Such a Surreal Place

“You can’t see him the day before your wedding, remember?” she answered and a light bulb went off in my head. “Wedding tradition! Gosh, Ash! Thought you knew!” That’s what Brian meant by his little note this morning. That’s why he wasn’t there when I woke up. I bet he even left a minute to midnight too, knowing him...

“My God, I’m so stupid!” I said, relaxing now that I knew Brian didn’t hate me on the day before our wedding ceremony. “That makes a lot of things make more sense, including the whole two rehearsals thing.”

“Which, by the way, you have to pick someone to fill in for Brian,” Mel told me and I raised an eyebrow. “It’s totally sweet as if you wanna use my husband to practice on.” We giggled and I said I’d take Zacky then. She smiled and walked down the aisle, telling me to wait where I was. Mel joined Zacky and talked to him while Matt walked down to me.

“Now, Ashleigh, your father has passed away,” he said kindly and I nodded, trying not to drag up any memories that would make me cry. “So who’s walking you down the aisle?”

“Oh... Um... I can’t say I’ve ever thought about that...” I admitted. For some silly reason, I’d always assumed my father would be there, or my brother... Okay, tears were coming... Matt hugged me, sympathising for me as I tried to hold them back.

“You can pick your mother, you can pick a close male or female friend, you can even pick Brian’s dad if ya really want to,” Matt suggested and I thought about it. “Who’s coming that has been the closest to you for the longest time?” When I thought about who I wanted to walk me down the aisle (apart from family), I came to a weird conclusion. Ronnie. I’d known him for the longest, was the closest with him, etc. But he was in jail and my ex who probably hated Brian’s guts.

“I honestly don’t know,” I told him, lying of course.

“Walk by yourself then?” he suggested and I glanced up at him. “Just try it. It might be right for you. Are you all ready to go? Good. Here’s your bouquet.” He shoved a collection of white flowers into my hands and I looked down at them. They were all pretty roses and there were a few red ones in the middle of it. That was totally cute. He beckoned for our main friends to gather down the back with me and a member of the staff came and joined us.

“Okay, Ashleigh, here’s what’s going to happen: Brian will be the first to walk down the aisle. He will join the priest at the altar. Then the pairs of the bridesmaids and groomsmen will walk down. While this is happening, Ashleigh, you will be brought outside of the building and down to here where you will basically hide from Brian behind these bushes,” she explained, getting some laughter from Brian’s friends. “The order of pairs is simple – the ones standing furthest away from the bride and groom go first. After all of them, we have the maid of honour and best man will go down together, standing the closest to the bride and groom.”

“Um, who is best man? I was never told the final decision,” I asked and Jimmy raised his hand with a proud look on his face. I nodded at him and then glanced at Mel. She was rolling her eyes. I knew she’d rather walk down the aisle with Zacky, but she’d have to get over it. Jimmy was a lot closer to Brian. Sometimes, they were inseparable.

“After maid of honour and best man is the ring bearer and flower girl. The ring bearer stands between the best man and the last groomsman, and the flower girl goes to the end of the female line. And then finally, we have the bride coming down the aisle,” the lady continued.

“Whoa, hold up... We have a flower girl?” I asked, completely confused. I had no idea that we had one.

“Yeah, you do, Ashleigh. She’s the little one with Matt and Val. Her name’s Jasmine,” Mel told me and I waved to the little girl. Riiiiiight... Brian must have organised that without me, but it didn’t matter.

“So, let’s give it a quick run through, see how you go Ashleigh, and then we’ll go through the actual ceremony, okay?” the lady said and I agreed. “Just pretend that Brian has already walked down the aisle.” Then we practiced my wedding ceremony.

First, Johnny (Brian’s half brother, not JC) went with McKenna (Brian’s sister), McKenna going to the left, Johnny parting to the right. They stood all formal and proper at their respective end of the altar. Then Brent (Brian’s other brother) walked with Val and also split at the altar. I got excited and nervous, even though it wasn’t the real deal. Nadine (a good friend of mine that I’d known forever) went down with Johnny (Christ), followed by Zacky and Chloe (another besty of mine). Melissa and Jimmy then walked down together and Matt and the flower girl followed. Matt stood to the right of Jimmy while Zacky moved up to take the place where Brian should be. The flower girl went and stood next to Brian’s sister.

And then I walked down the aisle. By myself.

After that, I took Zacky’s hands (awfully strange...) and the priest guided me over a few things I had to remember. The photographer was constantly shifting his position, making sure he knew exactly where to be on the actual day. Afterwards, I was told by the priest that I was to come up with my own vows (about 5 of them would do). I had to do it today (obviously) and hand them to him before the end of the day. Crap. Apparently Brian was away in the gardens doing his now. I was advised to be imaginative and funny, especially because our wedding seemed a bit more relaxed (especially our wedding ring engravings). I didn’t have to have a lot, just a few ones that meant something important to me and my new marriage.

Zacky and Matt offered to go and find Brian and take him out of the gardens so I could go there for some peace and quiet. Our guests were being escorted into the building where everyone was to stay tonight and I was left with Mel. We chatted about my vows and she gave me a few ideas. After 5 minutes, Matt returned and took me away into the gardens. He said there was a pen and some paper out there for me – Brian’s leftovers. I sat down on the seat in my little black dress and gazed out at the beautiful colourful flowers. A thought came to my head and I picked up the paper. Then I realised there was something written on it. ‘This sucks. :( I hate being away from u. Miss u heapz, love u, cya 2moro xo’. Aaawww...