Beginnings of Change
Thought
"Yes!" Dean screamed up to the empty moonlit sky. It was going on three hours now and still no response.
"Yes! Yes goddammit. Answer me. I'm saying yes!" He plead one last time before giving up. He turned left quickly in a flash of hope. He saw something standing there and thought it was Zachariah. Before he had time to be disappointed he raised his gun and shot the stray croatoan that wandered away from the others.
"Screw you all, you pansy fairies," He said last before he sat down on the ground. Two single long tears ran down each eye before he wiped them. If anyone from the camp saw him there they would see him in a different light. A light he never wanted to shine on them.
All of his past memories over flowed him at once. His mother dying when he was four, the pain of being treated like a soldier instead of a son, his dad dying to save him, Sam's death before making the deal, hell, torturing people, and then Sam saying yes to the devil. In his eyes all of those were his fault.
He heard a soft rustle in the bushes and picked up his gun again but instantly lowered it. Castiel's shadow of a body was barely visible before he stepped out into the moonlight in his clothes that could nearly be considered rags. He looked angry until he saw Dean's face, the tears the hunter considered pathetic and unnecessary. He felt sorry for Dean then.
"What are were thinking about," Castiel asked and turned away from Dean's pain striken face before he shot a sarcastic insult back. It most likely would have been something about no longer being an angel and how he lost all his abilities.
"Everything," Dean's hoarse voice mumbled in response.
Cas nodded knowingly. Even though he wasn't an angel anymore he could still read Dean like a book. No one else could, not even Sam before he said yes.
Knowing what Dean needed and secretly missed he walked closer to him and pulled him close in an awkward yet reassuring embrace. Castiel caught a trace of a smile that quickly faded and he almost wondered if it was a trick from the moon, like a shadow reflecting off of something, but it was a real smile. That was the last emotion Dean Winchester ever showed, the last physical touch he gave and received that actually meant something to him.
That was also the last day Castiel looked at him with respect and hope.
He could feel the change that was coming in Dean and he feared it. Dean could sense the sudden feeling that radiated off of Cas and became uncomfortable. He felt the memories come back to him as Castiel walked away from him and back to chaotic sanctuary of a camp. This time he didn't let any emotion show even though no one was near him.
This time he went to his only release, his only comfort he had left. He went to kill some damn croats.
"Yes! Yes goddammit. Answer me. I'm saying yes!" He plead one last time before giving up. He turned left quickly in a flash of hope. He saw something standing there and thought it was Zachariah. Before he had time to be disappointed he raised his gun and shot the stray croatoan that wandered away from the others.
"Screw you all, you pansy fairies," He said last before he sat down on the ground. Two single long tears ran down each eye before he wiped them. If anyone from the camp saw him there they would see him in a different light. A light he never wanted to shine on them.
All of his past memories over flowed him at once. His mother dying when he was four, the pain of being treated like a soldier instead of a son, his dad dying to save him, Sam's death before making the deal, hell, torturing people, and then Sam saying yes to the devil. In his eyes all of those were his fault.
He heard a soft rustle in the bushes and picked up his gun again but instantly lowered it. Castiel's shadow of a body was barely visible before he stepped out into the moonlight in his clothes that could nearly be considered rags. He looked angry until he saw Dean's face, the tears the hunter considered pathetic and unnecessary. He felt sorry for Dean then.
"What are were thinking about," Castiel asked and turned away from Dean's pain striken face before he shot a sarcastic insult back. It most likely would have been something about no longer being an angel and how he lost all his abilities.
"Everything," Dean's hoarse voice mumbled in response.
Cas nodded knowingly. Even though he wasn't an angel anymore he could still read Dean like a book. No one else could, not even Sam before he said yes.
Knowing what Dean needed and secretly missed he walked closer to him and pulled him close in an awkward yet reassuring embrace. Castiel caught a trace of a smile that quickly faded and he almost wondered if it was a trick from the moon, like a shadow reflecting off of something, but it was a real smile. That was the last emotion Dean Winchester ever showed, the last physical touch he gave and received that actually meant something to him.
That was also the last day Castiel looked at him with respect and hope.
He could feel the change that was coming in Dean and he feared it. Dean could sense the sudden feeling that radiated off of Cas and became uncomfortable. He felt the memories come back to him as Castiel walked away from him and back to chaotic sanctuary of a camp. This time he didn't let any emotion show even though no one was near him.
This time he went to his only release, his only comfort he had left. He went to kill some damn croats.