You're Living a Lie, You Just Can't Hide From Me

Natalie sighed softly, curling her knees into her chest, staring at her phone. She was starting to regret sending that text. Something inside of her felt as if this was a terrible idea. She knew that she was playing with fire and that she was going to get hurt. The last thing the girl wanted to do was break Garrett's heart. In fact, she knew that these feelings for John could never be as strong as the love she had for the blue-eyed bass player, but there was a lot of unresolved issues that she knew weren't worth losing sleep over.

Sitting in her bedroom made Natalie feel childlike again, looking at the pink walls, remembering when she begged her parents to let her change the walls from that ugly pastel floral wallpaper to painting them a fuchsia color that seemed fitting with her dyed hair. Leaning back against her pillows, she busied herself with the loose threads on her shorts. The redhead knew that she was pushing Garrett away, and she didn't want to, but there were things about her that she didn't want him to know. He had her on such a pedestal and it was too difficult. It wasn't about hiding things from him, it was that he was so optimistic and thought so highly of her that she couldn't let him know. John seemed to appreciate her flaws, knowing that her story was more complicated than face value. But Garrett was the one she loved. Even if John had confessed to being in love with her, he had missed his chance.

“I didn't even hear you come in.” A female voice called from the doorway.

Natalie looked up to see her mother, a small woman with blonde hair and the same bright eyes as her daughter. She looked well, her laugh lines a bit more noticeable, and a little worn, but well over all. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a tunic that almost looked like something out of Natalie's closet. She approached the bed slowly, sitting down and opening her arms to her daughter.

The younger girl sighed, embracing her mother, holding her tightly. “I'm so sorry.” She sniffled before breaking down. “I-I'm s-s-so s-s-sorry.” She inhaled her mother's familiar Chanel perfume and cried, her whole body shaking against the older woman. “I messed up and I hurt you, and I'm so sorry.” Her smaller body was wracked with sobs as her mother held her, softly comforting the girl.

“Natalie, what is wrong? I'm glad you're home, but its been over a year, did something happen?”

She sighed, catching her breath. “Yes.”

"Honey, talk to me."

The redhead took a deep breath, trying to get herself under control. "I needed to come home. I'm done running away."

Her mother smiled. "I like your new hair color."

"Thanks Mom."

She rubbed her daughter's back. "Needed to start over?"

Natalie nodded, looking back at her phone to see John's reply. Now the butterflies in her stomach were fluttering at full force. With a kiss to her forehead, her mother excused herself from the room, and the girl was alone again. She didn't know if this confrontation, but after John's confession, she needed to, at least figure out where she stood with him. There was no doubt that she was in love with Garrett, but it wasn't as if she never felt anything for John. He was the one who turned her down. Twice.

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Natalie wasn't sure how long she sat alone in her room. She had so much on her mind, that nothing else mattered. All she knew was that she was being an awful girlfriend. Garrett deserved to know more, and she was afraid it would make him turn his back. He handled so much of her drama already, but how was she to expect him to carry on? Sure, they loved one another but he had her on this pedestal. She was flawed and broken more than he could ever piece together.

She heard her mother answer the door and she heard the singer's voice, but she was too caught up in thought to pay attention to it. Until her mother asked if John was the new boyfriend and he laughed in that nervously awkward fashion he had that no one could really pick up on. And then he was sitting beside her on the bed, looking afraid to even touch her.

"Does Gary know you're here?"

"Does Garrett know you texted me?"

She sighed and shook her head. "John, things here are more complicated than I let on and I don't want him to see the type of things I left... The things I have to revisit."

"And I get to be the knight in shining armor?" He scoffed. "God, Natalie, you can't have it both ways. You can't throw yourself at me and then cling to his side. Who do you want?"

The redhead frowned slightly, looking down at her fingernails. The polish was chipping and she made a mental note to repaint them. She licked her lips, hoping to summon the words to fix this situation. Looking back at him, she chewed on her lower lip. "He was the boy I've always wanted... that I'll always want, and you... You are the heartthrob, John. You make it impossible to deny you, for me to do more than spread my legs for you..." She sighed again. "But I love him, and I lust for you."

"Then there's your answer." He spoke quietly.

Natalie didn't reply.

"If you really love him, you'd let him see all your faults, Tal. You can't keep letting him think you are this... dream girl."

"What if he doesn't love me anymore?"

"Garrett?! He could never stop loving you. Damn, you could stop shaving and be some sort of beast woman, and he'd still think you were beautiful." John smiled sadly. "Look, you are a great girl and I am a little disappointed that I missed the opportunity, but I'll find someone else too..."

"I'm sorry." Her voice was soft, almost inaudible and she didn't dare meet his eyes.

John stroked her cheek. "He's waiting and worrying about you. Call him, okay? Tell him that there's more to the story."

Natalie glanced over at her phone, shrugging slightly.

The singer stood up, before pulling out something from his pocket and handing it to her. Her eyes widened when she realized it was one of the CD Master copies. Looking back up at him, she opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it.

"You know, this CD was possible in a large part because of you, so you should get a chance to hear it before the rest of America." He ran a hand through his shaggy hair and smiled, walking out of her room without another word.