You're Living a Lie, You Just Can't Hide From Me

"I-I'm glad that now I know." Garrett spoke, staring down at his takeout container, unsure if he could actually look at Natalie when he spoke. It wasn't that he was upset or embarrassed at her story, but he felt terrible. He knew that if he looked at her long enough, he'd get upset, and he didn't want to lose control. He couldn't understand how the girl had been through so much, a nightmare after another, and could hold her head up so high. He had no idea just how strong she was or how she couldn't hate anyone, not even the boy who stole her virginity.

"Look at me." The redhead spoke quietly, her voice calm and barely audible over Conor Oberst's crooning.

He sighed, looking her into the eyes. Garrett loved Natalie's expressive eyes, and how it seemed that every time he looked at them, he discovered something different. There were flecks of gold, bronze and browns swimming in a sea of teal, green, midnight blue. Her eyes were like a kaleidoscope, and even though she was so exposed, he still wondered if she was hiding anything else.

"I'm sorry." Natalie spoke quietly. "I know I should have told you... Not let you find out in a therapy session, but-"

"I don't care how I found out, Nat. And I might not like to think of all the shit you've been through, but this is who you are. I love who you are, it just sucks that you had to go through so much."

Garrett didn't know what he could say to his girlfriend. He knew that the whole situation was sensitive and that she hadn't wanted anyone to know. That she'd been reluctant to even go to a therapist. He could see the worry she was hiding, and the way she looked like she hadn't slept in days. She was fully exposed to him, even if she was keeping something else behind her teeth. He knew better than to push her, and he wanted her to believe that he was going to stand by her side no matter what.

She sighed, placing her chopsticks back into her own container, placing it on her bedside table. "How can you look at me like that? You look at me like... like I'm the most amazing thing and I'm not. Gary, I don't even know how many guys I've been with, I don't know what I've done because I was too messed up."

"I don't care." He spoke firmly, wrapping an arm around her.

"I... I keep having this nightmare, that those guys with the tape... that everyone would see..." She shut her eyes tightly, refusing to let the tears fall.

"Do you know who they were?"

"I've sketched their faces." The girl spoke, shrugging her shoulders. "Who knows if they sold it or kept it..."

The older boy sighed. He knew that Natalie acted like she wasn't bothered by what happened, but he could see that she was. He didn't want to press the topic, to upset her more, but he didn't understand how she could be so nonchalant about it. A video of her being gangbanged could be on the internet, and the girl seemed to care less. He knew that it wasn't his battle, and his own emotions about the matter wouldn't change anything. He was disgusted and hurt that not only would anyone degrade the small girl like that, but also that she didn't want to make a fuss of it.

"I.... I suppose it sounds kind of sick, but I'm a better person for all of this, Gar."

He didn't answer, just leaned forward and kissed her, not caring that they both probably tasted like chinese food. The smaller girl let out a soft moan into his mouth, moving a hand to stroke his cheek, deepening the kiss. He gently laid her back on the bed, keeping his full weight off of her small frame. She smiled into the kiss, her free hand running under the hem of his shirt, but he couldn't. All he could think about was those guys.

"What is it?" Natalie asked, taking a deep breath as Garrett pulled away from her.

"I want to see the sketch."

"What?"

"I want to know who they are, Nat." He spoke with a tone of desperation that shocked both of them.

The redhead pulled away, moving off of the bed and grabbing a hold of her sketchbook. Garrett almost smiled, noticing how full it was. He made a note to himself that he wanted to buy her a new one, and to make sure to get the exact details of her current. She flipped through the pages in a delicate fashion, as if not to rip any of the images, but it was more than that. These sketches were her memories. These were her dreams and her nightmares all in lasting evidence on paper. He bit his lip as she finally stopped flipping pages, and looked at the sketch, her breath hitching in her throat.

Garrett stared at the sketch, wondering what had caused her to react like that, but he could tell from the way her eyes had widened and she was breathing heavier that she was mad. He'd never seen her upset, but she looked like she was going to hurt somebody. She ran a hand across one of the faces on the sketch, a boy with what looked like pale skin and dark curly hair.

"I know him." She spoke quietly.

"You know him?"

"He works for my dad... he's best friends with Andrew."

"As in Andrew-" He began.

She nodded. The girl bite her lower lip, a new level of embarrassment and fury filling her as she stared at the photo. She knew the ringleader, so there was a good chance these other boys were his lackies, his friends who he convinced to get in on the action. She could imagine Andrew bragging about taking her virginity and these boys wanted a turn. She swallowed, her mouth suddenly very dry as she realized that there was a good chance she'd have to face them if she decided to return home.

"Natalie, these guys deserve to pay."

"Who would believe me, Gary? I don't have the tape, and even so, my dad would never take my side."

"He could surprise you." The bass player spoke quietly, moving the sketchbook away from his girlfriend, gently closing it and placing it aside before wrapping his arms around her. "And I believe you. These guys will get what they deserve."

-------------

Natalie sighed, merely picking at her salad. The boys had mentioned that she should get something more than that, but she swore she wasn't very hungry. Of course, they knew none of them could change her mind, but it concerned the band. She wasn't happy, and it was obvious, her usual demeanor was forgotten and she sat quietly, seemingly staring at nothing.

"Are you alright?" Pat asked.

"Just thinking, Butter Croissant Baby." She spoke, placing her fork down, and staring at her plate.

"Nat, it'll be okay." Garrett spoke, wrapping his arms around her.

Jared looked over at the girl with concern, but she didn't meet his gaze. He had a feeling if she cared for the group to know, she'd mention something. Knowing that they would return to Tempe soon, he figured that was the issue. Natalie and Garrett would try to do the long distance thing, drive to see each other on weekends. Then they'd get tired, break up, he'd be a mopey bitch all during tour. No one wanted to mention it, but everyone was thinking the same. Of course, Kennedy and Alyssa weren't exactly casual, but they weren't as serious as the younger couple had gotten.

"Natalie is coming back with us." The bassist spoke quietly.

"Great!" John spoke. "Are you moving back home, little one? It'd be so cool to have you around." The singer began murmuring about something or other but the redhead had lost focus.

She didn't look him in the eye or respond. Natalie wasn't planning to move back home. She wasn't sure what she wanted. She wasn't doing anything special by being in Los Angeles, but what did she have in Tempe to come back to? It wasn't as if she'd had anything in mind, or anywhere to go. The only thing the redhead knew was that she couldn't lose Garrett and she stood that chance by staying in L.A. Still, even though she loved him, she wondered if she had made a huge mistake bringing him into all of her issues. He wanted so badly to protect her, but she knew he didn't stand a chance. She didn't honestly think any member of his band could.

Natalie Evers wasn't wanted back in Tempe, and she knew that. By having association with her, and, in fact, Garrett dating her would only cause problems. If she were to return, she'd have to protect them rather than any of the boys attempt to protect her. She was stronger now and she could handle it, but it wasn't fair that the guys would have that burden on them from being in her life. They didn't understand just how bad things had gotten and even if she'd told Garrett what had happened to her, it didn't mean he could understand the implications or how bad it'd actually been that had driven her out.

"I don't have any firm plans yet." She spoke quietly. "You're gonna want some time to relax anyway... Maybe take a break from me."

"Why would we want that?" Pat asked.

Garrett looked over at her carefully, as if he were trying to read her mind. He looked at her inquisitively, pensively, waiting for her to continue but she didn't. He wondered if she was embarrassed. Yes, he knew what had caused her to leave Tempe, but it'd been almost a year since she'd been back, things must have settled. "Nat?" The bass player asked quietly.

"Gary, I don't want to talk about it."

"It won't be as bad as you think."

"I don't want to talk about it." She repeated a bit more firmly, not daring to meet his gaze.

He sighed, knowing not to push her any further, but feeling oddly nervous. He didn't know what kind of trouble Natalie had left, what wild oats she had to sow, but he knew he couldn't push her. He had learned quickly that he was entering the Dark Side when he dared to push her. Natalie used her own version of "the Force" against him. The guys thought it was stupid of him to use Star Wars references when it came to his relationship, but Garrett did it anyway. He was kind of nerdy, he was awkward and shy, and he still didn't understand why Natalie had wanted him, but he wasn't going to let anyone hurt her either way.

Natalie ran a hand through her hair, sighing, and looking up. "Look, there's a lot of... loose ends I need to settle. And a lot of what I have to do, I'm not comfortable with you being a part of."

"Is it about the coke?" John interjected.

She rolled her eyes. "Its about a lot of things, can we just leave it at that?"

The singer bit his lower lip, moving his long legs to reach Natalie's, and brushing against her. He knew that Garrett had won her, that she was in love with him, but that didn't mean that he had to be okay with it. He was the heartthrob, he was the one all the girls lusted after, not Garrett. It was a bruise to his ego to think that Natalie had refused his advances. He wondered if there was some way to prove himself as the better choice, and maybe defending her would be his best bet.

Once the check had come and everyone chipped in, Natalie was out the door. She had excused herself to get some fresh air, but she really needed a cigarette. She didn't smoke often, in fact, it was incredibly rare for her. She only did it when she was really upset or stressed out. That was why she didn't have a pack of her own, and was trying to come up with a solution to excuse herself to buy one. The guys seemed to watch her like a hawk, and she knew Garrett disapproved of smoking and drinking considerably. But just as she was about to move, John was by her side, pulling out his own pack and a lighter.

"You look like you need one." He told her with a soft smile, tilting the pack towards her.

"How'd you know?"

"You're really stressed out, you're much more fidgety than usual. You look like you're etching for something. I thought it was a good guess."

She smiled, accepting the cigarette and putting it between her lips and letting the taller boy light it for her. She deep a deep drag, inhaling and letting the nicotine enter her body. It relaxed her, it made her feel better even if she didn't do it often. This was an extreme case. "Don't tell Gary."

"I won't, especially not that I gave you one." He chuckled softly. "Tals, I know there's a lot of stuff about you I don't know or understand, but I'm here for you. I don't care what happened in Tempe or the type of shit you're going to have to face. I want to be there for you."

The younger girl looked up at him, a small smile on her face. "Thanks John. I do appreciate it....I-its just... You all think I'm so wonderful and I'm not. There is so much I'm ashamed of, and so much drama I'm going home to."

"Couldn't it have settled since you've been gone?"

"Well, considering I may have a sex tape, no." The girl mumbled to herself.

"What?!"

She took another drag, shaking her head. The two smoked in silence, and upon hearing her name, Natalie quickly stubbed out her cigarette and covered herself in perfume, leaving John to attempt to figure out just what she had going on and what kind of drama was waiting for her.