Status: New. Keep or Kill?
Bitter Sweet
I Swear It
“Kale…it’s ok to cry you know.”
“Shut up.”
Audra rests a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. I bite back the sobs and shut my eyes tight to lock the tears away. Inhaling deeply through my nose, I sigh, and look at her to see the concern and the love in her eyes. She smiles at me in a way that says I’m here and I’m so glad she is.
If she wasn’t, I don’t know what I’d do.
I rest my head on her shoulder and sigh, “He’s such an imbecile.”
“He is,” she runs her hand up and down my spine.
“Why him? Of all people? And why me?”
“I don’t know but hey…lets get some pizza and watch some good old suspense films!”
“You hate suspense,” I say, looking up at her, slightly concerned about her mental health. Audra has never had a thing for anything suspenseful. She just doesn’t like sitting there not knowing and just waiting for something to happen but I, on the other hand, adore them.
Audra smiles and gives me a wink. “I’ll put up with them, but only for tonight.”
“I knew I kept you around for a reason,” I chuckle, getting up to walk to the phone. There I dial the pizza place’s number and order us two large cheese pizzas which arrive a half hour later. After handing the pizza boy the money, Audra and I go to the living room where we take our seats on the couch and begin watching movies until late into the evening when she has to leave.
Sighing, I lie down in bed, happy to know that I’ve finally gotten my mind off Jude. For once, I go to sleep smiling and without heart ache…but boy does that change the next day.
I woke up the next morning just like every other morning. Nothing was different at all. I got ready for school and got on the bus. Jude and I sat together and Jude kept saying inappropriate, perverted things to me every other second. At school we all went to class, just doing our same old thing and I thought it was going to stay that way…
“Hey…where’s Brad?” Darrin asks randomly, looking at the empty seat next to him with a blank expression. I swear, that kid is too lazy for his own good.
“Dunno,” Jude answers with a slight shrug. “Probably masturbating.”
“Unlike you, Jude, Brad isn’t a complete and total freak.”
“Kale,” Jude whines, looking at me from his seat next to me with his big baby blue eyes. The moment he locks eyes with me, I feel my heart thump erratically within me and all I can do is stare at him and all his beauty. “You’re such an ass. You should really get that stick out of your ass, it’s such a cock block.”
“Cock block?” I ask, finally managing to look away. I bite my lip and try to destroy the image of kissing him from my mind because if I don’t, I might just go through with the idea. From across the table, Darrin chuckles.
“Jude, give it a rest. You ain’t gettin’ anything from Kale.”
Audra and I nod in agreement while Jude pouts. “But…but a man can dream!”
Ignoring Jude and his cries, the rest of us fall into a conversation. Sometime during the conversation Jude gets up to go to the bathroom. None of us notice that he’s been gone for far too long until my phone suddenly begins to vibrate wildly against my thigh. Jumping, I reach for it and hold it under the table to read the text message from Jude.
Why he’d be texting me during lunch when he can just come talk to me, I’ll never know.
Sighing, I open it and stare oddly at what it says.
Boys bathroom. Now.
“Hey guys, Jude needs me for something so I’ll be back,” I say, getting to my feet and waving to them all before exiting the cafeteria. With my hands in my pockets, I sigh and make my way to the restroom. Upon entering, I see the most heart breaking sight…
Jude cowered up in the corner, legs up against his chest, arms wrapped around them tight with his head buried in his knee’s. His body is shaking and I can hear the quiet chokes and sobs. My feet move on their own and I’m at his side in seconds, my arms wrapping themselves around him.
“Jude…Jude, what’s wrong?” I ask in a panic, eyes wide with fear. I don’t know why he’s like this and it’s frightening me. Jude he…he’s always happy. He’s the happiest kid in the world and to see him like this obviously says that there’s a problem. Who ever it is…I’ll kill them for hurting him. “Jude, talk to me.”
“That bastard!” He hollers, bringing his fist down against the tiled floor. “He…how could he!”
“What, Jude, what is it?” I ask, grabbing his face to force him to look at me. His beautiful blue eyes are stained red and his cheeks covered in tears. His nose is red as he sniffles but I can hear his teeth grinding together in anger.
Immediately, my blood boils and heart cracks. Who ever did this to him will pay. Just seeing him hurt like this tears apart my insides. Haven’t I been saying all along that I wanted him to be happy? That’s all I want, his happiness and nothing else. I hate seeing him like this. I hate watching the way one tear after another rolls down his flawless face and how his big blue eyes are glistened over with nothing but pain.
I want him to be happy. That’s all.
“Brad…he…he and Hailey…I saw them,” Jude manages to speak through his sobs and before I can react he falls into my arms, fingers clutching desperately at my shirt. A part of me is soaring high above the clouds, delighted to have him in my arms like this but another, much larger is boiling with anger. How dare she, that little slut. And Brad…I thought he was a friend but I guess not.
I’ll kick his ass, I swear it. No one gets away with hurtingmy Jude.
“It’ll be ok,” I coo, kissing his temple and squeezing him against my chest. Although his tears have stopped flowing his body is still shaking so I don’t let go. I keep him in my arms for as long as I can, just to feel him and I apologize to him over and over in my head because…
I’m supposed to be one of his closest friends and right now, during his time of heart break, all I can think about is how great it is to be holding him. Shouldn’t I be worrying about him? Shouldn’t I be telling him sweet words of how everything will be ok? But I’m not. I’m just drowning myself in my own bliss of him being here with me, like this. I’m taking advantage of him in his time of need and I’m so sorry for that but…
I can’t help it.
“Shut up.”
Audra rests a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. I bite back the sobs and shut my eyes tight to lock the tears away. Inhaling deeply through my nose, I sigh, and look at her to see the concern and the love in her eyes. She smiles at me in a way that says I’m here and I’m so glad she is.
If she wasn’t, I don’t know what I’d do.
I rest my head on her shoulder and sigh, “He’s such an imbecile.”
“He is,” she runs her hand up and down my spine.
“Why him? Of all people? And why me?”
“I don’t know but hey…lets get some pizza and watch some good old suspense films!”
“You hate suspense,” I say, looking up at her, slightly concerned about her mental health. Audra has never had a thing for anything suspenseful. She just doesn’t like sitting there not knowing and just waiting for something to happen but I, on the other hand, adore them.
Audra smiles and gives me a wink. “I’ll put up with them, but only for tonight.”
“I knew I kept you around for a reason,” I chuckle, getting up to walk to the phone. There I dial the pizza place’s number and order us two large cheese pizzas which arrive a half hour later. After handing the pizza boy the money, Audra and I go to the living room where we take our seats on the couch and begin watching movies until late into the evening when she has to leave.
Sighing, I lie down in bed, happy to know that I’ve finally gotten my mind off Jude. For once, I go to sleep smiling and without heart ache…but boy does that change the next day.
I woke up the next morning just like every other morning. Nothing was different at all. I got ready for school and got on the bus. Jude and I sat together and Jude kept saying inappropriate, perverted things to me every other second. At school we all went to class, just doing our same old thing and I thought it was going to stay that way…
“Hey…where’s Brad?” Darrin asks randomly, looking at the empty seat next to him with a blank expression. I swear, that kid is too lazy for his own good.
“Dunno,” Jude answers with a slight shrug. “Probably masturbating.”
“Unlike you, Jude, Brad isn’t a complete and total freak.”
“Kale,” Jude whines, looking at me from his seat next to me with his big baby blue eyes. The moment he locks eyes with me, I feel my heart thump erratically within me and all I can do is stare at him and all his beauty. “You’re such an ass. You should really get that stick out of your ass, it’s such a cock block.”
“Cock block?” I ask, finally managing to look away. I bite my lip and try to destroy the image of kissing him from my mind because if I don’t, I might just go through with the idea. From across the table, Darrin chuckles.
“Jude, give it a rest. You ain’t gettin’ anything from Kale.”
Audra and I nod in agreement while Jude pouts. “But…but a man can dream!”
Ignoring Jude and his cries, the rest of us fall into a conversation. Sometime during the conversation Jude gets up to go to the bathroom. None of us notice that he’s been gone for far too long until my phone suddenly begins to vibrate wildly against my thigh. Jumping, I reach for it and hold it under the table to read the text message from Jude.
Why he’d be texting me during lunch when he can just come talk to me, I’ll never know.
Sighing, I open it and stare oddly at what it says.
Boys bathroom. Now.
“Hey guys, Jude needs me for something so I’ll be back,” I say, getting to my feet and waving to them all before exiting the cafeteria. With my hands in my pockets, I sigh and make my way to the restroom. Upon entering, I see the most heart breaking sight…
Jude cowered up in the corner, legs up against his chest, arms wrapped around them tight with his head buried in his knee’s. His body is shaking and I can hear the quiet chokes and sobs. My feet move on their own and I’m at his side in seconds, my arms wrapping themselves around him.
“Jude…Jude, what’s wrong?” I ask in a panic, eyes wide with fear. I don’t know why he’s like this and it’s frightening me. Jude he…he’s always happy. He’s the happiest kid in the world and to see him like this obviously says that there’s a problem. Who ever it is…I’ll kill them for hurting him. “Jude, talk to me.”
“That bastard!” He hollers, bringing his fist down against the tiled floor. “He…how could he!”
“What, Jude, what is it?” I ask, grabbing his face to force him to look at me. His beautiful blue eyes are stained red and his cheeks covered in tears. His nose is red as he sniffles but I can hear his teeth grinding together in anger.
Immediately, my blood boils and heart cracks. Who ever did this to him will pay. Just seeing him hurt like this tears apart my insides. Haven’t I been saying all along that I wanted him to be happy? That’s all I want, his happiness and nothing else. I hate seeing him like this. I hate watching the way one tear after another rolls down his flawless face and how his big blue eyes are glistened over with nothing but pain.
I want him to be happy. That’s all.
“Brad…he…he and Hailey…I saw them,” Jude manages to speak through his sobs and before I can react he falls into my arms, fingers clutching desperately at my shirt. A part of me is soaring high above the clouds, delighted to have him in my arms like this but another, much larger is boiling with anger. How dare she, that little slut. And Brad…I thought he was a friend but I guess not.
I’ll kick his ass, I swear it. No one gets away with hurtingmy Jude.
“It’ll be ok,” I coo, kissing his temple and squeezing him against my chest. Although his tears have stopped flowing his body is still shaking so I don’t let go. I keep him in my arms for as long as I can, just to feel him and I apologize to him over and over in my head because…
I’m supposed to be one of his closest friends and right now, during his time of heart break, all I can think about is how great it is to be holding him. Shouldn’t I be worrying about him? Shouldn’t I be telling him sweet words of how everything will be ok? But I’m not. I’m just drowning myself in my own bliss of him being here with me, like this. I’m taking advantage of him in his time of need and I’m so sorry for that but…
I can’t help it.