29 Ways to Get Rid of Your Roommate

I sat up as fast as I could. This earned me a headache but I didn’t really care. I practically jumped out the bed and yelled for Alex. I didn’t have to wait long though considering the fact that I landed on him.

“Fuck!” he yelled as my feet collided with his stomach. I fell flat on my face in an attempt to get off him.

“I’m so sorry.” I said as I picked myself up only to kneel beside him. I know I may act like a bitch to him sometimes, but I never really intended to physically hurt him.

“Are you okay?” I said as I stared at his face. His face was scrunched up in a look of pain. Well dang, I know I tend to pack on a few in the winter, but I don’t think I’m that fat.

“You’re not fat. It was just unexpected.” Alex said as he looked me full in the face. Oops, I guess I said that one out loud. I have the worst sensor when I’m half asleep.

“Oh, well… thanks I guess. Are you okay though?” I sat next to him on the floor. He had pulled himself up into a sitting position.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Trust me, I’ve taken worse hits before.” He said grimly. I just nodded and stared at the carpet. I started to draw swirly designs.

“Have you noticed yet?” he asked. I looked up to see his chocolate brown eyes colored with curiosity.

“Noticed what yet?” I asked. What was he talking about now? I thought I was supposed to be the weird roommate.

“Oh nothing. I’m gonna let you notice.” He said as he got up and left. What was he smoking and what’s with that mysterious grin on his face? I got up and got dressed so I wouldn’t be late for class.



“Hey girl, you’re almost late. Hurry, hurry, before the Raptor gets you.” Lezlie said as I ran through the door to Starbuck’s. I work there after school and I’m usually always almost late because my stupid professor is against letting us out on time. The Raptor is the name we gave our boss, Miss Rapt. She’s always getting on me about being late but she can’t really do anything about it since her boss says we cant be fired for being late because of class.

I ran to the back and punched my card before I grabbed my apron and stood in front of the register. A hot guy walked in and stood in front of me.

“Hi, welcome to Starbuck’s. My name is Arley. How can I assist you?” I said in a cheery tone. I honestly didn’t mind working at Starbuck’s. It’s actually the most sought out employer on campus. The hours are great, they understand your class schedule most of the time, and they have great discounts. I was lucky to get this job, Lezlie too. Ha, take that greater student population.

“Well hello, can I have a Carmel Brulee Latte and your number please?” He said. Hmmm, forward. Definitely a quality I like. I blushed as I summed up his total.

“Your total is $4.50. Cash or credit?” I said. He pulled out his wallet and handed me a five before taking out a small piece of paper.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a pen by any chance, would you?” he asked with a flirtatious smile. I pulled a pen out of my apron while I turned to make his drink.

“Here you go, sir.” I said as I gave him his drink.

“And here you go.” He said and slipped a folded up piece of paper into my hand as he grabbed his drink. He winked at me and left. I unfolded the paper and found his number written on it. Jared Sparks. Hmmm, I think I might call him.

“Oh la la, looks like someone’s got herself an admirer. So, are you gonna call him?” Lezlie said as she walked over from servicing the drive-thru window.

“I don’t know... maybe? If I see him again then I definitely will.” was my reply as the next costumer stepped up. “Hello, welcome to Starbuck’s. My name is Arley, how can I assist you?”



“That shift was brutal.” Lezlie said as we collapsed on her sofa. I didn’t much feel like dealing with Alex at the moment so I opted to spend the night at Lezlie’s. She lives with her roommate, her girlfriend. Lezlie’s a lesbian, kinda rhymey, huh?

“Hello love!” Rebecca said as she sat in Lezlie’s tired lap. Rebecca, in case you didn’t guess already, is Lezlie’s girlfriend.

“Hi baby.” She said with a peck to her lips. They are so adorable.

“Okay, okay. Enough lovey dovey crap please? I might just throw up.” I joked as I held my stomach playfully. Lezlie reached over and punched me in the arm. “Ow, what was that for?”

“Well you said no more love. This is how I show anti-love.” She replied. Rebecca turned the television on to Glee, amazing show by the way.

“But why me?” I muttered darkly.

“Because, my dear, I don’t have to show Rebecca my love, she already knows it.” She said and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. These two had been through hell and high water in order to be together. Rebecca’s parents are very religious and think that being gay is wrong. Well, wrong is a lighter way of putting it. They downright hate gays. So, needless to say, when Rebecca came out of the closet, they were furious. They sent her to a recovery camp, yes a recovery camp. They were hoping to cure her of her gayness. Well, that’s where she met Lezlie. Lezlie’s parents sent her there as well because they found her in bed with her girlfriend at the time. They exchanged numbers and agreed to act like they were cured so they could get out of there. When they got back home they kept in touch, forming an online relationship along the way.

Well, when Lezlie and Rebecca graduated, Rebecca’s parents wanted her to go to a religious school. She knew that if she went there she would never be able to be her true self so she tried coming out to her parents again. Her father tried to beat the gay out of her, but when that didn’t work they kicked her out. Lezlie told me that she showed up at her doorstep, bloody and bruised. When Lezlie took her in and threatened her parents with running away, that’s when they realized that this is a part of their daughter. They took them both in and now they’re here in college.

“Hello, Space Cadet? Are you coming back any time soon, because your staring is starting to get really creepy?” Lezlie said. Rebecca looked like she was about to fall asleep in Lezlie’s lap.

“Yeah, I’m back. I think Becca here is about to fall asleep. Maybe it’s time for baby to be put to bed.” I said as I relaxed into the couch. Rebecca grumbled something and then kicked me in the shin.

“You know, I’m getting real tired of all the abuse.” I grumbled playfully, leaning forward to rub my sore shin.

“I love you Leyley.” She sang as she got to her feet.

“I told you never to call me that.” I said. I mean, come on. Leyley? I hate that name and that’s exactly why she uses it.

“Alright you two. Rebecca, you go off to bed. You look completely exhausted.” Lezlie said with a playful smack on Rebecca’s butt. Rebecca giggled and ran towards the bedroom.

“Goodnight y’all.” She said and shut the door.

“And you, you need to get a movie picked since the show’s over. We need to have a best friend movie night.” Lezlie said as she pointed at me.

“Aye aye, Captain.” I saluted as I picked up the remote and scrolled through the movie channels. Lezlie got up and started to make popcorn. I turned on Shrek and relaxed back into the couch. I can tell that tonight is gonna be great.