Turning A Page

Making my way out of the water I pulled Johnny along with me. He was protesting for a start, until I changed our direction and he got the hint of where we were heading. It was always my favourite part of the beach, somewhat secluded and with an unhindered view of the horizon. On a clear night like tonight it was almost breathtaking to watch the sun disappear into the water, knowing it would return to do the same the next night. As a child it fascinated me, and I guess to some extent it still did. Throughout time it was an infinite occurrence, a rare stability in our ever-changing lives.

Laying one of the towels I'd stopped to grab down on the sand I waited for Johnny to sit before I wrapped the other one around our shoulders. There was a bit of a cold breeze, so I wanted to be comfortable while we watched the sun descend.

"I missed this," Johnny spoke after a while.

Hugging him from the side I told him I had too.

"You know, the day the guys asked me to officially be part of the band I came down here and just sat for hours. It was kinda my way of sharing it with you, if that makes sense."

"Yea it does. Whenever I had anything big happen I'd look for the sunset, wondering if you'd been watching it wherever you were that night."

Johnny pulled me a little closer as a rumble of suppressed laughter shook his chest. "It's almost scary how connected we are. You know, like the guys were saying earlier... We have this amazing bond." He sort of trailed off there as the sun started to sink below the horizon, leaving me to think over his words.

It was undeniable that they were true, and we were lucky to have found a connection that most people could only dream about having.

"You know, what Brian said got me thinking." The words escaped, unthought of before they permeated the space surrounding us. I could see Johnny was interesting in my thoughts, so I had no choice but to keep talking, not really knowing what to say. "I never realised how our relationship came off to other people. When we were kids people thought it was cute when we'd just randomly hug each other, or how we always spent our time together. Now, after so long, it's like we've stepped back in time and just continued the only way we know how.

"Not that I'm complaining. You have to know how comfy you are," I laughed, hearing his voice echo my own. It was now or never, I had to ask him about the few strange moments I'd been keeping in the back of my mind. "That day in the kitchen, when you said you loved me more than mom," I waited for him to show he knew what I was talking about, a small glint of nervousness making its way into his eyes as he looked out over the darkening ocean. This was hard to say. "Why did you look disappointed when I said you were the best friend I could ever have?"

Johnny's arm around my shoulders kept stroking my arm as the sound of the crashing waves grew deafening. He was still just staring out at nothing, avoiding the hurt, questioning look I was searching his features with. Before I asked I wasn't sure if I truly wanted to know the answer, but now the tension was getting to me. What was he trying to avoid saying?

"JC." I couldn't look at him anymore, couldn't be next to him while he remained silent. Shrugging his arm off never earned a protest, nor did standing and moving away slightly. It was like he was off in his own dreamland of avoidance.

Only when I started to walk back down the beach did he move, then only to hang his head between his knees while his arms folded over the top of it. I couldn't help but feel bad, I knew better than to try to force him to speak. He'd clammed up like I knew he would if I'd asked him about it the day it happened. Anticipating this result didn't make the uncertainty of the situation any easier.

Seeing Matt running down the beach towards us gave me something else to think about for a few seconds. Once he arrived at my side he announced that Jimmy and Eve had decided it was time to join the party, and everyone was waiting for us to help drink the night away.
Relaying this information to Johnny, I picked up my towel and planned to leave him to his own devices. Feeling Johnny grab my hand halted my motions just long enough for him to press a kiss to the back of it.

A faint whisper reached my ear as I turned back around, "You could never disappoint me."