Inside Out

"Nana? Nana, wake up." Maya Compton's pale, slim hand reached out to gently shake the frail woman lying in front of her. Green eyes wide with anxiety, she stared at her grandmother with a frown on her make-up clad face. The woman lay, undisturbed, with her hands folded atop her chest, which rose and fell with shallow breaths. This did not reassure Maya in the least, however, and she was starting to get worried that something was wrong. Placing her hands lightly on the older woman's shoulders, she gradually shook her, whispering a desperate plea under her breath.

The woman slowly opened her eyes, dry lips pulled down at the corners. "Maya," she said huskily, raising a pasty white hand and grabbing at air, as though looking for something.

Sighing in relief, Maya reached out and took her grandmother's hand in her own, kissing the papery skin. "I'm right here, Nana," she said softly.

Empty gray eyes stared off into the distance as the woman smiled, squeezing Maya's hand. "How long have I been asleep?" she asked.

Maya glanced at the clock that hung lopsided on the wall, and was surprised to see how late it'd gotten. Helping the old woman sit up, she quickly mumbled, "A few hours."

Her grandmother chuckled lightly. "Time flies by nowadays." She sighed, smoothing out her cocoon of blankets. "Have you had dinner yet, dear?"

Maya dismissed the old woman’s concern with a humble 'yeah'. Murmuring curses under her breath, she grabbed the plate full of food that she’d set on the table, and handed it to her grandmother.

"Nana, will you be alright alone for a few hours?" she asked, wringing her hands together nervously. "Ms. Simpson can't come by today; she has an operation in the morning and needs her rest."

"Of course," her grandmother replied, dipping some bread in a bowl of chicken soup. "When will you be back?"

"It's my turn to close the shop tonight, so don't expect me back too soon," she said quickly, glancing at the clock once more. "I'm already late as it is, Nana, I have to go. I'll see you later." She bent down and kissed her grandmother's forehead, letting her lips rest for a moment as she closed her eyes. "Are you sure you'll be alright?"

"Oh, stop fretting," the elderly woman taunted, smiling softly.

Maya let out a fake laugh. She made sure the glass of water on the table was close enough to reach, and brought over her grandmother's walking cane, leaning it against the couch. Making sure everything was okay for the last time, she headed for the door. Grabbing her keys and a shopping bag overflowing with clothes from the kitchen counter, she let herself out.

*

The bus screeched to a halt outside a small building. Flashing, neon letters spelled out The Galaxy over the main entrance, and booming music spilled out from the open doors, disturbing the still of the night. Thanking the bus driver—who curled his lips at her in disgust—Maya quickly got off, and walked towards the place, dodging people out of her way. She walked around to the side of the building where a metal door was slightly ajar. The stench of garbage and vomit was especially strong here, but Maya barely noticed, quite used to the feeling of vile clawing at her throat.

"Violet?" she called as soon as she was inside the dimly lit room.

Several worn down vanity tables were set up around the cramped place, and bright clothing was littered all over the floor. Women clad in tight skirts and skimpy tops were in conversation all around the room, some sitting in groups and others walking around by themselves. At Maya's call, several of them turned around to give her an annoyed look, and a rare few called out a greeting.

"You're late!" a woman suddenly screeched, walking towards Maya. Her face seemed to be covered in many layers of make-up, and she wore a low-cut purple dress that glittered every time it caught the light. Bright violet irises seemed to be drilling a hole into Maya’s face. At the woman’s sudden outburst, several occupants of the room turned to look, and then went back to whatever they’d been doing, apparently not bothered. "How many times have I fucking told you to come on time, or not come at all? We've got customers waiting!”

No matter how many times she'd heard the words before, Maya still flinched at the harsh comments. "I'm sorry, Violet. I got caught up in something."

Violet glared at her menacingly, pursing her lips. "I don't want to hear your pathetic excuses, alright?" she said acidly, looking her up and down. "Get to work before I give you the fucking boot."

Nodding quickly, Maya walked over to a secluded corner of the room. Shedding her shirt and shorts, she grabbed a short black dress and a pair of heels from the shopping bag she'd brought along. It took her only a few minutes to change, and when she was done, she hid her bag under one of the empty armchairs. As soon as she opened the door to enter the main part of the club, she flinched at the ear-deafening music. Taking a deep breath and almost choking on the smell of weed in the air, she pushed through people and approached a bulky man who stood with his arms crossed across his chest.

"Jimi!" Maya yelled. The man's attention turned towards her and he leaned down so she could talk into his ear. "Any customers for me?"

Jimi grabbed her thin arm with his paw-like hand, and started dragging her to the back of the room. They abruptly came to a stop in front of a small opening that was covered only by a maroon curtain. The bodyguard who stood beside the entrance glared at Maya, and then turned to Jimi. They whispered back and forth for a moment before the bodyguard nodded and waved at them to go inside.

"You can let go of me now," Maya grumbled as soon as they entered the dark and secluded room.

The corner of Jimi's lips twitched as he watched Maya struggle. With an air of nonchalance, he released her arm. "You were late again, weren't you?" he asked in a voice that seemed to boom above the music. "I could hear Violet screaming all the way out in the fucking hall."

Maya glared at the man, frustrated. "It’s none of your business!” She emphasized each of her words by poking him in the chest with her finger.

Jimi rolled his eyes. "You and your excuses. I swear, you're going to get yourself killed one day." His eyebrows knitted together in concentration as he fished out a cigarette from his jeans. Lighting it and inhaling deeply, he rubbed at his bald head and smiled darkly at her.

Maya had known Jimi ever since she’d started working at The Galaxy—almost a year and a half ago, when she’d just graduated from high school. In fact, when she searched through her hazy memories, she recalled that it had been Jimi who’d let her into the club without a valid I.D. in the first place. She had asked if she could see someone who would know about hiring "dancers," but Jimi had turned her down, telling her to get lost. Only after she'd teared up and was about to walk away did Jimi roll his eyes in annoyance and usher her inside.

Even though he seemed to be the only sane one in the whole building, Maya had not told him about Nana. How could she possibly come out and say that her grandmother was blind and on the brink of death? How could she explain that the only reason she was doing this, this…repulsive, heinous job was that so she could pay for the old woman’s constant visits to the doctor? Nobody could ever be able to understand the feeling of pure dread that came over her when she thought of her grandmother passing on, leaving her alone.

Of course Maya had thought about telling Jimi before. On those lonesome nights when she’d come out to have a smoke, he would join her, cracking jokes about what nasty asshole she’d had to please only minutes before. In some strange, fucked up way, Maya wanted to spill all her secrets to Jimi; she craved the feeling of not being the only one carrying the burden anymore, to sit down and relax, not having to worry about the racing thoughts in her head.

A more sensible part of Maya, however, knew that she couldn’t say anything. If Jimi were to find out about Nana, soon everybody would know. And that wouldn’t even be the worst part of it, really. That would come when the others started giving her dirty looks, shaking their heads at her, as though disappointed. They would laugh at her lame “excuses” and tell her to get back to work.

Maya wouldn't blame them, either, because she already knew that everyone lied to get their way around here. The women she'd come to know always bragged about how they'd gotten some brainless dude to pay them extra by telling a couple of white lies. Some of the brave ones had even fibbed to Violet before, but only a few of them had ever gotten away with it.

All in all, if you could learn the art of creating bullshit out of thin air, you would fit in just fine at The Galaxy.

Maya had gone through so much in the past year and a half; she’d tolerated the fact that people looked down at her, and was used to the verbal and sometimes physical abuse Violet put her through. She could handle all this—but what she could not bear was to have people call her whole life—her whole existence—a lie. She knew that if anyone found out about her grandmother, they wouldn't believe her. Because of all the dishonesty around the place, people had learnt to become more cautious of what they accepted as the truth. Even as she thought this, Maya knew she would never use Nana as a mere object to get peoples' pity. The thought disgusted her.

It was because of all this that Maya did nothing but shake her head at Jimi. She started her walk over to the familiar staircase that would lead to the private rooms.

Behind her, she could hear Jimi saying something but Maya had already dismissed him from her mind. She held the metal rail firmly in her grasp as she climbed up the dark stairs, her feet aching in the too-small heels. Just as she stepped into the long hallway, she pinched her nose and placed a shaking hand against the wall, guiding herself to the room that she'd long since become familiar with.

The door was already open a crack, and when she pushed at it, she saw that someone was already inside. A rather chubby man who looked to be in his early forties sat on the bed, rubbing at the stubble on his face. He wore nothing but a stained wife beater and boxers; a half-empty bottle of vodka was being cradled in one of his beefy hands. He looked up when she entered, and leered.

"I've been waiting for over half an hour," he declared, scrunching up his face. "There's no way I'm paying the whole hundred and fifty now."

Maya swallowed thickly and walked further into the room, shutting the door behind her. Throwing off her heels and walking over to the man, she trailed her finger down his sweaty face, shuddering inwardly. "Oh, I'm sure that won't be necessary."

As she'd expected, the man's eyes closed, and he let out a low grunt that seemed to have been stuck in his throat for quite a while. Roughly grabbing her by the shoulders, he got up and threw her onto the bed. His hands clawed at Maya's dress as she lay back and closed her eyes, praying that it would be over but knowing that it had only begun.

*

The apartment door creaked as Maya shut it behind her and tip-toed inside, the shopping bag under her arm. Blinking in the darkness, she walked into the kitchen and flicked on the light. Taking a moment to adjust her eyes to the sudden brightness, she put away the keys, and hid the bag in one of the cupboards, beside an empty box of pancake batter. Maya went over to the sink and filled a glass of water, practically inhaling the cool liquid as it slid smoothly down her burning throat. She leaned against the counter and looked at the small digital clock that sat on the refrigerator. In small, green letters the time blinked back at her: 1:52 a.m.

Almost as though she were sleepwalking, Maya shut off the light and walked over to the couch. Moonlight spilled in through the only window in the room, and onto her grandmother's face, making her skin look almost transparent. Dropping to her knees softly, Maya grasped the old woman’s wrinkly hand, and lay her head on her chest. Tears slid down her pale cheeks as the soft thump-a-thump of Nana's heartbeat lulled her into a dreamless sleep.