Colour

“If you stir that coffee anymore you’ll wear a hole into the bottom of the cup,” Josh said light-heartedly as he took a seat beside Alexandra.

She shook off her trance like state and looked up at him, stopping her stirring, “Sorry,” She murmured.

“Are you still thinking about what John said earlier?” He sighed.

She nodded lightly, “I can’t stop,” She replied, “You’re probably going to get a lot of complaints from customers saying I don’t listen to them,”

“Nothing new there then,” He joked, only getting a half-smile from her. He rolled his eyes, “John didn’t mean half the things he said,”

“He was angry at me- He meant what he said even if he doesn’t think he does. He wouldn’t have had the thought if he hadn’t have contemplated it before,”

“That’s not true. People always say things they don’t mean when they’re angry,” He frowned.

“No. People say things they wish they could take back when they’re angry. Leaving hurtful things unsaid makes life easier than having them out in the open,”

“There’s no winning with you,” He huffed.

“I don’t need to be made to feel better, Josh, though I do appreciate the attempt. The fact is I’m trying to decide whether apologising is the best move,” She explained.

“Oh,” He began, “And?”

She shrugged, “It’s effectively me trying to work out whether or not Kennedy having me in his life is a good thing or not,”

Josh frowned again, “How exactly?”

“Because if I apologise I’ll still be in his life- possibly awkwardly which is bad- and he’ll still want to prove to me that love exists because he’s tenacious like that. Whereas if I don’t say sorry, we don’t talk again and he doesn’t waste his time, effort and feelings on me,”

“Well, look at it this way- You live in a twenty mile radius of each other and you’re always going to be around. Once you meet someone and become any kind of friend, they’re part of your life whether you like it or not,”

“I suppose,”

“And he hurt you too, so right now, do you want him to apologise for what he said?”

She nodded slightly, “Yeah,”

“Well then, more than likely, he wants the same. So take your lunch hour and go see him,” Josh said decisively.

She looked up at him with a raised eyebrow and smiled slightly, “And since when are you in charge of my life exactly?”

“Oh Lex,” He chuckled, “I always have been,” He grinned, “Now go talk to him- Tell him you’re sorry and fix this before you wear away any more of my cups,” He gently took her arms and pulled her up from the seat. He untied her apron and whipped it off her before she even realised what was happening.

“Whoa, you move fast when you want to,” She laughed and turned to face him.

He spun her back around again and gently slapped her on the bum, “Go before I change my mind about giving you an early lunch,”

She chuckled and waved at him before heading out of the cafe and getting into her car. It was around ten minutes later when she arrived at Kennedy’s house after she’d called John to ask where he actually lived.

When she arrived at the door, it took a while for her to build up the courage to get out of the car and knock on the door.

Kennedy looked at her like Alexandra had three heads, fourteen eyes and was holding a baby panda with a sparkly ribbon around its neck when he saw her standing on her doorstep.

“I know I don’t look all that great today Kennedy but I can’t look as bad as your face is suggesting,” She joked.

“What’re you doing here?” He frowned, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe.

“Okay... I kind of deserve that look and the tone,” She admitted, “I just came round to apologise,”

“For what- Having sex with me or what happened afterwards?”

“For whatever one you need the apology for to get you to talk to me again,” She shrugged.

He laughed dryly and rolled his eyes, “That’s not really an apology then is it, Lexie? The whole point of apologising to someone is to realise what you’ve done, accept that it was the wrong thing to do and then offer a heartfelt sorry to show that you never meant it,”

“Then I can’t apologise for what happened between us because it wasn’t the wrong thing to do. What was wrong was how I reacted the next morning. It’s not that I didn’t mean what I said; it just came out more offensive than I intended it to. The truth is, you’re a great guy and you can’t waste your time and effort on me because I’m really not worth the hassle,” She explained, “I won’t start a relationship... I can’t. It’ll take too much out of me. I never meant I could never be with someone like you specifically, I meant that I could never be with anyone in that way. I’m sorry if I offended you, I was just afraid you’d want something from me I couldn’t ever give you,”

He stared at her for a second or two before sighing lightly, “I’m sorry too. I overreacted, I insinuated some stuff I don’t even think, I was just angry,”

She shrugged, “It’s not like you were wrong. Everyone gets that impression of me,”

“Well it’s the wrong impression and I’m an ass for ever thinking it,” He sighed, holding out his little finger for hers, “Truce?”

She smiled brightly at him and hooked her finger in his, “Truce,” She agreed, “Can I take you out for a peace offering beer tonight?” She suggested.

“Can I get a promise that you won’t try to jump me?” He smirked cheekily.

“Hey, if I remember rightly you started it,” She laughed.

“Yeah but you were drunk,”

“So were you!” She gasped.

“Then I guess you can pay for the first round in apology for taking advantage of me in my inebriated state,” He teased.

“Well I will try to keep my very-experienced, lust filled hands off your sexy body, alright sweetie?” She promised, drawing a cross over her heart.

“Good,” He beamed at her.

“Great so shall we say O’Reilly’s bar at eight thirty?” She suggested.

He nodded lightly, “See you then,”

She smiled at him and tapped him friendlily on the arm, “Okay, I’ll see you later,”

Such a short, simple conversation but suddenly her chest felt lighter- Like a weight had been lifted. She found it a little strange how she and Kennedy had gone from being mad to joking and flirting like nothing had ever happened.

She liked how easy it was but it scared her at the same time- Mainly because her heart was fluttering in her chest for the first time in a long while.

=====

At eight forty five that night, an unusually timid Alexandra sat sipping at a vodka and coke whilst keeping her eyes focused on the door of the bar. She had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that she was about to be stood up.

She wasn’t used to being stood up in the first place, never mind this actual caring part.

“Starting without me, are you?” Kennedy’s voice made her jump.

“Well I thought I’d been stood up for a second there so I thought I’d order a drink and hit on the sexy bartender,” She smirked up at him, “How did you get in?”

“Uh...” He looked confused, “Through the door? Is this a trick question?” He said as he took a seat across from her.

“I just thought I would’ve seen you, that’s all,” She shrugged, taking another sip of her drink.

“Why? Have you been watching the door for me?” He sent her that cheeky smirk that made Alexandra’s stomach flip and she cursed herself for it.

“Don’t flatter yourself pretty boy. Get yourself a drink before I start listing off the reasons my mother always gave me about why being late is bad,” She waved her hand dismissively at him.

He chuckled and shook his head, “You didn’t even get me a drink? God Lexie, I only agreed to meet you on the premise that you were buying the first round for seducing me whilst drunk,”

She tried her best not to smile and failed, “And yet now you’re convincing me to get you into that state again... Anyone would think you’d want me to conquer you all over again,” She raised her eyebrow challengingly.

He shrugged nonchalantly, “Not really, I’m just dehydrating over here,”

She glared playfully at him and fumbled about in her bag before handing him some money, “I’ll pay for it but I’m not getting it for you,”

“Feisty,” He joked before getting up from the table and heading over to the bar.

Alexandra took a few deep breaths before taking a large gulp of her drink. She was flirting really badly and so was Kennedy.

It needed to stop and she knew it otherwise they could end up in the same situation all over again and she didn’t want that. She just wanted to be friends.

Sometimes she’s couldn’t help herself though, she’d been doing it so long now that it was difficult to reign it in.

But this was dangerous ground she was treading on and her body was telling her to go around stamping her feet and she’ll think about the danger when it blows up in her face.

For the first time in her life, Alexandra was going to have to not listen to what her body was telling her and actually listen to her head for once.

=====

“I still just can’t understand,” Kennedy sighed resting his head on his hand.

“You’re never going to either. It’s like a scientist and a creationist arguing about how the world began- We believe different things and neither of us is going to change our mind so let’s leave it at that,” She rolled her eyes.

“I wish I could but it really fascinates me,” He replied, “I mean...” He looked around the bar, “Look at those two over there,” He gestured to a couple sitting at a table, holding hands across it and staring deeply into each other’s eyes, “How can you say that there isn’t something between them?”

“Do you mean aside from the table?” She said sarcastically.

He shook his head, “You know what I mean,”

“They’re on one of their first dates, it’s just attraction,” She shrugged.

“And you can tell that from all the way over here can you?” His eyebrow rose challengingly.

“Yes I can, for two reasons- One, couples only look at each other like that when they’ve only been together for a really short time and two, that bottle of wine they’ve ordered is one of the more expensive in here and lover-boy is trying to impress her by flashing the cash,”

“Maybe it’s a special occasion,”

“Or maybe he’s trying to bed her,” She retorted as she took a gulp of her drink.

He transferred his faze from the couple over to her and shook his head, “Ugh, why does everything always come back to sex with you?”

She laughed, “And you became prude when exactly?”

“I’m not prude; I just think some things are supposed to involve feelings not just primal urges,” He replied.

“Well I’m sorry but I’m not about to get all deep and meaningful in a bar, over a beer stained table with someone I’ve only known for two weeks,”

“So when will you get deep and meaningful, Lexie?”

“Let’s just say it’s not something I do at the drop of a hat,”

“You know what? I’m not even sure that you have a deep and meaningful side,”

“Ah, now you’re getting it,” She nodded appreciatively.

“So you’re telling me you’ve never felt even an ounce of anything other than lust for anybody? Ever?” He leant over the table, genuinely interested.

She looked at him tentatively for a second before letting out a sigh leaning forward like he was, “Okay...” She began, “You want to know the truth?”

He nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah, I really do,”

“You want to know if I’ve ever felt anything more than just raw, sexual urges?” She whispered seductively, leaning in a little closer.

He almost gulped but nodded slightly, steadying himself, “Yeah,”

She gazed into his eyes- those honest, curious eyes- and for a split second, she actually contemplated telling him the truth...

“The truth is,” She began, “No,” She smirked and shrugged, sitting back in her chair.

He laughed slightly, “So if you’re not this cynical because some jackass hurt you, then what really happened?”

She huffed and rolled her eyes, “Why does everybody automatically assume that something made me like this? Is it too much for someone to believe that this is just who I am?”

“A little yeah,” He agreed, “It’s just really strange that you can’t believe in something that makes life that much better,”

“Oh you are such a sweetheart,” She smiled at him, “You know what? You’re going to make some girl very happy one day,”

“I intend to,” He said, “What I don’t understand is how you react as though talk about love is adorable and you like it and then you shoot it down,”

“Because it’s sweet,” She admitted, “I admire the fact that you can have such hope and belief about it. I’m kind of jealous. But the fact is, to me, it’s nothing more than a bunch of hyperactive chemicals. It’s just something that’s evolved to make sure we reproduce,”

He chuckled, “You amaze me,” He smiled almost longingly at her.

“Why thank you,” She beamed at him, “And you never know, one day you might pull something incredibly life changing out of the bag and make me believe... But probably not,”

“We’ll see,” He spoke mysteriously.

“I do have one thing to admit to you though,” She started almost guiltily.

“What?”

“I maybe overreacted slightly when I made that comment about you being an anorexic stick insect...” She confessed.

“I think we both said stuff we didn’t mean. You definitely don’t snore like a rhino with emphysema,”

She smiled, “Thanks, that’s good to know,”

“Maybe just a baby hippo with a cold,” He smirked wickedly.

She gasped, “Hey!”

They both broke into laughter and, with one little joke, they knew this was the beginning of something. It may have been something that was going to make them clash heads and drive the other crazy.

But whatever it was, it was the start of something and that’s all that mattered.

=====

'Love Is Blind As Far As The Eye Can See, Deep And Meaningless Words To Me'

Spice Girls