Almost Lost It All

I can't breathe but I don't fight back. Ethan huffs in my face. His voice is a terrifying growl.

"You thought I wouldn't find you, huh?" He says angrily.

Panic rises rapidly in my stomach as he squeezes tighter on my neck. His piercing green eyes blaze like a snake's do right before it attacks its prey. The sick feeling of his soon attack breaks out upon me and I finally move. I grab at his arm, scratching his skin. I open my mouth to try to suck in some air. I rasp in mercy. As quickly as he grabbed me up he lets me go. I fall back against the side of the house and pain accompanies my throat while I inhale deeply. My lungs begin to work again but the rest of my body is still in shock from the realization that Ethan has found me. My mind is being run over by how's and what's and why's. No matter how strong I used to be, I'm not strong now, and he's scary.

"You're a real fucking piece of work, you know that?" He says as he gets closer.

I tense up, cowering away. Before he can go on Gena's voice carries throughout her big house to both of our ears.

"Jen? Are you okay?" She asks, sounding like she's getting closer.

Ethan glances up briefly. He grabs my arm and pushes me through over the threshold again.

"Go," he growls, "everything is fine."

I feel like a hostage as I climb the stairs and meet Gena head on. With as much control as I can use, I face her with a small, tight smile.

"It's okay. Why don't we go out back? I wanna introduce someone." I say.

It's all a lie on my tongue. I'd rather Ethan die than meet my family. He's such a horrible man; he doesn't deserve to know such good people. But I feel his threatening hand on my arm. I have no choice. Well, I do, but I'm too much of a mess to turn around and fight against him. I can't cause a scene. Not again. I won't have that happen.

Gena nods slightly with really curious eyes. Before leading us out to the backyard she looks Ethan up and down. He smiles sweetly at her. It makes me almost physically sick. If I had a nickel for every time he smiled like that at me and I let him off on hitting me I'd be filthy rich. If I had a dollar for every time he lied to me about how much he loved me I'd have enough to feed the poor all around the world. Then again, if I had just a penny for every time I keep thinking about Brian I'd be more wealthy than both of those situations combined.

Everything rushes back to me when I'm in front of everyone. I look around as harsh reality hits me in the stomach. Fear crawls over my skin again. I force myself to stay calm. At first I try to speak but nothing comes out. Slowly, I try again.

"Guys, this is..." I stop. God, it feels like poison on my lips, "this is Ethan." I finally murmur.

I feel the ground shift in weight as he steps next to me. I can't help but cringe when he touches my back. All I'm thinking about is how much I'd love to scream at him right now. I'd love to tear him apart. I'd love to hurt him like he's hurt me so many times before. Instead, I stand completely still. I avoid everyone's eyes; especially Brian's. I see him stand up out of the corner of my vision and hear Matt put down his spatula. I clench my teeth hard.

"Who is he?" Matt sounds dangerous.

I look up at him with nothing to say. Before anything comes to my mind Ethan pulls me roughly into an arm and holds onto me way too tightly. He replies.

"I'm her boyfriend." He says jealously.

Anger floods through me. It incases my brain. I don't hear or see Valary when she moves and speaks. All I can think about is how disappointed Jimmy would be in me if he was here right now. I can picture how he'd look at me. He'd have a puckered frown and dark eyes. He'd be just as angry at me for letting someone treat me so cruelly as angry at the man who's beaten me down this far. I push Ethan off of me with terrible thoughts. I begin to say that he's lying but before I can even get through the first word he takes my wrist. He squeezes to the point where my pulse fights to beat under my skin. He jerks me toward the house.

The boys begin to follow. I turn around to face Zacky.

"No. No. Stay here. It's okay, I promise." I tell him.

I'm pulled through the rooms until we reach an empty guest room down the hallway. I can't have them see how bad I've become. I can't let them watch myself crumble in front of such a weak man. And I don't want any of them getting hurt. When Ethan goes into a rage, it's dangerous. Even for those strong guys. Someone would end up bleeding and it would be my fault. I won't let that happen. The door slams behind the man who's scarred me for life. I try hard to fight off the terror with every inch of my existence. I turn to face him with a tough face. I let the anger seep into my expression. I know that I'm more scared, though.

He breaks out into a smile.

"What? Are you tough now that all of your friends are here?" His voice is terrifyingly amused.

"What do you want, Ethan?" I say with as much venom I can muster up.

The smile drops from his face. A sneer takes its place. Slowly, he walks toward me.

"You fucking left and you're talking to me like that?" He growls.

I begin to back up.

"You shouldn't be here. I left for a reason." I say shakily.

If I was as strong as I was six years ago I'd beat the shit out of this man. I'd have smart comebacks and such willpower that he wouldn't mess with me. How weak have I become? Why has this happened?

"I loved you, you stupid whore."

"You never loved me. You beat me, that's not love. You don't deserve me. You're a bastard."

Anger has swept me up so the words flew freely from my mouth. Ethan's eyes flare. He tries so hard to hold in the fury. His breathing begins to make his chest heave up and down.

"You better shut up." He murmurs menacingly.

I can't stop now. I can't hold it in anymore. It's too much.

"Fuck you," the digust pours into my voice, "you're worthless. You're not a man, you're a mistake. Fuck you. I hate you more than I could ever hate anyone. You're so afraid that you hit women. You're so weak that you hide behind abuse. You're nothing."

I watch his nose twitch furiously. His hands shake with rage. In a flash he's at me, grabbing my arms with his nails digging into my skin. He pushes me back against the wall, hard, so the wind gets knocked out of me. I try to fight back but he's got me pinned. I clench my jaw.

"Let go of me!" I say through my teeth.

Ethan moves his arm onto my throat, crushing down on my windpipe. I choke and buck with pain. With his free hand he undoes his belt and unzippers his pants. The realization of what he wants to do hits me like a bolt of lightning. Complete horror floods through my body; any boldness I had before disappears. I struggle harder but only end up choking even more. The clinking sound of his belt against his chain wallet makes me want to vomit.

Please. Please, no.

Tears spill from my eyes as my vision starts to turn black. All of my muscles become weak so I can't fight. I feel my attacker rip at my jeans to pull them down but I can't do anything about it. Hope of getting loose rips from me as he breaks my zipper. He swears furiously.

He lets go for one split second. I don't notice his bleeding fingers. I don't notice the room spinning around me. All I hear is the voice in my head.

Scream.

Without another thought I inhale deeply. I feel the power enter my lungs. Ethan turns toward me again, with his hand raised. I scream as loud as I can. And I don't stop. He grabs hold of my hair and pulls but I still don't shut up. He bashes my skull into the hard dry wall but I can't give in. I scream over and over again because that's what Jimmy told me to do. Framed pictures fall as he throws me into the wall again. Glass breaks around us. In the distant rooms of the house I hear a stampede coming. Ethan pulls me back and throws me with full force into the wall one more time and my screaming stops. Pain racks my body so horribly that I can't move to escape. He grabs my throat once again with such a tight grip that the air is instantly cut off from my lungs. He shakes me.

The guest room door bursts open. A huge man rips Ethan away me then throws him to the floor. I swallow hard, trying to regain all conciousness. I'm incredibly light-headed. I don't want to pass out again. I stumble and go to grip the small table in the corner but fall before I reach it. A woman is there, lifting me up. She brings me to the corner. I hold onto her as I fight to stay awake. The yelling breaks into my skull and shakes my brain.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?"
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"
"YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!"

There's so many voices at once but I can tell who they all are. Brian, Zack, Johnny, and Matt. All in that order. I blink once before I try to focus in on the brawl. Ethan is scuffling, trying to get away. His belt is undone and his zipper is down. Fury is racing throughout the room. Matt picks up my old boyfriend then throws him through the doorway. I hear yelling as the boys disappear, pushing their prey roughly along the hallway, toward the front door.

"Fuck, Jen. Are you okay?"

I recognize the voice as Val's. I just nod my head. I stumble out of her arms. Sloppily, I rush after the men. The girls follow hot on my tail. I grip the railing and make it down the stairs that lead into the foyer. I grip the front door's doorframe while I look out toward my friends.

They're showing absolutely no mercy on Ethan. He's pushed up against his car. He's being pummeled to the point of bloodshed. It's as if he's being beaten up by gang members. I can't feel happy at this. I can't applaud them.

Because I know they'll kill him if they get the chance to. I push myself out of the house to stop it all.