29 Ways to Get Rid of Your Roommate

Alex's POV

After three Disney classics, with the exception of The Emperor’s New Groove, I leaned back into the couch. My eyes hurt from all the movie watching. Arley yawned cutely and leaned against me on the couch. “What now?” she said. She looked so tired. All her fuzz brain hadn’t let up, but she looked a little less pale. Maybe she just needs to sleep it off…

“Umm, do you wanna watch another movie?” She just shook her head and looked at the ground dejectedly. My pocket buzzed for like the twentieth time that night, but I just ignored it again. It’s probably just another text. However, Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO filled the room. I scurried for the phone since that’s Mike’s ringtone.

“Wassup…?” I slurred. I haven’t been sleeping well lately, so this all-nighter is killing me.

“Wassup? That’s all you have to say after that phone call?! What’s going on?” I looked at the phone suspiciously before I realized that, that’s not going to get me any answers.

“What the hell are you talking about, dude?” I rubbed my face vigorously with my free hand. Arley climbed into my lap and listened to the other side of the phone to try to hear my conversation. Because that’s not distracting at all…

“You called me like twenty minutes ago and I heard screaming. I tried texting you because I figured you just butt dialed me during a movie, but then you didn’t answer. Now, what’s gong on?!” Wow, he sounds really freaked.

“Oh that was Arley…” I stretched a little and Arley pressed closer to the phone, and me. I felt the heat in my body raise and I tried to concentrate on what Mike was saying.

“Well, is she alright?” His voice sounded agitated and I felt a tinge of frustration. Well, frustration from Mike and Arley

“Oh yeah, she’s fine. We were watching Sleeping Beauty and she screamed because of the evil lady…”

“Maleficent.” Arley interrupted me. I looked at her and held a finger to her lips. “…yeah, Maleficent. She turned into a dragon and almost killed the prince.” The other end of the phone went silent before Mike muttered “Bat-shit crazy.”

“It’s called guano.” Arley said into the mouth piece. I pushed her back a little and she swatted my hand away.

“I’m coming over.” Mike said and hung up the phone. Great, another person who’ll want my attention. I’m not a people person. I’m an introvert. I thrive best alone.

I closed my eyes and leaned further into the couch. “Alex?” Arley whispered in front of me. I opened my eyes to find her only a few feet from my face.

Let me in. Mike texted me. I pulled my eyes from the trap that are Arley’s for a minute to answer: Let yourself in.

“Alex?” she said a little quieter and leaned into me. Her face is only maybe an inch from my own.

“Arley…” I warned and she just said, “Shh….” And leaned closer. Her eyes slid shut as her lips touched mine again. For the second time in the past 24 hours, my heart raced close to bursting. This isn’t a good thing. She’s out of her mind at the moment.

‘This is wrong.’ The voice in the back of my head said. I tried to pull back but she just went with me. Her lips are so soft…. I should stop this right now, before something bad happens. They fit so perfectly with mine. Like two pieces of a puzzle. Okay, that was cheesy.

“Well now.” I heard from next to me and I pushed Arley back a little. She made the cutest little whimpering noise as I detached our lips. Mike, however, did not seem to be enjoying himself.

“Alex…” Arley whined and reached for me again.

“Oh and here I was thinking that you took advantage her. It seems to be the other way around.” Mike laughed as he sat on the couch next to us. Arley had now straddled my waist, though she still hadn’t managed to notice Mike.

“Alex…” she whined again.

“Arley, dear?” Mike said and touched her leg. She jumped about a mile in the air and squeaked like a mouse. “Oh hi Mike. When’d you get there?” He looked at me skeptically. “Okay, I’m confused.”

“Arley, can you go into the room for a bit?” I asked and she nodded dejectedly. She climbed off my lap and walked into the room. I watched her carefully as she just sat on the bed. “No sleeping.” I yelled after her. She nodded her head and stared out the window.

“Okay, so what’s going on? Why is she acting so out of it?” Mike’s face looked like someone who was just told that he has a twin brother that lives inside him or something. Utterly confused and slightly horrified.

“Well, it’s the side-effects from the fire. Something about oxygen deprivation to the brain.” I wiped my hand over my face again.

“Well then….. Want me to go get coffee? Seems like you’ve had a long night.” I looked at my best friend. His eyes shone with confusion and slight distrust, but sympathy none the less. He’s one of those people where he can drop a subject for the mean time, as long as he’ll find out later on.

“Well…?” he drew out, waiting at the entrance to the living room. Though he may be understanding, he not very patient. But that's Mike for ya.

“Yeah, thanks dude.” He just smiled and left. I pulled myself into a standing position and stretched. I could feel just about every bone in my body pop. I sighed and walked into the room to find Arley about to fall face first off the bed.

“Arley!” I ran and caught her before she could hit the ground. She started and stared up at me. “What happened?” She yawned before answering tiredly,

“Well, I guess I dozed off a little.” I set her on her feet. I grabbed her face and looked in her eyes; no change. She laughed slightly and leaned up towards me. I backed towards the door, pushing her away slightly.

“Alex… what’s wrong?” she whispered heartbrokenly. Just as I opened my mouth to respond, Mike came through the front door.

“Okie dokie guys, I got coffee and doughnuts.” I looked between Arley and Mike before grabbing her hand and pulling her into the kitchen. I set her in a chair. I turned around to find myself face to face with Mike. He looked at me suspiciously and I ducked around him. I guess I should probably explain things to him.

“Here’s your coffee…” he muttered as he looked between me and Arley. I grabbed the coffee out his hands, glancing back at Arley. She had her legs pulled up on the chair, resting her cup precariously on her knees like it was a coffee table.

“Dude…?” Mike drew my attention back to him.

“Here man, sit down. I guess I should explain everything, huh?” I gestured to the seat next to Arley. He gave me a no-shit look before taking his seat. I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling at it harshly. My head started hurting, not like it hadn’t been that way since this night started, but it hurt worse.

“Okay, so it all started when I woke up because of a loud crash…”



“So, what you’re telling me is that you had to stay up all night with Arley because she messed up her brains.” Mike said, resting his head in his hands. I’m guessing he hasn’t had very much sleep either. Well, that and the story I just spent about a half an hour explaining to him sounds awfully confusing coming from two half-sane people.

“That’s right.” Arley chirped. I tried to get her to stay quiet most of the time that I was explaining, considering she wasn’t adding anything to the story but confusion.

“And she kissed you because…” Mike said, drawing out the last word. He looked at me and I shrugged. How am I supposed to be able to answer that, I didn’t kiss me?!

“Because it felt right.” Somewhere in the middle of the story, Arley had regained her usually peppy disposition. Now she was perched on the edge of her chair, looking more cheerful than ever.

“Right. And you’re up because?” They both looked at me. Mike knows about my insomnia. He knows that, when I can get to sleep, I need to sleep.

“Well, were you going to stay up with her? She couldn’t keep herself awake.” I muttered to him. I really need to sleep; I’m starting to snap at them. Mike nodded and handed me another cup of coffee. I guess he bought one of those big containers from Dunkin’ Doughnuts. I took it graciously and sipped at it. The slightly cold liquid pooled in my mouth before going down. I’m too lazy to nuke it.

“Alrighty then. I guess we’ll be staying up together then.” “Why?!” Arley and I said at the same time. Well, actually, Arley more shouted it than anything.

“Because, my dear Watsons,” he said, talking with a fake British accent. “I can’t trust you two alone together. Miss Grabby-hands here might rape my poor innocent Lexy.” Mike grabbed my head and stroked it. I growled at him while Arley started laughing hysterically. I punched him in the stomach lightly and he let me go. I grabbed Arley’s arm as she swayed to the left, getting ready to fall out of her seat.

“How about this,” I looked between Arley and Mike. He was standing next to me, stroking his hurting belly with a pouting face. Arley was still sitting in her chair, but they were right next to each other. “I go to sleep while you two party the day away.” They both looked at each other frantically before turning the same look on me.

“No, you can’t leave me with him!” Arley exclaimed as Mike said, “You can’t just dump her on me!” using the same tone of voice. They looked at each other, both wearing mirror faces of shock. “What’s wrong with me?!” they shouted angrily.

“Okay, okay. I won’t leave you two alone. But we do have to do something or I’m going to pass out.” I slumped back into my chair, which was conveniently in front of the two Stooges. I looked at each of them pointedly, but they just looked at each other before turning back to me.

“Well, do either of you want to play a game?” I asked, completely at a loss of ideas. This is going to be a long day. We can’t go out because, well it’s a tad embarrassing walking around with a Grinch and two invalids. And there isn’t much to do in here.

“Oh oh oh!” Arley cried out, stretching her hand as far as she could into the sky. Mike started laughing at her and she brought her hand down to smack him on the top of the head, very hard at that. Then it shot back up.

“Yes Arley.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. Yup, definitely going to be a long day.

“Let’s play Scrabble!” She bounced in the seat, looking between me and Mike. I looked at him and he shrugged.

“Sure, why not? Where is it?” Arley gave off a gleeful squeal and raced into the room. After a bunch of banging and crashing, enough that I almost went to check on her, she raced back to the kitchen table. She set the board game on the table and stood back as if she was proud of herself.

“Wow, I haven’t played this game since I was little.” Mike said and started setting out everything. Arley plopped into my lap, sitting sideways on me. She looked me deep in the eyes and I had to clear my throat. Suddenly a hand was thrust between us right as Arley was about to kiss me again.

“Seriously guys.” Mike said. I looked up at him and Arley kissed his hand. I laughed as she pulled back, completely shocked. “Arley, go sit on the other side of the table.” Mike said and she complied, bowing her head in defeat as she climbed off me. He practically glared me down.

“What?! You keep saying ‘you guys’, but I’m not doing anything. She keeps coming on to me.” I held my hands up in surrender and he looked away slowly, still partially glaring at me.

“Wait, don’t you like me Alex?” Arley whimpered from the across of the table. Her eyes glistened with tears and I had to sigh.

“Of course I do.” “Well then why do you keep rejecting me?” I looked from Mike to her. A single tear ran down her cheek and I slumped in the chair.

“He’s not rejecting you sweetheart.” Mike said, hurrying around the table. He wrapped his arms around her and she sniffed lightly. “He just wants to wait until you get better before he kisses you again. Isn’t that right, Alex?” He looked to me and I nodded my head in agreement. She looked at me, tears still in her eyes. I opened my mouth to say something, but she beat me to it.

“Okay, I understand… sorta. I can wait, until later I guess.” She muttered, eyes locked on mine. As I looked into them, I felt like I could see into her soul. I could see the frustration and confusion; like the real Arley’s in there, fighting to get out but too confused to know how to get out. So which one is the one that kissed me?