You're Living a Lie, You Just Can't Hide From Me

Garrett sighed, holding the baggie in between his fingers. He ran a hand through his hair and frowned, unsure of what to do. Alyssa had been the first to react, John had brought Natalie to the hospital, and even though Garrett knew he should be with her, he needed a minute to himself. He loved Natalie, and he cared about her wellbeing, but he didn't know what was going on with her. The girl he knew would never turn to drugs. Together they had agreed that they would lay off of it because they could have more fun sober.

He didn't know what had led her down this path or if he could have stopped it. But most of all, he wondered what else she was hiding from him. He'd been getting pushed away little by little and now he was starting to understand why. This wasn't the girl he'd fallen in love with, and even Natalie knew it. She hadn't wanted him to see her like this, but he knew if they really cared for each other, he'd have to see her at her lowest and for her to see him in that same light.

He frowned, standing up from the kitchen table, taking the baggie with him, sliding it into the pocket of his button up shirt, and pulling his phone from his skinny jeans. He quickly texted Pat that something had come up with Natalie and he needed to be with her. Pat immediately texted back with his own confusion and concern, but Garrett didn't think he could admit what had really happened. Was it really his place to admit that his girlfriend had been snorting drugs without him knowing? He was a private person, and he knew that Natalie was the same way, so he didn't want to reveal or air any dirty laundry. All he knew was that he needed to rush to her side.

Alyssa was waiting for him outside of her door, looking absolutely distraught. She mentioned that Kennedy was on his way per her request and that she'd sent John home. Garrett just sighed, hugging her and telling her that everything would be okay. He didn't know if it was true, but he knew it was what she needed to hear. He didn't know anything about Natalie's drug usage, so he didn't know how serious her drug problem was. Perhaps she wasn't even constantly using cocaine... maybe it was just a couple times... He didn't know what to do or how to react except to try to make her feel better. He loved her and he was worried about her. Everything except for her getting better and waking up didn't matter right now.

It was then that the doctor appeared and mentioned that she was awake if they wanted to see her. Garrett sighed, looking at Alyssa, trying to figure out if it'd be overpowering for them both to see her. He was upset, and disappointed in her, but he didn't want to upset her as soon as she awoke. Alyssa smiled sympathetically at him, suggesting that she go to Natalie before him. She was her best friend, and right now that was what she needed. He smiled softly, leaning against the wall. All he wanted was for his girlfriend to be okay, and to fix whatever was wrong. All he wanted was to figure out what had caused her to turn to drugs and why she couldn't have turned to him instead.

Natalie looked as if she were sick, as she lay in bed with an IV attached to her. She looked weak, with wide, sad eyes, and a visible frown on her face. She looked worried and embarrassed, but she didn't say anything. Rather, she just waited for Alyssa to say something. To tell her how disappointed or upset she was because of Natalie. But the older girl didn't say anything, just sat in the seat next to her best friend and looked at her. The two of them were quiet for a minute before Natalie finally spoke.

"I really screwed up, Lyssa."

"Tals, what are you doing with cocaine anyway?"

"I... just didn't know where to turn. I was feeling lost and alone. I couldn't talk to Garrett... I couldn't talk to you. And everyone at school said that it'd help. I tried it in passing before I left Tempe... " Natalie sighed, looking anywhere but at Alyssa. "I didn't do it... a lot. It wasn't a habit, I just needed to not feel like I was."

"Why couldn't you talk to me? Why couldn't you talk to Garrett?"

"I was trying to push him away so he'd realize that when the band returned to Tempe, this wasn't going to last... And I was embarrassed that you'd be ashamed of me."

Alyssa sighed. "He loves you, Natalie. Why would you hurt him like this?'

The redhead didn't say anything, just bowed her head.

"Look, you're my best friend, but you're acting really stupid. He doesn't deserve to be hurt like this, Natalie."

The younger girl nodded her head. "Can you send him in, Lyss? I really need to talk to him."

Alyssa nodded, running a hand through her friend's hair before smiling softly and exiting the room. Kennedy was waiting for her with open arms by this time and she was so glad that he was there. She needed him more than ever right now. Garrett watched their embrace, ruffling his hair and glancing towards the door. He didn't know if he even wanted to see Natalie at the moment. He didn't understand why she'd taken drugs or why she hadn't told him. He was upset and disappointed, but mostly frustrated. Why hadn't he noticed that something was wrong? Why hadn't she been able to talk to him?

He didn't know if he was overreacting. Garrett didn't get angry often, but he wasn't just angry, he was embarrassed that he didn't help. He wondered if he had been paying too much attention to the new album and not to his girlfriend. If he'd known that she was overwhelmed or stressed out, he could have been there. Even though it wasn't his fault, and Natalie never mentioned anything, he felt responsible. Garrett loved her and wanted to protect her, so how could he not have seen this?

"She wants to see you." Alyssa spoke quietly, looking at him with sad eyes.

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"Hey." Garrett spoke quietly as he made his way to Natalie's bedside. She smiled softly as he leaned over to kiss the top of her head and sat down in the chair that Alyssa had previously. He didn't know what to say or not to say, so he remained silent. She looked like a child who'd gotten in trouble with wide, embarrassed eyes and a restlessness. But she was as silent as he was, only taking his hand in her smaller one and interlacing their fingers.

He sighed, using his free hand to brush the hair from her face. Her skin still felt warm as if she had a temperature, but her eyes weren't dilated anymore. She still seemed anxious and nervous, but he would have been too with those tubes in his arms. Natalie always kind of looked so mature and modelesque to him, but it was almost refreshing to see her looking so lost and young. He hated that she looked ashamed and embarrassed, but she had every reason to be.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "Gar, this... this wasn't your fault."

"Why didn't you tell me you were doing coke, Nat?"

"I didn't want to ruin your perfect image of me. I was afraid that I wasn't who you wanted."

"Natalie," He spoke quietly. "Baby, I need you to tell me why."

She sighed, bringing a hand to his face. Her body was still convulsing slightly, but Garrett didn't care. He needed her touch right now. She could have died, but here she was. He always thought she was beautiful, and even at her worst, she still had those qualities. But his favorite, her bright eyes, looked sleepy and oddly dull than luminous with color and sparkle. Her skin looked pale, and her lips quivered as she tried to come up with whatever it was she needed to tell him. He knew that he needed to be strong for her, but it was quite hard to be. She looked ghostly and he didn't know if he was losing her.

"It was something that I tried back in Tempe, and I swore I'd never do drugs again." She spoke, eyes looking hollow as she gazed down at their intertwined hands. "I wasn't addicted... I just liked the high, the way that everything felt exciting and I was so energetic on it, so sometimes at parties, I would partake. I didn't really think anything of it, until I had a bad reaction to it. I was drinking and mixing drugs with that... I'd always done it before I drank, you know? But putting the two together... I don't know what happened. I guess everyone just figured I passed out, and someone took me upstairs, raped me... I woke up naked and feeling like I wanted to die."

Garrett was silent, unsure what to say, so he just nodded and she continued.

"I left Tempe soon after. I had this reputation of being a whore, but not only being slutty and hooking up with randoms at parties, but being a cokewhore and sleeping around to get drugs. It was never like that... They were just always there. I was hanging out with the wrong crowd because I just wanted to feel as if I belonged. I was trying so hard to not be the girl I'd been until that point." She licked her lips. "Its kind of why I refuse to go back, Gar. My parents don't know what happened to me, but they know that I started acting out, I'd come home drunk or high, and go out in this slutty outfits... They didn't know what to do with me, so I said that I needed to leave. When I came to LA, I promised myself I'd be different. I wasn't addicted to drugs, so I didn't need them. I didn't want to drink... I just needed to find myself. And then you found me."

"Why didn't you ever tell me what happened in Tempe? I mean, you never mentioned the drugs..."

"When we started hanging out, I didn't want to admit how I'd screwed up. I wanted you to want me because of who I am now and not feel... disappointed in how I got to this point, Garrett. I loved you for so long and to think that you would be able to fall for me with a clean slate was what I needed." Natalie frowned. "But then you kept telling me that you didn't want me... sexually, so I thought maybe telling you about my partying had disgusted you and you didn't want me. So I sent my portfolio into Otis, thinking that I'd give you the space to record and I could focus on my art, but it was so much harder than I thought it'd be. I was painting and sketching and working on pieces for hours and hours, and I didn't have the energy. So one of my friends told me she had a way to keep awake and finish the projects. They were all doing it, and I couldn't say 'no.' I bought the baggie and I would just do a line when I needed extra energy, or I needed a little bit of... help."

"So you aren't addicted?" He asked.

"No."

"Then you won't mind if I flush your drugs down the toilet."

"Go ahead."

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"Gar, will you stay with me?" Natalie asked quietly, as they returned to the apartment. She'd passed all the tests the doctors had and the psychologist understood that she wasn't addicted. It was just something she did when she needed it, so instead, she was prescribed anti-anxiety medication. They decided that they didn't have to hold her overnight and released her to go home. Garrett hadn't left her side the entire time.

"Of course." He spoke. "But Nat?"

"Yeah, Garrett?"

"I don't want you to hold things from me. I'm your boyfriend, we need to be honest with each other and not keep secrets."

"I know." She spoke quietly. "I'm so embarrassed."

He kissed her gently. "Nat, baby,"

The redhead sighed, shaking her head. "I just really want to shower. I feel disgusting and dirty."

He nodded, sitting on her bed as she headed into the bathroom. He overheard the shower turn on and relaxed on her bed, anxiously waiting for her to finish. Garrett was too much of a gentleman to even consider joining her or spying on her showering. He waited for her, trying to think of anything but his naked girlfriend mere feet away in a shower. But then, she appeared before him in her underwear with her hands on her hips.

She looked at him with a tilted head and an anxious smile. He could see the hint of a tattoo on her lower hip, but he couldn't see exact details. He brought a hand to her side where the tattoo was, unconsciously, tracing his hand over the exposed parts. It was a small tattoo, he couldn't tell exacts but it was a phrase, probably a lyric. Natalie smiled at him, moving forward and taking a seat on his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him gently. Natalie brought a hand to his hair and smiled softly.

"I need you, Gary." She whispered.

"Natalie-"

"No... I just..." She sighed. "Will you join me?"

"Y-you w-want to s-shower together?" He stumbled over the words and she thought his stuttering was the cutest thing ever. The way he was so easily embarrassed and seemed shocked at the idea was genuinely adorable to her.

"You know, we could conserve water..."

"Since when have you become such an activist?"

"Well, I'm gonna need someone to wash my back." She grinned.

He looked at her like he wasn't sure she was serious, but then she began stripping him of his clothes and he understood that she was definitely not joking around. First his shoes, then his shirt and then his skinny jeans. This was the first time they would be seeing this much of each other, but it was really exciting. They stood there in their underwear, shockingly unembarrassed. It seemed natural, after all, they were in a relationship.

"Come on, the water should have heated up by now." She spoke, taking him by the hand, and into the bathroom.

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Garrett unclipped Natalie's bra with shaky hands, afraid that she was going to change her mind, but she didn't. Instead, she allowed him to touch her. He ran his fingers over her chest, tracing his hands, squeezing, rubbing. This was the first time he was getting to see her and he wanted to touch every inch. And then his fingers slid down her underwear and his fingers traced over the length of her tattoo. It was small, as he'd already noticed, only taking up her side. He smiled at the lyric that he immediately recognized.

"I need you so much closer" He read with a smile.

Natalie nodded, pressing her lips to his once again before stripping off his underwear so that they stood naked before each other. She wasn't embarrassed, in fact, she was excited to be this comfortable with him. She needed him more than she'd ever admit. She'd gotten the tattoo because she'd wanted him closer and now he was. Garrett was the only man she wanted and now she was going to make sure of it. She didn't care about John or anyone. All she needed was Garrett.

His eyes made their way over every inch of her naked body. He'd never seen this much of her, and he was definitely pleased at the sight. She was petite, but she did not have a boyish body. She wasn't stick thin, but she was beautiful. The way her hair hung over her chest and how she looked positively embarrassed to be so exposed in front of him...

"Wow."

She smiled at his reaction, pressing her body against his and kissing him gently. Garrett's hands found their way to her backside, squeezing the flesh, causing Natalie to giggle. They had never been this close, and while she wanted to be closer, it wasn't the time for that.

"You're so perfect." He spoke. "I'm so lucky."

"Garrett, I'm nowhere near perfect." She spoke, moving into the shower and dragging him inside along with her.

"N-Nat,, w-what are you-?" Garrett spoke as she leaned in closer, pressing their bodies together. "I...I j-just, y-you're-" Natalie loved it when Garrett turned back into the timid, awkward, easily embarrassed boy she'd come to know and love. The way he was too afraid to make a move in fear that she'd get pissed off. He just stared at her, his arms limply at his sides as she pressed herself against him.

The petite girl smiled, pressing her lips against his, letting her fingers tangle in his wet hair. "Let's get you cleaned up." She smiled, reaching for the yellow loofah that was hanging off of the showerhead, and squeezing some bodywash onto it. She smiled, gently wiping the loofah over his skin, coating him in bubbles.

Garrett stared at her, unsure of what to do or say. Of course he just wanted to have his way with her then and there, but he knew better. "Natalie-" He began as she moved lower, getting onto her knees to cover his legs and feet with the loofah. "Nat-"

She looked up at him with a small smile, sitting back on her feet. She didn't move, just waited for instruction. And then she realized that she'd caused him an erection by exposing her naked body to him. That was probably why he had gotten so why, and awkward."Oh Gary, let me take care of you." She cooed, reaching for the erection.

He groaned, eyes closed and hands in her hair as she "took care" of him. He didn't understand how a girl who seemed as innocent and classy as Natalie had a side like this. How she had this mischievous glint in her eye and the dirtiest mind he'd encountered. She wanted to make him happy no matter what, and would do anything to achieve that. So even as she sat in an uncomfortable position, determined to get him off, she didn't care. She kept her gaze on his closed eyes, and would have smiled if she could.

"God, baby..." He muttered to himself.

It didn't take long for him to finish. He'd been turned on for a long time, and Natalie had quite a skill he'd discovered. As soon as it was over, he helped her back to her feet and kissed her, not caring that she had just given him a blowjob. He didn't know how to thank her. Not only for that, but for being everything to him. So he put everything he could into the kiss, holding her tightly, letting his hands caress every inch of her.

"Nat?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah, Garrett?"

"You know I want to make love to you, right?"

"You'd be the first." She giggled softly.

"I just... I want it to be perfect. Perfect place, time... person."

"Gary, all I need to make it perfect is you. You're the only thing I need."

"You really want to do this, don't you?" He spoke quietly.

"I've wanted you for so long, Gary. I need you."

"Okay." He whispered.