‹ Prequel: It's Almost Easy
Such a Surreal Place
Making Up My Mind
*A week later*
I had gotten in touch with my doctor and made an appointment. I had to make a decision. No matter how tough it was. My life depended on it. My future. My husband. My family... After multiple calls to my mother and other close friends who I didn’t see too often any more due to tour, I think I had made my mind up. I came clean to the band about the cancer, and they all said the same thing to me after contemplating the 2 options for a few days. They supported me and Brian tremendously, and I couldn’t have asked for more. It had been over a week that the only things that went through my mind was ‘cancer’ and ‘baby’.
Cancer.
Baby.
Cancer.
Baby.
Over and over again. It wouldn’t go away. So I had to make a choice, make it public to my friends and family, and then live my life to the fullest, if I could.
Zacky was getting so proud of Mel, and you could tell. He was always putting his hand on her stomach and mentioning something to do with a baby in nearly every sentence he said. He treated Mel like a queen, answering to her every call and making sure she ate right so their baby was healthy.
It hurt that Brian wasn’t being proud about our baby, but I knew he had good reasons. He didn’t want to be, just in case I decided to not keep it and save my life instead. But he still took care of me, helping me to the toilet when I felt queasy and also making sure I ate as healthy as possible. I knew he still loved me, even though I was going through an extremely hard time, trying to make up my mind.
I arrived at the doctor’s, sitting down slowly in a chair to prevent my stomach from lurching. I didn’t read any magazines; I just sat there staring blankly ahead of me rethinking my decision. Had I made the right choice? Brian held my hand the whole time, showing me he was there for me, no matter what the outcome was. He still didn’t know my decision, but knew I needed to go to the doctor to inform them of my decision and to look for either cancer treatment options or pregnancy programmes. I was going to spend the next 7 months either in hell because of chemo or I was going to spend it in hell because I was getting fat and then giving birth, which is apparently super painful. Either way, I wasn’t going to be super happy. But both endings were to be happy ones. Either I got rid of a cancer that could very well be the same one that killed my father, or I got a child and had living proof in front of my eyes that I had started a family with Brian, the love of my life.
I hate making decisions this big. I really do.
“Ashleigh?” Bri said quietly and I looked up at him.
“Yes, honey?”
“I love you. And I’m proud of you for making a decision,” he told me as he gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. I smiled at him as tears came back to my eyes for the millionth time since the doctor’s news. He kissed my cheek softly and wiped away the tear that fell down my cheek soon after his lips left.
“Mrs. Haner,” the nurse called and Brian squeezed my hand again, giving me a small smile, trying to calm me down. I stood up and tugged on his hand. I wanted him with me inside of that room. I wanted him to hear my decision too. After all, he was the father of the little foetus slowly growing inside of me.
“Hello again, Ashleigh,” the doctor said as I entered her examination room. She had a fake smile and knew I was probably bringing bad news to her. I sat down with Brian who started gripping my hand tighter and tighter as the doctor asked how I had been. I knew the suspense was killing him. He wanted to know if he was going to be a father in 7 months or not. “So, have you made a decision based on the tests that were run?”
I breathed in deeply.
I felt my husband tensing up as he braced himself for whatever news I was about to deliver.
I had a funny feeling in my stomach; a mixture of anxiety and fear.
In a split second, I had asked myself a million times if this was the right thing to do.
Had I made the right decision?
Did I really want a baby and cancer?
Or did I want to be free from both of them?
I looked my husband in the eye.
His eyes were full of sadness.
I guess he figured I was getting rid of our baby.
“I’ve made my decision,” I said to the doctor while still looking at Brian. “I’m going to...”
I had gotten in touch with my doctor and made an appointment. I had to make a decision. No matter how tough it was. My life depended on it. My future. My husband. My family... After multiple calls to my mother and other close friends who I didn’t see too often any more due to tour, I think I had made my mind up. I came clean to the band about the cancer, and they all said the same thing to me after contemplating the 2 options for a few days. They supported me and Brian tremendously, and I couldn’t have asked for more. It had been over a week that the only things that went through my mind was ‘cancer’ and ‘baby’.
Cancer.
Baby.
Cancer.
Baby.
Over and over again. It wouldn’t go away. So I had to make a choice, make it public to my friends and family, and then live my life to the fullest, if I could.
Zacky was getting so proud of Mel, and you could tell. He was always putting his hand on her stomach and mentioning something to do with a baby in nearly every sentence he said. He treated Mel like a queen, answering to her every call and making sure she ate right so their baby was healthy.
It hurt that Brian wasn’t being proud about our baby, but I knew he had good reasons. He didn’t want to be, just in case I decided to not keep it and save my life instead. But he still took care of me, helping me to the toilet when I felt queasy and also making sure I ate as healthy as possible. I knew he still loved me, even though I was going through an extremely hard time, trying to make up my mind.
I arrived at the doctor’s, sitting down slowly in a chair to prevent my stomach from lurching. I didn’t read any magazines; I just sat there staring blankly ahead of me rethinking my decision. Had I made the right choice? Brian held my hand the whole time, showing me he was there for me, no matter what the outcome was. He still didn’t know my decision, but knew I needed to go to the doctor to inform them of my decision and to look for either cancer treatment options or pregnancy programmes. I was going to spend the next 7 months either in hell because of chemo or I was going to spend it in hell because I was getting fat and then giving birth, which is apparently super painful. Either way, I wasn’t going to be super happy. But both endings were to be happy ones. Either I got rid of a cancer that could very well be the same one that killed my father, or I got a child and had living proof in front of my eyes that I had started a family with Brian, the love of my life.
I hate making decisions this big. I really do.
“Ashleigh?” Bri said quietly and I looked up at him.
“Yes, honey?”
“I love you. And I’m proud of you for making a decision,” he told me as he gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. I smiled at him as tears came back to my eyes for the millionth time since the doctor’s news. He kissed my cheek softly and wiped away the tear that fell down my cheek soon after his lips left.
“Mrs. Haner,” the nurse called and Brian squeezed my hand again, giving me a small smile, trying to calm me down. I stood up and tugged on his hand. I wanted him with me inside of that room. I wanted him to hear my decision too. After all, he was the father of the little foetus slowly growing inside of me.
“Hello again, Ashleigh,” the doctor said as I entered her examination room. She had a fake smile and knew I was probably bringing bad news to her. I sat down with Brian who started gripping my hand tighter and tighter as the doctor asked how I had been. I knew the suspense was killing him. He wanted to know if he was going to be a father in 7 months or not. “So, have you made a decision based on the tests that were run?”
I breathed in deeply.
I felt my husband tensing up as he braced himself for whatever news I was about to deliver.
I had a funny feeling in my stomach; a mixture of anxiety and fear.
In a split second, I had asked myself a million times if this was the right thing to do.
Had I made the right decision?
Did I really want a baby and cancer?
Or did I want to be free from both of them?
I looked my husband in the eye.
His eyes were full of sadness.
I guess he figured I was getting rid of our baby.
“I’ve made my decision,” I said to the doctor while still looking at Brian. “I’m going to...”
♠ ♠ ♠
I know, you hate me. You still don't know what she's doing. Don't forget to comment to tell me how much you hate me right now lol.Sorry for the lack of updates, I've been busy with Xmas.
But anyway, the most important part of this author's note is the fact that Ash isn't the only one who's made up her mind. I have too, with whether or not I'm going to write a sequel.
I think this story is best left at this. Well, not this chapter. I'll write another two, probably, to wrap it all up to leave you satisfied (hopefully). There's a lot of reasons why I'm doing this, too many to list here and bore you with. So, this is not over right now, but it will be in a few weeks.
There might be another Brian story, if you guys request it enough. I know my writing has improved so much since when I wrote this story, and I still love Bri, so it's very likely there will be another one if you're all interested.
So, you have a lot of things to comment about, so get writing!