Colour

It’d been two months since that fateful day in Josh’s cafe when Kennedy had thrown breakfast all over Alexandra; two months of constant back and forth play between the two of them trying to prove the other wrong. For some reason, though, Alexandra wasn’t getting tired of it- She was actually enjoying it.

She liked to think that Kennedy had accepted that she’d never believe but she knew in her heart that he was exactly like her- too stubborn to admit defeat. It wasn’t usual that she liked that about someone, especially when they were constantly fighting with her on something, but with Kennedy everything was different. It was just one more thing that she enjoyed about their friendship.

Tonight was the first night in a week that she was going to spend some time with him. They had become such good friends that being apart for a week was slightly strange.

“What is wrong with you today?” Josh sent her an odd look as she bounced on her tiptoes.

“Huh?” Alexandra sent him an equally confused look and glanced at the clock again for the seventh time that hour.

“Why are you so on edge? That’s about the hundredth time you’ve looked at the clock in the past hour,” he exaggerated, “Are you expecting something exciting to happen in here? Surely by now you realise that nothing interesting ever does,”

“I’m not on edge, what’re you talking about?” She frowned.

“Right... So you’re not checking the clock all the time or bouncing up and down like a five year old on Christmas eve or picking your nails like you always do when you’re anxious?” He raised a knowing eyebrow as he folded his arms over his chest.

Alexandra looked down at her fingers that were fumbling about with each other, picking and scratching, before she suppressed her nervous tic and rolled her eyes innocently, “No...”

“Mhm, yeah alright,” he scoffed, “So are you just having withdrawal symptoms because you haven’t had sex in three hours or what?”

She glared at him, “Shut up. I haven’t had sex in a week and a half actually,”

He was genuinely shocked at this response, “Really?”

She nodded, “Yes. Don’t sound so surprised, I can go without if needs be,”

“Alright,” he threw down the towel that was on his shoulder and placed down his coffee before walking over to her and grasping her shoulders, “Who are you and what have you done with my waitress?” He eyed her face suspiciously.

She shoved him off her, “Stop bullying me,”

He laughed and ruffled the waxed fringe that fell in his eyes, “So come on then, out with it,” he urged when he’d returned from delivering coffees to table one.

“Out with what?”

“Lexie, just tell me why you’re so excited,”

“Okay but, for the record, I’m not excited, I’m just in a good mood,” she stated, “Kennedy’s coming round tonight and I haven’t seen him in a week,” she admitted and then rolled her eyes at the look on Josh’s face. She knew that look.

“Ooooh, your boyfriend’s coming round. Are you two going to have a romantic meal and snuggle with each other while you’re watching Titanic?” He cooed, jutting out his bottom lip in the most patronising manner he could muster.

Alexandra grabbed the nearby towel and threw it at his head, “Sometimes I honestly think that you want me to punch you in the face,”

“You’re so easily wound up. I love it,” he chuckled.

She snarled at him, “Kennedy isn’t my boyfriend or anything of that kind, for the fifty millionth time. We’re just good friends,”

“Who have slept together,” he added.

“Whilst drunk,” she countered, “It was a one-time thing,” she lied.

“Whatever,” Josh replied dismissively.

“It was,” she urged.

He wandered away from her and held his arms over his head, “Whatever,” he repeated.

She glared at his back and did a very inaccurate impression of him before turning back to the coffee machine. After she’d looked back at the clock once more that is.

=====

Kennedy and Alexandra had missed each other more than they cared to let on. They were five beers and half an hour into Saw V before they got distracted and started chatting. Five beers also made sitting on the floor seem like a better idea than sitting on chairs.

“I’m not kidding, I found him sitting in the bath, toilet brush in hand and a crown made out of toilet paper proclaiming he was King of the Sea,” Alexandra laughed as she regaled him with the story about the last time she and Josh went out.

Kennedy was hysterical, “I wish I could’ve seen it,”

“It was hilarious. I should’ve taken pictures. I think I did actually but Josh was a bore and forced me to delete them,” she shrugged, popping open another beer and handing it to him.

He smirked at her, “Are you trying to get me drunk?”

“Of course I am. I’m always trying to get you drunk- it’s my job,” she grinned at him.

“True. The amount of beer that’s constantly in your fridge is frightening though. If I didn’t know you I’d think you were an alcoholic,”

She opened another beer for herself and shrugged apathetically, “Lucky you know me then,”

“Yeah,” he agreed, “Now I know that you’re definitely an alcoholic,” A glare was sent his way and so was a pillow, “Ah, watch the beer Lex!” He held the bottle over his head for protection.

“Stop insulting me or get out,” she huffed.

“Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery,” his eyes twinkled with mischief.

She punched him in the arm, “Shut up. You’re just threatened because I could drink you under the table,”

He rubbed his arm slightly and shook his head, “I’m more threatened at the fact you just punched me in the arm to be honest with you. You’re stronger than I thought,”

“Good, well maybe you’ll think twice about being mean to me because next time it’ll be your face,”

“Note to self- beer makes Lexie aggressive,” he teased, “I think we should turn Saw off before you start getting any ideas about doing things to me,”

“I’ve got plenty of those,” she winked at him.

“I really hope that was you flirting with me and not fantasising about gruesome ways to kill me,” he looked scared.

“You’ll never know,” she smiled innocently.

“I don’t think you could kill anyone. You don’t have it in you,” he mused aloud.

“You’ve never seen me when someone tries to take my beer away,” she joked.

He chuckled, “I don’t even want to imagine,”

“Do you remember when John came back from a night out with a sprained wrist and a bruise on his arm?”

“That time when he said he fell over while he was drunk?”

Alexandra nodded, “Yeah. He didn’t fall over. He told me I’d had too much to drink and tried to take my beer off me,”

“Holy hell, you’re insane,”

She shrugged, “To be fair though he wasn’t actually doing it to stop me drinking. He only tried to take it because he couldn’t be fucked to go to the bar and get his own drink,”

“He’s done that to me in the past,” Kennedy ruffled his dark mop of hair and laid his arm along the seats of the couch. The two fell into silence for a minute or two, zoning back into the film for a while.

Alexandra let her head fall back onto the seat and sighed, gazing up at the ceiling, “This is going to sound so... Eugh,” she couldn’t think of any other word to describe it, “But I feel like I should tell you,”

“Eugh? I didn’t think that word could describe any emotions you have,” he snorted.

“I know, me either,” she said, “But I’ve missed you,”

Kennedy sent her an odd look, “Are you sick?”

“What?”

“You must be sick. You don’t feel emotion that relates to actually caring about people,” he frowned.

She rolled her eyes, “Oh sorry, my mistake. I take it back. I haven’t missed you at all- I obviously just prefer drinking with someone than on my own,”

“That sounds more like you,” he said with satisfaction.

Her brow furrowed deeply, “Is that really what you think of me?” She lifted her head from the couch, “That I don’t care about anyone?”

He laughed it off, “Of course not. I’m kidding,” he shuffled forwards slightly so that he could graze his thumb across her shoulder.

“Just because I don’t believe in love doesn’t mean that I don’t care,” she squirmed away from his touch, her eyes defiant but avoidant.

Kennedy’s teasing demeanour dropped instantly when he saw that she was actually hurt. He shimmied further towards her, “Lexie, I know,” he assured, placing a hand on her thigh and when she didn’t look up at him, he took her hand, “I was just joking. I’m sorry,”

She finally forced eye contact and sent him puppy dog eyes, “I don’t ever want you thinking I’m a heartless bitch,”

He was panicking. He didn’t mean for this to happen. “I don’t think you’re a heartless bitch!” He was shocked at the accusation, “I never could think that. I’m sorry if I upset you,”

She held her hands to her face, sniffing loudly.

“Oh shit, Lex, don’t cry!” He could hear irregular breathing and felt guilt slap him in the face. He wasn’t entirely sure what to do but then when her shoulders started to shake he got confused.

Alexandra pulled her hands from her face to reveal a wide smile and quiet laughter, “That was fun,” she beamed.

His face dropped and he shook his head, “You heartless bitch,” he retorted.

She laughed and shoved him, “Come on Kenny, you know I’m not a crier,”

“I know I do and that’s why it freaked me out! I genuinely thought I’d hurt your feelings,”

She sent him a confused look, “What feelings? You don’t think I have any, remember,”

He rolled his eyes, “Oh yeah. So, with that in mind, I hate you,”

“Shut up and drink your beer,” she swung her arm out and a large splash of liquid from her own bottle flew out, hitting Kennedy in the face.

He nearly choked on his drink as he flinched. Alexandra held it in for a few seconds before she burst out laughing.

“I can’t believe that you just did that,” he glared playfully at her.

“I didn’t mean it, it was an accident!” She held up her hands, protesting innocence.

He used his sleeve to dry off his face, “As if tricking me into a guilt trip wasn’t bad enough now you’re throwing alcohol in my face. It’s a waste more than anything,”

She chuckled, “You love it,” his eyebrow quirked playfully and Alexandra automatically knew what he was thinking, “Don’t you dare...” She warned, pointing at him. The smirk on his face made her shuffle backwards slightly.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t good or quick enough as Kennedy pounced on her, pinning her to the floor and holding her arms above her head with one hand. He straddled her, keeping her legs down with his own and precariously tipping the beer bottle over her face. She squealed girlishly and wriggled beneath him but it only caused him to laugh. She struggled against his grip but couldn’t quite break out of it. She wasn’t quite complaining though. She was kind of turned on by it. He knew this was her thing and he was tactlessly playing on it.

“Kennedy, please don’t,” she begged, not taking her eyes off the bottle.

“But you love beer!” He grinned cheekily.

She glared at him, “I like it in my mouth not all over my face,” she replied.

He bit his lip to try to keep himself from laughing but the innuendo was too much, “I bet you do,” he winked at her.

She rolled her eyes and smiled, “That’s not what I meant. Will you let go now?”

He shrugged and threateningly tipped the bottle further, “Nope, I don’t think I will. Where’s the fun in that?” He took a gulp of his beer.

“That’s just teasing,” she whispered.

His eyes fell to her but he kept drinking. Once he’d pulled the bottle from his lips, he placed it down on the table nearby and, with all of the alcohol rocketing around his system, he used his other hand to hold her down before he leant in close to her. “And here was me thinking you liked that kind of thing.”

Alexandra felt his hands loosen around her wrists but slide up to lock her fingers in his and she had to suppress a shudder. They’d been in this position too many times and she knew what it always led to. He got even closer to her and rubbed his nose on hers.

“Kenny,” she said, “Is this a good idea?”

“Probably not,” he teased her lips with his.

“Is this the several beers straddling me or is it you? If it’s you then I think we have a problem,”

He quickly kissed her and pulled back, “Definitely the beer,”

She laughed and hauled herself up into a seating position, “We really need to stop drinking so much when it’s just the two of us,” she mentioned and rested her elbow on his shoulder, leaning her head on her fist.

He nodded, “I know,” he rested his hand on her thigh, squeezing gently.

She grabbed another beer and twisted off the cap, earning a risen eyebrow from Kennedy, “What?” She smiled innocently, “I said that we need to, not that I would,”

Chuckling, he ran a hand through his hair and looked back up at the television screen that Saw was still playing on. It was twenty minutes to near silence later when he felt Alexandra’s arm shift and her fingers begin twisting his hair. He glanced over at her and smiled.

“This is totally helping the situation,” he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes and then turning to her.

“Your hair’s really soft,”

“You charmer,” he smirked.

She giggled and her hand began to gently stroke down his hair until her fingers were tracing the skin on his neck. She felt his pulse beneath her fingertips and the memory of feeling that rhythm beneath her lips made her stomach fizz. Heat rapidly began to spread throughout her body. It’d been a week and a half and Lexie wasn’t used to going without sex this long. In her circumstance, she considered it deprivation. Stopping Kennedy before was medal-worthy.

“It really wouldn’t be a good idea,” she murmured, more to herself than to him.

“I know,” he agreed, “So are you going to stop touching me?”

She shrugged, “Can’t, I’m afraid- I’ve got Alien Hand Syndrome,”

“Funnily enough it seems that your alien hand is quite selective. It only doesn’t stop when you don’t want it to,” he smiled.

“I know, strange that isn’t it?” She joked.

“I feel like there’s some double standards here,” he noted, “When I drunkenly make a pass at you, that’s me being drunk and it’s a stupid idea but now you’re suggesting it you expect me to just drop my pants,”

“That’s not true,” she disagreed, “Now I’m suggesting it, it’s me being drunk and it’s still a stupid idea,”

“So why are you even suggesting it?” He frowned in confusion.

“Two reasons. One, I haven’t had sex in a week and a half and being drunk makes my body think it’s time to find someone. No offence,”

He laughed, expecting some kind of answer like that, “None taken,”

“And two, it was still us being drunk and it was still a stupid idea two weeks ago,” she explained, “And the four times before that,”

“I thought we said we’d never do it again,” he smirked.

She nodded, “We did. But we also said that all the other times too,” she smiled cheekily.

A grin slowly spread across his face, “That is true,”

“But if you still feel there are double standards then I’ll stop touching you and you can make the first move,”

He pondered this thought for a second before he reached over, grabbing the back of her knee and pulling her over him, “I think I can live with it,” he whispered huskily, grabbing her by the back of her neck and crushing their lips together in a lust-filled, passionate kiss.

Fire. Electricity. Chemistry. All at once.

It was addictive.

=====

Kennedy and Alexandra lay half a metre away from each other with only their fingers touching.

“Okay,” he panted, “Definitely not again after this time,” he said sternly.

“Okay,” she agreed, “But we’ve said that before,”

He nodded, “But our intentions are always good,”

“So is the sex,” she added.

A chuckle escaped his lips, “Also true. We’ll just have to try harder to resist. You were doing well until you opened that other beer. I wasn’t going to say no when I’d just tried it on with you,”

She nodded slightly and pushed her messy hair from her face. They fell into silence and Kennedy could feel Alexandra’s hand almost caringly playing with his. It confused him.

“Lex,” he began, turning his head to look at her.

“Mhm?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

She looked over at him and smiled, “As long as it’s nothing to do with me feeling no emotion or not believing in love,”

“Am I the first person you’ve slept with more than once?” He asked cautiously.

She was slightly taken aback by this question but didn’t let it show. A thoughtful expression crossed her face as she pondered her answer, “No,”

“Oh,” he turned his head back to look up at the ceiling.

She frowned lightly at his lack of explanation, “Why?” She pressed.

“I was just thinking about the other week when I asked you what you thought about sleeping with one person for the rest of your life and you looked at me like I was mad,”

“There’s a bit of a difference between a few times and the rest of my life,” she responded.

“I suppose but it’s the same concept,”

“Not quite,” she rolled her eyes, “I don’t have to see the people I’ve slept with all the time,”

“You see me all the time,” he countered with a challenging look.

“That’s different though,”

“How exactly?”

“Because you don’t make things awkward between us,” she was still playing with his fingers without even noticing.

“Has everyone else who you’ve seen again been awkward about it?” He turned on his side this time, becoming more intrigued, and his hand that Alexandra was holding was moved up towards his head.

“Um... Yeah almost everyone,” she replied, instantaneously reaching for his free hand that had fallen onto her bed.

“Maybe it’s you,” he joked.

“Cheers,” she rolled her eyes. He laughed and looked at her curiously. She knew he was thinking something. “Go on, what?” She urged.

“Have you ever been in a relationship at all?”

“Once,” she said shortly.

“With who?”

“My childhood best friend. We got together when we were about fifteen,”

“Did you love him?” His words were uncertain because he really didn’t know how she would react.

“I cared about him,” she replied, “I cared about him a lot- enough to stay with him for three and a half years,”

“So what happened between you?” He felt her fingers begin to shrink back from his but he didn’t let them escape. He locked her fingers in his and didn’t let her wriggle free.

She looked down at the quilt and very gently squeezed his hand, “He put himself out on the line and told me that he loved me when he knew what I thought about it,”

“And you didn’t say it back,” he said sadly.

She shook her head, “I couldn’t. That would be crueller,”

“Did he split up with you because of it?”

“Not at first, but when you tell someone you love them all the time and all you get in response is ‘thank you’, ‘I know’ or ‘I really care about you too’, it’s kind of disheartening. I couldn’t stand seeing his disappointed face all the time. He kept expecting to change my mind and one day randomly tell him I loved him too,”

“So you split up with him?”

“We just parted ways,” she settled for that excuse, “It was better that way. He found someone else and he’s in a much better place now,”

“Didn’t you enjoy being with him though, or was the relationship too horrible for you to ever consider getting into another one?” He loosened his grip on her fingers to surreptitiously tell her that he wasn’t actually asking her to be in a relationship with him.

“It wasn’t horrible- far from it. Being loved is incredible especially that much. He was my first kiss, first boyfriend, first everything. Everything that I know today I learnt from him,” she murmured, “And I mean everything,” she smirked suggestively.

He smiled, “Does that mean I should really be thanking him and not you?”

She chuckled, “I suppose so,”

“Do you ever wish he hadn’t told you he loved you?”

“Sometimes,” she nodded, “But I’d rather him have not felt it at all than kept it to himself. It’s better that he told me so I could let him get on with his life with someone who could return his feelings,”

“See... You saying things like that would make me think that, if you did believe, you would’ve been in love with him,”

The whole conversation she’d been avoiding eye contact but now she looked over at him, her eyebrow risen so high it nearly touched her hairline, “Do you realise what you just said?”

“I know... It sounded just as weird out loud as it did in my head,” he mused.

“We’ll have none of this insinuation that I have feelings nonsense,” she waved her hand dismissively, “And onto a happier subject, what’re you doing tomorrow night?” She wriggled closer to him, biting her lip and grabbing his hand to place it on her lower back- Another gesture that confused him. “Because I was thinking that we could go out for something to eat and grab a drink or seven,”

“Or seven?”

She nodded, “Yeah and then maybe go back to your place and have a few more drinks,”

“Are you angling for round two here?”

“No... Round three. I was thinking round two could be after your response to my invitation,” her eyebrows wiggled cheekily.

He grinned widely, “As much as that sounds incredible, I can’t tomorrow night,”

She gasped overdramatically, “What plans could you possibly have that would compare to an evening with me?”

He paused for a second, not quite sure whether naked in bed with Alexandra was the best time to tell her, “Um... I have a date,”

Alexandra just stopped. Her reaction to those words shocked her more than the words themselves. Kennedy waited patiently for her to say something and gently stroked his thumb across her back.

“Oh,” her expression was a mixture between shock and disappointment.

“Is that okay?” He frowned, feeling her withdraw from his touch and then wriggle a bit further from him.

“Yeah of course it is,” she shook her head, “You don’t need my approval to go on a date,” she laughed awkwardly, “I’m just a little shocked that you slept with me when you’re going out with another girl tomorrow,” she was fully separated from him now, on her side of the bed with the quilt pulled around her to cover up.

“I’m not exactly going to tell her that I was with you tonight,” he shrugged.

“I know but it’s a bit... Weird. I couldn’t do that,” she said.

“You don’t date though,”

“Beside the point,” she diverted, “It’s the principle of the thing,”

“And since when were you Miss. High and Mighty exactly? If you’d have known that I was going on a date tomorrow would you have had sex with me?”

“No,” she said defiantly.

He scoffed, “Whatever,”

“I wouldn’t have!” She assured. She was pretty sure that the Kennedy she first met wouldn’t have done it either. “It’s not right for you to sleep with someone the night before you go on a date. If I ever met her it would be all I could think about,”

Kennedy stared at her for a second, “Are you jealous?”

Her frown deepened, “Are you serious? No I’m not ‘jealous’. There’s nothing to be jealous of. I’m just a little shocked that you’d do this. I mean, when I first met you I definitely wouldn’t have called it,”

He shrugged, “I probably wouldn’t have but you’re being a bit hypocritical. Haven’t you slept with men two nights in a row? Actually, if I remember correctly, I was told you had three in two days. Surely that’s worse. If I was having two dates in two nights it wouldn’t be a problem. Why are you getting so defensive over what you’re best at? It’s only sex,”

She let that comment go because she was so confused. Why was she getting so defensive? She wasn’t sure.

“Right,” she sighed, “It’s only sex. I just think it’s a bit mean. I might not have a plethora of feelings but it doesn’t mean other girls don’t,”

He scanned her face and wriggled closer, “I do see where you’re coming from but what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. It might not even go anywhere. If it makes you feel any better, for any future dates I may have I won’t sleep with you the night before. I’ll give you prior notice,”

She rolled her eyes, “What makes you think I’ll let you be with me in future?”

“Our track record isn’t the best,” he countered, “Besides, we can’t resist a beer... Or seven,” he winked at her.

She laughed and he came closer, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

“Round two?” He whispered hopefully.

She shook her head, “I’m a bit tired. I think we should just go to sleep,”

He frowned slightly but nodded nonetheless, pulling back from her, “Okay,”

She smiled at him, whispered goodnight and turned her back to him to try to sleep. ‘Try’ being the optimum word. Alexandra could not stop thinking. The more she spoke to Kennedy, the more she saw her cynical self appearing in him. Slowly but surely, he was turning into her and she definitely didn’t want that. The fact that he was the opposite of her was what she adored about him. She may not have believed in love herself but she liked that other people believed in it. The faith and hope people had gave her hope- maybe not hope for her, but definitely hope for others.

Maybe that’s why she got so defensive. She didn’t want him to start believing that things like this were okay when she knew the Kennedy from two months ago wouldn’t have dreamed of this. It scared her. It was the Kennedy of two months ago that she wanted, not herself in male form.

Or maybe she got so defensive because the second there was a mention of him with another girl, feelings rocketed through her that made her feel sick. Maybe he was right. Alexandra had never been jealous like this before- especially over a man. It was uncharted territory and it frightened her. She would have to find out what was happening to her and fast. All these new feelings weren’t good and she was never one to adapt to change.

She definitely had to stop Kennedy from changing before he lost what made him unique to her. If she destroyed his belief in love and turned him into a cynic she would never forgive herself. Never.

=====

'Saying I Love You Has Nothing To Do With Meaning It'

Maroon 5