Don't Waste Your Breath, It's Too Late

Two days later it was Thursday morning bright and early, and unfortunately it was very a sunny and beautiful day outside. And I hated it more than ever. I was dressed in all black, after all that it what you wear when you go to a funeral. Black jeans, black long sleeve shirt, black jacket and even black converse. When I walked downstairs and dad saw what I was wearing he sighed heavily and shook his head, but he didn’t say a word about it. Maybe it was because the day before had been a complete disaster when I asked for my pills back, or maybe it was just because he knew he couldn’t tell me to change. I mean, why the hell would I listen to him? Yes, he was my father and yes I was supposed to listen to him, but honestly I didn’t give a shit.

While I stood in front of my mothers coffin and thought about how unreal it felt and I wanted to cry, but I knew I would look weak in front of everyone and I couldn’t have that. I was known as a strong person, and I couldn’t allow everyone to see the truth. I couldn’t allow them to see how broken I truly was. I licked my dried lips several times as I blinked my eyes repeatedly, trying to stop the tears that were forming. I watched people close to my mother give speeches about her and her life. Even dad said a few words on her behalf. They wanted to know if wanted to say anything too, but I declined. It wasn’t possible for me to stand there in front of a hundred or more people and talk about her and how much I loved her without breaking down completely.

Soon enough her coffin was being lowered into the ground with several roses lying on top. I couldn’t bear to watch my mother be buried, I just couldn’t do it. It was hard enough having to stand there and look at her coffin. So I turned away, and I walked. I walked away from everyone, and I knew they were staring at me as I did. What hurt the most was dad didn’t follow me. He didn’t stop me from going to where ever I was going almost as if he just didn’t give a fuck. I shook it off though and kept walking. I was going to try my fucking best not to let it bother me.

After I left the cemetery and found myself on Pacific Coast Highway, I then realized I had nowhere to really go except back home. It wasn’t as if I had any friends or anyone talk too in Huntington. I had no one, I was all alone. I lowered my gaze to the ground as I felt more tears forming around my eyes as I thought about Elijah and how much I truly missed him. We were so close and sometimes I found myself having a hard time believing that he was gone for good. My chest tightened at the thought of the car accident, and my heart ached as I remembered all the good times we had together. Hell, I even missed Nathan. He was our best friend, and practically another older brother to me.

A car horn pulled me away from my thoughts and back to reality. I looked over to my right and much to my surprise Papa Gates was sitting in his black SUV with the window rolled down.

“Get your ass in this car, Eliza.” He said with a small smile tugging at his lips, letting me know I wasn’t in any trouble.

I walked around the front of his car before climbing in the passenger seat. I sighed softly as I yanked the seatbelt across my torso. “I’m sorry,” I apologized for just walking off as I looked over at him.

He nodded, “I know,” He simply said.

“Are you taking home now?” I questioned, before chewing on my lip.

“That depends,” He sighed, “Do you want to go home?” Not really, but I didn’t exactly feel like I had a choice.

“No,” I muttered.

Papa Gates looked over at me with a raised eyebrow. “You do realize that unless I take you home, you dad’s gonna kick my ass?”

I didn’t exactly care. Papa Gates could take are of himself and I knew dad wouldn’t do shit except yell at me over it. “I fucking hate him!” I growled, folding my arms over my chest. I knew he was going to end up taking me home because of dad, I just fucking knew it.

“Stop saying that, Eliza. You and I both know that you don’t hate your father.” Papa Gate said, shaking his head in disbelief as he started driving towards the house.

“No you’re wrong! I do hate him. I wish he wasn’t my father.” I simply stated, glaring out the window.

“That’s enough, Eliza.” He said, and I immediately knew he was losing his patience.

I smirked and rolled my eyes. I didn’t give a fuck if that’s what he wanted to hear or not. It was the truth, the ugly fucking truth. If he couldn’t accept that then whatever, I truly didn’t care. They could ground me, they could yell at me, hell they even could hit me, either way my attitude wasn’t changing. I was willing to do anything to stop hurting myself yes, but I wasn’t willing to forget everything that happened between dad and I, well not yet anyways.

--

“Earlier she told me she hates you.” Papa Gates said to dad as they sat in the kitchen talking along with Matt.

I was sitting at the top staircase, listening to them talk about me. They thought I was asleep, but obviously I wasn’t. I could hear them so perfectly because of how quiet the house was, and even though I knew that listening to what they were saying was wrong I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t force myself to get up and go back to my room.

“Oh well,” Dad said, “She tells me that almost daily. I don’t give a fuck anymore.”

“Yeah, but it’s wrong.” Matt argued. “Eliza shouldn’t be fucking saying that to you and you fucking know it, Brian.”

“Well there’s really nothing I can fucking do about it. She’s gonna speak her mind and say whatever the fuck she wants, and I can’t do a damn thing about it.” He sighed heavily.

“I know man, I’m just telling you.” Matt said a bit softer that time. “If Vanessa acted that way towards me, she’d be in a shit load of trouble.” I scoffed mentally while rolling my eyes. I didn’t believe that for a fucking second. Vanessa never gets into trouble. She could get knocked up and still wouldn’t get yelled at or anything, while if I went and got knocked up I would be killed.

“Which makes sense. Eliza should be in trouble, but she just lost Elijah and her mother in a one year period. You can’t exactly punish her.” Papa Gates commented. “She’s rebelling, and you can’t stop that.”

“I’ll figure something out. I don’t know what, but I will. She’s now my full responsibility, and I’m gonna do my job as a father and help in her in any way I can.” Dad said with all seriousness, and I knew he was telling the truth.

I slumped forward and sighed before running a hand through my hair. After another few minutes of them rambling on about me and my problems I finally got up and went back to my room quietly. I didn’t want them to catch me listening to their conversation, I knew that wouldn’t have gone over well. I shut my bedroom door behind me carefully and walked over to my bed. I sat down on the edge and looked at over at my dressed. I spotted my drum sticks and smiled slightly. I hadn’t played in over two weeks. I just hadn’t had any inspiration to do so, but I hoped that soon enough I would because I truly missed it.

“Eliza!” A very familiar exclaimed voice shouted from the stairs. Oh no.

I laughed as I moved from my bed to my door; opening it for Jimmy. Before I knew it I was being lifted off the ground into a tight hug, making it hard for me to even breathe. “Jimmy, put me down!” I whined, squirming in his grip.

He pouted before releasing me. “We need to get you out of this house today.” He told me.
I shook my head and slowly backed away, disagreeing with him. “No, I’m good Jimmy.”

“You’re getting out of this house whether you want to or not! I don’t care if I have to carry your ass.” He argued with me. “It’s just gonna be you and me kid, I promise.”

I sighed before raising an eyebrow at him curiously. “What are we going to do?” I questioned, almost afraid of his answer.

“You’ll see!” He grinned before grabbing a hold of my arm and dragging me out of my room.

I knew spending the day with Jimmy doing whatever he planned was going to be more than interesting, I just hoped we didn’t do anything illegal or bad enough to get in trouble with the cops. I couldn’t afford to get arrested again.