I Liked it Better When They Were Young

3:03pm
In the park with Billie, skiving off school. Although this time, it's a lot more fun. We have swings to sit on, a cherry pie to munch on and Billie's sober. Sure, we have to eat the cherry pie with out fingers, but it's still delicious! My fingers were so sticky and the pie was so sickly sweet. It probably had like, 15,000,000 calories in it. I'd have to burn it off on the swings. I've been very concerned about my weight lately. My parents say I'm fine, and quite slim, but I don't believe them. I didn't want to stop eating the cherry pie though. It tasted too good! And it was Billie's treat, his gift to me.

Billie licked his fingers of cherry jam. He then coiled his hands around the swing chains and began to swing softly. I reflected briefly that this had been the best day of my life.

Billie looked over at me and laughed.

"You have cherry jam on your cheek!" He said, grinding to a halt on the swing and removing it for me. I felt myself burning red with embarrassment.

"Thanks." I said, once his finger retracted back to his side. Billie shrugged and kicked off the ground, his converse bound feet dangling hopelessly in mid air. I kicked off the ground too, and we both swung in unison.

"So what have I missed at school?" Billie asked, as we swung through the air. "And I don't mean work." He added quickly. "I mean gossip. What's been happening at Pinole Hellhole?" I laughed, my hair streaming out behind me. I then realised it would be frizzing up and I'd look like a right twat, so I quickly flattened it down. I almost fell off the swing. Billie laughed, but there was nervous energy in his voice.

"Careful!" I grinned sheepishly, then spilled the gossip beans.

"Oh, not a lot. I've not had anyone to hang out with, so I'm not really the right person to ask." Billie frowned.

"What about Mike and Tre?" I shrugged, swinging faster.

"Mike's more your friend than mine. And I've kinda fallen out with Tre." Billie stopped kicking and the swing stalled violently. Eventually it stopped and he placed his feet firmly on the ground. I stopped too, my feet skidding on the tarmac. I was too impatient to wait for the swing to stop.

"Why?" Billie asked eventually, "What were you fighting about?" I paused, then laughed at him.

"You, actually!" Billie frowned.

"Me?" He asked, patting his chest with false innocence. "Moi?" I laughed. He continued, removing his hand from his chest.

"Seriously though, why me?" I sighed.

"Tre seems to think, you've changed me." I sighed again and kicked off. "And he's probably right." Billie tilted his head to one side, squinting up at me as I hurtled past him on the swing.

"But you don't need to be changed."

"Not now I don't." I said, grinding to a halt in front of him. "You didn't know me before we met. I was really shy, I didn't talk to anyone. I guess... I was kinda battling depression..." Billie nodded. This didn't faze him in the slightest. Like I knew it would faze Tre if I told him. I had never talked to Tre about how much I cried when I got home from school. How I'd threatened with myself that I was going to commit suicide. I knew it would really upset him and that he'd freak out. Get me to call a helpline, or see a child psychiatrist. Tre was good for a lot of things. Phoning up at midnight when neither of us could sleep, helping me with homework, playing imaginary games when it was raining outside and going on shopping trips to Lush with. But something like depression wasn't really his strong suit.

It wasn't that I trusted Billie more than Tre, I just knew from Mike that he'd been there all before. That he'd understand better. I looked down.

"Ok, I haven't told anyone that. Not my parents, not Tre. Especially not Tre..."

"It's ok." Billie said softly. "I won't tell anyone. Sorry to hear you've been battling depression."

"It's in the past." I said, scuffing my shoes on the tarmac. "When I met you, thinks started to get a bit better. I came out of my shell a bit more. I think Tre's just a little bit jealous. He thinks I think he's a loser." Billie scoffed.

"So? I'm more of a loser than he is! At least he doesn't drink the way I do. There's nothing wrong with being a loser, it just depends how good you are at it." I laughed.

"Well, before you came along, he used to be the only person I'd talk to. And I didn't even talk to him that much." Billie nodded.

"Ah." He paused for a second. "So why were you depressed? I mean, how did it all start?" I was silent, not sure whether to tell him or not. "I'm not trying to be your shrink or anything." Billie said. "I'm just curious." I shrugged.

"I got bullied." I said quietly. "A lot." Billie sighed.

"Oh. Why?" I sighed angrily, getting up off the swing and facing him.

"Look at me, Billie! I don't belong in school, I don't fit it! Look at me and tell me; What do you see?" Billie blinked at me, his eyes travelling up and down.

"I see a girl, who's different from everyone else." I nodded.

"Exactly!"

"That's not a bad thing." I frowned at him.

"Of course it is! If you're different, you get bullied."

"Why do you think I sat next to you in registration on my first day? Why do you think I followed you, all the way to today?" My frown faded away slowly. Billie shrugged.

"The way I see it, being different is a good thing." My frown had gone in favour of a smile now.

"Thanks." Billie shrugged.

"I think you should talk to Tre. Tell him that you're much happier now. People who are different tend to have an influence on other people's lives. You've certainly had an influence on my life." I frowned in thought.

"What? You mean, I changed you?" Billie smiled a very small, secretive smile.

"You didn't know me before we met either." He said softly. I settled back down on the swing. Maybe, just maybe, he would confide in me too.

"Well, what was your life like before you met me?" Billie said nothing. He looked at me, sizing me up. Just like I had done with him. I continued.

"What were you like before you met me?"