You're Living a Lie, You Just Can't Hide From Me

"Natalie," John was breathing heavily. "This isn't right."

"I don't care." She whispered, pulling his shirt off of his body and kissing along his stomach. Natalie couldn't help herself anymore. She knew that he wanted her and let he would let her do what she wanted. He would take care of her and please her. She really wanted him, even though her heart wasn't in it. John was undeniably attractive and he was right there, giving into her.

He sighed, his lips guiding over her neck, and causing her to let out a small moan. "You're telling me that your boyfriend doesn't make you moan?"

"No." She mewed.

"God, Tals." He sighed as she kissed him gently. "You love him. What are you doing?"

"He doesn't want me like you do, John." She whispered.

He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't deny himself. There was this gorgeous girl who is so eager to be with him, to let him make her moan. Clothes came off quickly and lips were attached, but John wasn't sure he could do this to his best friend. Sure, he wanted Natalie, but he couldn't. He would never intentionally hurt Garrett. She smiled at him with wide, innocent eyes as her fingers slipped underneath the elastic of his boxer briefs and she reached to grasp him in her hand. As soon as she touched him, he spoke.

"You love him, Natalie. I'm not going to be the bad guy here."

"This will all be over when you go back to Tempe, John. He only loves me because it’s easy to while you're here." The small girl sighed, still stroking his erection.

The singer didn't know what to do. Natalie's touch felt so good, but he knew it was wrong. He didn't want to give into her because he knew it was wrong, but it was nearly impossible to stop her. It felt so nice, and he didn't want her to stop. He didn't know what he could do. He sighed as she sped up her hand, not knowing what to do.

John couldn’t deny her if she was making him feel so good, right? She just wanted to feel wanted and if Garrett kept refusing her, who would do that for her? This didn’t have to do with her attraction to John or her loyalty to Garrett, but her selfish need to feel sought after or desired. John had a feeling that she didn’t care, and he didn’t understand it. Here this girl was, in love with the bass player, yet throwing herself at the lead singer. He wondered why she would ever betray her heart like this, and he knew he couldn’t allow this to continue.

He moved her hand out of his boxers, redressing while she sat there with sad eyes. John looked at her placidly as he tried to think of his next move. Something was wrong, he knew it. Her pupils were dilated, and her heart rate was increased, she even felt warm, almost sick. He didn't know what was going on with her, but he knew that Natalie wasn't in her right mind. He knew that this wasn't the Natalie he was used to, and he knew that she'd been acting oddly strange the past week or so.

She was calming down, the effectiveness was decreasing and she needed more. Her habit that she kept so secret was being forced upon her. She needed her fix, and even though she wasn't as dependent as she used to be, she needed it now. She hated coming down from her high, and she didn't like the mood swing, or the way she became less aware of things when she was cooling off. John didn't know, Garrett didn't know, but Natalie had to have her own secrets.

She was having a severe craving as she tried to figure out what was next. When she was coming down, she was more aware of her actions and the consequences. She loved Garrett, but she was just... John was so attractive. She didn't know what to do, or if she could refuse herself. She didn't know if there was any going back now. She needed her fix in order to think clearly.

"Put your clothes on." He whispered, pulling his t-shirt over his head.

"You don't want me?" She spoke, sounding absolutely heartbroken.

"You're high, Tals. You're not yourself."

John couldn't recall ever having the type of experience Natalie was having on marijuana. He didn't know if she was high off of something stronger or if she was just on a strong dosage of weed. He didn't know what was going on with the seemingly innocent girl. It seemed that lately Natalie wasn't herself at all. He called Garrett as soon as he was dressed, telling him to met them at her apartment and that something was wrong with her. John would never be able to tell him what almost happened.

He hadn't even tried to stop her, but he couldn't give in. If Natalie wanted him, then she couldn't be with Garrett. That was his best friend and he couldn't ever stab him in the back like that. Even if he technically already had. He knew that Garrett wouldn’t be able to handle it, and Natalie probably wouldn’t own up to it, he figured they could keep this a secret. He didn’t want to lie to his best friend, but he didn’t know how he could tell him that the girl he was so in love with had thrown herself at him without a care in the world.

Natalie looked at him as if he’d caught her stealing from the cookie jar and was going to be punished. She looked absolutely frightened and strung out. He kissed the top of her head, mumbling about getting her home and forgetting this ever happened. She didn’t seem embarrassed, in fact; she didn’t even seem present. She clutched her purse as John picked her up off of the floor, wrapping an arm around her china doll form.

She clung to him as he hailed a taxi and told the driver her address. Her frail form swayed during the drive, only John’s arms keeping her upright. He paid the driver and dragged her outside of the cab, and into the apartment complex. He wondered what she’d taken that had made her so zombielike but didn’t dare ask her. He took her bag, opening it to find her keys when his fingers found something much more interesting. It was a small baggie, he couldn’t tell how much, but he could tell what was inside. The substance inside was white powder and the baggie was almost empty.

“Oh no.” John sighed, shoving the baggie in his pocket as he found her keys and opened the door.

---------------

Garrett was already at the apartment, standing awkwardly as Alyssa made tea in the kitchen. He didn’t know what was wrong, but John had seemed frantic on the phone. He’d asked his girlfriend’s roommate if she’d been acting oddly, but Alyssa hadn’t seen her enough to be able to answer that question. He had known that she was acting a bit odd, but he didn't know why John would be so frantic about it.

Natalie hadn't seemed that different or strange when Garrett had last been with her. She had pushed him away more than usual, claiming that she needed to focus on her classes. He hadn't really seen her since she was so busy. She didn't seem to want to see him, claiming that he needed to focus on the band, and the record rather than her. He didn't understand what had been going on.

She seemed to want her space and Garrett had to oblige. He knew that bringing up what would happen when he went back to Tempe had thrown her through a loop. He hadn't meant to, but he had clearly upset her. Natalie had pushed him away and hadn't really tried to contact him. He didn't know if he'd really done any damage, but he worried when John called. He didn't know why Natalie would go to John before she went to her boyfriend. He wondered if she was just stringing him along while she played with John.

The bassist understood that there was a lot he didn't know about Natalie, and that he needed to let her do what she was going to do, but he worried. He adored her, and loved her, so to think that something was wrong really hurt him. He wondered if it was his fault or if he had any responsibility to whatever happened. Should he have been there when he wasn't? Should he have stood stronger and told her that he wasn't going to leave or back down?

"Gary, I'm sure its not that bad." Alyssa spoke quietly.

"I don't know... I just have a bad feeling about this."

She smiled sympathetically, not replying.

Alyssa may have been Natalie's best friend, but she understood that the redhead was going to do what she was going to do no matter what. She wasn't sure who Natalie was hanging out with at school or if there was any way to get through to her. She felt like that was her little sister and she worried about her, but the truth was that Natalie had a good head on her shoulders. She wouldn't get herself into any sort of trouble because she knew better.

That was when the door opened. Natalie looked terrible as she leaned against John with dilated eyes and her hair a mess. Garrett watched her with wide eyes, horrified at the state she was in. She looked terrible, tired and drained. He didn't know what to do or how to react, but Alyssa wasn't any better. She gasped as she saw Natalie's state, and bit her lower lip. Natalie was transferred to the other boy and he sat her down on the couch.

The girl leaned against Garrett, smiling softly. He didn’t know what was wrong with her, but he figured she was sick. He asked Alyssa to prepare some tea for Natalie and ran a hand through her hair. Her skin was warm as if she was suffering from a fever, but he couldn’t recall her feeling under the weather recently. Maybe it was a sudden bug, he wondered, unsure what had come over her. No matter if he tried to convince himself so, he wasn't sure that was what was going on with his girlfriend.

“Baby?” He asked softly.

She didn't audibly respond, just blinked slightly, looking paler and more tired than he'd ever seen her. She looked as if she were ready to fall apart, and her small body would shatter into a million pieces. Garrett clutched her small frame in his arms, holding her against him, and kissed the bit of shoulder that was exposed by her shirt. She didn't seem to react to him as he held her

“Maybe I should put her to bed.” He spoke quietly, running a hand through her hair.

“Gary, I need to show you something.” John spoke. “Put her to bed first.”

Garrett nodded, picking up his girlfriend’s weak body bridal style, and bringing her to the familiar bedroom. He sighed, pulling back the sheets before lying her down and covering her up. He kissed her forehead, wondering what could be going on with her. He sat with her for a minute, wondering if she’d fallen asleep.

He couldn’t tell what was happening, but he was worried. For some reason, he had a feeling it was more than a fever. He wondered if they should call the hospital or if she needed her stomach pumped. He didn’t know what could be the problem or what he should do, but he returned to the kitchen. Garrett sighed, shaking his head. He worried about the girl he loved, and didn't know what could be wrong, but he figured maybe John had some idea. John said that he had something to show him.

Alyssa was sitting at the kitchen table, fixing some tea for Natalie while John sat across from her. There was a baggie in between them full of a mysterious white substance. Garrett’s eyes widened as he stared at the baggie. Of course he'd figured out what it was. They all had, but no one wanted to believe it. No one wanted to say it or acknowledge what was going on with Natalie. It didn't seem like her at all, and everyone was shocked.

No one spoke, unsure how to approach the subject. Garrett sat down beside his best friend, biting his lip. The girl looked ready to cry, trying to concentrate on stirring the tea rather than reacting. But it was John who looked like he’d seen a ghost, his fingers drumming on the table as he tried to figure out what to say.

“It was in her purse.”