Baby, I'm Sure

The large, red fleece blanket that lay over her lap kept her as warm as possible as she sat, on her dark suede couch, feet curled under herself, watching the clock in the corner of her screen wind down to zero. She snuggled down further into her seat, pulling the hood of the sweatshirt she wore over her head, trying to comfort herself as the buzzer to end the second period of the game rang.

She watched as the men in white skated off the ice, their heads hanging slightly as they did so. She shut her eyes and leaned her head back as a commercial for the local supermarket, Jewel, played across the screen, advertising their sales for the week, but she didn’t hear any of them, seeing as she was too immersed in the sweatshirt she was wearing.

She played with the strings around the hood, feeling the frayed ends split even more between her fingertips; they had been that way when he had given it to her. It had been given to her so recently that it still smelled like him, and for that, she was grateful. It might nights like the one she was experiencing much easier- it tricked her mind into thinking he was there with her.

They had created a complicated relationship, starting off as friends who had met in a clothing store that she had worked at when she helped him find nearly a whole new wardrobe- most of it which he still had a year and a half later. Things progressed to a place where she, along with most of her girlfriends, were sure ‘friends’ would be a term the two used for each other no longer; they were shocked when nothing happened.

It was obvious to anyone who saw them together that they had chemistry- they were so close, nearly everyone they passed on the street while together was convinced they were an item. Always politely telling them that they were just friends, the two of them even knew they were destined for each other- it was that obvious.

Only ten minutes of the intermission had passed by the time she opened her eyes, and she sighed into his sweatshirt, sure this would be the longest night of her life. Chicago born and raised, she was proud to wear his jacket- she supported both he and the hockey team she had grown up watching, always cheering for them, even when they were nowhere near the top.

She sighed out of boredom and stood up, walking into the kitchen and looking through the pantry for something- anything, really –to eat, seeing as she hadn’t made herself dinner; she just wasn’t in the mood to eat earlier in the evening. Her eyes landed on one of her favorite, most comforting meal: macaroni and cheese. She smiled to herself and pulled the box off of the shelf, quickly gathering and mixing all the ingredients she’d need to make her food.

Knowing she wouldn’t miss anything that great in the first few seconds of the third period, she kept her focus on the small pot of pasta in front of her, desperately needing it to boil soon, for she wanted to get back to the game.

“Rypien and Eager, in front of the benches!”

Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head as she scurried back into the living room, taking her place back on the couch, just as the cameras began to zoom in on the fight on the ice. She ignored the announcers as she watched Ben, her best friend, the man she was sure she had feelings for, land a few left-handed punches on the side of Rick Rypien’s face, knocking his helmet off and onto the ice, before the referees stepped in and pulled the two men apart, sending each to their respective penalty boxes.

The rest of the game, which the brunette spent by sitting on her couch, eating a bowl of macaroni and cheese, snuggled into Ben’s sweater and underneath her favorite blanket, went by quickly; the Blackhawks losing to the Vancouver Canucks, three goals to one.

She stood up and walked into the kitchen, setting her bowl into her sink, debating on washing it or not. Looking down at the few dishes there, she decided to keep herself busy for a few moments, as well as get a quick chore done.

Just as she finished, and dried her hands on a plain white dish towel, her ears perked up to the sound of her phone vibrating on the table behind her.

“I’m sorry,” she answered her phone after she looked down at the caller ID, smiling lightly when she realized the game had been over for less then a half an hour- she was always the first person he called after an away game, and always the first one he wanted to see after a home game tonight.

He sighed on the other end of the line, “It’s not your fault; we just couldn’t get anything going enough to score.”

“You scared the shit out of me tonight, Benjamin Eager.”

“Alyssa,” her full name coming out of his mouth made her face break into a grin. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” she admitted, leaning her head onto her shoulder, her phone pressed up against her ear, sandwiched in the middle of the two. “When are you coming home?”

“Speaking of,” he mumbled, so low, she almost didn’t catch that he had spoken at all. “I don’t know. Coach said we’re snowed in; I have no clue if I’ll even be home sometime this week.”

“Ben, Christmas Eve is tomorrow,” she nearly whined, looking around her apartment, her eyes landing on the small, brightly lit, fully decorated Christmas tree in the corner of her living room. “Are you really telling me you’re not gonna be here?”

“I don’t know, Lyss. This airport’s crazy right now- there’s no way they can let us take off with the amount of snow on the ground both here and at home.”

She sighed as she looked out the window, down onto the streets of Chicago below her, which were, in fact, covered in nearly two feet of snow. The phone in her hands suddenly felt ridiculously heavy as she realized he was right- there was no way he could come home in the weather they were having.

“I have to go, babe.” Her heart fluttered lightly in her chest as the pet name left his lips, even though it was one they used frequently for each other. “Coach wants to talk to us.”

She almost nodded, but the second she remembered he couldn’t see her, she gulped. “Okay, call me later.”

“I will,” he answered, quickly saying goodbye, before he hung up. She sighed as she pushed the red End button on her cell phone’s keypad, desperately wanting him to be there- to hold her like he would normally have when she had a horrible day like the one she’d just experienced.

The second she left her apartment, she knew the day would not go well: she was nearly snowed in to her building, she left her key to her office door at home, and she’d run into her ex-boyfriend, the reason behind her apprehensiveness towards relationships, on her way out to lunch with a few of her co-workers. And then, on top of all that, she wasn’t sure if the one person she actually wanted to see, other than her family, would be in the city to celebrate Christmas with her.

The day had just been too rough, she had decided. All she could do, in her opinion, was sleep it off.

She ran her hands through her chin length hair and walked into her bathroom, quickly removing any traces of the makeup she had applied earlier in the morning, before she walked back into her bedroom, snuggling down into her cold bed. The empty spot next to her only reminded her of the void in her life at the moment- Ben was nowhere near her. Her mind recollected her memories of the sleepovers they’d had in the past; the ones that had led to not only giggles and inside jokes, but even a few longing hugs and kisses.

She shook her head lightly, as if trying to shake the memories, before she shut her eyes, desperately trying to get to sleep. She just wanted to get the day over with.

A shift of the weight on her mattress made Alyssa’s eyes pop open, only to meet darkness. She ran her small hands through her hair as she looked over her shoulder, back at her alarm clock, which read four forty-two. Convinced she had only imagined the movement, she laid her head back down on her pillow, shutting her eyes, trying her hardest to get back to sleep.

When she heard breathing other than her own, and felt an arm drape over her waist, her heart began to beat faster, and she couldn’t help but let her mind race at the possibilities of who exactly could be laying in her bed with her. She shot up in her place and reached over to the lamp on her bedside table, switching it on quickly, blinking her eyes rapidly as they adjusted to the newfound light.

The buzz cut on the white head of the man next to her allowed her heart rate to slow down a little, but she couldn’t help but place her hand over her chest, feeling it thumping steadily underneath her skin.

“Ben! What the hell are you doing here?!”

He looked up at her with tired eyes, smiling lightly up at her. “What? You’re not happy to see me?” She only raised her eyebrow in his direction, causing his smile to widen into a full-on grin. “Coach got us a flight back late last night; I didn’t wanna call, because I didn’t wanna wake you up.”

She only smiled back down at him and leaned down, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck, wordlessly giving him her gratitude for coming to her house, instead of his own. He tightened his grip on her waist as he did the same back to her, scooting as close to her as the pillow between them would allow.

She quickly pulled it away from their bodies and tossed it onto the floor, snuggling down into Ben’s chest, grunting when he moved. “Babe, I’m uncomfortable.”

She watched as he stood up and turned his back to her, unbuckling and unzipping the jeans that clung to his legs, silently thanking the Lord that existed as she tore her eyes away from the scene. Using her legs to her advantage, she stuck one out and tapped his butt with her toe, grinning devilishly back at him when he turned his head towards her.

He smirked back and climbed back onto her bed, this time only in his boxers, and, without warning, nearly flopped on top of the young girl. She began to giggle loudly and uncontrollably, fighting back until he grabbed her hands and pinned them over her head. She pouted, making a throaty chuckle bubble out of his throat; she almost laughed, but decided not to give in to his games, even though she’d instigated them.

“Benny,” she whined, pouting her lips out even further. “Will you let me go please?”

“I love you.”

The second the words passed his lips, his eyes widened in shock; she looked back up at him, with what she was sure was the same expression, before hers turned into a small smile. “Really?”

Not even thinking twice about it, Ben nodded, and only grinned down at her as she wriggled her hands free from his grip and linked them together behind his neck, using the leverage to pull his face down to meet hers.

Their lips met in a passion-filled kiss that sent shivers down both of their spines and charged every nerve in their bodies. He pulled away from her and grinned when he looked down at her face, the smile still there. “I love you, too.”

“Merry Christmas, Alyssa,” he whispered against her lips, pressing his back up against them again, smiling when she pulled away from him.

“It’s not even Christmas yet, Ben.”