Bitter Sweet

“Are you leaving any time soon?” I ask from my place in front of the computer. Looking over my shoulder, I wait patiently for Jude to reply. We returned from the mall around 8 and now it’s nearing 11 at night. Jude hasn’t made a move to go home.

“Do you want me to?” he asks, not taking his eyes off his new video game.

“It’s up to you,” I grumble more to myself than him. It isn’t that I want him to leave…it’s just that I don’t want to end up doing something stupid that I’ll regret later. The urge to kiss him and have him hold me is stronger than usual. He’s single and heart broken and it makes me feel like such an ass wanting to take advantage of him but I do want to. I really want to.

Man, I’m so messed up.

“If you don’t care, can I stay? I don’t really want to go home.” The last half he whispers and I take it that he didn’t want me to hear it so I don’t mention it and reply with a shrug. Jude thanks me and gets up to go call his parents. As he does that, I search through my room for night clothes and head to the bathroom.

Jude takes his shower after me and soon it’s almost five in the morning. We’ve both stayed up all night playing video games, eating junk food and messing around like the friends that we are. Finally, Jude is worn out and he falls onto his makeshift bed.

I curl up under the comforter and sigh. Just as my eyes are about to close Jude calls out for me through the dark, “Kale?”

“Hmm?” I hum, my eyes fluttering open although they are screaming at me to let me shut them.

“Did you feel this way when I broke up with you?” His voice sliced through me like a knife. I can feel the pain shooting through every limb of my water and I reach up to hold my chest because I really thought he had stabbed me.

I bite my lip and close my eyes. There are so many ways that I could answer that but I choose the safest way out and reply, “Shut up and go to sleep.”

It seems that Jude wouldn’t have it and before I could drift off into sleep he manages to jump into my bed. I go to shout but he throws a hand over my mouth and with pleading eyes he begs me, “Just listen to me, will you?”

I grunt in response and he pulls his hand away from my face. Sighing, I lean back and stare down at the covers while he speaks. “It hurts, a lot, Kale. Did it hurt for you too?”

“What the hell do you think?” I snap, finally looking away from the bed to him. Jude flinches at the glare I’m shooting his way and I don’t blame him. “Don’t ask such dumb questions and stop bringing this shit up. Go to sleep.”

“I just…wanted to apologize for being a jerk.”

I scoff and kick him off the bed. Jude shouts after he makes contact with the floor. I curl back up under the covers and grumble, “Forget about it, Jude. That’s all you can do.”

The room is silent for who knows how long and just as I’m about to drift off into unconsciousness I hear Jude speak, “You’re really the best, Kale.”

~

It’s been a little over a month since Jude and Hailey broke up. Our group is as lively as ever, only we’re lacking one person and I’m sure you all know who that is. So the four of us sit together at lunch laughing over stupid things like always when Jude suddenly says, “Hey Kale, your birthday is coming up!”

I fall silent while Audra jumps with excitement. “That’s right! Kale, what do you want for your birthday?”

I glance at Jude beside me. He grins and suggests, “Lets all go over to your house and just hang out, like old times. We’ll have cake, ice cream, pizza and pop! It’ll be great!”

“And if I don’t want this?” I ask, resting my elbow on the table and leaning my head on my hand.

“Then that sucks for you!” Jude laughs and suddenly he and the other two are talking about my birthday party and I, of course, have no say in the matter what so ever. Not that I mind really, I’m ok with having a birthday party at my house as long as it’s small.

It’s just that…last time we had a party like this Jude and I were dating and I know, I just know all the memories are going to come flooding in, hitting me hard. But if doing it like old times makes Jude happy then I’ll do it.

I’ll do anything for you, Jude.

“It’s settled then!”

I blink and come back from whatever land I was just in. Looking at Jude, I listen curiously as he announces the plans for my party.

“It’ll just be us four and we’re going to watch horror movies all night! And have ice cream cake, is that ok with you, Kale?” He smiles and he just looks so bloody happy to be coming to my birthday party that he planned that I just can’t help but smile and nod.

“Yeah…I’m ok with that.”

Of course I’m ok with that because you planned it Jude. Whatever you plan for me is obviously ok by me because you are doing something for me. You are trying to make me happy and let me tell you, it’s definitely working.

“Sweet! So I was thinking as your birthday present I could give you my ass. You can top but just this once.”

Darrin is cackling insanely and my eyebrow is twitching. He seriously just killed the mood…