Don't Waste Your Breath, It's Too Late

The air was cooler than I thought it would be as I sat in the sand, watching as the tide came in, getting higher and higher and closer to my feet. I sighed softly as my eyes traveled over the water. I wished I could just go back in time to before Elijah and Nathan had passed, so that I could have had just one more day with them, but I knew that was impossible. Mom was gone, Elijah and Nathan were gone, and now Noah was out of my life as well. I wasn’t alone though, I had dad and I had Jay. Plus, I had the entire Avenged family behind me, supporting me one hundred percent, and that made me feel a lot better.

“There you are,” Dad said from behind me, his feet crunching against the sand.

I looked over at him as he sat down beside me to my left. “Yep,” I nodded. “Here I am.”

Furrowing his eyebrows together, he looked at me. “Are you alright, Eliza?”

I licked over my bottom lip and nodded my head. “Yeah, of course. I’m fine,” I assured him.

“Fine isn’t a feeling,” Dad said softly.

“Dad,” I muttered as our eyes connected. “I’m good, okay? It was just a really weird day.”

He nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m not sure,” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s just like complicated, I guess, you know?”

He shook his head slowly, a small chuckle passing through his lips. “No, not really, honey, I don’t know.”

I glanced down at the sand and started running my finger through it, making small designs. “Noah showed up today,” I let him know. “I told him that I was finally happy and that things are settling finally settling down and that he should leave me alone.”

“Was that hard for you?”

“Not really,” I shook my head. “It was just strange. He was supposedly my best friend for a year, and now he’s out of my life for good hopefully. I just can’t help but think how stupid I was to get involved with him. Being around him and doing the things he did practically ruined my life.”

“Eliza,” Dad sighed. “You’re a human being, and believe it or not, we make mistakes, some that we regret more than anything. But the point is, you can’t let those regrets eat you up, because they can easily. Yes, you were doing drugs, harming yourself, on the edge of suicide, and hanging out with the wrong people, but those were mistakes. Just because you did those things, doesn’t mean that you haven’t changed, because you have. You are such a better person now, Eliza, and that’s something to be proud of. Don’t think about your mistakes and your regrets. Think about how better things are now and how great the future is gonna be like. You understand?”

I looked over at him, a small smile dancing along my lips. “Yeah, I understand, dad. Thanks.”

Dad grinned and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I leaned into him and stayed there as we watched the tide come in together. I couldn’t have been happier; knowing that dad I were actually getting along and our relationship was better. I never thought that dad and I could fix what was wrong between us, but much to my surprise we did. I’m not sure what I would do without him, but I know that if it wasn’t for him, I could be dead right now, and I was truly thankful for him being so determined to help me. That alone meant a lot to me, and it showed me that he really did care.

I’m not the same person I was when my mom sent me here. Everything that’s happened has changed my point of view with everything, including life. I’m no longer determined to commit suicide and end it all. I’m more worried about normal things that a teenager should be worrying about, like friends and school, and things like that.

I’m not sure what’s going to happen next or what the future is going to be like. In fact, I’m not even worried about it. For right now, I’m determined to get my diploma, continue fixing my life and getting it in order, and spending as much time as I can with my family, because I know that in just shy of a year and a half I’ll be going off to college and figuring out what I want to do in the world and how I want to do it.

For now, life is good, and I know that as long as I continue doing what I need to do, everything will work out for me.

“I love you, dad,” I told him the first time in years, and I meant it. I really did love him.

He kissed me on my forehead. “I love you too, Eliza.”