Status: Partners in Crime!
There's No Way To Fix Us
Seven
*Carla*
Scarlet had run after me when I unsuccessfully sneaked to the library. I didn't acknowledge her. She didn't need to be. I knew she was there and she knew that I didn't want to talk and where I was going. But the thing that didn't make sense, was that she never arrived. I poked my head over the hood of my jacket. Rows beyond rows of books is all that I say. Slowly, I stood up. I crept through the isle in front of me and peeked my nimble head and neck around the corner of a bookcase. There she was sitting patiently waiting in one of the wooden chairs. We met eyes at the same time.
"Carls, are you okay?" She mouths from across the room. One slight movement of my head "No" is all it took. I slyly slid from out the isle and walked silently over in front of her. She slid the chair back from the table where her hands were resting and opened her arms gingerly. I collapsed into them eagerly.
"I'm acting stupid, aren't I?" I choke, almost inaudible.
"No, hon. It is all OK. This is big for you. Maybe to much just because of the fact you loved him so much. I would be the same way." She says this so comfortingly, I almost cry because it reminds me of the mother I always wanted. She was like my mother in a way; and Steph, my sister.
"Where's Steph?" I sit up and stare her down with the colorless eyes inside my eye sockets.
"She umm..." She stumbles in her words.
"Scar?" My stare hardened.
"She.. umm... went for a drive?" She seemed to be questioning herself.
"I know you know where she went." I accuse, although I don't care if I'm being mean. She's trying to avoid the question.
"Blue Moon..." She mumbled sadly.
"Ugh! You have got to be kidding me, Scar! He doesn't need to be there! Wait a minute, we let him! We have to go get him back here!" I'm speaking to fast I don't even know what I'm saying. Somehow Scarlet understands every word.
"Yeah I know honey, but we can't. They both told us not to."
"And since when do you expect me to follow their rules? He's up to no good and I know it!" It seems like I'm shouting at her because in a deadly silent library my voice is quite loud and Scarlet jumped every time I spoke, frightened. She's normally the strong one.
"Look, I'm so sorry for yelling at you right then. I love ya and you know girly," And I gave her a reassuring hug. "Now listen, just for you, I won't go. But I'm telling you right now, that his is going something he isn't suppose to." A tear fell over my eye, and Scar just stared, like she wasn't really looking at me at all. Staring right through me.
"Come on..." She says motioning me off and standing up dead silent. "I no where we need to go."
****************
I honestly don't know where this day was going or when it would end. Scarlet ended up taking me to the Johnson's Mall. It strikes my attention later that our school was still in session. Fifth to be exact but who was paying attention? I mean Brad (ugh I started to slap myself with a rubber band on my wrist because it was getting to much to bear) went to his favorite bar. Steph went after him. And now Scarlet and I were at the mall. Ha! Skipping school together again. Well not together, like me and Brad (ow) used to do but close enough. All we did was sit in the food court,watching the pretty decent looking guys walk by every two seconds. It pissed me off when Scar made us go because I was having a distracting time from... (ow)
We pull into the parking lot just before school got out. Since I didn't have a car I still had to ride the bus. I thank Scarlet for the good time, kissed her cheek, (in the friend kind of way) and step out of the car. I head toward the faded yellow bus #49. Then I here it. (ow)
"Hey Carla." I didn't turn. Not even the moan of my excitement escaped my lips.
"Carla, talk to me," he says, following me down the cracked sidewalk.
"Why should I?" I snapped, stopping by my favorite tree with the peaches. His face had a slight twinge in fear as I stared him down, my feelings crushed inside, not showing hurt, but my pissed feeling toward him.
"You know, I should take Steph's advice," he confesses, stopping in front of my propped up body.
I look at him, and I nod, agreeing with his new found courage of confession to me.
"You know I haven't stopped anything. The bruise you saw on Steph's arm, well, that was from me. To top it all off, I want you so bad and I won't have sex because I don't want to hurt you or get you pregnant. I don't want to ruin your chance at life," he says, looking deep into my eyes. The sincere, heartfelt eyes bore into me.
"You.... hit Steph?" My voice cracks in the now shown fear.
"Yes. I don't want to hurt you, Carla," he exclaims, tears forming in his eyes.
"You won't! I trust you!" I say. I just couldn't help it. I flung myself into his arms.
My body shook and tears fell from my eyes. They were going to stain his shirt. I knew him well enough to know he didn't care. His grip tightened.
"Carla, calm down. You know I love you," he whispered in my ear, keeping his arms wrapped around me.
"Then why'd you break up with me?" I choked, still shaking in his arms. I couldn't help in.
"It's whats best for you," he said, "I'm afraid and I don't trust myself."
"I trust you," I whispered softly, my breathing was slowing and the shaking was somehow stopping. How his voice can make me do so many things.
"Carla....." he muttered.
"Brad, I do! I want you so bad! I trust you! Come on. Stop being a big chicken," I say, looking into his gorgeous green eyes.
"Carla. Just..... no. If you get pregnant, your parents will kill you," he mumbled. Even his eyes say 'Come on just do it. Leave with her right now.' I pester on.
"Brad....." I groan.
"No," he snaps close to my face.
He kisses my forehead, hugged me lightly, which I wished was more, and walked back down the street the way he came.
"Brad!" I call out but I know it's useless. Not a missed step. Like he never heard me. Another tear falls down the right side of my face. I take a step out from underneath the tree and continue to walk to the bus. My steps were heavy. I almost can't lift my concrete legs up the stairs of the overcrowded bus. With just a little more stepping over the feet and band instruments in the barely free walk-space, I flop down in the back seat of the molded Twinkie. The inside seat is mine, always. Some chick sits down beside me and says nothing. Turning my head toward the window, I slip in the silver and black ear buds of my Ipod and lean my weak head on the glass. Its going to be a long, lonely ride home.
Scarlet had run after me when I unsuccessfully sneaked to the library. I didn't acknowledge her. She didn't need to be. I knew she was there and she knew that I didn't want to talk and where I was going. But the thing that didn't make sense, was that she never arrived. I poked my head over the hood of my jacket. Rows beyond rows of books is all that I say. Slowly, I stood up. I crept through the isle in front of me and peeked my nimble head and neck around the corner of a bookcase. There she was sitting patiently waiting in one of the wooden chairs. We met eyes at the same time.
"Carls, are you okay?" She mouths from across the room. One slight movement of my head "No" is all it took. I slyly slid from out the isle and walked silently over in front of her. She slid the chair back from the table where her hands were resting and opened her arms gingerly. I collapsed into them eagerly.
"I'm acting stupid, aren't I?" I choke, almost inaudible.
"No, hon. It is all OK. This is big for you. Maybe to much just because of the fact you loved him so much. I would be the same way." She says this so comfortingly, I almost cry because it reminds me of the mother I always wanted. She was like my mother in a way; and Steph, my sister.
"Where's Steph?" I sit up and stare her down with the colorless eyes inside my eye sockets.
"She umm..." She stumbles in her words.
"Scar?" My stare hardened.
"She.. umm... went for a drive?" She seemed to be questioning herself.
"I know you know where she went." I accuse, although I don't care if I'm being mean. She's trying to avoid the question.
"Blue Moon..." She mumbled sadly.
"Ugh! You have got to be kidding me, Scar! He doesn't need to be there! Wait a minute, we let him! We have to go get him back here!" I'm speaking to fast I don't even know what I'm saying. Somehow Scarlet understands every word.
"Yeah I know honey, but we can't. They both told us not to."
"And since when do you expect me to follow their rules? He's up to no good and I know it!" It seems like I'm shouting at her because in a deadly silent library my voice is quite loud and Scarlet jumped every time I spoke, frightened. She's normally the strong one.
"Look, I'm so sorry for yelling at you right then. I love ya and you know girly," And I gave her a reassuring hug. "Now listen, just for you, I won't go. But I'm telling you right now, that his is going something he isn't suppose to." A tear fell over my eye, and Scar just stared, like she wasn't really looking at me at all. Staring right through me.
"Come on..." She says motioning me off and standing up dead silent. "I no where we need to go."
****************
I honestly don't know where this day was going or when it would end. Scarlet ended up taking me to the Johnson's Mall. It strikes my attention later that our school was still in session. Fifth to be exact but who was paying attention? I mean Brad (ugh I started to slap myself with a rubber band on my wrist because it was getting to much to bear) went to his favorite bar. Steph went after him. And now Scarlet and I were at the mall. Ha! Skipping school together again. Well not together, like me and Brad (ow) used to do but close enough. All we did was sit in the food court,watching the pretty decent looking guys walk by every two seconds. It pissed me off when Scar made us go because I was having a distracting time from... (ow)
We pull into the parking lot just before school got out. Since I didn't have a car I still had to ride the bus. I thank Scarlet for the good time, kissed her cheek, (in the friend kind of way) and step out of the car. I head toward the faded yellow bus #49. Then I here it. (ow)
"Hey Carla." I didn't turn. Not even the moan of my excitement escaped my lips.
"Carla, talk to me," he says, following me down the cracked sidewalk.
"Why should I?" I snapped, stopping by my favorite tree with the peaches. His face had a slight twinge in fear as I stared him down, my feelings crushed inside, not showing hurt, but my pissed feeling toward him.
"You know, I should take Steph's advice," he confesses, stopping in front of my propped up body.
I look at him, and I nod, agreeing with his new found courage of confession to me.
"You know I haven't stopped anything. The bruise you saw on Steph's arm, well, that was from me. To top it all off, I want you so bad and I won't have sex because I don't want to hurt you or get you pregnant. I don't want to ruin your chance at life," he says, looking deep into my eyes. The sincere, heartfelt eyes bore into me.
"You.... hit Steph?" My voice cracks in the now shown fear.
"Yes. I don't want to hurt you, Carla," he exclaims, tears forming in his eyes.
"You won't! I trust you!" I say. I just couldn't help it. I flung myself into his arms.
My body shook and tears fell from my eyes. They were going to stain his shirt. I knew him well enough to know he didn't care. His grip tightened.
"Carla, calm down. You know I love you," he whispered in my ear, keeping his arms wrapped around me.
"Then why'd you break up with me?" I choked, still shaking in his arms. I couldn't help in.
"It's whats best for you," he said, "I'm afraid and I don't trust myself."
"I trust you," I whispered softly, my breathing was slowing and the shaking was somehow stopping. How his voice can make me do so many things.
"Carla....." he muttered.
"Brad, I do! I want you so bad! I trust you! Come on. Stop being a big chicken," I say, looking into his gorgeous green eyes.
"Carla. Just..... no. If you get pregnant, your parents will kill you," he mumbled. Even his eyes say 'Come on just do it. Leave with her right now.' I pester on.
"Brad....." I groan.
"No," he snaps close to my face.
He kisses my forehead, hugged me lightly, which I wished was more, and walked back down the street the way he came.
"Brad!" I call out but I know it's useless. Not a missed step. Like he never heard me. Another tear falls down the right side of my face. I take a step out from underneath the tree and continue to walk to the bus. My steps were heavy. I almost can't lift my concrete legs up the stairs of the overcrowded bus. With just a little more stepping over the feet and band instruments in the barely free walk-space, I flop down in the back seat of the molded Twinkie. The inside seat is mine, always. Some chick sits down beside me and says nothing. Turning my head toward the window, I slip in the silver and black ear buds of my Ipod and lean my weak head on the glass. Its going to be a long, lonely ride home.