Turning A Page

24 hours had passed since my fight with Johnny. Eve had decided that we'd have a girl's night at her and Jimmy's place, so I wouldn't have to be around Johnny at home. We'd done the usual girl-talk, chick flicks and ice cream deal. It had actually been pretty fun and had taken my mind off of everything.

Jimmy hadn't been so happy that he'd been kicked out of his house, until the boys decided they'd have themselves a boys night and go to a strip club or watch porn or whatever it was that they ended up doing.

Feeling like I had avoided him for long enough, I said my goodbyes and walked home to let Johnny try to explain himself. Opening the front door, I was met by the sound of soft talking in the living room. Peering into the room, I could see Zacky still asleep spread out on the couch while Jimmy and Matt were caught up in their conversation.

"Hey Jim-bob, Susie. How is he?" I kept my voice quiet, not wanting to wake the sleeping beauty that was snoring softly.

"I've never seen him like this, I gotta tell you. He didn't even want to drink last night," Matt informed. To tell the truth I was stunned. As far as I was aware Johnny had never turned down an opportunity to ply himself with alcohol and enjoy its effects.

Jimmy noticed the shock across my face. "Yea. It's bad. I hope you're ready to listen to him cos I can't face his crying much longer."

"You can't stand him crying? How do you think I feel, knowing that I'm the reason for it." Lanky arms were around my body as soon as my mouth closed. Tears were threatening to spill again, but I wouldn't let them out. As far as I was concerned I'd cried far too much this week already.

When Jimmy let me go Matt gave my shoulder a squeeze while an awkward smile spread across his lips. I knew it was from him being more concerned about Johnny and I was fine with that.

"I'm gunna go up and talk to him now. Wish me luck."

"Hey," came Brian's voice, as he appeared from the kitchen. He had two steaming cups in his hands, coffee by the smell. "Take one of these for Johnny."

"Thanks Syn," I smiled, taking the outstretched cup from him. I had decided Pinhead wasn't that great of a name for him, he was too kind. I'd have to think of something else later, when my mind was clear.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed open Johnny's bedroom door. I grinned slightly at the familiar sight of his body spread out, head under his pillow again. After placing the coffee on his bedside table I repeated my actions of the other morning, crawling in beside him once he'd turned over. Seeing his tear stained cheeks, the black circles under his eyes and his frown nearly broke my heart. I'd never been fond of seeing Johnny cry, but this was something different. He was sniffling as he pulled me closer.

"I'm sorry JC. I shouldn't have been such a bitch. I didn't mean it to sound so harsh," I rambled.

Johnny's hand appeared over my mouth, shutting me up while he lifted himself into a sitting position. I followed his lead, pointing out the drink beside him. "It's not your fault Sar. I never should have kept it from you. I don't even know what I was thinking," he paused to take a sip. "Actually, I know I wasn't thinking. If I had thought I'd know you wouldn't let me being famous affect anything. You would've been as supportive as you could be, and that's all I really wanted." Again he paused, this time to sigh heavily, as he lifted his gaze from the mug in his hands to my waiting eyes. I could see shame and embarrassment emanating from him. I gave him a half smile as I leaned carefully across to hug him without spilling the hot liquid between us.

"You're right. I would've been. It hurt so much that you didn't trust me JC, so much. Especially after you'd said you love me more than mom. How can you love me and not trust me?" my voice was vibrating, threatening to break off.

"That's just the thing. I do trust you," Johnny had his hand under my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes. "I'd trust you with my life. I guess I just don't trust myself," he shrugged as his downcast look returned. I was clearly confused. All I could do was stroke his cheek, encouraging him to go on. "I really don't know why you're still my friend, after the time and the distance, and now this. I don't trust myself to not fuck things up, cos I feel like I could at any moment. I need you around Sar."

"I need you too JC."

The sound of clapping came from the doorway, my intention of hugging Johnny again disrupted by the sight of four men smiling from ear to ear.

"Ok, you made up... now kiss!" Jimmy yelled, tapping his foot impatiently while we looked at him like he was crazy.

I looked questioningly at the man beside me, "What do ya say, JC? Give the man what he wants?"

"Yea, why not. It's either that or have him use my head as a drum again. That wasn't so fun," he joked back. Jimmy had now moved forward into the room, followed by the rest of the gang, and was still tapping his foot waiting.

Shaking our heads, Johnny and I both leaned in, lips meeting briefly before parting and returning our gazes to Jimmy.

"Happy now? And you better not say no," I threatened playfully.