Smiling at Everything

Jazz and Zack sat cuddled against each other on the couch of the tour bus. Zack ran his fingers through Jazz's hair, willing the situation to disappear. She had stopped crying long ago but would occasionally dig her nails into her arms out of subconscious nature. It was difficult to see her like this.

"They hate me," Jazz mumbled.

"They don't hate you," Zack denied.

"Yes, they do."

"No, they don't. Jazz, they just need time to let the information sink in," Zack assured.

"Then what? They'll kick me out of the band for not being a good role model?"

"They won't kick you out. They'll understand why you've been afraid. In fact, they'll probably feel terrible about how they reacted. Give them a little time, okay?"

Jazz sighed, "I guess."

They weren't going to react as calm as Zack predicted. This wasn't a small thing. This was Jazz lying about everything in her life to her friends. Her alleged friends. Could she really call them friends? She couldn't talk to them, couldn't be real around them, was afraid to let them in.

But they had been there for the past years, giving her an outlet for her music. They let her join the band when they didn't know her well. They allowed her to stay with them, to tour and record. They had moments with her, even if she was fake a majority of the time. She knew their secrets and she would never allow anyone to know about them.

They were her friends. They would always be her friends.

"I'll be here for you through everything," Zack assured.

Jazz smiled, "You're too good for me, Beatrice."

"No, I'm exactly what you need."

"But you could do better."

"Are you serious? Jazz, you have the body of a goddess, you're a sweetheart, you're fun to be with, you make me happy. So you've been through some tough things. I wouldn't give you up because of something like that."

Jazz rubbed her face into Zack's neck, a flush covering her cheeks. Zack kissed the top of her head. It was silent for a moment, the two sitting in each other's company.

"I like you a lot," Jazz mumbled.

Zack knew that was a big deal to her. As far as he knew, she had never truly been emotionally connected to any of her significant others. Her affection was something she didn't give out easily and he understood that. She had put all her trust in her English teacher during her first year in high school only to have her life pulled deeper into shambles.

"I like you a lot too," Zack stated.

Jazz pressed her lips to Zack's cheek, a sign of affection she had grown comfortable with. When she pulled away, her eyes caught on his lips. She bit her own lips, debating on whether or not she could push herself to kiss Zack. She wanted to, she did. But could she?

Zack watched Jazz drift into thought, her eyes focused on his lips. He couldn't let her drift and risk having some form of anxiety attack.

"Jazz, are you okay?" he asked.

Jazz didn't answer. Instead, she leaned forward and paused centimeters from Zack's lips. She stared into his eyes, looking for a sign to continue. Seeing her hesitation, Zack decided to take the initiative and close the gap between their lips. Their eyes slid shut, electricity trailing down their bodies from the simple lip contact.

Zack remained still, allowing Jazz to take control of the kiss. She slowly moved her lips against Zack's, reveling in the sensations running through her body. Zack picked up on her pace with ease, meeting each of her mouth's movements. The kiss continued at the sensuous slow pace until Jazz pulled away.

"Wow," Jazz mumbled.

She had kissed people before but it was never like that. She never enjoyed it. But she liked the feelings she got from Zack's lips.

"Yeah," Zack returned.

A smile spread on Jazz's face. She cuddled back into Zack's side, content. There were no words needed to be said. Zack obviously felt the same way. He said nothing, fingers running through Jazz's hair.

The door to the bus slid open. Alex calmly walked onto the vehicle, no babies in arm. He smiled at the sight of his friend and Jazz cuddled together. Zack had been the only one not to leave the keyboardist alone when her past surfaced. Alex was glad Zack was willing to stick by Jazz through anything.

Though, Zack probably already knew everything.

"There's food in Conference Room A," Alex stated, "Everyone's in there if you want to come eat."

Anxiety immediately flooded Jazz, her friend's upset reactions filling her mind. Eating in the same area as them before they had the opportunity to calm down was not a good idea. She knew that.

"I'm not hungry. You can go eat, Zack. I'll stay here," Jazz said.

"Jazz, you should come," Alex said.

Neon was upset but not at Jazz. For the past hour, his wife had been going on about how she felt like a terrible friend, how she should have noticed. She had always attributed Jazz's character changes to growing up. Now, she knew she should have been worried, and she felt bad about not giving Jazz's problems the time of day.

She wouldn't even eat.

"I don't know, Alex," Jazz said.

"You can't stay locked on the bus forever. RxN is doing an interview again after eating," Alex stated.

"I probably won't even be part of RxN by the time that interview starts."

"They won't kick you out of RxN for being raped and dealing with it the only way you knew how."

Jazz shrugged. Zack had basically told her the same thing. Maybe he and Alex were right. Maybe her friends wouldn't hate her and deem her unfit to be in the band. Maybe they would understand that she had no other options.

"He's right, Jazz," Zack said, "you can't sit in here and expect everything to go away. Plus, skipping a meal won't get you anything other than a lower metabolism."

"Fine, let's go eat," Jazz said.

Jazz removed herself from Zack's side, allowing the bassist to stand. Once upright, he offered a hand to help her up, which she took and laced their fingers together. Clutching his hand, Jazz allowed Zack to lead her from the bus behind Alex. The three walked through the parking lot and into the building in silence. As they made their way through the hallways, Jazz squeezed Zack's hand.

She didn't know if she could face her friends.

The group stopped in front of a door labeled 'Conference Room A' in large block letters. Jazz's heart beat rapidly against her ribcage, her stomach threatening to spew its contents. Alex pushed the door open, walking first. Zack smiled down at Jazz, reassuring her it would be fine before tugging her hand to lead her into the room.

He was sure Alex wouldn't have asked them to come to lunch if everyone was still upset with Jazz. For a genius, Jazz wasn't thinking very critically about the situation. Not that Zack minded being her rock. He just wanted her to stop hurting.

Zack led Jazz toward the buffet style food setup. Jazz's eyes scanned the various oversized tables, landing on the one filled with RxN and All Time Low members. Her band mates seemed to notice her appearance in the room, their gazes focused on her movements. She could feel the bile from her overactive stomach prepared to escape.

"What do you want to eat?" Zack asked, directing Jazz's attention away from her band mates.

"I can't eat right now," Jazz answered.

"Too nervous?"

She nodded.

"How about I just pack food onto my plate and you can eat off of it?" he suggested.

"Okay."

Zack went down the line of food, piling items onto his plate he hoped would coax Jazz into eating. It wasn't good to handle things by changing her eating patterns. The number of energy drinks she consumed was bad enough. She didn't need to throw her whole bodily system off balance.

Zack grabbed Jazz's hand again and began to lead her to the center table where their band mates sat. Jazz halted in place, forcing Zack to stop. Confused, he turned his head to face her, brows furrowed. Jazz shook her head in response to his unasked question and tugged him in the direction of an empty table.

She couldn't sit with them.

The bassist allowed her to lead him to the table, holding back a sigh. Jazz needed to talk to her friends. She made a great leap by getting off the bus and stepping into the same room as them but she was avoiding them again.

The couple sat at the table, Jazz focusing her gaze on the table top. It was silent for a moment until various chairs scraped against the floor of the room, grating Jazz's ears. Her heart dropped into the pit of her flopping stomach.

Her friends couldn't even stay in the same room as her?

Instead of the door opening, the chairs around Jazz scraped the floor. She tore her eyes away from the table to see her friends and the members of All Time Low taking a seat at the table she and Zack had chosen.