gotten this over with when we first got together.” He laughs nervously, still pacing.

“Jeez Bri, will you sit down, you’re making me dizzy!” I say suddenly without thinking. He turns s and stares at me.

“Where did that come from?” He says his lips twitching.

“What?” I ask confused

“What you just said.”

“It seems like the normal thing to say.” I shrug. “Why?”

“You always said that to me when I was stressed.” He smiles.

“I guess I do remember some things. “ I grin, happily. “Sit beside me?”

He smiles moving to the chair at the edge of my bed. He looks in my eyes, as though searching through them. I hadn’t noticed before, but his eyes- wow! That’s the only way I can describe them, they’re beautiful. I don’t know what that means. Maybe it’s a sign. Should I tell him? While arguing with myself in my head trying to decide whether or not it was a good sign.

“What are you thinking?” Brian asks.

“Oh nothing much, just about how beautiful your eyes are.” I tell him.

“Thanks,” he blushes, “you used to tell me that what one of my best features, those and other things.”

“What other-“

“Another time, I’d prefer to see if you remember first.” He laughs. I shiver again.

“Are you cold?” Brian asks me.

“No, I dunno what it is- I did it before too.”

“When?” He asks curiously, his eyes sparkling.

“When I was watching you. I got this weird feeling in chest.” I explain. He starts grinning widely making his eyes sparkle even more.

“Is that good?”

“It’s a good sign” he grins resting his arms on the bed. Wow his arms are colourful.

“What are these?” I say, running my fingers over them.

“Arms?” He asks. I roll my eyes at him to say I know that. “Oh, my tattoos?”

“They’re awesome! I want some; I can get some can’t I?” I say making him giggle. “What’s so funny?” I demand. He moves his hands to my wrist and goes to pull up my sleeves.

“Do you mind if I do this?” He asks. I shake my head, wondering what he’s going to do. He pushes the sleeves up my arms revealing all the tattoos.

“Whoa!” I say looking at them closely.

“You have tonnes more.” He smiles fondly. “My favourite one’s the one you have here.” He says, prodding my chest. He makes me gasp as a feeling shoots up my spine.
“Did I hurt you?” He asks worriedly.

“No, it’s just weird.”

“What is?”

“The feeling I get when you touch me.” I state.

“Bad weird?”

“No, good,” I say, “like when you held my hand earlier.”

“How does it feel?”

“Like all of my skin is moving...” I say awkwardly. “It’s hard to describe.”

“I know what you mean, I feel it too.” He smirks.

“Why?”

“You wanna shiver, but at the same time you feel really hot, especially your cheeks.” He explains.

“Yeah, exactly!” I say agreeing.

“Hmmm.” He smirks.

“Does that mean I love you?” I ask.

“Too early to tell.”

“When will I be able to tell?”

“I’m not sure.” He says.

“But we could give love a shot just now.” I suggest.

“We can’t Zee.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want you to have to go the trouble you did the last time.”

“I don’t care.” I argue.

“I do though,” He says. “Maybe we’re just not meant to be.”

I’m so confused. Does he love me or not? Does he not want me?