Such a Surreal Place

*Later that night in their hotel room...*

“Babe?” Syn whispered. I was snuggled up next to him, trying to sleep. We’d just been at it for over an hour, and I needed to get some energy for tomorrow. Yet more wedding and tour arrangements to make... Sigh...

“Yeah?” I answered, also whispering. I don’t know why though, we were the only ones here.

“When we’re married, can we stop using condoms?” he randomly asked and I giggled.

“Didn’t expect you to ask that...” I mumbled into his naked chest as he stroked my bare back gently, sometimes running his finger through my hair too.

“I’m being serious.”

“Sure. As long as you don’t get me pregnant,” I joked as he pulled me closer.

“Why not? Do you not want to start a family?” he asked seriously. I opened my eyes and pulled my head up so I could look into his eyes.

“Yeah, but not right now or the day after we get married,” I replied, resting my chin on him.

“Well, no, not the day after we get married, but sometime after it,” he said. “Besides, it would be 9 months anyway.”

“Don’t you be a smart arse!” I teased. “I know more about pregnancies than you anyway!”

“Why? Have you been pregnant before?” he questioned and I paused. I didn’t want to talk about that right now...

“I meant because I’m a woman and the baby would be in me, so I’d know more about the whole pregnancy thing,” I said, trying to change the topic slightly.

“Okay, good point. But I’ve done my research,” he commented and I put my head back down on his chest so I couldn’t see his face. I knew if he asked me that question again while looking into my eyes, I’d have to answer, and I’d have to be truthful.

“I’m sure you have...” I muttered, getting annoyed that he was still on this topic and wasn’t letting me sleep.

“I’ll ignore that-” he jabbed my waist making me squeak “-comment! So, have you been pregnant before?” he unfortunately asked me again. I didn’t want to talk to him about it, so I ignored him. But he didn’t just let it be. He gently touched my face and tilted my head upwards so I look at him in the (gorgeous, sexy, amazing, cute, seductive, beautiful brown) eyes. “Ashleigh? Have you?”

“Does it matter?” I whispered, hoping he’d drop it.

“Depends what the situation was,” he replied and I looked away with my eyes (my chin was still restricted by his hand). Surely it wouldn’t be too bad then, if I told him... “Please, just tell me. I swear I won’t leave you over something like this. But it’s important that I know.”

“Fine,” I gave in, gripping his other hand for comfort. “I’ve been pregnant twice before I met you.”

“Really?” he grunted, surprised. I looked into his eyes, and they proved he was shocked.

“Yeah. Really. The first time I was rooting a random guy who’s really not important, and the condom broke. It was an accident and as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I got rid of it. I got rid of it the day I found out,” I explained and he nodded.

“And the second time?” he questioned, wanting more info. I breathed in slowly. This was the time that I didn’t want him to know about.

“And the second time... was when I was engaged to Ronnie...” I said as I looked away from him again.

“What happened to it?” he asked, referring to the baby. He questioned me softly, noting that I was getting slightly teary.

“Ronnie wanted to have kids, but I didn’t. Not before our wedding, anyway,” I answered, really not wanting to tell him. But if I didn’t, he could get annoyed with me, and I really didn’t want that to happen. “We had a big fight over it, but in the end it was my decision and I got an abortion. But I was sort of quite far through the pregnancy, so when it happened, I got quite upset about it...”

“And you still do get upset, don’t you?” he asked while squeezing my hand tighter.

“Yes. I used to regret it so often, but now I definitely don’t as often as I used to... I sort of wish I didn’t kill my baby, though,” I said as a tear fell down my cheek. Brian straight away saw it and wiped it away. “But I know that having a family with Ronnie would be different to having one with you...”

“Aaww... Ashleigh...” Brian cooed as he hugged me tightly. We lay there for a minute, in silence, until I forced my tears to go away.

“So, what about you? Have you gotten girls pregnant before?” I questioned him.

“I have done it a few times. But they were all times where I forgot protection in the heat of the moment, or they lied about being on the pill, and the girls got abortions straight away,” he replied and I nodded. “In short, I was screwing around with girls and accidentally got them pregnant. That’s what happens when you’re single and in a rock band...”

“Did you get anyone serious pregnant? Like Michelle?” I asked and he looked at me funny, probably because I never mentioned Michelle in our conversations.

“No. She didn’t want to start a family with me. She actually said to me about a week before she dumped me, ‘what use is a rock star who is always on tour, doing drugs and alcohol? He won’t be a good father or husband’ and then I told her to get fucked,” he said with a grin.

“Why did you tell her to get fucked?” I questioned, still in shock that he had said that to her when they were seriously dating.

“Because she took my dream and threw it back in my face. It hurt me. Girlfriends aren’t meant to do that...” he answered slowly and sincerely. He was hurting slightly just thinking about it. “I’m actually really glad she saw me kissing you.”

“I’m really glad she did too,” I said with a smile.

“I can’t believe we’re getting married...” he said in a dreamy voice. “I never would’ve guessed that I was going to fall for you like this...” I moved my hand over his waist as I lay my head down on his chest, listening to his heart beating. I knew then that it was beating only for me.