Smiling at Everything

"Do you guys mind stopping so we can finish this meeting?" Neon asked, "I'd like to eat at some point."

"Are you sure you're not pregnant?" Arpeggio asked.

"No, damn it."

"Touchy," Arpeggio mumbled.

"You and Alex fuck like rabbits. How do you know you're not pregnant?" Jazz asked.

She felt it was time for another comment. This argument could last awhile, she wanted to be able to sit back and relax while it was going on. No one would notice if she stopped talking again.

No one would even notice if she left the room. Jazz couldn't help feeling expendable to her band mates. It was like no one cared about her. If Neon didn't eat a single meal, the band would be on her case in a heartbeat. There was a time when Arpeggio couldn't leave a room without the whole band knowing where she went. There were things the rest of the band members did that would send up warnings in everyone's head. Nothing Jazz did would ever make anyone feel like that. If her smile dropped, the only one who would notice was Zack. They were like a family, sure, but she was more like the ignored child than anything. She loved her friends but sometimes their lack of attention was a bit ridiculous.

Jazz could die and everyone would think she went on a sporadic vacation or was in the middle of an anime marathon.

"Stop being a whiny bitch, Presley."

Jazz jolted back to the present, realizing the argument was coming to a close. She looked around the room to see if anyone noticed her twitch. It seemed everyone's eyes were on the argument between the rest of the RxN members. Of course no one noticed her twitch.

Jazz's eyes landed on Zack. He was staring at her, eyes laced with concern. He had seen the twitching motion her body made. She had spaced out for the third time he was around her. Had there been more times that day that whatever was taking over her mind took complete control?

"Are you okay," Zack mouthed.

Jazz nodded, pasting a smile on her face. He gave her a disbelieving look. She was lying and he would ask her about it later. After all, she was his ride home.

"Now that you all are finished," Joseph said, pulling Jazz and Zack's attention to him, "I wanted to talk to you about the photo shoot. It is tomorrow morning around eight. Be there on time so we can get your hair and makeup done, as well as give you your definite shoot theme."

"That's too early," Dorian grumbled.

"I know it's early but directly after the shoots we're leaving for the first venue. We have to do these before we leave so I have time to edit them before the first performance. I will be with you guys for the duration of the tour, telling the photographers what I want shot for each of your individual websites and coming up with new merchandise designs."

Though Joseph was specifically RxN's graphic designer, other bands had begun hiring him to do jobs for them. He was good and everyone knew it. RxN was his top priority; he wouldn't accept a job if it conflicted with what he was doing with the band.

"Each shoot will consist of two people. Because the tour is entitled After School Special, I'd like the photo shoot to focus on things teenagers would suffer from. One person in the shoot will have a problem; the other person will be a sort of lifeline. I want to put RxN and All Time Low together because of the obvious band friendship that's formed. I'm going to talk to you guys," Joseph motioned to the other two bands, "to figure out exactly what I'm going to do with you. I want to get to know you first before I make a decision on your rolls. Any questions so far?"

"What exactly did you have in mind for the RxN and All Time Low shoots?" Alex asked.

Jazz was curious too. What roll could he possibly give her? She was trying to convey a sense of perfectionism. If anything, she would play a lifeline. But she couldn't picture herself in that roll. She couldn't picture herself comforting someone, keeping them alive.

"I'm getting there. Are there any questions related to timing?" Joseph asked.

No one said anything. They just wanted to know what the shoots would be like.

"I'll take that as a no," Joseph said, "I wanted the photo shoot to be personal to each group. So I decided to pull experiences from each of your pasts to take the shoot to that personal level. Most of the groups have more than one option so, if you aren't comfortable with the option I give you, it can be changed. One of the groups is an exception to a few of the rules but I'll explain that when I get there."

She could picture plenty of problems from her own personal experience they could use but none were likely to be used. Joseph didn't know about them, he couldn't possibly have used them.

"Neon, I want you to portray your eating disorder with Alex as your lifeline. We may edit your film to make you look like legitimate skin and bones. Just to note, I don't want anything sexual in your shoot," Joseph said.

He wouldn't need to tell Jazz not to use sexuality in her shoot. There was no way she would get sexual with any of the band members she was matched with.

"Damn it," Alex muttered.

Joseph rolled his eyes and continued, "Arpeggio, I want you to portray suicide again but I want it to be more of a fictional reenactment since you already did a suicide shoot. Jack will be your lifeline. Same thing goes for you two, no sex."

Neon's and Arpeggio's were obvious connections with what they had been through. Jazz knew hers wouldn't be like that. There was no way it could under the circumstances.

"But sex is good," Jack said.

"I don't care. Dorian, you'll focus on the time you came out to your father. The make up artist will make fake bruises and cuts on your skin and we may edit a few more injuries in if necessary. Rian, you'll be his lifeline simply because I think you would make a terrific straight supporter."

Jazz remembered that day clearly. Dorian was beaten and kicked out of his father's home. His father wouldn't accept a "fucking cocksucking faggot" as a son. That was the only time anyone had seen Dorian cry, aside from at Armand's funeral. It was heartbreaking.

"Lestat, you dealt with alcoholism at a young age and I want your shoot to focus on that. Dante, you're his lifeline. You were the one who had a major hand in helping him quit," Joseph said.

"Yeah, he was the dick who made me put down any alcoholic beverage I was drinking," Lestat said.

"That was because you got loud when you drank and didn't seem to understand the phrase 'shut up,'" Dante countered.

"Moving on," Joseph cut in, "Jazz and Zack, your group is the exception to a lot of the rules. I had a hard time picking something for you two. As far as I know, you both have no major problems. So I decided to just fabricate something for you. You guys won't have a lifeline or a sufferer. I want you two to portray a teacher-student affair. Jazz as the student in some Japanese schoolgirl outfit; Zack as the gym coach. This is the only shoot that will be sexual."

Jazz's mind shut down immediately. Their faces filled her mind again, menacing and taunting. She couldn't do this photo shoot.

"It'll only take a second, Juliet."

She didn't snap out of her thoughts this time. This photo shoot would make her face the monsters she had been trying to avoid. Even worse, Zack was portraying those monsters. He was getting dragged into a situation that he shouldn't be involved in. He would even be dressed like the one who hurt her the first time.

Zack caught the panicked expression on Jazz's face. He didn't know why her expression changed so drastically but he did know they couldn't do that shoot.

"Don't you think that's a bit inappropriate?" Zack asked.

Joseph shook his head, "Lately, teachers have been getting convicted of messing with minors at an increasing rate. I find it an appropriate topic. Plus, I don't have anything else for you two to do."

"Couldn't Jazz and I come up with something together?"

Zack was trying his best to get the decision changed. Something about what Joseph suggested caused Jazz to shut off from the rest of the world. She wouldn't be able to make it through the actual photo shoot.

Again, Joseph shook his head, "I need to get the setup completed before you get there."

"So there's no way to change it?" Zack asked.

"Not unless I think of something overnight. Jazz hasn't complained about it so calm down."

Zack couldn't believe Joseph didn't see the horror in Jazz's eyes. Were her friends really that unaware of her emotions? So the corners of her lips were still turned up slightly, that didn't mean she was happy about the decision.

He needed to talk with her about this.