Anywhere but Here

I laid in the tunnel of the jungle gym in the park located in my neighborhood. I only ever came here when I wanted to cry in peace. But today I was silent; my mind was nearly devoid of any sort of emotion. I had been cramped in that small tunnel for nearly four hours, waiting. I would keep waiting, too, if I didn’t know any better. But I did know better, so I would stay for another hour at most.

I didn’t want to appear desperate for attention but I didn’t want to appear to be a coldhearted bitch, either. We had broken up; it was a simple concept to grasp, it had happened with other boys many times before. But while my heart said to let go, my mind told me otherwise. Something about this boy felt so right in every logical way possible.

I don’t think it had anything to do with his striking blue eyes or the fact that he was in a band. He was the kid who loved everyone and that was something you couldn’t deny having a soft spot for. His heart was so big; he took everyone in no matter who they were or what they had done before he met them. He had the ability to know if you were having a bad day just by standing close to you. He sat and listened, even if what you were complaining about happened to be completely selfish and wrong of you to even think about.

He would write poems and hide them in obvious spots in my room. He would sing me to sleep. He would kiss my forehead and dry my cheeks when I cried. He was the first boy to ever tell me he loved me, and I believed it. He had the ability to make me believe in the stars, even if I couldn’t see them. He was some sort of wonderful that no one could ever amount up to after he left.

He was too good for me and I was never able to fully appreciate his love. That was why I ended it. He deserved someone better, someone much more loyal and patient.

“Secret love, my escape, take me far, far away.”

I awkwardly rolled over onto my stomach. He stood below in the sand, a red flower in his hand. A pair of tinted aviators covered his eyes from the brilliant Florida sun. I smiled slightly.

“Secret love, are you there?”

I grunted as I pulled myself out of the tunnel. I was sweaty and my shirt was sticking to my back in the most unflattering way. I continued to look down at him.

“Will you answer my prayer?”

I slid down the faux fire escape pole and came face to face with him. He removed his sunglasses, hooking them onto the collar of his shirt. His eyes sparkled as if I had never ended things.

“Please take me anywhere but here,” he continued as he handed the flower to me. I looked at him, confusion written all over my face. “Anywhere but here.”

“What are you doing here, Derek?” I sighed.

“I wrote a song for you,” he said with a smile. “I just sang part of it. I hid the whole thing somewhere in your room, though. Then figured I’d come down here to see how you were doing.”

“Why?” I managed to get out.

“Harper,” he laughed. “I love you. And I know you love me, too.”

“Derek, I-”

“Yeah, you broke up with me,” he shrugged. “I can’t help how I feel, though. Neither can you.”

He gently took my hand and led me over to where his bike was lying in the grass. He sat down cross-legged and I followed suit. We sat in silence for a while and we shifted around until we were both lying down. I was on my stomach, propped up by my arms. He was on his back, staring at the sky, watching intently as the clouds floated along.

I couldn’t help but wonder. Maybe his love stretched far enough that he would take you in no matter what you’ve done even after he’s met you, too. And maybe that meant we didn’t have to be broken up. A huge part of me prayed that he could overlook the fact that I abruptly left our anniversary lunch earlier in the day, shouting that I couldn’t handle it anymore. I couldn’t handle being with someone so loving, someone I felt I’d never be able to please.

“What do you want to do?” I asked.

“I want to take you to dinner,” he answered. “For our one year anniversary.”

I smiled. Yeah, maybe we weren’t broken up after all.