Don't Waste Your Breath, It's Too Late

I was lying on the couch with Jimmy later that after noon in silence. My father was in the kitchen with Matt and they were busy talking. I couldn’t hear them though, and frankly I didn’t care too. I just wanted to escape from everything and go far, far away. I just couldn’t believe the things I said to my mother and what she did because of it. I knew Elijah most likely hated me and what I had become, and it hurt to think about that. I wanted nothing more than too rewind time and go back to the day when the car accident happened. I wanted to say no to Elijah and Nathan, and demand that Elijah didn’t drive. But that wasn’t going top happen. What’s happened is done and permanent, there’s no going back.

“Eliza,” Jimmy whispered running his hand through my black hair as I rested my head on his chest.

I shook my head and ignored him saying my name. I didn’t want to talk. I just wanted everything to stay silent for a few more minutes. Suddenly the front door opened and footsteps could be heard as they got closer into the living room where I was. “Hey,” It was Papa Gates.

I climbed off of the couch as fast I could before practically flying into his arms. “It’s okay, Eliza.” He murmured, wrapping his arms around my small frame. A whole new batch of tears started after hearing that, because I knew the truth. It wasn’t okay, and wouldn’t be for a long time.

--

“How you holding up, sweetie?” Val asked later that evening while I stood in the kitchen with a bottle of water in my hands.

“I’m okay, Aunt Val.” I said quietly. “Just shocked really.” If only she knew the truth. If she knew that mom killed herself because of me then she wouldn’t even be speaking to me, she would hate me.

“I know,” She nodded with teary eyes. Oh God, please don’t cry. I knew if she started crying then I’d start crying too, and I didn’t want that. I’d had enough of crying, especially in front of everyone. “Anyways,” She gave me a small sad smile. “Vanessa can't come by today, but she sends her love."

I nodded, perfectly fine with that. I didn't want to see Vanessa at all. “Okay, thanks for telling me.” I said before slipping past her and out of the kitchen.

I walked past everyone in the living room, no one really noticing me, which didn’t surprise me. Then just as I was about to start walking up the stairs the doorbell rang. I sighed heavily and ran a hand through my hair. “I’ll get it!” I shouted to whoever cared before pulling open the door. Much to my surprise it was Jayden.

“Hey,” I said softly as I stepped outside, closing the door behind me. “What are you doing here?” I questioned.

“You uh, you said I could come back to see you, remember?” He said with a confused expression.

“Oh, right.” I nodded. “Sorry.” I had completely forgotten about him with everything going on.

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Not to sound like an ass or anything,” He started, “but you kind of look shit.” Thanks Jayden as If I didn’t feel bad enough as it is already.

I knew he didn’t mean it in a mean way because I did look like shit. My eyes were puffy and blood shot red, my hair was a bit messy, and my clothes were a wrinkled mess, but he didn't have to be so blunt about it. “I know,” I forced a small laugh. “It hasn’t been a very good day, and I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” He asked, seemingly concerned. I wasn’t going to tell him though. I didn’t want his pity.

“Look, Jayden, you’re a really nice guy but I don’t think this is gonna work. I don’t need a friend, and you really don’t want me as a friend. I’m bad news. So, I think you should go home, and just don’t come back. I’m sorry.” I shook my head before turning away to head into the house.

“Wait,” He said grabbing my arm, stopping me from going any further. “What did I do? Why are you being like this?”

“I just have too much going on right now. Don’t make this any harder than it has to be, I’m sorry.” I said before yanking my arm out of his grip and walking inside. I slammed the door behind me before taking off up the stairs. I just hoped that he didn’t hate me too much and that maybe he understood where I was coming from.

--

It was late, two in the morning late. I was scared, anxious, sad, and my wrist wouldn’t stop bleeding no matter how much pressure I applied to it. I did the only thing I thought was right before I completely went over the deep end and had a panic attack. I woke dad up for help as if I was some little girl afraid of her own shadow.

“Jesus Christ, Eliza.” Dad muttered as he lifted the small washcloth that I had pressed against my wrist, hoping that it would stop the bleeding.

Tears spilled over my eyes as I starred down at the floor, not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

He didn’t say anything about my apology. He just shook his head and let out a heavy sigh. “How long has it been bleeding like this?” He questioned.

I shrugged my shoulders and concentrated on the cold tile floor that was underneath us as we stood in the bathroom next to the sink. “Thirty minutes, maybe more.” I answered meekly, knowing he would be pissed off that I hadn’t woken him earlier to help me.

Dad ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath to try and calm himself down I’m sure. “We’ll talk about his later, but for now I need to take you to the hospital.” His tone of voice was hard, tired and irritated.

I groaned, not wanting to go to the hospital. I hated the hospital ever since the accident and I had to stay there for two weeks in order to heal. “Don’t whine or complain, Eliza. At least you’re only taking a trip to the hospital, it could be a lot worse.”

“Yeah, like what?” I questioned, looking up at him with my angry, narrowed eyes.

“Eliza,” He began. “You could easily slip up and cut yourself too deep, and then what could happen?” He asked, even though I knew damn well what the answer was and so did he.

“I would die.” I said quietly.

He nodded and breathed out. “Exactly, Eliza. You could easily die if you don’t stop this.” He said with a softer tone, letting me know he cared. I knew that he was right; I just didn’t want to admit it. “Now, I’m gonna go get my shoes on and get the car keys. You do the same and I’ll meet you at the car in two minutes.” He said before walking away, leaving me alone in the bathroom.

He thought he could save me from destroying myself. If only he knew that it was too late.