I'll Follow You Anywhere
Ch.27: Consequences Of A Kiss and Believing
"Lora, they love you. And sometimes two people can't stay in love forever. Sometimes, a change is just needed. They don't want to hurt you, Lor. They never have and never will. But this is what they want. I know it hurts but it's time that you grew up. For some people, love just doesn't last," I whispered to her, watching the tears bloom in her gentle eyes. I swept my thumb slowly across her cheek, wiping away a lone tear that had trickled upon its soft surface.
As I leaned down, I just couldn't help myself. I gently pressed my lips to her cheek, letting them linger there a moment longer than necessary. As I pulled away and looked at her, I saw her mouth slightly open in surprise at what I had just done.
Maybe I wouldn't have to wait until the end of the school year to tell her after all.
-27-
"Sirius," she whispered quietly to me, still gazing up into my eyes. I could see surprise and some other mystery feeling lingering together in her eyes, mixing together as she blinked. I could feel myself blushing and I bit down on my tongue to punish myself for being so rash. The pain that shot up through it was nothing compared to the feeling that my heart was sending out as it swelled up in my chest. "What was that?"
"It was just a kiss, Lora," I whispered back, somewhat embarrassed by my actions at this point. Maybe this would be the perfect time to tell her how I feel though. I mean, I've already kissed her so why not just tell her? I pondered this inner question as I stared more into her expression and I knew that after looking at what feelings were embracing her, it wasn't time to tell her yet. "You know, a kiss from a friend to friend. Nothing more, Lor." My voice somewhat faltered at the end. I immediately became disappointed in myself for lying to her like this and I just wished that I could rewind time and take back that whole kiss. Part of me did not agree with this wish though: my heart. I could still feel her soft cheek, lingering across my lips. Feeling that had given me the hope that maybe she would like me when I told her. While I was looking at her expression though, and the blatant that were spread across her stunning face, I knew that there was a pretty good chance that she didn't like me back. I was pretty sure that I saw some disgust lingering past the surprise. Once again, I was too rash to control myself.
"I'm sorry; did I disgust you by doing that?" I asked her, in a way protecting myself. No girl had ever given me that look after I kissed them and it just enjoyed me that the girl that I was so in love with wasn't thrilled by that kiss. Her mouth opened slightly as she refocused her gaze on me.
"Oh, no. I mean, I was just surprised. For a minute I thought that your intent was different than doing it as a friend. You know?" Her cheeks turned a bright read at my question and she answered quickly, rambling a bit as she did so. When she was finished answering my question, she bit down on her lip gawkily and looked up at me for a sense of understanding and normality. I gave her exactly what she wanted and nodded my head and smiling at her.
I laid back against the grass and looked straight up at the sky. It was now growing to look more like the morning sky that I would see when I woke up every morning. I rested my hands behind my shaggy head of hair and sighed at the morning's events. It seems like so long ago that Lora was shaking me to wake up. Everything was so simple then. I only hoped that things wouldn't be awkward between us now. I turned my attention then to Lora and saw her fiddling with the grass next to my waist.
"You just going to sit there?" I asked her quietly, not wanting to disturb her. It was crazy how she looked so beautiful while she just sat there, pulling up some grass. She turned her blue eyes over to me and I immediately let my eyes lock with hers. I could feel my breath being sucked out of me and my heart starting beating faster. It seemed as if the whole world around me had stopped for a moment; the trees in the Forbidden Forrest had stopped swaying in the cool breeze that had arrived alongside the arrival of the morning light. The birds stopped in mid-flight in the sky. The water on the lake had stopped rippling and the noises of the world that stood around us was suddenly muted. All there was in that quick moment was Lora and me, and I never wanted to leave.
But the exit came too soon.
"Uh, I really think that I should go study. I don't want to take up your day or anything, I know you weren't too keen on the idea anyway, so I'll just go study with Lily or someone," she replied, lowering her eyes away from mine. I saw a quiet blush forming across her simple cheeks and my heart gave a lurch at this. While I longed for her to stay with me, I waved good-bye as she got up and made her way back to the castle. I let myself rest back into a position where I was just thinking about Lora and looking at the sky. The trees had begun to sway again and the birds were back in motion. The water rippled gently next to me and the noises boomed in my ears, though they were nothing compared to the sound of my heart beat. I couldn't escape the resentment that I felt for not telling Lora.
I don't know how long I stayed out there. Hours probably; it felt like days to me though. Memories of Lora were passing through my mind, any time that was even remotely special lingered longer than the others. Her slow shaking fingertips on the day of an exam or right before a Quidditch game. Her eyes turning to bright stars that seemed not to notice any of the negative moments of life occurring around her. Strands of hair blowing out of place in the spring wind that passed by us. And then there was her smile, which shined brighter than any star in the galaxy and emanated more joy than in past time in my life. I remembered the time where I felt her palm against mine as I dragged her around the castle late at night so that she could explore it with James and I. Her quiet and nervous cautions from those nights still rang through my ears like sweet bells, chiming for the world to hear. I let myself remember the warmth her body gave me whenever we would separate for our summer vacations. I craved all of the memories again as they showed me a simpler time before I wished for Lora and had a deadline for confessing a feeling. I was knocked out of this trance as I heard footsteps approach behind me. A shadow cast over me, blocking the warm sunlight from my view. I titled my head back and saw Prongs standing behind me, looking down at me as he held some books in his hands.
"Ready to study?" he asked as he settled down next to me. I nodded solemnly and reached over for a book. I began to flip aimlessly through it's pages, not really caring what I did at this point. The upcoming deadline had stayed on my mind for a while now and it was definitely bringing me down. Worry sank my tragic heart whenever I thought about it. But thinking about kissing Lora today killed me. The look on her face basically told me that when I finally did tell her, nothing good would be coming of it.
"Sirius, what's wrong?" James asked me curiously as he held a red, open book in his hands. I guess he had noticed the pathetic look that had spread itself out across my face. Prongs wrinkled his eyebrows in worry and snapped the book shut to hear completely what I had to say.
"I kissed Lora," I replied, my voice shaking unsteadily like a frail tree trying to hold itself together as the gail blew past it. His face immediatly lit up and a big grin overshadowed the worry he had just seconds before. He clapped my back joyfully and tossed his book nonchalantly on the ground, done with his studying already after hearing my fickle news.
"That's great mate! You told her right? How you felt?" he asked excitedly, his eyes lighting up like a starving dog that had just been given a large pile of bones to snack on.
"No," I whispered, trying not to let myself fall into this slump again.
"Why not?" James asked, his happiness now erased. I could picture the annoyance of my actions building up inside of him.
"You should have seen the look on her face, James. She looked disgusted," I answered, my emotions beginning to favor anger. I spat out the word disgusting as if it was something vile itself. And in a way, it was.
"Well I saw Lora before I came out here to find you. She was acting perfectly normal, all smiles and what not. She seems to have gotten over the divorce. And I doubt she was disgusted, Sirius. Probably just surprised, that’s all." I let James' words sink into my skin and made myself believe them.
While we started our studying by the rippling lake's edge, I thought about what James had said. I couldn't decide whether or not to believe him. If I listened to him and told Lora that I love her, then what if she didn't like me back? Then maybe she wouldn't want to be my friend. The fear that had gripped my heart with it's cold hands all year washed over me again. I made myself believe James though. After all, he is the one who is dating the girl of his dreams. Maybe he would know something about this.
So I let myself believe James.
As I leaned down, I just couldn't help myself. I gently pressed my lips to her cheek, letting them linger there a moment longer than necessary. As I pulled away and looked at her, I saw her mouth slightly open in surprise at what I had just done.
Maybe I wouldn't have to wait until the end of the school year to tell her after all.
-27-
"Sirius," she whispered quietly to me, still gazing up into my eyes. I could see surprise and some other mystery feeling lingering together in her eyes, mixing together as she blinked. I could feel myself blushing and I bit down on my tongue to punish myself for being so rash. The pain that shot up through it was nothing compared to the feeling that my heart was sending out as it swelled up in my chest. "What was that?"
"It was just a kiss, Lora," I whispered back, somewhat embarrassed by my actions at this point. Maybe this would be the perfect time to tell her how I feel though. I mean, I've already kissed her so why not just tell her? I pondered this inner question as I stared more into her expression and I knew that after looking at what feelings were embracing her, it wasn't time to tell her yet. "You know, a kiss from a friend to friend. Nothing more, Lor." My voice somewhat faltered at the end. I immediately became disappointed in myself for lying to her like this and I just wished that I could rewind time and take back that whole kiss. Part of me did not agree with this wish though: my heart. I could still feel her soft cheek, lingering across my lips. Feeling that had given me the hope that maybe she would like me when I told her. While I was looking at her expression though, and the blatant that were spread across her stunning face, I knew that there was a pretty good chance that she didn't like me back. I was pretty sure that I saw some disgust lingering past the surprise. Once again, I was too rash to control myself.
"I'm sorry; did I disgust you by doing that?" I asked her, in a way protecting myself. No girl had ever given me that look after I kissed them and it just enjoyed me that the girl that I was so in love with wasn't thrilled by that kiss. Her mouth opened slightly as she refocused her gaze on me.
"Oh, no. I mean, I was just surprised. For a minute I thought that your intent was different than doing it as a friend. You know?" Her cheeks turned a bright read at my question and she answered quickly, rambling a bit as she did so. When she was finished answering my question, she bit down on her lip gawkily and looked up at me for a sense of understanding and normality. I gave her exactly what she wanted and nodded my head and smiling at her.
I laid back against the grass and looked straight up at the sky. It was now growing to look more like the morning sky that I would see when I woke up every morning. I rested my hands behind my shaggy head of hair and sighed at the morning's events. It seems like so long ago that Lora was shaking me to wake up. Everything was so simple then. I only hoped that things wouldn't be awkward between us now. I turned my attention then to Lora and saw her fiddling with the grass next to my waist.
"You just going to sit there?" I asked her quietly, not wanting to disturb her. It was crazy how she looked so beautiful while she just sat there, pulling up some grass. She turned her blue eyes over to me and I immediately let my eyes lock with hers. I could feel my breath being sucked out of me and my heart starting beating faster. It seemed as if the whole world around me had stopped for a moment; the trees in the Forbidden Forrest had stopped swaying in the cool breeze that had arrived alongside the arrival of the morning light. The birds stopped in mid-flight in the sky. The water on the lake had stopped rippling and the noises of the world that stood around us was suddenly muted. All there was in that quick moment was Lora and me, and I never wanted to leave.
But the exit came too soon.
"Uh, I really think that I should go study. I don't want to take up your day or anything, I know you weren't too keen on the idea anyway, so I'll just go study with Lily or someone," she replied, lowering her eyes away from mine. I saw a quiet blush forming across her simple cheeks and my heart gave a lurch at this. While I longed for her to stay with me, I waved good-bye as she got up and made her way back to the castle. I let myself rest back into a position where I was just thinking about Lora and looking at the sky. The trees had begun to sway again and the birds were back in motion. The water rippled gently next to me and the noises boomed in my ears, though they were nothing compared to the sound of my heart beat. I couldn't escape the resentment that I felt for not telling Lora.
I don't know how long I stayed out there. Hours probably; it felt like days to me though. Memories of Lora were passing through my mind, any time that was even remotely special lingered longer than the others. Her slow shaking fingertips on the day of an exam or right before a Quidditch game. Her eyes turning to bright stars that seemed not to notice any of the negative moments of life occurring around her. Strands of hair blowing out of place in the spring wind that passed by us. And then there was her smile, which shined brighter than any star in the galaxy and emanated more joy than in past time in my life. I remembered the time where I felt her palm against mine as I dragged her around the castle late at night so that she could explore it with James and I. Her quiet and nervous cautions from those nights still rang through my ears like sweet bells, chiming for the world to hear. I let myself remember the warmth her body gave me whenever we would separate for our summer vacations. I craved all of the memories again as they showed me a simpler time before I wished for Lora and had a deadline for confessing a feeling. I was knocked out of this trance as I heard footsteps approach behind me. A shadow cast over me, blocking the warm sunlight from my view. I titled my head back and saw Prongs standing behind me, looking down at me as he held some books in his hands.
"Ready to study?" he asked as he settled down next to me. I nodded solemnly and reached over for a book. I began to flip aimlessly through it's pages, not really caring what I did at this point. The upcoming deadline had stayed on my mind for a while now and it was definitely bringing me down. Worry sank my tragic heart whenever I thought about it. But thinking about kissing Lora today killed me. The look on her face basically told me that when I finally did tell her, nothing good would be coming of it.
"Sirius, what's wrong?" James asked me curiously as he held a red, open book in his hands. I guess he had noticed the pathetic look that had spread itself out across my face. Prongs wrinkled his eyebrows in worry and snapped the book shut to hear completely what I had to say.
"I kissed Lora," I replied, my voice shaking unsteadily like a frail tree trying to hold itself together as the gail blew past it. His face immediatly lit up and a big grin overshadowed the worry he had just seconds before. He clapped my back joyfully and tossed his book nonchalantly on the ground, done with his studying already after hearing my fickle news.
"That's great mate! You told her right? How you felt?" he asked excitedly, his eyes lighting up like a starving dog that had just been given a large pile of bones to snack on.
"No," I whispered, trying not to let myself fall into this slump again.
"Why not?" James asked, his happiness now erased. I could picture the annoyance of my actions building up inside of him.
"You should have seen the look on her face, James. She looked disgusted," I answered, my emotions beginning to favor anger. I spat out the word disgusting as if it was something vile itself. And in a way, it was.
"Well I saw Lora before I came out here to find you. She was acting perfectly normal, all smiles and what not. She seems to have gotten over the divorce. And I doubt she was disgusted, Sirius. Probably just surprised, that’s all." I let James' words sink into my skin and made myself believe them.
While we started our studying by the rippling lake's edge, I thought about what James had said. I couldn't decide whether or not to believe him. If I listened to him and told Lora that I love her, then what if she didn't like me back? Then maybe she wouldn't want to be my friend. The fear that had gripped my heart with it's cold hands all year washed over me again. I made myself believe James though. After all, he is the one who is dating the girl of his dreams. Maybe he would know something about this.
So I let myself believe James.