Turning A Page

Sitting around in a group it was obvious that there was tension between Johnny and I once again, but no one was brave enough to bring it up. It didn't really help that ever since I joined them I'd been downing drink after drink, wanting to forget ever asking that question. By the looks of it, across the haphazard circle we'd created, Johnny was doing the exact same thing. In the dim light of the moon I could count at least seven beer bottles lying at his feet, all empty. Looking to my own stack of empty bottles I counted the same number before adding my just finished eighth to the pile.

Zacky handed me yet another cold drink, holding it for longer than he needed to once I'd grabbed it, sending me a questioning glance that I chose to shrug off. I was in a drinking mood, and if he didn't like it then too bad. I wasn't going to stop or slow down until I was ready, or suffering from alcohol poisoning. Hoping that it wouldn't be the latter, since I had a lunch appointment with my surrogate parents to get through tomorrow, I unscrewed the cap and took a long chug.

"You ok, Princess?" Zacky's voice cut through the noise of the conversations going on around us. His head was just to my left, slightly leaning against my own as his hand rested on my shoulder, keeping him balanced as he crouched.

Before I could speak Val was coming to my defence, "She's fine Zacky. Go annoy the guys and leave us alone." To say she was a bit drunk would be an understatement, but she pulled it off well with only a slight slur that probably matched my own. Val had pushed Zacky back onto his butt as she spoke, grabbed my free hand and pulled me up, all in the space of a few seconds.

As she hauled me down towards the water I assumed we were in for a 'girly' moment. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the stereotypical 'girly girl' but I was nowhere near being one myself. I absolutely despised the colour pink, it was very rare to find me wearing makeup and I only owned two pairs of heels. Maybe it's because I didn't really have female friends, or maybe it was just because my own mother was the same as me, I wasn't really sure. There had been the odd time where I would have liked to be more on the feminine side, but mostly I was just happy being myself.

Sitting on the sand just above the waterline we watched the water rush over our feet as I waited for Val to start talking. By the time she did speak my bottle was almost empty, making me wish I'd grabbed an extra (or two) for this.

"Do you love Johnny?" I could tell she'd been battling with herself over whether this was the right approach to take. The apprehension in her voice was obvious, even through her slur and the fogginess that was clouding my head.

There was confusion plastering my face, wondering where the hell she was going with this, and what her other options would have been. "Of course I love him, he's my best friend," I decided was the safest answer. The look in her eyes however told me she was after something different.

"I don't mean friend love and you know it. Do you love him like he loves you? You have to know he's head-over-heels for you." She was jabbing her finger into my arm as she spoke, making sure her point was being taken in.

Dropping my head to my knees I took the same position I'd left Johnny in earlier. Did I want to admit to myself that Val had just confirmed my suspicions? Could I pretend, or even convince her that she was wrong? Did I want her to be wrong?

"I know what you're going through." Her voice was quiet, I only just heard her over the crash of the small waves. "With Matt and I, we had the same thing. We were best friends for years, but slowly it grew into more. I had to decide if it was worth risking our friendship for a relationship. In the end I took the risk because I couldn't deal with wondering what might have happened." Her voice was comforting, but I had to fight back the moisture that was threatening to escape my eyes.

"I don't know. I really don't. He's my best friend, and that's all I've really thought of him as. But with his behaviour since I've been here... It's slowly been sinking in that he felt differently. I tried to ask him about it tonight, but he just clammed up like I knew he would. I know he's scared. I am too. I really don't know what to feel anymore, and then there's Zacky... He's been so sweet to me, and I don't want to hurt him."

Val stayed quiet as I just let my thoughts tumble out, rubbing her hand over my back, encouraging me to take my time.

It was only when a masculine forced cough sounded from a few feet behind us, and Val's hand froze in it's position that I knew we weren't alone. Someone else had heard at least a part our conversation. I didn't want to find out whom, I just wanted to dig a hole in the sand to crawl into and die.