29 Ways to Get Rid of Your Roommate

I felt as though my heart had stopped. “What?” I stammered as I stared at the woman who was ruining my life.

“I said, you are moving back home. I knew you would find some way to sabotage this whole situation. So, since you aren’t mature enough to live on your own, you are coming back home.” She said as she stood up. Finality rang in her voice. She was acting like she had the final say.

My heart beat started again, but instead of pumping blood, it pumped anger through my veins. I had been looking down while she was talking to me, so my head stayed down and I said “No,” quietly.

“What did you just say?” she asked as she stared me down.

“No.” I said louder this time, as I looked up at her. This time, finality rang in my voice.

“How dare you say no to me? I am your mother; you will treat me with respect!” She yelled.

“I am an adult. I will do as I please because I am an adult. I am nineteen years old. You can NOT tell me what to do anymore!” I yelled at her. She just kinda stood there, staring at me.

“I’m not moving back. I’m staying here.” I said and then grabbed my coat and left.



I sat in the Starbucks on campus and sipped my Frappacino. “How dare she think that she can order me around? I don’t even live with her anymore and she still wants to rule my life.” I muttered as I took another sip. I finished my coffee and got up to leave.

Once I left the building I started thinking. What if she’s still there by the time I get back? I sure hope she isn’t. I might not be able to control what I say if she is. How can she think that she’s still the boss of me? I pay my half of the bills, I go to school, I pay for my schooling, and I pretty much make my own life happen. How dare she think that she could say that I have to move back in?!

I walked into the apartment to find it mother free. I went to the cabinet and started taking out stuff for pasta. As I was trying to reach the noodles on the top shelf, Alex walked into the kitchen. He leaned against the counter and watched as I struggled to reach the top shelf. I mean, I wasn’t that short, but this cabinet must’ve had it out for me. I jumped and still couldn’t reach it. Alex laughed from behind me. I turned around slowly and glared at him.

“I’m already having a rat crap day. So, if you value the current position of your balls, I suggest you not laugh at me. Or, next time, they’ll be on the ground.” I said as threateningly as I could muster. I so did not feel like dealing with him right now.

He merely rolled his eyes and stood up straight. I thought he was going to walk away so I turned back to the cabinet. Next thing I knew, he was right behind me, reaching over me. I tried to step to the side, but tripped over my own foot. Why does everything feel like betraying me today? He quickly wrapped his hand around my waist in order to prevent me from falling.

I looked up, too surprised for words. After how horrible I was to him, I figured he would’ve just let me fall. I stared into his eyes; they were very easy to get lost in. That’s when I realized what I was doing. I was developing a crush on this guy. I quickly stood up straight and stepped beside him, properly this time.

“What the hell? Are you trying to make me fall?” I asked angrily. He grabbed the pasta box and threw it on the counter.

“No. I was trying to be nice. Obviously, it a lost cause with you.” He said, equally as angry, and walked out the kitchen. I listened as the door slammed shut. I grabbed the now dented box and started making the pasta. I felt a little bad for being mean. Oh man, this is not good.

After I finished putting the pasta in the water to boil, I went into our room and got the paper out that I had hidden in my closet. I looked down at the list and saw a perfect one.

It said:
Operation Oh Oh Spaghetti-O: Eat raw or cooked/plain pasta and ask your roommate if they want any. If they decline, stand up and throw the plate at the wall. Say nothing you do is ever good enough for anyone and storm away.

I quickly put the paper away and ran back to the kitchen. I turned the pasta down since I didn’t know what time he would be back. I actually kinda like plain cooked pasta so it works.

I heard the door open and Alex shuffle in. The pasta was done by now so I put it into a bowl and sat down at the table. He came into the dining room area and looked at me. That’s when he stopped and did a double take, staring at me as I shoveled plain pasta into my mouth. I’m sure I looked odd, sitting with my legs crossed and eating plain pasta with my hands.

“What the hell are you eating?” he asked disgustedly.

“Pasta.” I replied simply. I put more in my mouth and then started staring at him.

“Plain pasta?” he asked with the same level of disgust in his voice.

“No, it’s pasta with imaginary sauce.” I said. You probably think that’s sarcasm. Nope, I said it with a Duh sort of voice. Like it was completely obvious that this was imaginary sauce.

“Umm ok.” He said and turned away.

“Do you want some? It’s really yummy.”I said as I slurped up a noodle. It was a little hard but I managed it.

“Umm no?” he said uncertainly. I stood up and threw my pasta at the wall.

“Nothing I do is ever good enough for anyone.” I screamed and ran to our room. I shut the door and then ran into the closet. I sat on the floor and tried very hard not to laugh. That only resulted in tears streaming down my face. I heard the door to the bedroom open.

“Arley?” Alex asked as I stayed in the closet. Before long, the closet door opened to reveal a very sorry looking Alex. I decided to use the tears to my advantage and started rocking back and forth with my knees pulled up to my chest. “I’m sorry Arley.” He said as he knelt down. Is he really being nice to me? Wow, who’d have thought?

“Leave me and Paul alone.” I said and hugged the air next to me while turning my face away from him. He simply got up and shut the door again. I guess I’m gonna have to bump it up a notch.