Don't Waste Your Breath, It's Too Late

“Eliza, what the fuck?” Dad asked raising his voice as we sat in the car on the way home from my first day of school. I had already gotten into trouble and that seemed to surprise him when it really shouldn’t. I mean, I did warn him that I didn’t get along with people, especially bitches. But no, he decided not to listen to me, which was pretty stupid on his part.

“It’s not my fault that that bitch wouldn’t shut her fucking mouth.” I huffed, not in the mood to be bitched at by him.

Dad sighed heavily and shook his head. “You really need a fucking attitude check.”

“No,” I stated and turned to face him. “What I need to do is get out of this stupid fucking uniform and go back to bed.” Yeah it’s true, not only did I have to go to that stupid school but I also had to wear an ugly plaid blue uniform along with a hot sweater and tie. It was just horrible. I glanced over and saw dad’s fists clenched around the steering wheel and I knew then he was pretty angry, but honestly I didn’t care. I mean, why the hell was he so angry? He should have expected me to get into trouble, even if it was the first day.

“You have group tonight, remember?” He reminded me when we pulled into the driveway.

“As If I could forget.” I rolled my eyes and climbed out of his SUV.

“Papa Gates and the guys are here.” Dad said as he walked into the front door.

“Of course,” I nodded. “That doesn’t surprise me.”

Before I could walk any further into the house dad grabbed a hold of my arm. “What the fuck?” I exclaimed turning around to face him.

“Don’t be rude, Eliza. You haven’t seen Papa Gates in awhile and he’s really missed you.” I yanked my arm out of his grip.

“I’m not going to be rude! I actually like Papa Gates, so stop worrying.”

I walked inside and threw down my backpack by the front door. I couldn’t believe he actually thought I was going to act like bitch towards Papa Gates. Why the fuck would I do that? I love Papa Gates and I’ve missed him a lot. We’ve always been pretty close. In fact I usually talk to him every week. I walked into the living room and found him and the guys sitting around with a beer in their hands.

Papa Gates looked over and grinned at me. “There’s my girl!” He chuckled as he got off the couch.

“Hey, Papa Gates.” I smiled as I walked over to him.

He eyed me up and down and shook his head. “You’ve really grown up.” He said before engulfing me into a big bear hug.

“I missed you,” I mumbled into his torso.

“I missed you too, sweetheart.” He said before pulling away.

“Well, I’m glad to see you actually like someone in our family.” Dad commented as he popped open a beer.

I turned to him and sent a glare his way. “Fuck off.” I told him as I folded my arms over my chest.

“Eliza,” Papa Gates warned. “Don’t talk to your father that way.”

I wasn’t about to talk back to Papa Gates, so I just nodded before walking out of the room and to my bedroom. I couldn’t talk back or stand up for myself with Papa Gates at the house. He just wouldn’t allow it. He didn’t see it as me standing up for myself; he saw it as being disrespectful.

--

“Everyone this is Eliza.” Dr. Russell introduced me as I sat down on a cold, metal fold out chair in a large circle of people.

“Welcome, Eliza.” All of them said, some sounding like a groan or mutter while others where happy and exclaimed voices.

I just rolled my eyes and gave a little wave before gazing down at the floor. I couldn’t believe I was there with a bunch of strangers whom were my age, and they were all most likely about to find out why I was there. I sat there for a few minutes listening to a few girls share their problems and go on and on about how their life sucked. Blah, blah, blah.

“Eliza,” Dr. Russell called. I looked up immediately and locked eyes with his; trying my best to ignore all the stares I was getting from everyone. “Why don’t you tell everyone a little bit about yourself and your problem.” He suggested, although it didn’t exactly sound like a suggestion.

“Uh, well,” I muttered before chewing on my bottom lip nervously. “I uh, I hurt myself.” I admitted, my cheeks growing red with embarrassment.

“Eliza,” Dr. Russell said softly, almost as if he had any compassion. “Why don’t you tell us how you hurt yourself?”

“Well, I cut myself.” I said aloud, everyone hearing me clearly. No one in the group said a thing. Some of the girls smiled, pleased that I had told my problem to everyone. While the guys just looked away.

“Alright good, Eliza.” He said before looking away at the rest of the group. “Alright, this is what where going to do. I want everyone who harms them selves to raise your hand. Lets show Eliza that she’s not alone.” He insisted.

Much to my surprise several people raised their hands, both guys and girls. I was sort of glad to see that. It showed me that I wasn’t alone in that stupid group therapy.

“Good.” Dr. Russell smiled, seemingly pleased with everyone.

It was forty-five minutes later and I had sat there listening to everyone talk about different things and how they were feeling at the time. Several girls and even two guys talked about how they were dealing with different types of eating disorders. A few other people even talked about how they abused drugs, which made me cringe. I hadn’t done any in several weeks surprisingly, but I still craved it sometimes and talking about it just made me feel weird.

“Alright everyone, times up. I’ll see you all next Thursday.” Dr. Russell smiled. “Jayden, Eliza.” He called out, looking from me to a strange guy that sat a few seats away from me. “Please wait for everyone to leave the room, so we can talk.” He said.

I groaned aloud and sighed, wondering what the hell I did wrong this time. I mean, why else would he want that Jayden guy and I to stay afterwards to ‘talk’? I slowly walked over to him with a frown tugging at my lips. Jayden did the same but stayed cleared of me, probably noticing my bad mood. It only took two minutes before the whole room cleared out, leaving us three alone.

“Now I’m sure you’re both curious as to why I asked you two to stay.” Dr. Russell started out. “You both have not only joined me and everyone with group therapy but you have also joined me in my office for one-on-one time. I’ve noticed that you both actually have a lot in common. So, I’ve decided that I want you two to hang out and get to know one another. I have a felling that you two will get along pretty well, and maybe you both can help each other over come your problems.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” I growled, not in the mood for this. I sighed and turned to Jayden. “Look, I don’t mean to be a bitch but I didn’t sign up for this. I don’t need yours or anyone’s help, nor do I want it.” I stated, folding my arms over my chest.

Jayden chuckled and grinned, showing his white teeth. “Sorry sweetie, but we don’t have a choice.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, locking my brown eyes with his green eyes. “I’m sorry. Did you just say I don’t have a choice?” I questioned.

“Yeah, I did.” He nodded. “But here’s the thing. I don’t have a choice either, neither of us does. Dr. Russell has already spoken to our parents. Isn’t that right, Dr. Russell?” He asked, looking over at him.

Dr. Russell nodded. “That would be correct.”

“Oh my God.” I muttered before turning around and walking out the door.

“I’ll see you Tuesday, Eliza.” Dr. Russell called out from behind me once I stepped outside the door.

“Hey, wait up.” Jayden said running after me before blocking my path and not letting me by.

“Move.” I demanded, not in the mood. He didn’t move though, he just stood there. “My dad is waiting for me outside and I really need to go find him so I can go home and go to bed.”

Jayden laughed and ran a hand through his black shaggy hair. “Tomorrow after school, what are you doing?” He questioned.

“I don’t know.” I said, annoyed he still wouldn’t let me by. What the hell was this guy’s problem? “Nothing I guess.” I shrugged.

He grinned and pulled out a small piece of paper and a pen, before handing it to me. “Give me your address and we can hang out tomorrow.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes as I took the piece of paper and the pen from his hand. “You’re not going to leave me alone until I give it to you, will you?” I questioned, knowing for sure that he wouldn’t.

He shook his head with an amused expression. “Nope, sorry.”

I scribbled down my address on the piece of paper with my messy handwriting before handing it to him along with the pen. “I’ll see you tomorrow at four.” I said before walking past him, my shoulder brushing against his slightly.

“Tomorrow,” He muttered from behind me.

I found dad outside waiting in his black SUV outside next to the curb. I climbed into the large truck and slammed the door before turning towards him and sending a glare his way. “How’d it go?” He asked, ignoring my glare.

“Terrible!” I exclaimed. “How could you talk to Dr. Russell about me hanging out with some kid I don’t even know?” I demanded to know.

“It’s good idea.” He shrugged. “It’ll give you a friend, considering you don’t have any.”

Anger spread throughout my body once he said that. He thought I had no friends. How could he assume such a thing when he barely knew me? I did have friends. I had Noah and a few other friends that I hung out with every time Noah and I were together. No, they weren’t good kids and yes, they did drugs, but they still counted.

“I just can’t even fucking talk to you!” I shouted, running a hand through my black hair. “I hate you,” I said quietly through my gritted teeth.

“You know what, Eliza? I don’t give a flying fuck if you hate me. You can hate me all you want, I don’t care. Either way you’re still my daughter and you’re now living with me whether you like it or not. You have to follow my rules, you have to go to school and graduate, and you have to get help for your problems. Grow the fuck up and lose your damn attitude.” He said calmly, but I could still clearly hear the anger in his voice. The rest of the ride was silent, as tears shined through my eyes and I starred out the window.