You're Living a Lie, You Just Can't Hide From Me

"What the fuck is this?" Garrett exclaimed loudly, shooting John a death glare that caused the singer to stand from the bed. The bass player looked over at Natalie, who was blushing furiously with her hands over her face. He sighed, shaking his head, really disappointed that this is what he'd walked in on. "You told me you'd step aside." He seethed to his taller friend.

"Garrett, it didn't mean anything." Natalie began.

"Nat, you're so not who I thought you were. First, you flirt with me and then you're throwing yourself at the frontman of my band-"

"You have no right to judge me." She spoke, her voice suddenly menacing. "If you're here to call me a slut or insult me, get the fuck out of my apartment."

John looked at the small girl on the bed, who looked about ready to burst into tears. He sighed, wishing he knew what to say or how to fix the situation. He knew that Garrett sort of did have a point, but this wasn't the way to express it. He knew that Garrett had a hard time expressing his emotions, but when he got angry, he was pissed. But Natalie didn't deserve that from him.

"I kissed her, okay?" He spoke. "Just one last kiss before you came in and swept her off of her feet."

"I, um... " She began, picking at her nail polish. "Guys, I don't know what-"

"So there's nothing going on between you two?" Garrett asked calmly.

"I guess not." John chuckled.

She didn't say anything, just wrapped her arms around herself.

"Look, you two should talk. I'll see myself out." John spoke, shoving his hands in his pockets before making his way out the door.

The bass player let out a sigh, before making his way over to the bed. Natalie didn't even look at him as he sat beside her. She was too busy picking at her chipped nail polish. He didn't know if she was upset about what happened or not. Maybe she did really like John, and she was pissed off that he'd interrupted. All he knew was that he couldn't stop gawking at how gorgeous she looked. Her hair was up in a messy bun, her lips were painted with a pink color, and her eyes looked even bluer due to the makeup. She wore her Kerosene Kids shirt with leggings, and was barefoot as she sat on the bed. He chuckled, still shocked she dared buy the shirt.

"Are you jealous or something?" She spoke quietly.

"Why not me?" He spoke at the same volume.

"Because its always been you." Natalie answered, bringing a hand to his face. "You just don't understand."

"Then explain it to me." He groaned.

The look in her eyes seemed to be enough for Garrett. She smiled softly, crawling into his lap, straddling him. The look in her eyes was smoldering and all Garrett wanted to do was make out with her, but he didn't have the courage. Her ocean colored eyes looked like she should be thrown overboard. It was as if this had all been a mistake and had gotten out of control. He knew that he needed to know what happened to her. It made sense to be the only way to understand what she's become and why. But she didn't say anything, just wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her face into his chest.

He inhaled her familiar perfume, pressing his lips to the skin of her shoulder without daring to actually kiss it. He wanted to kiss every inch of her, but he couldn't... not yet. How much of her had his best friend conquered? Garrett wasn't sure how to handle the situation, but he believed John. He was a little angry, but it was slowly dwindling as the small girl was settled in his lap.

"I think the only way is to tell you what happened.... And I don't know if I'm ready for that."

"I won't rush you." He whispered.

"I'm sorry, Gar." Natalie's voice was muffled by his skin.

"Its okay." He spoke. "Can we at least cuddle and I'll let you pick out some cheesy romantic comedy?"

"That sounds wonderful." She giggled, moving from his lap, his eyes falling on her backside as she bent over to grab the few DVDs that weren't on the living room shelf. Turning to him, she held up two titles - Mean Girls, and Dirty Dancing, before grinning because she knew he wouldn't be happy with either. Sure, Natalie LOVED horror movies and zombies, but she was a girl.

Garrett chuckled, pointing to the high school comedy, waiting for her to put it on before she was back in his arms. He smiled, wanting nothing more than to kiss every inch of her. Natalie curled up close to him, inhaling his scent. Being in Garrett's arms felt so different than John's. John's lanky arms never felt as comfortable as she hoped... but Garrett held her so close with such ease that it felt like this was where she belonged. He never dared to let his hands wander her body, just held her firmly against him.

"You make me really happy, Gar." She murmured. "I love being with you. It was never about John."

He smiled.

Natalie bit her lip as she glanced over at Jared for encouragement. The ginger nodded before excusing himself. Garrett wondered what their silent conversation was about, but he tried to pay no mind. She looked so nervous, and something about the way she was sitting made her seem even smaller than usual. There was no nail polish left on her fingers to be picked at, so she smoothed out her clothes. The truth was that she wanted nothing more than to tell Garrett what was going on with her, but she couldn't find the words.

Garrett took her hand in his, offering encouragement, but it wasn't enough. She'd only told one person what happened to her. She needed some sort of encouragement further. Admitting what she really felt about him was going to take a lot of courage she didn't know she had. So, she did the one thing that might make her able to admit.

"Hey Gar?" She whispered.

"Yeah Natalie?"

"I need to-" She trailed off, before pressing her lips to his.

The kiss was short, soft, but it was enough to leave the both of them breathless. Natalie smiled softly, her fingers touching the underside of his jaw to keep their lips attached. She moved closer to him as they kissed, her whole body melting at the feeling. The kiss was gentle and slow, but soon enough it became more than that. She had straddled his lap, and was gripping his hair as they made out furiously.

Garrett could barely register his thoughts as they kissed roughly, his hands holding her hips tightly against him, her hands gripping at his hair. No matter how roughly they were acting, he knew that there was something so vulnerable about her, and that she had this need to be close to him. She was so delicate, no matter how hard she tugged at him, he didn't tug back. Kissing her was more perfect than he'd ever imagined. He pulled away, loosening his grip on her hips.

He looked away bashfully, trying to not look at her. “I’m-uh…sorry, I was just…” Garrett was guilty now.

“You taste so good, Gary.” She spoke quietly. “We should have done this long time ago.”

Her fingers touched the underside of his jaw, pulling his head closer to her once again. She kissed him gently before wrapping her arms around his neck.

"W-what was that?"

"I um... I think I'm in love with you." Natalie spoke quietly.

"What?"

"That was stupid, I'm sorry, I just-"

"Nat, you're in love with me?"

She didn't know what to say, so she just nodded, and hoped for the best. "Ever since the first day of freshman year."

Garrett was stunned at her confession, unable to put a full sentence together. He couldn't believe her confession. Sure, he cared about her, but had she really had feelings for him for so long? He thought he had loved Rachael, but just getting close to Natalie made him feel more than he'd ever felt for his ex in their whole relationship. He didn't know what to say to her, so he just let her continue.

"I guess, because my dad wasn't happy that I wasn't a boy, I was hoping that you could be the one to accept me, you know? That someone could prove to me that I was lovable and... worthy. And, I spent so much time hoping that you'd break up with Rachael and fall for me."

She was silent for a moment, her eyes glazing over as she sought out the memories. There was something in her voice that made him realize that this was the most honest she'd ever been and that this did not have a happy ending. Her eyes glazed over nostalgically as she sat in Garrett's lap. "I thought that maybe working for my dad would make him see me as worthy... I finally realized that you weren't planning to break up with Rachael anytime soon, and I needed to find another endeavor to put all my spare time into."

Garrett wanted to desperately to apologize. He had no idea that she'd wanted him for so long. He'd always noticed her. He'd always thought she was beautiful, but had never been able to summon the courage to talk to her. Natalie had always seemed out of his league, but when Rachael asked him out, he couldn't say "no." Sure, she hadn't been the girl he wanted, but she was beautiful and she wanted him for whatever reason.

There was frustration running throughout her whole body. She was full of hurt, and ache. The hurt made her take a shaky breath. He hadn't even heard the story, but he could already tell that she didn't deserve what happened. And that whatever it was had changed her to who she was now.

"One of my dad's interns... Andrew Monroe invited me to a party at ASU during senior year, basically saying that if I were looking into the school, I should know what their parties were like..." She sighed, biting her lower lip. "I was so naive."

She smiled sadly, wrapping her arms around herself. "I thought I was so invincible and that nothing could hurt me. I was so sure that he would take care of me, you know? Dad had this rule about no fraternizing with other employees, but I didn't care. Andrew was a college boy, and he thought I was something special." Her eyes looked as if they were ready to spill with tears. "And then, we went to the party... I had bought a new dress special for the party, I thought it was going to be amazing..."

"What happened?" Garrett encouraged.

"I don't remember much... I just remember waking up naked in one of the bedrooms, and there was a note with a twenty dollar bill that said 'find your own way home.'"

"He date raped you?"

She nodded slowly. "I didn't think enough to be careful about that... I didn't think he would hurt me, you know?" She laughed bitterly. "I was so stupid. For thinking that it was more than using the boss's daughter to get ahead... to piss off my dad. That he actually felt something for me."

Garrett didn't know what to say. He could tell that it wasn't the end of the story, but he felt that he'd heard enough. If only he'd been there for her, nothing would have happened. He felt so guilty even if he couldn't have known any better. He waited for her to continue, or at least, to explain, but she fell silent. She just sat there, lost in her fragility.

"He ruined me." She whispered calmly, the hate in her voice barely visible. "I had always hoped it would be you I lost my virginity to."

The older boy's cheeks flushed at her confession, but he remained silent.

"I wasn't pure enough... I wasn't worthy of love, so I sought out anyone who would, at least, for the night, make me feel as if I was. Even if you didn't want me, boys were lining up to sleep with me, so I let them…"

The words coming out of her mouth made his heart ache. He had no idea that the shy girl he'd always thought was so perfect all throughout high school had let herself become a sex toy. He had no idea that she had lost all of the innocence that he'd originally loved about her. But the look in her eyes was what upset him the most. It was like she was reliving the whole experience again.

"I would just get so shitfaced that I would let them do whatever they wanted... just so I could feel wanted."

"Nat-"

"You asked why I left Tempe, Gary. I left Tempe because it reminded me that I was a good for nothing whore, and came to L.A. hoping to make something of myself. And then, as soon as you guys came, it all came back.”

Garrett didn't know what to say. She was definitely not the girl he'd expected. He would have never expected such to come from a girl like Natalie. She seemed as if she could get any guy she wanted and this was all just a game. He had wondered why she always seemed to have her guard up, but now he understood. She wasn't blaming him, but it caused him to blame himself. He acknowledged himself as the reason.

The girl had been lost, after being rejected, that she took anyone who said "yes." She mistook attention for affection. She had been so timid and lost in a hopeless daydream about him that she'd totally lost herself. She hadn't been good enough for her father and she hadn't been good enough for him, so she let whoever showed her any attention take advantage of her need for affection.

"Nat," He whispered, bringing his thumb to wipe away the tears that were now flowing freely down her cheeks. "I didn't know."

"I know that."

"Nat-" He tried again.

"No, I don't want you to feel bad, Gar. This was my mistake. My fault." She paused. "I should have never gotten so caught up in hoping that you would want me or that-"

"I love you." He whispered.

"You, what?"

"I love you... I just wished I figured it out earlier, so I could have saved you from all of this."

She opened her mouth to speak, but Garrett covered it with his own before she could even get the words out.