Shaking in Waiting for Something More
1/1
"I can keep a secret if you can keep me guessing, the flavor of your lips is enough to keep me here..."
Lyssa pushed through the crowd, trying to find her way out of the venue. The lights were bright, she couldn't see. The music was loud, and it hurt her head, and all the hot, sweating bodies bouncing up and down made her sick. She hated everything about these concerts. She tried to remember why she went to them, as she pushed her way back stage.
She nodded greeting at the people working, and the security guards. They knew her. They knew she could be back there. She was Rian's little cousin. They had always been pretty close, and she tried to go on tour with them as much as possible, and when she couldn't, see usually drove herself too all of their concerts, and hung out on the days off. She supported Rian, and the band. She always had.
It wasn't all to do with Rian, though, why she would always go.
It had a little something to do with his voice, and the way he looked under those bright lights she hated so much. It was the way he smiled at the crowd, and laughed, and sang. It was the way he was so effortless, flawless, weightless.
She had been in love with Alex since she was in ninth grade, and he was in eleventh. She would use any excuse to go over to Rian's house, while he was having band practice, to catch a glimpse of Alex.
She was never anything more to him than being Rian's little cousin, and a good friend. That hurt, but that was how it went.
No one seemed to notice her feelings for Alex, and if they did, they were sure pretty good at hiding it.
She pushed open the double doors with the glowing exit sign on top of them, and stepped out into the cool air.
It was refreshing. She closed her eyes and felt the ice cold wind hit her.
It was late November, and she was still cold, despite her black jacket, with the hood up, and skinny jeans. She tossed her light brown hair over her shoulder, and stared up at the dark sky. The sound of the music was faint and muffled now, and she didn't mind.
When the screams of the fans drowned out the sound of the music, she re-entered the venue, shrugging off her jacket, so all she was wearing was a t-shirt.
"Heyy, Lyssa!" Jack screamed. The concert was over, and he had just come back stage. "I didn't see you in the crowd for the last bit! What is that garbage!?"
"Sorry Jack, but I just needed some air."
"No, you just needed a hug from Jack." He grabbed her.
"Jack. You smell bad, and your sweaty. Off."
"Sorry.." Jack sighed, and let go of her, and grinned.
"Don't be rapin my cousin!" Rian laughed, and nudged Jack. "That's not cool man."
Alex came out, wiping his face with a towel. He leaned against the wall, and stared at the ground.
"You guys sounded great tonight." She faked a smile in between glances at Alex.
"Thanks."
Zack started helping the crew load all the instruments, when a couple of girls came back stage.
She eyed them curiously. She had never seen them before.She knew the people that were usually allowed to come back, and they weren't those people.
"Are they allowed back here?" She hissed to Rian. He shrugged.
"Hey, ladies." Alex said immediately. "What's going down?"
"Nothing... " One of them giggled. She had platinum blond hair, and bright blue eyes, and her shirt didn't seem to cover her chest. At all. "We're huge fans."
"Are you now?" Alex moved closer, with a drink in hand.
"Of course!"
Lyssa crossed her arms over her chest, and turned her head. Alex didn't even seem to notice. She refused to let herself hear him flirt with all those dirty band sluts, so she turned, and went straight back to the double doors. She pushed the bar that opened the doors hard. It was loud.
Before the door shut, she heard Alex say, "Hold on for just a minute, girls..."
She stalked off, without her jacket. It was cold, and there was a good chance it would snow. She didn't turn around when she heard the door open.
"Lyss?"
"Oh, hey Alex." She snapped. She didn't look back.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"It's cold out.."
"I know. Lucky you, you have a whole bunch of girls to warm you up. Go back inside."
She heard the crunch of the gravel as he walked closer. "Not until you do."
She turned and looked at him. He had his hands in his pockets and a sheepish look on his face. "Why? I like it outside."
"No, Lyssa, you hate it outside almost as much as you hate going to our concerts." He smiled teasingly.
"I love your concerts, what are you talking about?"
"I always look at you in the crowd. You shouldn't even bother lying."
"Really, cause I've never seen you look at me. Ever."
"Then you're...blind?" He sighed. "I'm always looking at you."
"Hm." Lyssa looked him over, with an unamused expression. "Sure."
"Lyss, what's wrong? Are you mad at me?"
"Why would you care?"
"Because I CARE about you, Lyssa!? What the fuck is up with you! You're one of my best friends, and something is wrong. Tell me what's up."
"Go back to your band sluts."
He went quiet.
"Alex?"
"...You're jealous of them, aren't you?"
"W-What!? Of course not!" The first snowflakes started falling into her hair. She shivered, and rubbed her bare arms.
"Lyss, you have feelings for me." He said really slowly. She shook her head.
"Don't be so full of yourself Alex. I do not have feelings for you."
"That's really too bad then..." He stepped forward, and was right up against her. The clouds his breath was making were warm. She could feel the warmth coming from him. He slid his hoodie off, and slipped it over her shoulders, and leaned in, and pressed his lips against hers. When he pulled away, Lyssa wasn't shaking just from the cold. "Because I have feelings for you."
Lyssa smiled, and went to kiss him again, but stopped. "Then what's with the band sluts?"
Alex laughed. "Come on, I can't be FRIENDLY?"
"Like staring at their tits is friendly."
He sighed. "I was trying to see what you would do, okay?"
"It's not like you haven't been doing that since you've started this tour thing." She looked at her feet.
"How long have you ... felt this way?" Alex asked slowly.
"Since ninth grade..."
"Oh, god. Lyss, I'm so sorry. I wouldn't have if I knew."
"I...know..." She muttered. She was shaking hard.
"Come on, let's go inside." Alex grabbed her hand and laced his fingers through his.
"What about the band sluts?"
"They're so gone you won't even remember they were there."
Lyssa smiled, and finally remembered why she went to all their concerts.
Lyssa pushed through the crowd, trying to find her way out of the venue. The lights were bright, she couldn't see. The music was loud, and it hurt her head, and all the hot, sweating bodies bouncing up and down made her sick. She hated everything about these concerts. She tried to remember why she went to them, as she pushed her way back stage.
She nodded greeting at the people working, and the security guards. They knew her. They knew she could be back there. She was Rian's little cousin. They had always been pretty close, and she tried to go on tour with them as much as possible, and when she couldn't, see usually drove herself too all of their concerts, and hung out on the days off. She supported Rian, and the band. She always had.
It wasn't all to do with Rian, though, why she would always go.
It had a little something to do with his voice, and the way he looked under those bright lights she hated so much. It was the way he smiled at the crowd, and laughed, and sang. It was the way he was so effortless, flawless, weightless.
She had been in love with Alex since she was in ninth grade, and he was in eleventh. She would use any excuse to go over to Rian's house, while he was having band practice, to catch a glimpse of Alex.
She was never anything more to him than being Rian's little cousin, and a good friend. That hurt, but that was how it went.
No one seemed to notice her feelings for Alex, and if they did, they were sure pretty good at hiding it.
She pushed open the double doors with the glowing exit sign on top of them, and stepped out into the cool air.
It was refreshing. She closed her eyes and felt the ice cold wind hit her.
It was late November, and she was still cold, despite her black jacket, with the hood up, and skinny jeans. She tossed her light brown hair over her shoulder, and stared up at the dark sky. The sound of the music was faint and muffled now, and she didn't mind.
When the screams of the fans drowned out the sound of the music, she re-entered the venue, shrugging off her jacket, so all she was wearing was a t-shirt.
"Heyy, Lyssa!" Jack screamed. The concert was over, and he had just come back stage. "I didn't see you in the crowd for the last bit! What is that garbage!?"
"Sorry Jack, but I just needed some air."
"No, you just needed a hug from Jack." He grabbed her.
"Jack. You smell bad, and your sweaty. Off."
"Sorry.." Jack sighed, and let go of her, and grinned.
"Don't be rapin my cousin!" Rian laughed, and nudged Jack. "That's not cool man."
Alex came out, wiping his face with a towel. He leaned against the wall, and stared at the ground.
"You guys sounded great tonight." She faked a smile in between glances at Alex.
"Thanks."
Zack started helping the crew load all the instruments, when a couple of girls came back stage.
She eyed them curiously. She had never seen them before.She knew the people that were usually allowed to come back, and they weren't those people.
"Are they allowed back here?" She hissed to Rian. He shrugged.
"Hey, ladies." Alex said immediately. "What's going down?"
"Nothing... " One of them giggled. She had platinum blond hair, and bright blue eyes, and her shirt didn't seem to cover her chest. At all. "We're huge fans."
"Are you now?" Alex moved closer, with a drink in hand.
"Of course!"
Lyssa crossed her arms over her chest, and turned her head. Alex didn't even seem to notice. She refused to let herself hear him flirt with all those dirty band sluts, so she turned, and went straight back to the double doors. She pushed the bar that opened the doors hard. It was loud.
Before the door shut, she heard Alex say, "Hold on for just a minute, girls..."
She stalked off, without her jacket. It was cold, and there was a good chance it would snow. She didn't turn around when she heard the door open.
"Lyss?"
"Oh, hey Alex." She snapped. She didn't look back.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"It's cold out.."
"I know. Lucky you, you have a whole bunch of girls to warm you up. Go back inside."
She heard the crunch of the gravel as he walked closer. "Not until you do."
She turned and looked at him. He had his hands in his pockets and a sheepish look on his face. "Why? I like it outside."
"No, Lyssa, you hate it outside almost as much as you hate going to our concerts." He smiled teasingly.
"I love your concerts, what are you talking about?"
"I always look at you in the crowd. You shouldn't even bother lying."
"Really, cause I've never seen you look at me. Ever."
"Then you're...blind?" He sighed. "I'm always looking at you."
"Hm." Lyssa looked him over, with an unamused expression. "Sure."
"Lyss, what's wrong? Are you mad at me?"
"Why would you care?"
"Because I CARE about you, Lyssa!? What the fuck is up with you! You're one of my best friends, and something is wrong. Tell me what's up."
"Go back to your band sluts."
He went quiet.
"Alex?"
"...You're jealous of them, aren't you?"
"W-What!? Of course not!" The first snowflakes started falling into her hair. She shivered, and rubbed her bare arms.
"Lyss, you have feelings for me." He said really slowly. She shook her head.
"Don't be so full of yourself Alex. I do not have feelings for you."
"That's really too bad then..." He stepped forward, and was right up against her. The clouds his breath was making were warm. She could feel the warmth coming from him. He slid his hoodie off, and slipped it over her shoulders, and leaned in, and pressed his lips against hers. When he pulled away, Lyssa wasn't shaking just from the cold. "Because I have feelings for you."
Lyssa smiled, and went to kiss him again, but stopped. "Then what's with the band sluts?"
Alex laughed. "Come on, I can't be FRIENDLY?"
"Like staring at their tits is friendly."
He sighed. "I was trying to see what you would do, okay?"
"It's not like you haven't been doing that since you've started this tour thing." She looked at her feet.
"How long have you ... felt this way?" Alex asked slowly.
"Since ninth grade..."
"Oh, god. Lyss, I'm so sorry. I wouldn't have if I knew."
"I...know..." She muttered. She was shaking hard.
"Come on, let's go inside." Alex grabbed her hand and laced his fingers through his.
"What about the band sluts?"
"They're so gone you won't even remember they were there."
Lyssa smiled, and finally remembered why she went to all their concerts.