Keep Me Together

Austin was waiting for her outside the school the following day, wearing his dark jacket and looking handsomer than ever, but Elenia still had to force her smile as he wrapped his arms around her in a loving embrace. A week had passed since her brother had runaway and Elenia worked hard to keep that smile on her face.

“Hey Leni,” he said after the sweet kiss. “I missed you.”
Elenia laughed. “It’s only been a day.”
“I know,” he grinned and put his arm around her as the morning bell rang, signaling the start off the day.

Austin kissed her goodbye again outside the door till her first class before he walked to his own class. Elenia sat at her usual place in the back of the classroom drawing in her note pad. She had problems with concentrating on what the English teacher was talking about so she didn’t bother trying.

The day finished soon enough, the daze she was in made all the hours blur together. Elenia and Austin walked hand in hand back to Austin’s house. It had been snowing for a couple of days and everything in the small town was covered by a thin sheet of white.

“I’ll just have to take a shower,” Austin said and led Elenia to his bedroom, he had P.E last period.
“That’s okay, I have some homework to do, I think,” She said and sat down with his desk and found her English books, needing to catch up.
“I’ll hurry,” He kissed the top of her head before he disappeared down the hallway till the bathroom.

The small house was silent except the sound of the running water in the shower. Austin’s mother worked long hour at the hospital while his older brother was away on college. He couldn’t remember his father; he was three years old when he left the family.

Elenia couldn’t help but think of how her life had changed the last year. She had gone from being one of the popular girls with many friends, a kind boyfriend and happy and positive personality. Now she was… Empty. Like a shell of what had been. If you remove the boyfriend, the friends and the personality, that is all your left with, emptiness.

She had been to preoccupied in her own head and hadn’t noticed Austin was back before she even got the chance to open her textbook.
He was leaning against the door frame with a amused smile only a towel around his hips . “Daydreaming again?” he wondered and walked over till his wardrobe.

Elenia couldn’t help but eye his muscular back. “Yeah, sorry,” she said and didn’t find the strength to look away from him.
“You know you are strange right?” he asked as he pulled a pair of boxers on and turned around. “But that’s what makes you so lovable.”
Elenia rose from the chair and walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest and drew in his scent. Why was it so hard for her to love this boy?

“You are gorgeous, you know that?” he said as he ran his fingers through her long hair. “You are so hard to resist, I’m falling for you, Leni,” He whispered and took her face between his hands.
Their lips barley touched each other and a single tear ran down Elenia’s right cheek.
“I know that other boy really hurt you. That you are probably damaged for life, but I swear to god I’ll never hurt you like that, that I’ll do everything in my power to try and fix you.”

She didn’t even flinch by the mention of what had happened because she was numb by Austin’s statement of love.
“Elenia?”
“Yes,” She simply said and kissed him passionately. “Please fix me. Make me forget.”
He led her to his unmade bed and helped her lay down before he removed his only item of clothing and started to undress the beautiful girl he so clearly loved. “Just forget everything else than us.”

Elenia nodded with serious eyes and felt safe and content with her choice.

~~~

The sky was dark when she walked away from Austin’s house. She felt changed. Not like the last time, she felt strange. She didn’t know what made her go to his house, but without noticing she stood outside Seth’s door with her hand already showing the unlocked door opened.

“Leni!” he said with a big smile and gave her a bone crushing hug. “Where have you been? I thought you were coming by after school.”
She stared at the ground. “Sorry, I forgot.”
He noticed the troubled look in her eyes. “Are you okay?” he asked and brushed away the tears which escaped her eyes.

She made herself look up in his eyes as she spoke. “I had sex with Austin.”
Seth’s hands fell to his side. “What?”
“Austin and I had sex,” she repeated and took a step closer to him just as he stepped backwards.
“Why?”
“I wanted to know – I needed to know how it would be if I wanted it too,” she said apologetically.

“Do you love him?” he asked but didn’t handle to look at her.
“No,” she whispered.
Seth’s hands started shaking by suppressed anger. “Then why the hell did you have sex with him, Elenia?” he almost yelled at her.
Elenia fell to her knees with her hands covering her face to hide her tears. “I don’t know.”

“I thought…” Seth trailed off. He couldn’t tell her. He couldn’t let her know he had been expecting her to come to him when she was ready for a relationship. That would make him the jackass.
“I love you Seth,” she sobbed.
“No you don’t,” he said and breathed in and out slowly to calm.
“I do!” she cried. “I need you.”
“I can’t,” he said heartbroken and bolted out the door, already a blurring shape.
“Seth!” she called after him in a sob, but he was already out of hearing range.

~~~

Elenia lay in the middle of Seth’s living room until her sobs had silenced down and she was able to walk home. She didn’t want to face her parents or Anglo so she climbed up the three outside her bedroom and went in through the window where she fell asleep on top of the cover by the mental exhaustion.
She dreamed about a blackness and nothingness that could ease her pain.