Status: Work in progress, currently got writers block though :(
The Pain Within
Part 5
Julia headed back out to the shelter, feeling considerably more worried and burdened after speaking to the Doctor than she would’ve liked to have been, but she turned her thoughts onto Jane, who was going to be the recipient of her next phone call. Jane was a very caring, loving and gentle person who loved Lucy like a daughter, so she had a right to be the first friend that Julia rang. Julia just hoped that she answered the phone! This call panned out in a similar way to Callum’s, the only difference was that Julia now had more control over her emotions, and Jane reacted a lot more to what Julia was saying;
“Hello Jane, I’m afraid this is the phone call about Lucy that you’ve been dreading getting for a long time, Lucy finally carried out her plans, I’m at the hospital with her now”, said Julia. Callum had remained quiet at this point but Jane reacted immediately; “NO! She didn’t? Is she ok? Please tell me it didn’t work!”
“No it hasn’t worked, yet. The Doctors and nurses say that the next 24 hours are critical and that we need to harden ourselves for the worst. I’m sorry.” Jane then said; “You don’t need to apologise, you must be in pieces. I know I am!” The pair then went on to discuss the details of what Lucy had done and what was currently taking place. Like Callum, Jane asked if she could come and visit Lucy and show her support, to which Julia agreed because she knew that Lucy would need all of her friends around her, especially Jane as she had a calming influence on her and could make her see sense when everyone else had failed.
“So you are just waiting on information from the doctor then?” asked Jane, “yes, I have told you as much as I know and I will text or ring to update you on anything new. At the moment it all seems to look grim if I’m honest, and if Lucy pulls through this then it will take a long time for any type of normality to return to our lives”, said Julia.
“You can rest assured that you will not be alone in helping Lucy through this, I will help as much as possible, so whatever you need just ask. I’ll wait for more information before I come and visit but I’ll definitely come and see you both as soon as I can. I will also talk to Vanessa and try to help her see that all is not lost. Talk again soon, thanks for letting me know” said Jane. Both friends hung up at the same moment and Julia began looking for the next number to call, whilst thinking about the conversation she had just had. She was glad that Jane had offered to help her as she would surely need all the help she could get! Jane mentioning Vanessa had reminded Julia that she also needed to talk to her to discuss plans for Lucy’s future, such as living arrangements, notifying Lucy’s school and the current situation between Lucy and her family. Julia decided she would go and speak to Vanessa when Lucy was out of theatre and turned her thoughts back to the phone calls, the person she settled on next was Alexis, Lucy’s closest friend at 6th form. Julia was fairly anxious about calling this particular friend, because she was only Lucy’s age and what had happened was a lot for an adult to deal with, never mind a teenager. Also, she remembered Lucy mentioning that Alexis had said that if Lucy killed herself, then she would follow suit. However, putting these things aside, Lucy had asked her to call her so she did. Fortunately Alexis didn’t answer the call and Julia suddenly remembered that it was a mid-morning on Thursday, and so all of Lucy’s school friends would be in school! If it wasn’t for the circumstances, Julia would have laughed at her own stupidity. Julia left a message asking Alexis to call her back and said no more; this was not the type of thing to say on an answer phone message!
Julia decided not to call all of Lucy’s friends, after all, she had a lot and it was not likely that she wanted them all to know! So far she had rung Lucy’s two closest friends, and after calling Anne who was another adult friend who reacted in the same way as Jane, she began to feel edgy and uncomfortable as it had been a long time without news from the operating room. So far, everyone who Julia had called had said they would come and visit, but if there was nothing new to tell them and Lucy was still in theatre then it was pointless. A thought that Julia had been trying to keep at the back of her head suddenly came into focus; ‘If things don’t improve then her friends will be coming to say their goodbyes, never mind just visiting!’ As soon as the thought registered, Julia banished it to the back of her mind once again and before it could make a re-appearance, a welcome interruption came in the form of a phone call from Callum. He explained that he had just arrived at the hospital so Julia told him where she was so that he could find her. She didn’t want to wander off in search of him because she didn’t want to risk missing the doctor.
Julia felt so much better knowing that Callum was in the hospital; it was like she suddenly had her strength back and could deal with everything much better. It was amazing to think that this was just from one person, no matter how special this person was to Julia. The decision to stay put turned out to be a wise one, because a few minutes after she had put the phone down, a doctor came out of the operating room;
“Sorry that it’s been such a long time; we were looking at Lucy’s wounds and trying to decide the best course of action. We’ve repaired her legs as much as possible and it‘s just a case of seeing how they heal now. Thankfully the damage isn’t too severe so she should make a full recovery as far as her legs are concerned.” Julia was relieved at this and then dared to ask about Lucy’s arm, as soon as she did the doctor’s face became a picture of worry and desperation. Julia was filled with fear as she awaited his answer;
“Ah, now that’s what has been causing us the most problems. The injuries are more severe than we feared and we’ve been struggling to repair the extensive damage. They are so deep that Lucy has cut into the arteries and the muscle in almost every wound. They are so close together that we’re struggling to stitch them up, but we’ve done the best we can and repaired all of the major arteries. However, her arm is so delicate that the stitches could come undone with the slightest movement, and if that occurs it will be very hard to repair them for a second time. So Lucy is far from being out of the woods yet. I came out to tell you that we have done as much as we can today, Lucy can’t go through any more surgery as she is too weak and it will almost certainly kill her if we continue. If she survives the night then she will need several more operations to fix the damage. As much as it is possible to fix, that is.”
“There’s more to it than that”, said Julia. “I’ve done work with St John’s ambulance and I know that you can’t simply stitch up muscle, and what about the ligaments, has she done any damage to them?” “You are right, there is more to it, I was saving the worst news until last...” said the doctor; “yes, unfortunately she has torn the ligaments, and in more than one place. I’m sure you know that that is bad news, especially for the long-term. Combined with the muscle damage, I’m sorry to say that it looks certain that Lucy won’t ever regain full movement of her arm/wrist,” the doctor replied. Julia suddenly felt very sick and went pale. “We won’t be able to know how much movement has been lost until the cuts heal up, but as you know, ligaments and muscle take much longer to repair themselves than cuts, so it will be a long time before the true extent of the damage is realised. Either way, Lucy won’t be able to use her hand/arm for a long time, even with the help of intensive physiotherapy, and her long-term prospects don’t look good.” The doctor finished his explanation and then quickly told Julia to sit down, as she looked very unwell.
“You...You don’t know what this means,” Julia tried to explain, “Lucy plays the flute and piano. It’s her goal to become a music teacher. Playing is her life! It will destroy her when she finds out. I... I can’t believe this, it’s the worst thing that could’ve happened, aside from her dying!” The doctor had very few words of comfort, so he was glad when one of the nurses called him back into theatre. Just as he left, Callum walked up the corridor towards Julia. As soon as she saw him, she got up and ran into his arms. Callum just stood there hugging her for what seemed like an age. He stroked her hair and told her it was going to be ok, even though from what he’d heard, he was finding that difficult to believe. Julia managed to stifle her sobs enough to explain what she had just been told, and suddenly her thoughts turned to Lucy’s friends and family who needed to know the news immediately.
Callum insisted that he would be the one to tell Vanessa, because he could see that Julia was in no fit state to talk to anyone. Julia sat out in the garden while Callum calmly talked to Vanessa, and she could see that Vanessa’s reaction was very similar to hers, she just collapsed into Margaret’s arms in floods of tears. Meanwhile, Julia was struggling against an internal battle; she didn’t want to leave Lucy for even a second, but she was also very aware that the whole situation was making her ill and that she needed rest. Callum returned to Julia’s side and seemed to sense what she was thinking. His comment was; “You can’t help her much when you’re like this, get some rest. If you insist on staying then you can sleep on the ward next to her, but you must sleep, and soon.” Julia knew Callum well and had learnt not to argue; after all, what he was saying made perfect sense. At that moment, a line of nurses and doctors came out of theatre, pushing Lucy’s bed along.
She was covered in tubes and bandages. They seemed to be everywhere! The drip that she had from earlier was now replacing all the blood that she had lost and Julia saw exactly what the doctor meant when he’d said they couldn’t have done any more surgery today; Lucy didn’t even have the strength to breathe for herself, a ventilator was doing it for her. It was heartbreaking for Julia and Callum. They both hugged each other and then followed Lucy and her team of nurses to the intensive care unit, where Julia was reminded yet again that they could lose Lucy at any minute. She was also told that people should be urged to come and visit now rather than risk leaving it until later.
Naturally this upset Julia and Callum greatly, but to both their surprise, one of the doctors chipped in; “yes things look very grim, but as we’ve seen already, this girl is a fighter. Even though consciously she may not want to, she ‘s fighting for her life.” The same doctor then carried on to say that Lucy was likely to be unconscious until the next morning, possibly longer, and that visitors should be made aware of that before coming to the hospital.
Julia knew that she had to ring Lucy’s friends and let them know they could visit, and fast, because even as she was sitting there, the sky was getting darker as the night crept upon them. It was only at this point that Julia realised she had been in the hospital all day, since being called by Vanessa that morning. She hadn’t eaten a thing and realised that she was hungry, and Callum went off in search of some food. Or at least the nearest thing he could find, this was a hospital after all! While Callum was searching, Julia rang Jane and Anne, who said they were on their way, and then decided to try Alexis again, along with another school friend of Lucy’s; Izzy. She thought she had more chance of catching them now that school had been over for a few hours. Alexis didn’t answer again and this was beginning to try Julia’s patience, but she did get through to Izzy. This was the most difficult conversation so far, as Izzy was the youngest of Lucy’s friends to know and one of the most sensitive. As soon as Julia told her, Izzy burst into tears down the phone and Julia found it hard to make out what she was saying, but finally realised that she was asking to visit. Julia said that she could but that Lucy would be asleep and she needed to make sure her parents were ok with getting her to the hospital and back. She didn’t add that she should come tonight because it may be her only chance, as she couldn’t face that thought, so a 16 year old certainly wouldn’t be able to! Izzy ended the call saying she would text if she was coming, and thanked Julia for letting her know. Julia felt very drained after that call, so welcomed the food and drink that Callum had brought.
Julia hadn’t told the latest news from surgery to any of Lucy’s friends over the phone. She knew it would be very difficult to say and would be better said in person. She was dreading it. But as she and Callum sat by Lucy’s bedside, she felt a sense of calm and warmth spreading through her at the thought of having Lucy’s friends visit. It would allow Julia to have some much needed time out, and she would be given support off her adult friends, which she sorely needed. This was going to be like doing a marathon...for everyone involved.
“Hello Jane, I’m afraid this is the phone call about Lucy that you’ve been dreading getting for a long time, Lucy finally carried out her plans, I’m at the hospital with her now”, said Julia. Callum had remained quiet at this point but Jane reacted immediately; “NO! She didn’t? Is she ok? Please tell me it didn’t work!”
“No it hasn’t worked, yet. The Doctors and nurses say that the next 24 hours are critical and that we need to harden ourselves for the worst. I’m sorry.” Jane then said; “You don’t need to apologise, you must be in pieces. I know I am!” The pair then went on to discuss the details of what Lucy had done and what was currently taking place. Like Callum, Jane asked if she could come and visit Lucy and show her support, to which Julia agreed because she knew that Lucy would need all of her friends around her, especially Jane as she had a calming influence on her and could make her see sense when everyone else had failed.
“So you are just waiting on information from the doctor then?” asked Jane, “yes, I have told you as much as I know and I will text or ring to update you on anything new. At the moment it all seems to look grim if I’m honest, and if Lucy pulls through this then it will take a long time for any type of normality to return to our lives”, said Julia.
“You can rest assured that you will not be alone in helping Lucy through this, I will help as much as possible, so whatever you need just ask. I’ll wait for more information before I come and visit but I’ll definitely come and see you both as soon as I can. I will also talk to Vanessa and try to help her see that all is not lost. Talk again soon, thanks for letting me know” said Jane. Both friends hung up at the same moment and Julia began looking for the next number to call, whilst thinking about the conversation she had just had. She was glad that Jane had offered to help her as she would surely need all the help she could get! Jane mentioning Vanessa had reminded Julia that she also needed to talk to her to discuss plans for Lucy’s future, such as living arrangements, notifying Lucy’s school and the current situation between Lucy and her family. Julia decided she would go and speak to Vanessa when Lucy was out of theatre and turned her thoughts back to the phone calls, the person she settled on next was Alexis, Lucy’s closest friend at 6th form. Julia was fairly anxious about calling this particular friend, because she was only Lucy’s age and what had happened was a lot for an adult to deal with, never mind a teenager. Also, she remembered Lucy mentioning that Alexis had said that if Lucy killed herself, then she would follow suit. However, putting these things aside, Lucy had asked her to call her so she did. Fortunately Alexis didn’t answer the call and Julia suddenly remembered that it was a mid-morning on Thursday, and so all of Lucy’s school friends would be in school! If it wasn’t for the circumstances, Julia would have laughed at her own stupidity. Julia left a message asking Alexis to call her back and said no more; this was not the type of thing to say on an answer phone message!
Julia decided not to call all of Lucy’s friends, after all, she had a lot and it was not likely that she wanted them all to know! So far she had rung Lucy’s two closest friends, and after calling Anne who was another adult friend who reacted in the same way as Jane, she began to feel edgy and uncomfortable as it had been a long time without news from the operating room. So far, everyone who Julia had called had said they would come and visit, but if there was nothing new to tell them and Lucy was still in theatre then it was pointless. A thought that Julia had been trying to keep at the back of her head suddenly came into focus; ‘If things don’t improve then her friends will be coming to say their goodbyes, never mind just visiting!’ As soon as the thought registered, Julia banished it to the back of her mind once again and before it could make a re-appearance, a welcome interruption came in the form of a phone call from Callum. He explained that he had just arrived at the hospital so Julia told him where she was so that he could find her. She didn’t want to wander off in search of him because she didn’t want to risk missing the doctor.
Julia felt so much better knowing that Callum was in the hospital; it was like she suddenly had her strength back and could deal with everything much better. It was amazing to think that this was just from one person, no matter how special this person was to Julia. The decision to stay put turned out to be a wise one, because a few minutes after she had put the phone down, a doctor came out of the operating room;
“Sorry that it’s been such a long time; we were looking at Lucy’s wounds and trying to decide the best course of action. We’ve repaired her legs as much as possible and it‘s just a case of seeing how they heal now. Thankfully the damage isn’t too severe so she should make a full recovery as far as her legs are concerned.” Julia was relieved at this and then dared to ask about Lucy’s arm, as soon as she did the doctor’s face became a picture of worry and desperation. Julia was filled with fear as she awaited his answer;
“Ah, now that’s what has been causing us the most problems. The injuries are more severe than we feared and we’ve been struggling to repair the extensive damage. They are so deep that Lucy has cut into the arteries and the muscle in almost every wound. They are so close together that we’re struggling to stitch them up, but we’ve done the best we can and repaired all of the major arteries. However, her arm is so delicate that the stitches could come undone with the slightest movement, and if that occurs it will be very hard to repair them for a second time. So Lucy is far from being out of the woods yet. I came out to tell you that we have done as much as we can today, Lucy can’t go through any more surgery as she is too weak and it will almost certainly kill her if we continue. If she survives the night then she will need several more operations to fix the damage. As much as it is possible to fix, that is.”
“There’s more to it than that”, said Julia. “I’ve done work with St John’s ambulance and I know that you can’t simply stitch up muscle, and what about the ligaments, has she done any damage to them?” “You are right, there is more to it, I was saving the worst news until last...” said the doctor; “yes, unfortunately she has torn the ligaments, and in more than one place. I’m sure you know that that is bad news, especially for the long-term. Combined with the muscle damage, I’m sorry to say that it looks certain that Lucy won’t ever regain full movement of her arm/wrist,” the doctor replied. Julia suddenly felt very sick and went pale. “We won’t be able to know how much movement has been lost until the cuts heal up, but as you know, ligaments and muscle take much longer to repair themselves than cuts, so it will be a long time before the true extent of the damage is realised. Either way, Lucy won’t be able to use her hand/arm for a long time, even with the help of intensive physiotherapy, and her long-term prospects don’t look good.” The doctor finished his explanation and then quickly told Julia to sit down, as she looked very unwell.
“You...You don’t know what this means,” Julia tried to explain, “Lucy plays the flute and piano. It’s her goal to become a music teacher. Playing is her life! It will destroy her when she finds out. I... I can’t believe this, it’s the worst thing that could’ve happened, aside from her dying!” The doctor had very few words of comfort, so he was glad when one of the nurses called him back into theatre. Just as he left, Callum walked up the corridor towards Julia. As soon as she saw him, she got up and ran into his arms. Callum just stood there hugging her for what seemed like an age. He stroked her hair and told her it was going to be ok, even though from what he’d heard, he was finding that difficult to believe. Julia managed to stifle her sobs enough to explain what she had just been told, and suddenly her thoughts turned to Lucy’s friends and family who needed to know the news immediately.
Callum insisted that he would be the one to tell Vanessa, because he could see that Julia was in no fit state to talk to anyone. Julia sat out in the garden while Callum calmly talked to Vanessa, and she could see that Vanessa’s reaction was very similar to hers, she just collapsed into Margaret’s arms in floods of tears. Meanwhile, Julia was struggling against an internal battle; she didn’t want to leave Lucy for even a second, but she was also very aware that the whole situation was making her ill and that she needed rest. Callum returned to Julia’s side and seemed to sense what she was thinking. His comment was; “You can’t help her much when you’re like this, get some rest. If you insist on staying then you can sleep on the ward next to her, but you must sleep, and soon.” Julia knew Callum well and had learnt not to argue; after all, what he was saying made perfect sense. At that moment, a line of nurses and doctors came out of theatre, pushing Lucy’s bed along.
She was covered in tubes and bandages. They seemed to be everywhere! The drip that she had from earlier was now replacing all the blood that she had lost and Julia saw exactly what the doctor meant when he’d said they couldn’t have done any more surgery today; Lucy didn’t even have the strength to breathe for herself, a ventilator was doing it for her. It was heartbreaking for Julia and Callum. They both hugged each other and then followed Lucy and her team of nurses to the intensive care unit, where Julia was reminded yet again that they could lose Lucy at any minute. She was also told that people should be urged to come and visit now rather than risk leaving it until later.
Naturally this upset Julia and Callum greatly, but to both their surprise, one of the doctors chipped in; “yes things look very grim, but as we’ve seen already, this girl is a fighter. Even though consciously she may not want to, she ‘s fighting for her life.” The same doctor then carried on to say that Lucy was likely to be unconscious until the next morning, possibly longer, and that visitors should be made aware of that before coming to the hospital.
Julia knew that she had to ring Lucy’s friends and let them know they could visit, and fast, because even as she was sitting there, the sky was getting darker as the night crept upon them. It was only at this point that Julia realised she had been in the hospital all day, since being called by Vanessa that morning. She hadn’t eaten a thing and realised that she was hungry, and Callum went off in search of some food. Or at least the nearest thing he could find, this was a hospital after all! While Callum was searching, Julia rang Jane and Anne, who said they were on their way, and then decided to try Alexis again, along with another school friend of Lucy’s; Izzy. She thought she had more chance of catching them now that school had been over for a few hours. Alexis didn’t answer again and this was beginning to try Julia’s patience, but she did get through to Izzy. This was the most difficult conversation so far, as Izzy was the youngest of Lucy’s friends to know and one of the most sensitive. As soon as Julia told her, Izzy burst into tears down the phone and Julia found it hard to make out what she was saying, but finally realised that she was asking to visit. Julia said that she could but that Lucy would be asleep and she needed to make sure her parents were ok with getting her to the hospital and back. She didn’t add that she should come tonight because it may be her only chance, as she couldn’t face that thought, so a 16 year old certainly wouldn’t be able to! Izzy ended the call saying she would text if she was coming, and thanked Julia for letting her know. Julia felt very drained after that call, so welcomed the food and drink that Callum had brought.
Julia hadn’t told the latest news from surgery to any of Lucy’s friends over the phone. She knew it would be very difficult to say and would be better said in person. She was dreading it. But as she and Callum sat by Lucy’s bedside, she felt a sense of calm and warmth spreading through her at the thought of having Lucy’s friends visit. It would allow Julia to have some much needed time out, and she would be given support off her adult friends, which she sorely needed. This was going to be like doing a marathon...for everyone involved.