Almost Lost It All

There's a dull burning in my chest and my body is aching all over. I inhale deeply through my nose and taste the fresh scent of bleach on my tongue. I know that I'm in a hospital before I completely come to.

"Hey, he's awake." Someone says.

I cautiously open my eyes so I'm not blinded by the harsh flourescent lights. I look up at the crowd of people stuffed into the small room. Everyone looks incredibly worried. I try to sit up but as I move my muscles scream at me in silent protest. The burning in my chest grows so much that I become dizzy. I clear my throat, blinking hard.

"What's with this shit, huh?" I say in a rough, croaking voice.

Matt laughs slightly.

"Still the same guy." He says, obviously relieved.

When I look up at all of my friends again each one of them is smiling. The recollection of what happened begins to surface in my mind. It's like a picture show playing inside of my head. Darkness, light, and the floor. I look down at my chest in wonder, realizing now what actually happened to me. Close to my heart there's a clean bandage taped to my bare skin. I swallow hard at the sight as the relief floods throughout my entire existence.

I'm alive. Oh holy fuck, I'm alive.

I let my head fall back onto my pillow and laugh out loud. It erupts throughout my chest, making the wound throb. It makes me smile because I can still feel. I can still feel everything! And without warning the tears flood into my eyes, making my limbs become weak. I look toward my family and laugh again. No matter how much it hurts, I lift my arms up to them. At once they crowd around me, inclosing me into a giant hug. The ones closest are aware of the gunshot hole but I don't care. I just want to feel them in my life, on my skin, and to know that this is real. I kiss Zacky's hair. I pat Matt hard on the shoulder. I embrace Johnny tightly. My bandmates, my brothers.

I'm alive!

Being embraced by these people makes me realize that this is where I belong. With all of them, forever, never leaving. I was given a second chance at life and I'm not going to waste it. My brother Jimmy was there with me when that gun sounded and he made sure that I would be here today. With my true family. It's a wonderful feeling.

As if feeding through my feelings, as they pull away, the girls are crying with happiness. I reach up and wipe my own eyes before the memory hits my brain. I know I saw her. Before I passed out she was there. She was holding my hand. Where is she now?

The fear is stunted when I look toward the doorway because she's walking through it. More relief floods into my finger tips until it overwhelms my whole body with joy. Jen's eyes catch mine as soon as she enters the room. She smiles at me. Whatever broken parts there are inside of my chest hesitantly begin mending themselves again.

"Hi, Brian." She murmurs before the tears well up into her eyes.

I raise my hand slightly in a partial wave. As she comes closer it's like I'm back in the afterlife. Here she is, my angel coming to save me again.